I posted on this thread a while back, when I was really starting my relationship with an ENTJ. When I originally posted, I did think that our relationship could be/become close to ideal. Now we are having problems.
Here is my number one piece of advice for a relationship with an ENTJ, as an INTP:
Always give your ENTJ a piece of your mind.
I'm not saying that, especially in the beginning, you should be brutally honest about everything. But always totally honest. That may seem obvious, but with an opinionated J and a quick, and sometimes overwhelming E, I often found it difficult to and/or not worth the effort to help him understand my opinions that he did not agree with or seem to truly comprehend (although he undoubtedly always believed he understood all which was important about anything).
From my experience, ENTJs are or can be:
- opinionated
- commandeering
- unwilling to explore ideas that they are not immediately inclined towards (like when I tried to express things that bothered me in our relationship)
- condescending
- self-absorbed
- oppressive
- unkind, especially towards other people - mine was quick to label entire groups of people as stupid, and unwilling to give those "stupid people" a chance to prove themselves worthy of any sort of recognition, unless they're "usefulness" was shoved in his face. (as a fellow NT, I also tend to be quick to label others stupid, but as a P, I am almost always willing to give people a chance to prove themselves, and am much more inclined to accept what a person is without resentment)
- emotionally abusive: such as incessant teasing, and inability to recognize my efforts to please him - at least, a strong disinclination to express his appreciation; this is obviously very much an NT trait, which I also have, but in a serious relationship I see it as necessary to try to work on/address the emotional/appreciation sort of things between my significant other and i
- slightly distrusting, even towards me; defensive, is more the word
- discreetly, but surprisingly vulnerable - he was always inclined to take any personal remarks and observations of mine to heart, although he tried not to seem like he did
- ignorant
- ferociously guarded
- vultures
At his best, my ENTJ was:
- stimulating
- driven
- entertaining
- very good at being affectionate, when he was
- intelligent
- totally capable
- great for debate, when he was believed the topic to be worth discussing
- surprised me with occasional great gestures of courtesy (although, in retrospect, these gestures were not as great as they seemed; they probably only seemed so wonderful because I was not used to receiving truly considerate gestures from him)
- intensely creative
- very interesting
- shared common interests, principles, and beliefs with me, although his passion for those things was of quite a different strain than my own
- beautiful, in the fiery, vain, and spirited way of... a phoenix, or something like that...
Factors which should be taken into account:
- he was a musician, an artist
- like nearly all artists, he was self-centered
- like nearly all musicians, his number one priority was and will always be his music, and his band
- is coming from a somewhat difficult past where he has had to be intensely ambitious and quick to make judgments in order to survive; he has been a bit "hardened"
- my extreme flexibility, at times extreme insecurity, and generally understanding nature has allowed, if not encouraged, him to, basically, walk on me... half the time
- i have been told i have codependent tendencies (as many of us do), which also have undoubtedly encouraged him to sometimes believe, as i often do, that i may not be of great value - although i am entirely certain he does care for me, in his self-centered way, and does often see value in me, although he probably sometimes doubts it
1) don't date a musician if you don't have time to establish a very solid relationship with them before they go on tour, no matter how independent you are
2) defend yourself, do not let things go which you ultimately know need to be addressed/established
3) do not allow yourself to be overwhelmed by an ENTJ's relentless expression of his opinions. esp when you know you could handle his ass, if you only got a word in which he really listened to...
4) never allow yourself to feel absolutely unable to leave your ENTJ. ENTJs tend to convince themselves and put off that they don't need anybody. in reality, we are the introverts, in addition to being rationals. we typically truly need our partner much less then they need us, and once we have actually left a relationship, are much better able to regain full function as single people. keep in mind, although it may not initially seem to be true, that while you may appreciate your ENTJ partner more, but you actually need him/her/or it less.
5) I hope my next guy is an ENTP. The E did bring me out of my shell, I love the ability to objectively debate complex topics that NTs have, and I think the P would lead to more openmindedness, esp with the combination of N and P. I just hope he's got some more J than I do, and is not a terrible slacker, like I tend to be.
Plus I'm told their care and feeding is... best left to themselves, and oh how they're exacting. You know what? I'll sit here and wait for a wild one to appear. 
