Temper

[Zero]

It's occurred to me that on several occasions people seem to think I'm very upset when I'm not.

In RL I'm a very patient person. Somewhat because I can preoccupy myself, even when I have nothing to entertain me.

First, there are probably some basic areas of temperament I display:

Reserved, Casual and Upset.

*Note that I haven't really thought about this in depth, I'm just making an attempt at it and it's pretty much a first, general draft. That is to say, it's not absolute, just what I've observed of my tendencies.

Reserved:
I'm usually in reserved mode when facing a situation I'm unsure about. That includes large social situations, new social situations, new people, and people who've started acting different.

1. "Recluse" Mode. Like most INTPs, my first mode of reservation is to be quiet and reclusive. If I'm in a crowd of 3+ people and there's no urgency for communication I will probably say very little. Sometimes I will be overwhelmed by the number of people or simply get bored and will wander off to somewhere where I can be alone.

2. "Crowd Control" Mode. My second mode of reservation is making small talk. If I'm not sure about a person, I don't mind kind of participating in a few questions. I don't necessarily like it and it becomes worse when there are more people.

3. "Acquaintance" Mode. The third mode of reservation is one in which I know what the common thread is in people around me. So I might seem somewhat social for an introvert. I perk conversations by hitting on the topics that are associated with the group. For instance I do sometimes attend church functions and I talk in accordance with that fact.

4. "Peace Out" Mode. When I become suspicious or wary of someone there's pretty much no turning back. This is a mode I've developed in order to avoid the later modes under upset. The minute this mode is trigger I can usually assume I've already made tracks where I shouldn't have. I try to cover up the tracks, clarify that there aren't any hard feelings, that nothing is wrong and then I tend to back out of the conversations. Compared to the emotional torture of the alternative modes, this is ideal.

Casual:
You may understand this musing to take place in the actual order that I get use to people. Some of it isn't really in an order though.

5. "Competitive" Mode. The first Casual mode and fifth overall mode I would say is competitive. On a scale I would say four and five are spaced closely compared to the space between 1--2--3--4/5. If no red flag goes up, but we seem to be having a discuss/debate, I will continue to prompt it. This is fun to me. Though if it seems like it just keeps going around and around I can get Irked or impatient.

6. "Kidding" Mode. Probably the hardest mode for me is figuring out when people are kidding and kidding back. It's something that I've had to develop and could be somewhat a part of competitive mode, as I noticed people like to "josh" with each other, but the underlining reason being "friendly" competition. Kidding is something I've had to develop. It's almost impossible for me to go back and forth between 5 and 6, but I try to remind myself that if someone makes a very rude or off topic comment they might be joking. "Kidding" has to be here, because if it wasn't I'd go from 5 to Upset, like I did when I was younger.

7. "Comfortable" Mode. When I start to feel comfortable with people or with where I am I may not be careful about my language. Usually up until this point I won't curse. If I have any reservations I won't go cursing around people. I tend to curse less around a group, seeing as I'm not usually as comfortable with every individual and it's a group...

8a. "Friend" Mode. These are people I'll curse around and put in danger to satisfy my sudden decisions. They're people I trust to listen to me if I need something and vice versa, I try to be a reliable friend. These are people I'll let annoy me, but still like. It's not like I angry-curse all the time. It's usually when I'm tired or drinking or can't think of the word and won't be bothered by it. Sometimes I do it to be stupid.

8b. "Family" Mode. Specifically reserved for people who are actually in my immediate family or close enough. These people I'll curse around to annoy, do things to annoy, get in the occasional fight and hate/love and all that you have to deal with with family. If I have something petty to complain about it usually goes to family. I can say almost anything around these people.

9. "Awesome" Mode. For some reason I'm put into a very good mood. This doesn't necessarily have to be projected onto people I trust. I pretty much go around pretending to be awesome, thinking I'm awesome. It's pretty much a "silly" mode. Though I don't get really, extremely silly.

10. "Silly" Mode. I don't think I've ever been totally, extremely silly, but I have to assume it could happen. I bet people in my family would say I've been silly before.

11. "Stupid" Mode. I guess this is the best transition to Upset. In stupid mode I usually feel comfortable enough to think nothing will go wrong. My suspicion is usually gone and I'm just being careless when everything falls apart. In this mode I could do or say something that would normally be harmless and it turns on me quiet suddenly. Usually someone snaps and I blame it on myself for not paying attention.

Upset:
These are just the moods I tend to go into given the circumstance. Usually I'm tired or already annoyed by something. 11 wouldn't actually transition into 12, it would instantly drop into something else.

11. "Tired" Mode. Not feeling good, for whatever reason, tired, hungry, sick, etc... will usually make me on edge. In this mode I can snap at people, but it doesn't usually mean anything. I hate being asked over and over what's wrong and answer, over and over, I'm tired, etc... Because I'm tired, etc...

12. "Patient" Mode. In a situation where I have to be extremely patient with the situation or a person I'll exercise "Patient" mode. People might think there is something wrong, but I'll usually give the same responses as in "Tired" mode. If I'm in this mode for a long time I might just drop whatever I'm doing and leave, I may snap or I'll start showing the fact that I AM annoyed.

13. "Irked" Mode. Of my being upset modes, this is one that could be caused simply by misunderstanding. In irked mode I might be blunt or try to control my annoyance. I tend to mentioned that either I'm (very) upset or get right down to it and rant.

14. "WTF" Mode. WTF mode is usually produced due to, or after, patient mode. My patience has been spent and I'll be like "What the Fuck?" This mode is usually one in which I address a situation. I tend to be very blunt when I get to this point. I'll ask people wtf their problem is, etc...

15. "Brick by Brick". This mode is probably back to back with WTF. In WTF I'll probably curse at someone. BbB, not so much. In this sort of mode I either attack a person or something they've done and pull it apart. This mode tends to be caused by over extension of Patient or Irked, sometimes in combination. When in this mode people may not understand just how angry I am.

Here's an example of my a to another person about someone I was incredibly upset over. I was in a writing group with another person and discussing someone who was really trying on my patience. I absolutely hated her. She couldn't write for shit and her gaggle of friends were kissing her ass. Previous to sending this to the person I was having the conversation with, I didn't know they were all close friends. Also, before sending this message I had told this person that I was extremely upset about the girl I wrote about. This is only a segment of the message, which was much longer and had more of the "rant" in it. Due to this conversation and how it turned out, I promptly left the group and wish it to hell.

....I don't know how anyone could miss this. Her subject matter is horrible. She over dramatized situations without experience or reference. She overly sensitive and defensive- which often does result in arrogance as compensation. As she is now, she completely lacks in quality. Not only as a writer, but as a decent person. As a philosophical/psychological inquiry it could be discussed the process of "personhood" and the endeavor that is and the places in which we find ourselves in defining that. As humans if we do not constantly re-examine ourselves, it is said, our life has no value. So her flaws are those of an overly sensitive and unrealistic thinking youth (therefore to be expected?). She has probably not experienced much and certainly has not experienced or put herself in the place of the experiences she writes on.

It is more frustrating to me that she is rewarded for her behavior. Anyone who is older than she is should feel the responsibility to instill the ethics of our society. In this day and age, that's not demanding very much. We ask that people be sound. We ask that they appreciate, consider and respect other people. I'm not saying she needs to be directly dealt with, but rewarding her poor skill is just beyond me. This is what I don't understand. Is it entirely clear?

This may not look that upset, but this is me being beyond upset. She was of course, upset when she replied and told me that she and this person were like family. That cleared up a lot for me about the groups and I made the most peaceful exit I could.

16. "Breakdown" Mode. I think this is pretty self-explanatory. When the situation suddenly changes, in the case of stupid mode, I may suddenly break down. In a case like being stupid, I usually break down just because I'm shocked or recovering from shock. Another reason to breakdown is I'm completely overwhelmed, I've caused a situation, it's become a very bad situation and I have no control over it. I'm usually already tired and out of it when I breakdown.

17. "Aftermath". After a breakdown it takes me anywhere from a couple of weeks to a couple years to work though it and get over it. Once I'm "over it" it'll usually make me angry to remember, not depressed, speculative and/or guilty. This is improvement compared to tediously thinking through the situation over and over again. Thinking of what I should've done, what I should've avoided, etc... the aftermath of any upset mode, but especially a breakdown, makes me think of ways to avoid it. Which is why some of my modes have developed. 15-17 are situations I could say I don't officially get over. I leave or time heals the wounds, as they say. 15, if clarified or sympathized with, I could get over completely. When it seems to me that they didn't mean any real harm and I just took it the wrong way I shrug it off. But otherwise 15-16 leave a permanent mark.

Irked is usually as angry as I'll get.

The aftermath of a bad situation on a forum is usually that I'll leave. I tend to tell people I'm leaving though, because I also take long breaks from forums and games and such. It also establishes, for me, that I'm never going back to that place. That it's gone. If I had little to no interaction in a place I'll just leave though.

I get the feeling that this is kind of unusual.
How does your temper work out?

 

[Da Blob]

I have taught a few "Anger Management" classes so I should be an expert at dealing with my own temper. To be truthful I have just learned learned to Be Angry in the least destructive way. I no longer try to bottle up my anger but express it before it gets to the boiling-over state. I think a lot of people have seen me in my irked/irritated/frustrated mode, however, since i vent fairly often, it does not surprise the people around me and it rarely (if ever) gets to the point of a rage.
Anger can be seen as a kind of pressure, or source of energy. It can be quite useful if harnessed. The major problem with Anger is that there seems to be a need to vent that anger on a target and that target does not even have to that which irritated one to begin the process.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

I can hold grudges for a very long time, smiling all the while.

Hot anger gets deconstructed into cold anger, then I just bide my time...

 

[Mints]

I have your same temper (but I hadn't classified in such a way. I just had general divisions), and I also find it kind of unssual. Must be a IxTP thing; I know some ISTP who are like that to (besides the INTP, of course).

 

[Cogwulf]

I think I have a terrible temper, but throughout my life so far I think I've barely shown any of it in public. This is partly because I always shy away from any sort of situation that might push me too far, and partly because it's a part of me I want to hide more than anything else.
Sometimes when I've been talking on the internet and I've got angry enough I write long posts about it, then by the time I've finished writing my angers run out and I decide not to post it or change it to look less ranty.

 

[Trebuchet]

I am seldom angry, aside from passing irritations, which may elicit a curse but is forgotten a moment later. I certainly can hold a grudge for years, but typically there is only one or two at a time, as I manage to forgive some older ones.

I was shocked last year, during the US elections, to suddenly come face to face with a vast fury that I didn't even know I had. Sometimes I was literally shaking with it, and the waves of fury washed over me several times a day for over a month. It was pretty terrifying. Since then, I have managed to bury it again, but now I know it is there.

I would have to call this an "uneven temper" even though most people think I am calm and patient all the time.

 

[Cogwulf]

I am seldom angry, aside from passing irritations, which may elicit a curse but is forgotten a moment later. I certainly can hold a grudge for years, but typically there is only one or two at a time, as I manage to forgive some older ones.

I was shocked last year, during the US elections, to suddenly come face to face with a vast fury that I didn't even know I had. Sometimes I was literally shaking with it, and the waves of fury washed over me several times a day for over a month. It was pretty terrifying. Since then, I have managed to bury it again, but now I know it is there.

I would have to call this an "uneven temper" even though most people think I am calm and patient all the time.

I've had exactly the same thing happen, it felt like if anything happened at the wrong moment I'd have lost control and either done something regrettable or just made myself look like an idiot.

And also, people can't often tell when I'm angry which is a mixed blessing for me, on the plus side it keeps my temper hidden from other people, but unfortunately it means people don't notice that I'm mad at them or that they're pushing me too far

 

[Agent Intellect]

I've only ever lost my temper once. It was at a co-worker (ESTJ, surprise surprise). I just remember afterward recounting the situation in my head and realizing how literally 'out of control' one gets - tantamount to being drunk. I only yelled at him and it didn't come to blows or anything, but it's like everything in the world became invisible (including my own rationality) and all I could think about was the anger I had.

 

[EditorOne]

"I've only ever lost my temper once. It was at a co-worker (ESTJ, surprise surprise). I just remember afterward recounting the situation in my head and realizing how literally 'out of control' one gets - tantamount to being drunk. I only yelled at him and it didn't come to blows or anything, but it's like everything in the world became invisible (including my own rationality) and all I could think about was the anger I had. "

Yup, it's rare with me but apparently memorable to those who witness it. I tend not to remember the details. Too much guilt at losing control to an emotion.

I learned from one of my employers, back when I was a kid, that pretending to be out of control occasionally works pretty good for the immediate situation, but leads to a lasting impression that can do you more harm than good; not everyone knows it's an act. Better to stay calm.

(The employer in question put his front-end loader under a delivery man's truck, lifted it somewhat in the air, and threatened to turn it over unless he took back some bad product he'd delivered the week before. He did it with an incredible grimace on his face, sweat pouring off him, red faced, erratic movements. Quite a show. Should have gotten an Emmy or something. Quite exciting for a summer afternoon.)

 

[Ermine]

Likewise, I've only really lost my temper with my ExTJ mom. But I think that's a thing of the past. For just about everyone else, the anger is minimal to the point that I keep it in or can discuss it properly.

I'm not easily set off, so I can only really lose my temper with people who anger me again and again with no hint of remorse. Very few people can do that, so I'm OK.

 

[Zero]

I haven't really lost my temper in the sense that I've picked up a bat and start smashing things, though I'm often tempted. In RL I have a lot of patience. It's probably getting near it's end when I have to leave and find somewhere to rest or just leave.

I have a tendency to just wander off.

Obviously, it's much easier to express temper online. It's sort of an enabler.

Also, the list I made up on the fly to explain my temperaments and just how angry I am when I sound like.... A lot of people seem to think I'm utterly pissed off when I'm not.

 

[nemo]

I have a very bad temper. I'm very good at harnessing it, it never shows up in school, and most of the time, not in the public. However, when I get home, my anger sometimes gets all let out on my mother. Same thing happens with her to me. I don't know if I get angry at her because I'm closer with her, or if I just have problems. Anger Management has been suggested multiple times... Care to give a crash course, Da Blob? *kidding*

 

[RubberDucky451]

I'm really calm and easy going but i like to provoke and argue with people. The argument only remains fun if they remain logical. I'm hardly ever serious when arguing and I'll sometimes defend a view i dont hold just for the hell of it.