Terminator 5: Artificial INTP

[Andy]

I used to be extremely emotional when I was a kid, definitely INFP. Cried all the time, was romantic and thought swearing is evil ( blame the fucking parents ).

Had to change school at 12 because of bullying and decided to block my emotions so I would get socially accepted.It worked pretty well and soon I was regarded as one of the calmest people in my school. I still had feelings and occasionally cried but I learned to use logic when looking at things and soon realized how silly most of the everyday problems are. I went from a sissy to that little weird, but 'cool' kid in one year.
About 6 months ago I started to think about my future and it hit me really, really hard - I am fucked.We should start to choose our career next year and absolutely nothing interests me.I hate all repetitive work, have to try really hard in science classes not to fall asleep and I consider things like languages and history meaningless.I am very good when I try though, which makes me even more pissed. See, if I was dumb I could just dropout and be a policeman or whatever and I wouldn't feel guilty for wasting my potential.As for relationships, that's no better. I lack in the good-looks department and I am horrible at small talking. When I hear the word love my mind starts analysing and gives me a definition along the lines of "a mechanism that ensures the species don't stop reproducing. side effects: irrational behaviour". Seriously, how can I say I LOVE YOU after this with a straight face?

These are no longer problems I can laugh at and forget. My emotions have started to surface lately and I have to devote a lot of energy to keep them at bay, suffering anxiety problems because of this.Sometimes it's so painful I tend to escape my body and become a neutral observer, what I wanted to be just became my nightmare.Now people around me are starting to notice this and ask what's wrong because I seem so ... distant.

Emotional poet and cold geek, I am both and I am neither.The only thing that keeps me going at the moment is a tiny bit of hope it's going to get better someday (like becoming a famous film director - possibly one of the few jobs I would enjoy - or winning a lottery, yes, very realistic, I don't even buy the tickets ).Or maybe hit myself in the head really hard so I can comfort myself with religion and have a happy ignorant life with a wife, two kids, car, house and a 9 to 5 job.

 

[RubberDucky451]

I understand a bit of what you mean. I'm between art and logic, and it's a strange place to be. I think when we age we grow out of our dreams and eventually grow fond of a 9-5 job.

 

[Ermine]

I'm kind of in that position too.

And I don't intend to persuade you in any direction, but regarding languages/ history, everything and nothing has a meaning. It intrinsically doesn't have much meaning but it can have any meaning you give it. You can always consider something and ask "then what?" I've done it way too much myself. Sometimes there isn't a solid answer, and sometimes it doesn't matter.

As for vocation, I guess I could tell you what I'm pursuing. I would like to have a happy medium between the arts and the technical world, namely a career in something like graphic design, animation, game design, etc. Both the nerd and the artist would be satisfied.

Also, I've found that it's better to get the feeling out rather than holding them back so much, via poetry, journal writing, some sort of expressive medium.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

When I hear the word love my mind starts analysing and gives me a definition along the lines of "a mechanism that ensures the species don't stop reproducing. side effects: irrational behaviour". Seriously, how can I say I LOVE YOU after this with a straight face?

I can relate to that.

Emotional poet and cold geek, I am both and I am neither.

I think all INTPs have to deal with this duality in some form or another, a conflict between our highly analytical, objective, rational self and our creative, sentimental, romantic side.

Do you ever feel alienated by the relatively shallow minds of your peers?

 

[Trebuchet]

Yes, I have been there. I was very emotional as a kid, too. I don't think that makes you fake anything. The fact that you suppressed your feelings to avoid bullying sounds like a common enough story on the INTP forum.

It sounds like you are in a very bad way, and I certainly hope you can get out of it. For me, feeling like you describe lasts for no longer than a year, and usually 1-2 months, so maybe it won't last very long.

Here are my suggestions:

• Force yourself to do some exercise every day. This seems to tell the brain it is time to cheer up.
  
• Cut sugar out of your diet. Get more fruits and vegetables, even if you hate them. Cover them in cheese if you must, but see to your nutrition.
  
• Get some sunshine, if you are spending a lot of time indoors. Even just walking around outside during the day for 10 minutes could help.
  
• If you have the insurance for it, seek counseling. You may have to shop around to find one you like, but someone good will at least have seen other people solve the same problem you have.

Some day you will know love and be able to say "I love you" with a straight face. If that time isn't now, leave it to later.

Once you start to get over feeling so down, you will find things that interest you. There are a lot of careers out there. Try not to panic; many people take a long time to figure this out. I am 40 and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

Seriously, I know how much your situation hurts, and I wish you lots of luck in climbing out. Post here; let us know how you are doing.

 

[RubberDucky451]

Do you ever feel alienated by the relatively shallow minds of your peers?

I don't mean to steal the thread. I joined this forum for the direct reason of learning from others like myself. I don't get much intellectual stimulation from my peers and again this forum is a great retreat for me.

It's hard for people to handle anything more then small talk, and how great "their" sport team is.

 

[Zero]

First of all, your core type doesn't change. You might develop your inferior functions, but you'd supposedly be best off with your original personality.

Remember that emotional displays have little to do with MBTI. Feelers want to be involved with people and are morally focused. Thinkers are principle based and want to be involved with systems (ideas). This tends to be confusing.

More on topic, you don't have to know what you'll do for the rest of your life. Consider whether or not you like working with people at all, even on a personal level.

I'm looking into editing and computers myself. The closest I want to get to people is to their ideas and then I want to correct them... Research is a good area or INTPs- or so I've heard. Just do what you like right now. I think Strengths Finders is another good tool, though not well circulated, due to being modern.

SF and MBTI are good resources for understanding yourself. If you want more help with direction to an actual occupation you should look into the "Strong Inventory".

 

[Andy]

Thanks for all the responses.

Do you ever feel alienated by the relatively shallow minds of your peers?

While most of them aren't that stupid, they truly are, as you say, shallow.
I hear stuff like "My mother is a bitch, I got a D for the test and I sucked at football today." all the time because it's a relief to discuss problems with your friends, but if I just told them what I posted here half of them would scream Emo! and the second half would die laughing. This is my main issue with most people. They don't think, they just assign adjectives to describe things. Lame, cool, gay. What a thoughtful conversation! I do this as well when talking to fit in. By posting here I feel like I got a huge burden off my chest. Currently attempting to remove my logic implants .

I'm in a bit better mood now, possibly due to the fact that I laughed my ass off on the bus today. I entered it and guess what. I looked at the driver and it was Charles Bronson. > I hysterically laughed in his face and was chuckling the whole way home, couldn't help it. I bet I convinced these 40 people in there I am insane. Life is great when Charles Bronson drives you home.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Currently attempting to remove my logic implants

Oh no, don't do that.
Reasoning and emotional feeling need not be exclusive.
Perhaps you should consider developing greater emotional-intelligence?

Btw how do you feel about Transhumanism?

 

[Andy]

Oh no, don't do that.
Reasoning and emotional feeling need not be exclusive.
Perhaps you should consider developing greater emotional-intelligence?

Btw how do you feel about Transhumanism?

I meant that logic implant thing more as a joke, but I will try to analyze emotions less in the future. I may come to a true and objective conclusion but I will feel terrible because understanding them is not always desirable (love, for example).

Transhumanism is inevitable IMO and I am not against it. I don't care if people are 'playing god' and it's just modern medicine and treatment brought to a more advanced level.

Possible problem if we manage to extend our life or even achieve immortality is overpopulation (unless we manage to find another planet or a technology that helps us stay alive on it), which may lead to banned reproducing, which leads to a lack of new ideas and stunted evolution. When I played Half-Life 2 I noticed how you don't really see the face of the enemy (Combine race), only their technology and other enslaved species they exploited and synthesised after stealing their ideas. This is the most you ever see of them http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/half-life/en/images/e/ec/Advisor_ep2_model.jpg .

Possible future of humanity? Maybe, or maybe just sci-fi.

 

[INTPINFP]

In reference to the OP

Sounds like me.

I don't really understand sports. I can only watch a few minutes without getting bored. My grandfather is the same way, he hates sports more than I do. My worst gripe about sports is that what is the point of cheering for a particular team, if you have no direct influence over them winning. I can understand how betting might be fun. But physic waves? C'mon. Most of the people who watch sports don't bet.