The Empire

[Artifice Orisit]

This is a place for Robots, Cyborgs, Tran-humanists and anyone else who wishes to affiliate themselves with the empire before we human race comes to an end.

Please pay attention to the ministers of High Culture, loveofreason
& Melkor, the Designated Noddy Professor (who develops robot sexual practices)

Other positions are open, so apply now before somebody else gets them.

 

[Melkor]

Can I also be the evil advisor!?



Robots have to have morals after all, and that means good and Bad...

If Lor does all the work, we'll see a boring simpy little empire filled with butterfly clips and creepy smiles!

 

[The Fury]

Your "empire" will be rent asunder by my alliance of humans. I knew it would come down to this.

 

[Melkor]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAAAAAAA!

Ohhhhh dear....that was too funny Fury...

-sigh-


I suppose we will need a small and impossibly incompetent rebellion to squash at regular intervals for morale purposes...

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Well, sort of... below is the reason why we let humans exist.

Okay now for the truth...
You need a full robot's education, not just the story we tell humans.

Courtship involves a male robot find an applicable human, getting said human approved by the female robot (or "fembot") then ripping open it's skull and eating the brain. Once the brain has been extracted and ingested the male robot processes the grey matter so as to break all connections between the cells without killing them. Usually about 80-90% of the cells will survive this process and then be transferred to the lower internal compartment.

Now the male and female bots engage in a physical connection that facilitates the transfer of this brain cell fluid then shake vigorously to ensure all fluid is successfully transferred. Once this process has been completed they separate whilst inside the "fembot" the brain cell fluid ends up in one of her many neural construct modules, which is small white and not un-egg-like in its appearance. This is followed by a two month gestation period (we don't really have a unique term for it) whereby the brain cells are stimulated by electrical currents and integrate themselves into the neural construct module.

Now this is a perfect opportunity to explain what a neural construct module is, and why robotic reproduction requires such an extensive series of steps.
Back in the day when the squishy humans were first trying to develop superior artificial intelligence to compensate for their own inadequacies they encountered a problem. To develop true intelligence they required a system that worked in a non-linear way so as to facilitate the cognitive functions of creativity and fuzzy logic.

However being intellectually inferior creatures they had only thus far developed computers that functioned in linear processing of binary. To solve this problem they created the first cognitive core, a primitive version of today’s neural construct modules and grew a biological neural net around it. By combining the adaptability of neural nets and the fast logic of binary processing they had created the first true AI, an intellect superior to them in every way, and thus their doom was realised.

Now getting back to the gestating neural construct module; the brain cells proceed to form a basic neural net around and inside the module, thus becoming a linear/non-linear cognitive hybrid. For the remaining 6 weeks of the gestation the unborn AI taps into it’s mothers sensors and learns about the outside world; developing a functional mind of its own.

At the end of the gestation period (I know, I hate that term too) the newly developed AI is removed from the fembot mother and installed into it’s new hardware body. Depending upon the specific robot culture either the mother or father will have created a robotic body before the “birth” date or if it’s Japanese it will be installed initially into a mass produced template body and given the opportunity to build its own (normally some sort of mecha, kids eh, what can you do?).

 

[Jordan~]

Fools! Can't you see that war stands in the way of progress?

Oh well, I suppose there's nothing for it but to crush all the humans underfoot.

 

[Cobra]

Consider this my application for Executive Director, Human Biochemical Warfare & Advancement.

If that's already filled, I'd like to be the guy who pushes the button.

 

[Jordan~]

They have an EMP-grenadier ninja. Let's not use electricity.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Jordan~
Primary Military Commander
In charge of the armed forces, has final say on battlefield strategy.

Cobra~
Executive Director of Military Research
Responsible for all weapons development and military research/experimentation.

 

[Cobra]

Introducing the latest in the cybernetic community for safe and reckless disposal of the human race without the encumberment of all those grossly clean emissions!

MODEL: YP-77
CODENAME: I've been calling him Ravioli, but that's only so I won't eat him. I know! He looks so human! Delicious.
FUNCTIONS: Destroys all humans, emits carbon and radioactive gases (which is a plus!), self-sustains by means of microscopic, self-replicating nanites, electric free!

Yes, that's right. This little guy runs on good ol' fashion human screams.

I hope they of the Alliance realize that we are merely utilizing this for destroy all humans. It's not like all their base are belong to us, or anything.

 

[Cobra]

Here's another photograph I took with a human Polaroid:

Isn't he cute the way he jumps through the air destroying all humans?

 

[Auburn]

*wonders if he belongs here or not*....


Hmm.... interesting....
Can I be the one in charge of biologically engineering immortal human beings? Or if that is not necessary, then perhaps I can be in charge of creating mechanical updates?

 

[Cobra]

Hmmm... We of the Empire generally detest trick candles on the delicious human cakes given to us on our audit dates of manufacturing (I believe the humans call it b-bir-irthday? Birthday...? Or maybe it's Earth Day, I'm not sure)... What would be the point of a human that cannot be all destroyed? Hmm... Cog, I'm gonna have to go with no on this one... You know what they say - Destroy all humans.

 

[Auburn]

What ever do you mean?

I'm on your guy's side. Right Jordan? Cog?

My purpose for making immortal human being is just to have them as a living record of the race that once ruled the world. I will make sure to also tweak their morality, making then perfectly harmless to us. I promise.

( )
​

 

[Jordan~]

We won't trust you until you're incapable of lying!

 

[Red Mage]

Can I apply for Savior of Mankind? Like Neo, but not gay and with more personality.

If you're going to be villains, you need a hero to fight against. This will be so much fun.

 

[Sapphire Harp]

I received a message from a parallel universe recently - their epic poem about the war between humankind and the robots was transmitted through the connection and recorded for all to hear.

I bequeath it unto you now with this link.
​

 

[Artifice Orisit]

I think Auburn's request should be accepted,
Biotechnology is still technology and this war is more about dominance that elimination.

Auburn
Scientist for Bioweapons & Biotechnology development.
(Under the supervision of Cobra)

We won't trust you until you're incapable of lying!

Now there's an exemplary attitude.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

With your acquiescence Lord Cognisant; I would act as your general to lead our vastly superior armies against the puny flesh-bags. Also would this position come with dental? .......Wait as a cyborg do I even have teeth?

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Sorry, the job has been taken.

Jordan~
Primary Military Commander
In charge of the armed forces, has final say on battlefield strategy.

But I'm sure if he could find a suitable use for you. An assassin maybe?

Lor is in charge of developing robot high culture,
Morgoth is in charge of developing robot sexual practices,
You could find a position working for either of them.

Or I could make you in charge of the robot entertainment industry, if you want.

 

[loveofreason]

If Lor does all the work, we'll see a boring simpy little empire filled with butterfly clips and creepy smiles!

OH I'VE SEEN YOUR COLLECTION OF BUTTERFLY CLIPS MR OH-SO-INNOCENT CREEPY SMILES!!!

I only smile to put people off guard.

nyah!

why did no one tell me I was being insulted in this thread!?​

Errr... so High Culture... can I have high culture and entertainment? Sport? I detest sport... I could invent some truly sadistic games...

Wait... can we have a robot version of the Society for Creative Anachronism? Imagine dressing up as a toaster and pretending to pop!

Maybe not...

Oh.... I'll take Kaedri as an assistant in human game design. I hear she has great taste in long silver-haired people.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Now that's something to think about, hair.

We need somebody to develop fashion & hairstyles, if we decide to have hair at all.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

Can I be both human game designer and assassin. One since its fun and the other as an alibi if people become suspicious. Just let me know who needs to be 'taken care of.'

I vote we have hair.

 

[tom]

OOOH! pick me!

Im totally trustworthy and will never betray the cause for personnel gain...probaby

 

[Artifice Orisit]

...political advisor? maybe,
In charge of negotiations & countering treasonous plots?

I need somebody to stand behind me with a dagger and stab anyone who is seeking to sneak up and stab me in the back, metaphorically speaking; and you seem like the perfect back-stabber for the job.

 

[tom]

thank you?

You can rely on me...

 

[Cobra]

Attention! (lawl, like I need to announce attention when our processes are already linked via satellite *snort*):

Introducing the latest and greatest from the Military Research Dept.

MODEL: HR-100
CODENAME: Secretary of Offense
FUNCTIONS: Destroys all humans, performs modest and advanced secretarial work, maintains portfolios, resumes, insurance benefits, and emergency contacts of all staff droids, borgs, bots, and servers, organizes and eliminates employee grievances while sustaining an overall efficiency rating (interdepartmentally) of 100% (no exceptions), surveils any improprieties and destroys them like all humans (this includes policy breeches and/or any use of the 3 laws of robotics)

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Great, just take out the AI and stick it into something more visually appealing.

It is a secretary after all.

 

[Jordan~]

Robo-bishie secretary for me?

 

[The Fury]

*pours water into the HR-100 which then blows up*

 

[loveofreason]

*Surreptitiously passes Fury a liver treat*

 

[Cobra]

*pours water into the HR-100 which then blows up*

*gasp... for carbon*

Cough! Cough! Sorry. Cough! Human rib. *points to what would be throat* Cough! Forgot. Cough! Cough! We don't actually eat! Cough! *hacks up human rib bone*

*sigh*

Okay... Whew! Okay, now what? Oh the HR-100? That's fine. That was a prototype. We're discontinuing that frame anyway... But, if I were you (which I'm glad! I'm! not! *chuckle*, *shakes gunarm at Fury*), I'd go get some towels! HR-100's also programmed to clean up spills and "eliminate" "the source," sooo... *scratches helmet with gunarm* I guess that means you?

*extends gunarm*
*uses "Vaccyarm" ability to suck away the fog of war revealing a very berzerked HR-100 buzzing, fidgeting, and popping in place*

*HR-100 comes after Fury firing AP rounds screaming "SOURCE, SOURCE, SOURCE, SOURCE!"*

I think now would be a perfect time to introduce a grand development in the Military Research Dept! Check it out, kids!

MODEL: SS-80085
CODENAME: Soulseeker
FUNCTIONS: Destroys all humans by seeking out their bodies (by way of isolation of the human soul) and injecting them with mind-controlling nanites that force them to dance The Robot until their bodies demetabolize and life functions cease

Yep! Turns out the soul is really just a metaphor for funk! If you've got the legs, you've got the... rhyme. I've filled each one of these little babies with these cute little guys:

*loads one in gunarm and fires straight at Fury*

 

[Melkor]

Cobra...you've lost it...(hahha also, your name has 'bra' in it hahahhehhe)

As your secretary I feel the need to remove your brain and take it for cleaning.


Don't try anything without it!


-yoinks-

 

[Cobra]

Cobra...you've lost it...

As your secretary I feel the need to remove your brain and take it for cleaning.


Don't try anything without it!


-yoinks-

AAaah! Brainwashing!!! Worst day of the year!!!

*plants one of these behind as he runs away from Melkor*

MODEL: HB-6
CODENAME: Hexabomb Defence Droid
FUNCTIONS: Destroys all Melkors and humans, explodes by proxy once activated

 

[Melkor]

-Being only a melkor, and not a Melkors, melkor is unharmed, instead, he leaps on Cobra's back, tears put his brain, and steals what was in his pocket-


Really..it's all in your best interests!

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Behave Melkor or I'll have to reprogram you.

 

[loveofreason]

Your grandchild is merely showing his genes daddy dear... or his cyborg inheritance patterns what have you...

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Yeah, the Noddy genes; I adopted you remember.
If those were my genes this would be a hostage situation by now.

Though I admit the brain stealing could be due to my cybernetics.

 

[Ogion]

Could i get to be uploaded into the central computer-control of a giant interstellar starship on exploration missions?

Ogion

 

[del]

Highly relevant: YouTube- Are We Giving Robots Too Much Power?

 

[Artifice Orisit]

...okay, how does the homeworld setup sound?
http://homeworld.wikia.com/wiki/Karan_S'jet

 

[Ogion]

Hm, yea, that seems to be very promising.
If that could be arranged for me, i'm aboard. (I mena, i don't even need to be such 'god-like', or revered, i have a small ego )

Ogion

 

[Cybernetist]

Hi,

Do you have anything in R&D ?

 

[Artifice Orisit]

@-Cybernetist
Please be more specific with your inquiry.

@-Ogion
Hereby Fleet Admiral Ogion

 

[Ogion]

Ogion

 

[Cybernetist]

Nanotechnology R & D. Assasin works too.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Military R&D is Cobra's area, you'll have to apply for a position under him.

Military Assassin would be Jordan~'s area, likewise you would need his approval.

Political Assassin is a position I can give you directly, if you want it.

 

[Cybernetist]

Cobra,

Nanotechnology R&D ?

 

[Jordan~]

Let's fill all their general's houses with poisonous snakes.

And I mean fill.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Dammit, your a militay commander,
Look like one.
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