Yesterday I woke up, had breakfast, did some study, had lunch, did some study, had dinner and took a shit, lamented having to deal with biological needs all the time, did a bit more study then had a shower and went to bed.
FFS if I'm not sleeping I'm either buying food, making food, eating food, cleaning up after eating food, extruding waste, cleaning myself, trimming my beard or ironing and when that's all done I do it all again tomorrow!
I don't view myself as much of a cohesive or coherent entity. It's not uncommon for me to think of things that pertain to me (plans, objectives, thoughts, even some "self improvement", etc.), but I seldom just think of my "self".
I have a strong preference for avoiding self-categorisation.
In my own hands, it's limiting and (somehow) often wrong. In the hands of others, it's often defamatory or misinformed. People know only the aspects of me that I expose them too. This makes it uncomfortable when my friends talk and those impressions collide.
I guess from this you can take that I'm high on self-regulation and impression management :?
I've been thinking about this for a while, and I'm stuck with this idea that I cannot seem to quite grasp or express, but the thought goes something like this: "Why did I happen, and how come I recognise it as me? Why is consciousness isolated?" (I obviously understand why in terms of the neurophysiological processes that give rise to consciousness, but that's still not going to stop me from pondering and questioning the limitations).
I don't know. It's like I am trapped in my body and it feels really unnatural. Almost like I shouldn't be, and have an awareness or memory of something different. I should be everywhere, in everything.
Hard to explain. Kind of makes everything else trivial.
Like Cog, I am often annoyed by the biological realities of existence. If I could take a pill that would allow me to go without eating food for months on end, I would do that in a heartbeat. Having to sleep and go to bed every day also annoys me (I guess that's why I haven't had a healthy sleep cycle since I was in primary school).
Also, I sometimes have these momentary experiences where I suddenly become intensely aware of the fact that I am a bunch of biological material – fluids, muscle, bone, brain mass, etc, which at some point in the not-so-distant future will all disintegrate and become something other than me. It's a weird experience, man. Usually you're walking around thinking about more external, abstract stuff like: I have to do this and that at work tomorrow, I have to buy groceries, reply to a text message from someone, etc etc. And then suddenly BOOM – that moment of strange insight. And I'm not talking about that sort of objective reasoning about the human body that people do all the time; everyone understands on a theoretical level that they are biological stuff, but to really feel it, and fully grasp it – even for just a moment – that's something else.