WHEN DOES IT BECOME CYBER STALKING?

[grrreg]

OK, here's the situation.
I'd appreciate anyone's advice on this, really and truly.

This office gossip at my work has been friend-requesting me on every social network I subscribe to. We are office friendly with each other, but not what I would consider truly friendly with each other. I have the online habit of just saying whatever is on my mind when I use these kind of sites, and it's a little too late to unsay some things I might have blogged or etc. on any of these sites.

In other words, she is really cramping my personal space now with this battery of friend requests from all these different places. I feel like she is seeking me out to be nosy since I'm really pretty reserved at work, and prefer it that way. Especially since I did mention she was the office gossip!

So far, over the past months, any time she has friend requested me I have just ignored it and acted like it didn't happen. Business as usual, but this week has now made what? like 5 friend requests over so many months. Suggestions??

I don't want to be rude but I also don't want to create some false idea that I consider her a friend outside of work either. Plus, it just feels oogy. Anyone?

 

[fullerene]

5 over a few months isn't all that bad... that's an ugly situation though. If you accept her requests so she can read your blogs, you're likely to get gossiped about when she reads them. If you don't address the problem, she's going to realize you don't like her and (depending on who she is) may start making up gossip about you.

I guess it comes down to do what's worse... are you better off having her make things up, or are you better off having people know the truth? If you really hate the idea of being a hypocrite, you'll probably want to accept her requests and people will get the truth... but if everyone knows she's the office gossip, no one will take her seriously if she starts badmouthing you.

Either way, I strongly doubt she considers friendship on a social networking site a serious "commitment" to friendship outside of work. Maybe it's just because I'm so young and don't know how adults use these things... but no kids would be dumb enough to think social networking friend = real friend. This is probably supported too by the fact that she found you on every network... that makes it look more like a dig for information than someone looking to make friends too.

I'd say unless you're very much ashamed of whatever you wrote or it would cause problems for you at work if it got out, you're probably better off just accepting the requests and forgetting about it. Chances are even if she tries to make conversation (and turns out to be someone you don't, in fact, like talking to), it'll just be small talk and she'll get bored of you if you don't have much to say (or she can't get any unknown information about people out of you).

 

[Anti-socialite]

OK, here's the situation.
I'd appreciate anyone's advice on this, really and truly.

This office gossip at my work has been friend-requesting me on every social network I subscribe to. We are office friendly with each other, but not what I would consider truly friendly with each other. I have the online habit of just saying whatever is on my mind when I use these kind of sites, and it's a little too late to unsay some things I might have blogged or etc. on any of these sites.

In other words, she is really cramping my personal space now with this battery of friend requests from all these different places. I feel like she is seeking me out to be nosy since I'm really pretty reserved at work, and prefer it that way. Especially since I did mention she was the office gossip!

So far, over the past months, any time she has friend requested me I have just ignored it and acted like it didn't happen. Business as usual, but this week has now made what? like 5 friend requests over so many months. Suggestions??

I don't want to be rude but I also don't want to create some false idea that I consider her a friend outside of work either. Plus, it just feels oogy. Anyone?

Man.

How did she find you on the net? I'm very paranoid about who I am online as well so I don't use anything close to my real name nor any real pics. What's happening to you is exactly what I'm afraid of as well.

 

[Kidege]

Ugh. I had a moderately similar problem once. I had a "friend" who knew my RL identity and knew where I blogged and what forums I frequented. When the "friendship" ended I had to do mass edits in the forums, drop out of them and shut down my blog and websites. I only hope there are no copies of some emails I sent.
Lesson learned. Trust no one, leave no traces.

 

[Ermine]

5 over a few months isn't all that bad... that's an ugly situation though. If you accept her requests so she can read your blogs, you're likely to get gossiped about when she reads them. If you don't address the problem, she's going to realize you don't like her and (depending on who she is) may start making up gossip about you.

I guess it comes down to do what's worse... are you better off having her make things up, or are you better off having people know the truth? If you really hate the idea of being a hypocrite, you'll probably want to accept her requests and people will get the truth... but if everyone knows she's the office gossip, no one will take her seriously if she starts badmouthing you.

Either way, I strongly doubt she considers friendship on a social networking site a serious "commitment" to friendship outside of work. Maybe it's just because I'm so young and don't know how adults use these things... but no kids would be dumb enough to think social networking friend = real friend. This is probably supported too by the fact that she found you on every network... that makes it look more like a dig for information than someone looking to make friends too.

I'd say unless you're very much ashamed of whatever you wrote or it would cause problems for you at work if it got out, you're probably better off just accepting the requests and forgetting about it. Chances are even if she tries to make conversation (and turns out to be someone you don't, in fact, like talking to), it'll just be small talk and she'll get bored of you if you don't have much to say (or she can't get any unknown information about people out of you).

Problem is that you can't depend on a gossip to tell the real truth. From my experience, even when they have the truth at their fingertips, they still stretch it.

 

[Kuu]

^^ yeah. So fuck them nosy people. Be rude. Drop the PC attitude. Tell her you do not want to be her friend, nor tell her everything about you. Either way, she's gonna make up some gossip, so at least you prevent her from exposing real sensitive info, all she can do now is spout falsehoods....

 

[Perseus]

Business and contacts are made over the Internet and cyber-stalking can have serious effects. It has happened to me, because somebody did not like me (or was a business competitor) and seriously damaged my business almost to the point of bankruptcy. Doing something about it is about as successful as collecting a bad debt, e.g. not always impossible but a lot of trouble.

 

[Fleur]

Trust no one, leave no traces.

Agree. I always erase everything, that could expose, what I`m doing in internet (well... this regards to everything else too...).

When people finds out, what are you doing, then they can became very troublesome - that`s why I have few fictitious e-mail accounts; I have deleted my profiles in socializing sites and I don`t have blog. Damn, I even delete internet site history, so only clue (if we consider, that no one sees it) about me actually working with internet, is completely blank site history. There`s no photos or messages saved in my cell-phone memory; my diary, which I wrote, when I was about eleven or twelve, is burned; all of my electronic documents have freaky passwords.

....maybe I am paranoic... Conspiracy theories somebody?

 

[CowSavior]

Online "friends" are not equal to.. real actual friends...

Well to some people I guess...

"office gossip"???
But I'd just add her... and not talk to her if you don't want to.

 

[Thread Killer]

I'm not paranoid because I am a very low-key person who makes few friends and fewer enemies. I keep my identity ambiguous over my blogs and over forums I frequent so someone who would want to get info would have to really hate me, be really bored, or find me very interesting. So essentially, I don't care much.

 

[Perseus]

The advanatage of the Intrenet is that you can make contacts by making yourself visible. The only damage I can forsee is they can malign you visible position, or exclude you from forums. The technical whizz-kids can get around that. I have found this difficult and I get bogged down in the tiresome details.