Immortelle
Redshirt
- Local time
- Today 6:02 AM
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2015
- Messages
- 3
I often feel as though there are two different personalities within me, and every day one is trying to overtake the other. It creates an inner turmoil and unrest, because the actions performed when under the influence of one personality may be displeasing when the other personality takes over.
One is a sexual glutton, a materialistic hedonist who almost worships herself (and maybe the devil, I don't know).
Two is very spiritually oriented, sexually reserved, and has lofty, idealistic dreams about making the world a better place (through actions such as volunteer work).
Here is an example of what I mean and what causes the inner turmoil between these two "personalities":
Some days I will be "one" and will say I don't believe in God, some days I will be "two" and be repentant and strongly believing in God.
Actual example: I was in "one" mode for a while, and did things this personality would do, such as amateur modeling - nude. I also took up dancing in the burlesque style. And then, when I returned to "two" mode for a while, I started seriously looking into repentance and becoming a nun...I spoke with someone who was already a nun about my behavior, and her advice to me was consistent prayer. And then the cycle starts again.
I am not sure how to overcome these issues. I want to be a consistent person. Preferably "two", because I fear that "one" has too many risky behaviors. That is all I ask.
I feel as though I am experiencing the battle between God and the devil in my mind. "One" feels constricted by two, and "two" feels terrible for the actions of "one".
I do not think I have multiple personality disorder, because I have full and clear recollection of everything I do. I am a 22 year old female, so I don't think it's a teenage hormonal issue.
Any help, experiences, or suggestions would be appreciated on this matter...thank you.
One is a sexual glutton, a materialistic hedonist who almost worships herself (and maybe the devil, I don't know).
Two is very spiritually oriented, sexually reserved, and has lofty, idealistic dreams about making the world a better place (through actions such as volunteer work).
Here is an example of what I mean and what causes the inner turmoil between these two "personalities":
Some days I will be "one" and will say I don't believe in God, some days I will be "two" and be repentant and strongly believing in God.
Actual example: I was in "one" mode for a while, and did things this personality would do, such as amateur modeling - nude. I also took up dancing in the burlesque style. And then, when I returned to "two" mode for a while, I started seriously looking into repentance and becoming a nun...I spoke with someone who was already a nun about my behavior, and her advice to me was consistent prayer. And then the cycle starts again.
I am not sure how to overcome these issues. I want to be a consistent person. Preferably "two", because I fear that "one" has too many risky behaviors. That is all I ask.
I feel as though I am experiencing the battle between God and the devil in my mind. "One" feels constricted by two, and "two" feels terrible for the actions of "one".
I do not think I have multiple personality disorder, because I have full and clear recollection of everything I do. I am a 22 year old female, so I don't think it's a teenage hormonal issue.
Any help, experiences, or suggestions would be appreciated on this matter...thank you.