When did you realize you exist?

[Animekitty]

When I was 7 I was outside at night watching a lightning storm in the pitch-black clouds.

It was then I realized that the universe was empty, a giant void and I was alone.

Everything felt very nihilistic the first time I realized I exist.

 

[EndogenousRebel]

I "came to" in the hallway of the house I grew up in, entering a room, just walking around looking around aimlessly. If I had to describe how I felt, the best I can do is: Like playing in a school play, being aware of the audience but not being able to see them, I don't have many lines, just simple actions, yet there is still some low level anxiety/constant tension. I'm not quite sure how old I was. I think it was before I started schooling.

 

[Niclmaki]

Probably when I was 10 or 11. I felt entirely almost just “on rails” before then. I continued that way for about another 8 years before actually asserting my self determination.

I suppose those interim years were used to ‘build’ myself, and separating others’ determination on me, and my own. Then deciding what I would like to become.

So, to actually answer, either 10/11 or 18/19. I feel like there’s several tiers of knowing you exist though.

No reflection on it but only experienced as a kind of mystical “ground of being”,

1 reflection on existing being sapience,

2 reflections or/and more, knowing you exist and knowing that you know ~~.

2 reflections +, and having your knowing directly affect your actions.