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The Official Shit Competition

Cognisant

Condescending Bastard
Joined
Dec 12, 2009
Messages
7,691
#1
It's okay, you can swear here.

And I suppose that's partly what this thread is for, it's a competition to see who can write the most hateful/horrific/offensive/pornographic/blasphemous/etc thing (it can be anything, a poem, a story, a list, anything), but I must stress, it has to be WRITTEN.

No images please, we all know you can find some pretty nasty shit on image boards, the whole point of this competition is to test your creative writing skills by finding out what is the nastiest shit you can possibly write.

Well type... whatever, you know what I mean.
 

EyeSeeCold

lust for life
Joined
Aug 12, 2010
Messages
7,845
Location
California, USA
#2
So the community can escalate to widespread chaos? No thank you.
 

Jennywocky

guud languager
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
10,610
Location
Charn
#3
I'm so confused.

Am I in "Mirror, Mirror" Star Trek reality now?
(And if so, can I be a Romulan?)
 
Joined
Jan 8, 2010
Messages
8,988
Location
New York City (The Big Apple) & State
#4
It's okay, you can swear here.

And I suppose that's partly what this thread is for, it's a competition to see who can write the most hateful/horrific/offensive/pornographic/blasphemous/etc thing (it can be anything, a poem, a story, a list, anything), but I must stress, it has to be WRITTEN.

No images please, we all know you can find some pretty nasty shit on image boards, the whole point of this competition is to test your creative writing skills by finding out what is the nastiest shit you can possibly write.

Well type... whatever, you know what I mean.
That sounds like fun. Inspiring and inspirational. I'm not sure though it would work. Aren't we restricted by censorship of that kind? I would ask YOU to go first, but I wouldn't risk it if I were you. Then those who run this board might erase your inspirational work:beatyou:, not to mention YOU.:D

I'm for one am puck puck puck pawww. Chicken.:phear:

Hey. What about existent literature?

Mein Kampf.
120 Days of Sodom.
Dante's Inferno.
The Wit and Wisdom of Cognizant
Certain books of the Bible
 
Last edited:

gruesomebrat

Biking in pursuit of self...
Joined
Nov 12, 2010
Messages
427
Location
Somewhere North of you.
#5
That sounds like fun. Inspiring and inspirational. I'm not sure though it would work. Aren't we restricted by censorship of that kind? I would ask YOU to go first, but I wouldn't risk it is I were you. Then those who run this board might erase your inspirational work:beatyou:, not to mention YOU.:D
Surely the admins wouldn't destroy "inspiring and inspirational" work? Don't we want to encourage creativity and literary geniuses?

Hey. What about existent literature?

Mein Kampf.
120 Days of Sodom.
Dante's Inferno.
The Wit and Wisdom of Cognizant
Certain books of the Bible
Cognizant has a book out??? Where do I get a copy?
 
Joined
Jul 10, 2010
Messages
337
Location
In the United States.
#6
Pickled fish paste. Spongebob makes it sound delightful but it isn't.
 
Joined
Aug 23, 2009
Messages
3,679
#7
Aren't we restricted by censorship of that kind? I would ask YOU to go first, but I wouldn't risk it if I were you. Then those who run this board might erase your inspirational work:beatyou:, not to mention YOU.
He is one of the people who run this board.
 

Cognisant

Condescending Bastard
Joined
Dec 12, 2009
Messages
7,691
#8
But I want to be a trrrooolllll.
 
Joined
Aug 23, 2009
Messages
3,679
#9
Wait...You mean the mods around here aren't trolls?

*ponders*


I think we should get extra points if we come up with something truly disgusting without having to use expletives. I think expletives aren't really disgusting. It's the imagery that lingers and disturbs.
 
Joined
Jan 8, 2010
Messages
8,988
Location
New York City (The Big Apple) & State
#13
But I want to be a trrrooolllll.
If you want to be a troll, you will have to suggest a topic that isn't serious. To INTP's, IMO, all topics are serious. Think about it.
 
Joined
Jan 8, 2010
Messages
8,988
Location
New York City (The Big Apple) & State
#14
I've chosen a poem. (I hope I'm not the 1st entry).


&%$:hoplite_spear_kill_2::moriyabig:** @%$#+/%
&* #%$##@%^ *&^%&~/%
$#*@'
:Davidstar::waffe:
*:raven05:%$#* #@$ $(

&%%^## @%&$%$**
 

Cogwulf

Is actually an INTJ
Joined
Aug 21, 2009
Messages
1,553
Location
England
#15
A long long time ago, there was a man with a terrible terrible secret.
For years he hid it, concealed it away.
He was forced to forgo love and friendship to hide it.
Every day of his life was misery, until eventually he turned mad, and killed a hundred people before his despair grew to such a depth that it became a signularity.
At that moment he imploded out of existence entirely, but his secret remained in the universe, forboding doom and destruction for all who remained.
And his terrible secret was...

...he had left the gas on.
 

snafupants

Prolific Member
Joined
May 31, 2010
Messages
5,026
#16
Wait...You mean the mods around here aren't trolls?

*ponders*

I think we should get extra points if we come up with something truly disgusting without having to use expletives. I think expletives aren't really disgusting. It's the imagery that lingers and disturbs.

Expletive free and matter of fact descriptions of heinous events definitely live more in the moment and after the book is closed. The reader is just passive otherwise.
 
Joined
Mar 17, 2010
Messages
1,272
Location
<ψ|x|ψ>
#17
Bah, you people didn't even try. Not even one legit entry in this whole thread.

What kind of "hateful/horrific/offensive/pornographic/blasphemous/etc thing" are we going for here? Like, if I just start naming off creative tortures that combine the worse kinds of physical, mental and emotional abuse in the hopes that I can be more creative than anyone else... is that the kind of thing you're looking for? (If I really wanted to go for this I'd probably put it in an erotic story format though.)

I want to know I'm at least gonna have a little competition. No point alienating 99.9% of the forum in a single post if there won't even be another ex-member beside me in 2nd place.
 

Cognisant

Condescending Bastard
Joined
Dec 12, 2009
Messages
7,691
#18
Truth be told I can't really think of anything particularly nasty, relative to the context of this forum anyway, after all murder is our way of saying hello, and we talk about necrophilia like it's the weather.

Indeed given the context the most vile and shocking thing I could possibly write is:
Jesus loves you :D

*flees in fear, having realised where this is thread is heading*
 
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
4,549
Location
Houston, TX
#19
Indeed given the context the most vile and shocking thing I could possibly write is:
Jesus loves you :D

*flees in fear, having realised where this is thread is heading*
Oh, sure, Jesus says he "loves" you. He buys you dinner and makes you feel like you are the most important person in the world, but when you wake up the next morning with a shaved and sore ass, a bright red rash on your privates, and a five dollar bill on the nightstand, you'll think twice about giving him your heart next time.

(Sadly, this is kind an accurate metaphor for my experiences with him)
 

Melkor

*Silent antagonist*
Joined
Apr 16, 2008
Messages
5,764
Location
Béal feirste
#20
INTP's are sexy.
 

Roran

The Original Nerdy Gangsta
Joined
Apr 12, 2011
Messages
431
Location
North Carolina, USA
#21
When is the swearing and blaspheming going to begin? Do I have to start?
 
Joined
Mar 3, 2011
Messages
72
#22
You guys are HORRIBLE at this fucking game. In fact, I find you all exceedingly sickening. It makes me want to MURDER all the pretentious cunts in this thread.

The next time you wake up you are going to find yourself nude in chains, suspended from a ceiling by your arms and bound to the floor by your feet. I'm going to take a razor and carefully carve a small cross into your abdomen, a small, yet penetrating, wound. Then one by one I am going to slip my fingers into the small opening, pressing further and further into your body. Soon my whole hand will be inside, making its way through the tightly packed intestines inside you. I will begin to forcibly make my way upwards through the mesh of flesh and organs that are housed behind your rib cage. I will be close to your heart, but that would be to easy. I'm going to reach even further until I can feel your windpipe in my grasp. Then I'm going to pull. Slowly, but surely your windpipe will begin to tear; as you breathe in you will feel the ruptures as it burns and air leaks out. Blood will begin to seep in through the new openings and you will begin to drown in your own blood. Finally, in an act of mercy, I will brutally yank your windpipe from the base of your neck and out through the hole in your abdomen. If I’m lucky you will see me holding your windpipe in front of you before you die. Then I'm going to eat you, but that's a story for another time.

:elephant::elephant::elephant::elephant::elephant::elephant::elephant::elephant::elephant:
 

GYX_Kid

randomly floating abyss built of bricks
Joined
Dec 19, 2010
Messages
946
#24
Slip down in a toilet of society's hate, and let the abyss come down on you
Someone else's turd is hanging out your pussy
I don't fear evil for I don't have a hole, and I cannot love shit
Oh, you're infected and now a piece of shit too, I don't love shit
 

dark

Bring this savage back home.
Joined
Sep 19, 2010
Messages
902
#25
Sad sad people. Can't even make your own self cry, let me think.

"Lte me try adn splel smoe sutff worng adn see how mnay poeple leki tihs."

or

"TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER!"
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Joined
Aug 16, 2011
Messages
1,929
Location
germany
#26
this is (or might become) a good thread for me, as i am partially hanging out here, in order to improve on my english.

the first word i learned, so far: expletives! that's powerfull. like in a batman-commic-expression. also: heinous. this is getting better. (btw, a german badword is heino )

i understood every word from Iximi's essay. so i guess i am equipped to become a surgeon :smoker:
 

Agent Intellect

Absurd Anti-hero.
Joined
Jul 28, 2008
Messages
4,116
Location
Michigan
#27
Being offensive (or at least making people feel uncomfortable) is way too easy - all one has to do is say mean spirited, disrespectful, or hateful things about "too soon" tragedies, or simply making light of them. Just look what happened to Gilbert Gottfried when he made jokes about the Japan tsunami soon after it occurred:

  • Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.
  • What do the japanese have in common with @howardstern? They're both radio active.
  • Japan had put out this urgent plea...." PLEASE SEND US A FEW BIlLION RUBBER DUCKIES!!!!!"
  • Japan called me. They said "maybe those jokes are a hit in the US, but over here, they're all sinking.
  • What does every Japanese person have in their apartment? Flood lights.
  • I was talking to my Japanese real estate agent. I said "is there a school in this area." She said "not now, but just wait."
  • My Japanese doctor advised me to stay healthy I need 50 million gallons of water a day.

It would be an even bigger bonus if one of these tragedies happened to someone a forum member knows. If someone wants to be offensive (and perhaps some think I'm being offensive just suggesting this) maybe some topics to start off with would be the following:

1. Cancer.
2. Nine eleven.
3. The holocaust (maybe cliche).
4. Hurricane Irene.
5. Hurricane Katrina.
6. African AIDS epidemic.
7. Norway shooting/bombing.
8. Japan tsunami.
9. Syrian and Libyan riots.
10. Toxic drinking water in third world countries.

etc.
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Joined
Aug 16, 2011
Messages
1,929
Location
germany
#28
alternatively, simply laughing out loud at gottfried's jokes would get me enemies, if that's the point. but that seem's backwards. i thought this is about becoming the enemy to someone else. the one who really hurts someone.

like, if you were innocently laughing at those hilarious jokes ("the beach comes to them" muwhaha) and if i was one of those horrible pluralistic feeling types (with a conformist shadow, like it's common) i'd reply to you, saying:

"you are being very offensive. in case you haven't noticed, WE want this forum to be a nice place. please apologize"

and if you were vincible like me (my intp self), you'd die out of anger about it, cringe until you break into two pieces and you would hurt all day long and again loose all trust in humanity, isolate yourself for another week ...

so, me, [being the pluralistic feeling type, unconsciously talking from his dissociated superego - dissociated because pluralistic people '"don't" judge'], would win the thread. you are dead. bang bang

this is the mean shit.
 

Don't mind me

Active Member
Joined
Aug 28, 2010
Messages
187
#29
Well, I don't know how good your understanding of shitty nastiness is, but I just wrote this awesome rap verse:

I'm ballin', hope y'all like bein' balled
Man, bein' you is like bein' bald
You fleein' 'cus leukemia called
I laugh at cancer, people say'n I'm cold
'Yer skills are more common than the common cold
Common comin', c'mon come in 'cus I'm combing with gold
'Yer mama's butt makes diamonds out of coal
She so fat, she won't be reaching no goal
Stand still too long and she be making a hole
Keepin' her belly in with triple double vertical folds
 

Jesse

Internet resident
Joined
Oct 4, 2010
Messages
803
Location
Melbourne
#30
I’ve done something horrible. I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend. When I saw them together, I got so furious, I slit their throats with my pocketknife. Then, I buried the two bodies and my mom got scared and said, “You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.” I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror, if anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, “Nah, forget it. Yo home to Bel-Air” I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabby yo holmes smell ya later, looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
 
Joined
Aug 27, 2011
Messages
48
#31
I will tell you what is truely (horrific) and it is going on right now every day. Far more terrible than the breif but painful tortures of the flesh. I will tell you, far more sinister and vile is the slow, but accelerating degradation of your prosperity day by day until you know that your children will never know the prosperity you began with in life. You will see this ever more clearly as the power mad meglomaniacs that run the show take more and more from you as you watch in despair. knowing that because of thier hidiouse indifferent to your suffering greed, what was once a life with promise and hoe that you could always i,mprove your finances and your over all prosperity level by the amount of hard work you put into it.

Know and despair that they have an unbreakable grip on your freedoms..what are left, your happiness, and general well being. Know the frustration of never being able to get at and choke the life out of the nameless faceless, cruel masters of deception and terror. Let it all sink in, knowing that the truth is, things will never get better, only worse. the future is not bright but black! Think of all the hard work you put into your life and family to prosper knowing that it is all being undone and no amount of effort will ever bring back what has ben permantly taken away from your life. This is real, this is what is happening, especialy older people can see the progresion, how oh so many things that made life easy and the multipul choices to prosper for even the poor were every where.

Soon enough know that we will soon be like any other third world country, that being a large class of poor with no hope of ever getting out of that situaion and the privalaged few who grind all hope and replace it with misery and despair so they can maintain a bloated, decadent life at the expense of all others.
 
Joined
Oct 19, 2013
Messages
98
Location
East Texas
#34
*pokes dead thread with stick*

Mother Fucker.... It's alive!

How did this not get off the ground?

It reminds me of that Fat kid I once kicked in the balls for suggesting school be let out early so he could go home and eat cheese puffs and watch reruns of the Simpsons. Granted he had a good idea, I wanted to test his commitment. When the fowl taste of his testicles floated around his throat, he lost all desire to do anything other than roll around on the ground and cry like a Bitch.

^ Kindergarten = Fine memory's

I'm utterly disappointed to say the least, the weakness of vile and disgusting material might as well suggest that INTP's lost their P-ness.

If going by the content of this thread alone, I legitimately don't understand if the masses would know wether to shit or go blind. The fact that most material was neither vile nor disgusting, leaves me imagining everybody closing one eye and farting ;).


But don't worry, OldCoyote's here to piss in your ear. :twisteddevil:

*Hate-On*

Jesus Fucking hates your guts, he frequently refers to the mere mortals as thoughtless minions following other men in their desires to transcend their minion-ness. When Jesus kicked the Pharisees in the balls and stole their book, he had big plans for man. He would read a passage of the Holy Scripture, and then explain how stupid and irrational the passage was. In essence, he pissed all over the "book" and rejected formal religion.
But No.... Stupid Man came along with their pen and paper in a effort to Formalize his Informal system. Now the concept of Love, supersedes the Monkey Stomping, Asspounding, Cut Throat, and Bad Assitude he so eloquently displayed.

*fires up blunt* - For you J.C :smoker:

That's right you bible thumping sissies, Jesus was a Fucking Outlaw. It was not love and hope he brought to man, It was hate and discontent. So next time your in church and that thought: What Would Jesus Do ? Pops into your feeble mind, I challenge you to- smash the coffer, call everybody Fucking Idiots, kick the preacher in the balls, and wipe your dick on the curtains on the way out. :eek:

What else..

Weather..yes..

Global warming and violent storms, what are we to think of these?

You guessed it... The Earth Fucking Hates you, man constantly jams long drills into its guts, digs deeps holes into its ass, and then burns it's contents like a Cheech an Chong-athon. We'll guess what, the bitch ain't having it. She fires back with tornados and hurricanes in hopes of destroying her nemesis- Man. She's like that Bitch at the party-- loves to give her pussy away only to have men wake up in the mourning with swollen nutsacks and Aids.

I seriously hope the rebirth of this thread can generate more evil thoughts then comments on a YouTube video... :o
:D :icon_pferdehaufen: :D
 

NoID10ts

aka Noddy
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
4,549
Location
Houston, TX
#35
Oh, is that what this thread is for?


Dammit!

I've been eating nothing but corn, raw meat, and chili for the last week and have held my bowels for just as long. I just took a shit the size of a small child and was about to upload a picture of it.

Now who's going to clean up this mess in the corner? Oh well. At least it's not MY house.
 
Joined
Oct 19, 2013
Messages
98
Location
East Texas
#36
Now who's going to clean up this mess in the corner? Oh well. At least it's not MY house.
*smells shit*

Hmm, smell like sick motherfucker, headed north, bout eleven hours ago.

*sticks knife in shit*

*Waits till Noddy comes back to church to clean his shit up*
 

Rook

..._ _ _...
Joined
Aug 14, 2013
Messages
1,785
#37
The night is silent. The woman is alone in the kitchen. She picks up the knife, her face emotionless, her goal clear. Slowly she starts cutting. A small cut at first, the flesh barley scratched. A small trickle of blood gathers on the blade. Then, deeper. The flesh unwillingly parts, blood flowing freely. Again and again she cuts, remorseless, without emotion. Then she smiles. Her hands, covered with blood, the knife drenched in it. Slowly she ambles towards her daugther's room. She opens the door, and sees that her daugther is lying on her bed. The knife is in her hand, a grim spectacle. Finally she speaks, her voice barely a whisper.


"Hey, Sally, I just cut the beef strips. Want to come and cook it? I know how you like to work in the kitchen." The girl jumps up form her bed, and hugs her mother. Thirty minutes later, they enjoyed a delicous meal, and played some scrabble.




The following day, a bus ran over them both.
 

Rook

..._ _ _...
Joined
Aug 14, 2013
Messages
1,785
#39
It should say that it cannot be directed at anyone real.
Random name, and no perversities were comitted. (The bus crash was an accident.)

The whole goal is the omnious build up, the innocent resolution, and the random occurence.
 

Grayman

Team Ignorant
Joined
Jan 8, 2013
Messages
4,153
Location
US of A
#40
Random name, and no perversities were comitted. (The bus crash was an accident.)

The whole goal is the omnious build up, the innocent resolution, and the random occurence.
I am just trying to be proactiv so if you have any acne, let me know. I'll rub myself all over you.
 
Joined
Jan 7, 2012
Messages
5,028
#42
I might type up something for this later, spoilered under the basic pretext that if you're sensitive to such thoughts, you shouldn't be reading this thread. (Hey, if Facebook can allow videos of beheadings with such pretext...)
 
Joined
Jan 8, 2010
Messages
8,988
Location
New York City (The Big Apple) & State
#43
@Agent Intellect
Being offensive (or at least making people feel uncomfortable) is way too easy - all one has to do is say mean spirited, disrespectful, or hateful things about "too soon" tragedies, or simply making light of them. Just look what happened to Gilbert Gottfried when he made jokes about the Japan tsunami soon after it occurred:

  • Japan is really advanced. They don't go to the beach. The beach comes to them.
  • What do the japanese have in common with @howardstern? They're both radio active.
  • Japan had put out this urgent plea...." PLEASE SEND US A FEW BIlLION RUBBER DUCKIES!!!!!"
  • Japan called me. They said "maybe those jokes are a hit in the US, but over here, they're all sinking.
  • What does every Japanese person have in their apartment? Flood lights.
  • I was talking to my Japanese real estate agent. I said "is there a school in this area." She said "not now, but just wait."
  • My Japanese doctor advised me to stay healthy I need 50 million gallons of water a day.

It would be an even bigger bonus if one of these tragedies happened to someone a forum member knows. If someone wants to be offensive (and perhaps some think I'm being offensive just suggesting this) maybe some topics to start off with would be the following:

1. Cancer.
2. Nine eleven.
3. The holocaust (maybe cliche).
4. Hurricane Irene.
5. Hurricane Katrina.
6. African AIDS epidemic.
7. Norway shooting/bombing.
8. Japan tsunami.
9. Syrian and Libyan riots.
10. Toxic drinking water in third world countries.

etc.
You have raised an interesting Q. When is a joke offensive and when it is funny ... if it's about tragedy? I may have told this story before. My wife is a cancer survivor, breast cancer. One of the 1st things she did was to go out and buy a bunch of books on the topic. At least one book had any number of jokes in it ... about cancer of course. They were funny. They were actually intended to get the cancer reader to feel better. The wife read them to me and actually got her to feel better as initially she was devastated.

Now I'm wondering if something similar is meant for the topic of this thread.
 

Grayman

Team Ignorant
Joined
Jan 8, 2013
Messages
4,153
Location
US of A
#44
Understood, virtous sir. Forgive my ranting.

(My acne is extensive)
I'm glad you noticed my my virgin aura and my danty legs. Let me throw my beard hair out this magnificent tower window so that you may climb up and make it up to me.

'Make it up to me' Yes, both meanings intended.
 
Joined
Oct 19, 2013
Messages
98
Location
East Texas
#45
@THD

Muha..ha..ha

*patiently awaits*

If it's so bad it needs a spoiler- with a warning not to open spoiler, it's gotta be good.:D
 

Rook

..._ _ _...
Joined
Aug 14, 2013
Messages
1,785
#46
I'm glad you noticed my my virgin aura and my danty legs. Let me throw my beard hair out this magnificent tower window so that you may climb up and make it up to me.
This is the most terrifying post in this whole thread.

Do you have refreshments within your tower? I may take the bait if there's some decent snacks.
 

Grayman

Team Ignorant
Joined
Jan 8, 2013
Messages
4,153
Location
US of A
#47
This is the most terrifying post in this whole thread.

Do you have refreshments within your tower? I may take the bait if there's some decent snacks.
I am locked in here and I've not eaten for days but once you get up here I will have a full course meal ready. BTW - How tall are you, and do you have big hands?
 

Rook

..._ _ _...
Joined
Aug 14, 2013
Messages
1,785
#48
Short with medium hands. I'm to afraid to ask as to the reason of your query.
 

NoID10ts

aka Noddy
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
4,549
Location
Houston, TX
#49
I like to eat babies. They're best when boiled alive like lobsters. Their heads are like soft shell crabs. So tender. Good with carrots and white wine. Baby meat is good on pizza along with pineapple and mushrooms. I don't eat white babies, just black, Asian, Middle Eastern, and Hispanic babies as long as they were born to Christian parents. Hispanic babies taste the best. Like fajitas. Yum. I don't eat female babies either, just male babies. Female babies upset my stomach. I don't ever eat baby penises, though. I feed those to the dog.

:babytap:
 

Grayman

Team Ignorant
Joined
Jan 8, 2013
Messages
4,153
Location
US of A
#50
Short with medium hands. I'm to afraid to ask as to the reason of your query.
I need to know that you can get a good grip on my....beard of course. We wouldn't want you to fall. Would you say you are plump in your build...I do like ....eh...worry about my beard and all with how brittle it is. You should bring some spices up too? It will be good for my meal.
 
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