The worst gifts you've ever gotten

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
A gift is nothing more than a way to publicly display how little you know about someone.

What are your experiences with this?

Just off the top of my head, because they tend to appear on an annual basis:

shaving gel- I shave about 4x a year and use mechanical clippers

cologne- Never use it other than in combination with a match/lighter

clothing more formal than a t-shirt/jeans- Duh

car washing kits- Rain. It falls from the sky.

DVDs- I don't watch TV

Other random useless objects (battery powered ice scrapers and desk lamps, appliances, desk set, kitchenware... I honestly can't remember a lot of it because I sold it at the local flea market last August )

xbox

Prolific Member
used clothes. just make them into a voodoo doll

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
I should also add briefs. Not a fan of the tighty whities.

Reluctantly

Resident disMember
The Secret (book). It was a cute attempt by an ESFP to get me to read something he thought was deep or enlightening, but seriously, wtf.

Peripheral Visionary

Eye In Tee-Pee
My mother once gave me a shaving razor that played a tune.

I can't remember the tune.

Synthetix

og root beer
Life

My crazy grandma gave me a hideous leopard print skirt when I was 14 or so..... >.>

My family in general likes to give me girly gifts they know I'd never buy on my own.
One Christmas they all conspired to go with makeup, all of which I still have and don't know what to do with.
Am I the only one who finds mascara baffling....?

My Mom got me a 'Guess' purse several months ago and now occasionally threatens me with Gucci ones, precisely because I'm very vocal about how much I hate brand names and products with artificially inflated prices (which she adores). I think I'd sell it and donate the profits to some pet cause. That'll piss her off.

Jennywocky

guud languager
Cheap-ass jewelry and purses that I'll never use, probably from Current(TM) catalog.
(Runner up: Getting underwear. From my mom. At a family gathering. In my 30's. WTF?!)

The Secret (book). It was a cute attempt by an ESFP to get me to read something he thought was deep or enlightening, but seriously, wtf.
Not quite as bad, but my grandparents gave me "Left Behind" one year for Christmas. I think I made it through 20 pages, then went back to reading Stephen King.

Oedipus

Jerk
A great aunt bought me a cat collar and cat food (I don't have a cat) for my 14th birthday.

Jennywocky

guud languager
A great aunt bought me a cat collar and cat food (I don't have a cat) for my 14th birthday.
... still laughing at that one.

Minuend

pat pat
My Mom got me a 'Guess' purse several months ago and
I thought by a "guess purse", you meant a like a surprise purse where you could guess what you would pull out of it

Words

Only 1 1-F.
We don't celebrate birthdays. It's cultural. Someone gave me effin' flowers on a separate occasion though.

Bible.

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
A great aunt bought me a cat collar and cat food (I don't have a cat) for my 14th birthday.
^That may well take the cake.

Gift cards to stores I never go to (i.e. J.C. Penney, Sears)
A stuffed tiger when I was 15
Swimming trunks

For my 8th birthday my little sister got me a Barbie, but that was a calculated move on her part. High five.

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
Someone gave me effin' flowers on a separate occasion though.
I'd rather have the flowers than the shaving gel...

Peripheral Visionary

Eye In Tee-Pee
A great aunt bought me a cat collar and cat food (I don't have a cat) for my 14th birthday.
Had you not been 14, I would have first assumed that your aunt was trying to get you into some kind of kinky role play.

IssphitiKOzS

Banned
I'm curious, Habdoctor: what would have been a good gift? (Aside from flowers)

I agree. It's annoying having to appreciate gifts that I obviously wouldn't enjoy. It is a gift though, and I have the stupid idea that it's positive energy, so I hold on to them and try my best to put them to use. I'll admit that I'm difficult to buy for, but people have taken all the fun out of it. They used to try to hint at it or try to trick you into telling them. Now they ask what you want and get it, or just give you money. I do make a point of vocalizing my interests, or things from my house that I could use, but no one retains it. So, in the end I just pass on a list of books I'd one day like to read, then once I have them, they sit on my book shelf so that I look well read.

On the other hand, I tend to get to really know people. I'm terrible with small talk, so if we've had a conversation, chances are I've been lucky enough to learn something about you that I can use to then buy a little interesting novelty that at least shows thought, even if you hate it.

There's an energy to gifts that shouldn't be taken as lightly as it is.

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
I'm curious, Habdoctor: what would have been a good gift? (Aside from flowers)

Something either versatile (i.e. $), useful (a kayak, for those of us who work in wetlands for a living, or high quality toilet tissue...) or that shows you actually know said individual (A Ralph Steadman to hang on the office door, or a hand-made pop tab chain mail suit of armor). I agree. It's annoying having to appreciate gifts that I obviously wouldn't enjoy. It is a gift though, and I have the stupid idea that it's positive energy, so I hold on to them and try my best to put them to use. For me this depends on the person. Something from grandma trumps the Walmart special that your 4th cousin bought you the night before for$3.99.

There's an energy to gifts that shouldn't be taken as lightly as it is.
^This I agree with wholeheartedly.

Reluctantly

Resident disMember
A great aunt bought me a cat collar and cat food (I don't have a cat) for my 14th birthday.
For real? I remember the post you made about the fortune cookie. If this was just a joke, is it symbolism for being INTP? Or you do/did you have an Alzheimer's aunt?

Not quite as bad, but my grandparents gave me "Left Behind" one year for Christmas. I think I made it through 20 pages, then went back to reading Stephen King.
Haha, I'd find that much more embarrassing than being given The Secret. I don't mind being seen as grumpy and unmotivated, but being equated as an outcast that got left behind!
LOL, you could get them a book on preparing and accepting for their deaths. Then you can do the Mr. Burns and say excellent as the life dies from their spirits.

MichiganJFrog

Rupert Pupkin's stalker
My mom gave me a book about magic tricks for my birthday when I was a kid. To this day, I don't have the slightest idea why she thought I'd be into it.

Wizardry

Active Member
A doll that craps and pees itself and you are supposed to feed it on purpose to clean up the fake "waste".

I also got this ridiculous singing bath Mermaid that I hated. My brother ended up getting it out of the wrapping and wouldn't put it down because he liked the little song she sang. Ended up being hilarious because it drove our mother nuts. She'd hear that, "LA me la la mA la.....La me la la mA la" and scream and storm across the house. We were both like WTF when she tore it out of his hands, then cracked the attic door a bit, and chucked that thing off into the dark. I never saw it again.

Acedia

Member
An empty small plastic box, shaped like a gift box.

Antediluvian

Capitalist logic collides with external wisdom
Evolution gave me myself; I'm not too pleased.

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
Evolution gave me myself; I'm not too pleased.
Keep in mind that evolution doesn't exactly have a goal, i.e. technically the elk is the most advanced highly derived mammal in evolutionary terms.

Antediluvian

Capitalist logic collides with external wisdom
Keep in mind that evolution doesn't exactly have a goal, i.e. technically the elk is the most advanced highly derived mammal in evolutionary terms.
Yeah, but you know what I mean. In the context of societal worth, I have very little to offer. But, everyone has the same blind father.

Jason

Student
My grandmother gives me useless things from her desk and calls it "art supplies". Bent paper, pencils with no more eraser, and pens that don't work to name a few. She's kind of a hoarder, so by giving me her trash she doesn't have to throw it away. That's my theory anyway.

MissQuote

kickin' at a tin can
Wait, what is that about Elk?

xbox

Prolific Member
My crazy grandma gave me a hideous leopard print skirt when I was 14 or so..... >.>

My family in general likes to give me girly gifts they know I'd never buy on my own.
One Christmas they all conspired to go with makeup, all of which I still have and don't know what to do with.
Am I the only one who finds mascara baffling....?

My Mom got me a 'Guess' purse several months ago and now occasionally threatens me with Gucci ones, precisely because I'm very vocal about how much I hate brand names and products with artificially inflated prices (which she adores). I think I'd sell it and donate the profits to some pet cause. That'll piss her off.

brand name bags are ugly. its like a practical joke on fashion forward people.

also a bunch of my girl cousins wanted to give me a make over. told them if they came close, i would cut their hair while they slept

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
Wait, what is that about Elk?
Elk (Cervidae in general) are taxonomically the most derived mammals from an evolutionary standpoint. A random list of notable characteristics:

Locomotion:
1. Extremely reduced digits
2. Highly modified astragalus and cannon bone provides unmatched stability required for fast, sustained locomotion
3. Some truly freakish connective tissue
4. A highly flexible spine

Communication:
1. Multiple adaptations for visual display including head ornamentation and rump patch
3. Distinct, long and short distance vocalizations
4. Distinct use of several pheromones

Foraging:
1. Unique digestive anatomy allows them to feed solely on vegetation
2. Unique coevolution with bacteria, which they fertilize by excreting urea in their saliva
3. Advanced hypsodont dentition characterized by enamel folding for a longer period of use

Other:
1. Unique metabolic processes regarding antler formation
2. Delayed embryonic implantation
3. Ability to resorb developing embryos during unfavorable conditions
4. Eye and pellage adaptations for predator avoidance

Cervids are followed by other members of Artiodactyla (manatees, elephants, camels, etc.), and the next most derived group is Carnivora, among which the cheetah is most derived.

Humans are rather primative in evolutionary terms, with our 5 digits, awkward locomotion, limited diet, and limited pheromonal communication (if we have it at all, which is arguable since we lack a vomeronasal organ). Our intelligence has allowed us to proliferate and largely slowed our physical evolution.

MissQuote

kickin' at a tin can
Elk (Cervidae in general) are taxonomically the most derived mammals from an evolutionary standpoint. A random list of notable characteristics:

Locomotion:
1. Extremely reduced digits
2. Highly modified astragalus and cannon bone provides unmatched stability required for fast, sustained locomotion
3. Some truly freakish connective tissue
4. A highly flexible spine

Communication:
1. Multiple adaptations for visual display including head ornamentation and rump patch
3. Distinct, long and short distance vocalizations
4. Distinct use of several pheromones

Foraging:
1. Unique digestive anatomy allows them to feed solely on vegetation
2. Unique coevolution with bacteria, which they fertilize by excreting urea in their saliva
3. Advanced hypsodont dentition characterized by enamel folding for a longer period of use

Other:
1. Unique metabolic processes regarding antler formation
2. Delayed embryonic implantation
3. Ability to resorb developing embryos during unfavorable conditions
4. Eye and pellage adaptations for predator avoidance

Cervids are followed by other members of Artiodactyla (manatees, elephants, camels, etc.), and the next most derived group is Carnivora, among which the cheetah is most derived.

Humans are rather primative in evolutionary terms, with our 5 digits, awkward locomotion, limited diet, and limited pheromonal communication (if we have it at all, which is arguable since we lack a vomeronasal organ). Our intelligence has allowed us to proliferate and largely slowed our physical evolution.
Well, now. I have some more directed reading to get to it seems. Evolution was the main general subject I was messing with right now, too.

Chimera

To inanity and beyond
One year for my birthday, a good friend presented me with a nicely wrapped, medium-sized box. When I shook it, it sounded like there was tissue paper inside, so I figured it was something fragile.
It wasn't tissue paper.
It was hundreds of cicada husks.

I'm never sure whether to list it as one of my "best" or "worst" gifts...

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
Oh yeah, I made this thread like a year ago or something:

Flip side of the coin. Nobody really replied to it though.
Yeah, I didn't do a search for this one... (But on the bright? side I've managed to derail my own thread into a discussion of elk evolution)

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
One year for my birthday, a good friend presented me with a nicely wrapped, medium-sized box. When I shook it, it sounded like there was tissue paper inside, so I figured it was something fragile.

It wasn't tissue paper.
It was hundreds of cicada husks.

I'm never sure whether to list it as one of my "best" or "worst" gifts...
There are actually several boxes full on the top floor of my building from the entomology colonies... There's some truly weird mantids among them.

MissQuote

kickin' at a tin can
Yeah, I didn't do a search for this one... (But on the bright? side I've managed to derail my own thread into a discussion of elk evolution)

C.J_Finn

Active Member
I can't really pick a worst gift. My family knows that I'm best at picking out my own things so I tend to just get money. I guess if I had to pick I would say it was a KJV bible that someone gave me. I'm fascinated by religion (one of my favorite subjects to read/talk about), but I just wish it could have been a translation of the bible that isn't so flawed. I can't even really say that I hate that just for the fact that it allowed me to expand my knowledge about religion.

EvilBlitz

Member
I have received so many lame gifts over the years that I would need pages to type it. If I could be stuffed remembering crap gifts.

I got a ruler once though, just a ruler, nothing else......

Typically this has led me to shunning all societal expectations of gift giving(and all other lame ass holidays that go with them), as most people buy what they like rather than for the person.
Generally these times of the year I find rather stressful as the mewling masses attempt me to get to participate in their boring social norms.

I tried to convince as many people as possible to give money, since I found their gifts insincere. However this backfired to a degree as I started typically getting vouchers for shops I don't give a fuck about.(I HATE vouchers, here have something like money but you can only spend it in one shop or a few instead of all shops like money so it looks like I actually gave a fuck/thought about you.)

Conversely If I had to say best gift(excluding gifts for myself), I would have to say money, since it actually allowed me to get something I like....

dokuro

Redshirt
When I was in third grade, I got all these girly clothing from my grandparents which I had no interest in while my brother got all these science books. I was so jealous and ended up reading them more than my brother.

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
I think it's the perfect time to resurrect this thread, no?

This Christmas's contributions:

- 32" LED TV (I haven't watched TV in 3 years; not because I didn't own a TV).
- Ice scraper #6
- Extra blanket #4
- Coffee pot #3

I'm thinking about building a shelf to house/display my collection of ice scrapers. It's pretty wicked...

The Void

Banned
when I was a kid they once gave me some pencil box, pencils, bag etc set with barbies imprinted on it o_0
I am a male, watt do they thought I was?

Clothes I hated.

Minuend

pat pat

But it was a bit puzzling when my aunt who always wanted to have a daughter gave my sister and me makeup even though we never showed the slightest interest in it. I think I was around the age 14-15 where I thought makeup was stupid and a waste of time.

Amusingly I got a hairbrush and scrunchie when I had too short hair for it. My relatives hadn't seen me for a year or so, I guess. Actually I didn't find it amusing at the time. Just awkward. I still find all gift receiving and giving awkward. Facial expression expectations.

The Gopher

President
I think it's the perfect time to resurrect this thread, no?

This Christmas's contributions:

- 32" LED TV (I haven't watched TV in 3 years; not because I didn't own a TV).
Use the Tv as a long range monitor, or set it up to a camera to spy on the outside. Imagination!

All you girls complaining about girly gifts... last Christmas my aunts/uncles got me a.

• Necklace
• Fluffy hedgehog toy.
• A pink bunny rabbit usb

• and something else I forget but similar to the above. (edit: Oh a bathrobe)
... and I loved them all.

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
Use the Tv as a long range monitor, or set it up to a camera to spy on the outside. Imagination!
It was listed on Ebay within 3 hours of unwrapping. Yeah, I'm a douche.

Bathrobe. *shudders* I got one when I was... 16? I think it's still in my dresser (a.k.a. home of things I don't wear.)

TheScornedReflex

Life.

Well-Known Member
Gaudy, Christmasy guest towels. Nuff said.

Cherry Cola

Banned
I don't know which is the worst gift I've ever gotten, but every year I recieve at least 2 books originally written in English in their Swedish translated versions which always sucks. Let me read it like it's supposed to be read when I friggin can >.< '

I got "To kill a mockingbird" this year. No fucking way am I gonna read a classic like that in Swedish, it's probably not even that fun in English but in Swedish.. geez, a substantial part of the atmosphere and vibe will be lost and I wont encounter any fun new words or phrasings to learn from.

Cavallier

Oh damn.
I don't really remember gifts. The ones I don't need or want I hand off to other people or donate to the second hand store.

It is rare I get a gift that I actually care for. I encourage people to give me food. I've got most of my friends and family trained for that now.

Jennywocky

guud languager
The only christmas present I've received so far this year has been a little dwarf spruce, which I might have promptly killed.

I guess I'll wait and see what my kids got for me tomorrow, and what my mom might have picked up.

Oh, and a friend told me I got could with her to see a movie she wanted to see, that I never cared to go see in the theater, as my "present." She's always been pretty talented at giving me things that she wants, or giving herself something disguised as doing something nice for me. Lol.

TheHabitatDoctor

Banned
*just sold the TV for $50 more than what it was bought for on Black Friday* Now... How do I use this money to force these people into a genuine, meaningful interaction that isn't based on a #!*%($^ dollar value?
The only christmas present I've received so far this year has been a little dwarf spruce, which I might have promptly killed.
What'd you do to it?