Talking about sex

[echoplex]

A question mainly for INTPs (although others can chime in too), how comfortable are you discussing sexual matters? And are you easily able to discuss the personal aspects of sexuality, or do you have to depersonalize them?

and in what I feel is a very related question, how comfortable were your parents/guardians talking to you about sex when you were younger? Did they talk about it at all? Was such talk taboo?

Feel free to bring out your Fe shadow-thingy for this one.

 

[Ghost1986]

A question mainly for INTPs (although others can chime in too), how comfortable are you discussing sexual matters? And are you easily able to discuss the personal aspects of sexuality, or do you have to depersonalize them?

and in what I feel is a very related question, how comfortable were your parents/guardians talking to you about sex when you were younger? Did they talk about it at all? Was such talk taboo?

Feel free to bring out your Fe shadow-thingy for this one.

iam ok with sex for the most part. i even discuss rape fantasies, that is as long as they remain fantasies. as for my parents, they simply told me to wait untll iam married. i dont intend to do that. i plan ob bedding at least 20 women and maby other men befor i merry.

 

[chocolate]

I'm not comfortable talking about it, except in very rare situations. It's deeply personal for me.

It wasn't discussed in our house growing up.

 

[didyouknow]

INTP here: In our house, it was a completely taboo topic. The only conversation I had was "Did you learn sex ed at school?" "Yep" "Phew".

Apart from the usual double entendres and innuendo you get at high school, I don't talk about it, especially if it's personal.

 

[Oblivious]

I have written porn before.

 

[FacetiousPersona]

iam ok with sex for the most part. i even discuss rape fantasies, that is as long as they remain fantasies. as for my parents, they simply told me to wait untll iam married. i dont intend to do that. i plan ob bedding at least 20 women and maby other men befor i merry.

You write poetically.

I'm fine with discussing sex. I also enjoy sexual humor.

 

[Seducer of the Homeless]

watching sexual humour with your parents is just the most awkward thing.

"how many teenagers look at porn nowadays HUH!"

you shrivel and redden.

 

[Sugarpop]

I didn't receive a lot of sex-ed from my parents.

After they figured out that the girl I went out of town to see probably was my girlfriend, a couple of books on the subject were discreetly placed on my desk. I remember sitting at the dinner table before one of my said trips out of town, when my mother suddenly blurted: "You have to use protection! She could have STDs!". She never discussed the subject further.

 

[feckn_eejit]

I'm not an INTP.....but....

Pretty sure mother: ENFP, father: ISFJ. I'm a couple of weeks short of the quarter-century mark.

With father it was just a no-go subject. He still won't even joke about it today. My ENFP sister and I enjoy driving him nuts frankly discussing sex when we're at his place... immature and inconsiderate, sure, but such good fun :P

Mother would have talked frankly about anything, any time -- as long as she wasn't initiating. That said she had a wicked sense of humour and had no problem joking about sex around us!

At this point there is absolutely nothing I can't discuss frankly with anyone when it comes to talking about sex. That said, I am not into being overtly vulgar or bragging about sexual conquests - I'll discuss anything from bedroom technique to the ins and outs of menstruation with anyone, and while I can say whatever I want about myself I don't feel it's fair to divulge anything about anyone I've been with.

I have been lucky enough to have an absolutely awesome sexual relationship with an ENFJ girl. We totally changed each other and opened each other up... there is no detail no matter how "unappealable" we haven't discussed in nauseating detail. It has helped me immensely in becoming a much more understanding and supportive man

 

[cheese]

I am quite comfortable discussing sex and sexual humour.

I'm not entirely sure what you meant by "personal aspects of sexuality". I do tend to relate most sexual things to evolutionarily derived inclinations, which depersonalises them I suppose. Yeah I suppose I do shy away a little from discussing my own sexual desire. I prefer not to accept it until I can staple it onto something logical (preferably grounded in science), at which point I feel so disgusted by the baseness of it all that I give up in despair.

My father, who's quite similar to me, is also comfortable enough discussing sex with us - he's still a bit awkward, but he manages to say the words without stumbling etc. He never had to give us The Talk; my brother and I found things out on our own. My mother is more reserved (she spent a few years calling my brother's girlfriends his "special friends") but will occasionally hint direly at things. I don't think they've had much influence on my level of comfort. I think it's a personal thing.

The other day I had a very open discussion with an ISTP, INFJ and INFP. I was the most comfortable, followed by the ISTP and INFJ. The INFP shrank into herself and mostly refused to answer. Do you think IFs are more private in these matters? Perhaps ITs are able to approach it more easily because of their desire to analyse and understand how things work? What has your experience been like?

 

[abandonship]

we don't talk about sex in my family, it isn't a taboo subject though. we just don't talk about a lot of things.
i'm not uncomfortable talking about it but it depends on the context. listening to someone boast about their sexual encounters or telling lame sex jokes, no thank you.
however i do prefer discussing about sexuality rather than sex, i have more to say about it. but i'm ok with just listening if it's interesting.

 

[Ghost1986]

sense were on the topic of sex, iam going to be slightly inappropriate.

Ladies and Gentlemen, as a 22 year old male love Boobs! now if only i could get a woman... a man slave would also be nice. yes i know, i am a pervert! i still like boobs.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

Sex is a very personal topic, but not a taboo one.

Although there are many strange, distasteful and immoral sex acts; the act of sex itself is merely the pursuit of pleasure.

 

[ViS]

sense were on the topic of sex, iam going to be slightly inappropriate.

Ladies and Gentlemen, as a 22 year old male love Boobs! now if only i could get a woman... a man slave would also be nice. yes i know, i am a pervert! i still like boobs.

You are not an INTP.

 

[echoplex]

Do you think IFs are more private in these matters? Perhaps ITs are able to approach it more easily because of their desire to analyse and understand how things work? What has your experience been like?

I think ITs definitely find it easier to depersonalize it. However, on the flip side of that, I think they find it harder to express the emotional side of it, which is kinda what I meant by "personal aspects."

I imagine IFs are more in touch with their own sexual feelings (esp. IxFPs), and IxFJs probably aren't as private about it, due to their Fe being #2. I think having both Fe and Se in the shadow makes INTPs one of the most shy about sex, but I could be wrong there.

I personally have been very shy with certain people about it, particularily parents, unless it's something humorous, in which case I'm more comfortable. I think my problem is that while I'm at ease with sexual humor, I have a very hard time discussing it seriously.

 

[Ghost1986]

You are not an INTP.

care to expand on that please?

all 4 of my tests came out as INTP. personally i find numerology to be more accurate to myers brigg.

 

[Ermine]

What, is it against an INTP's principles to appreciate the opposite sex's physical features?

 

[FacetiousPersona]

care to expand on that please?

all 4 of my tests came out as INTP. personally i find numerology to be more accurate to myers brigg.

TROL! Thinking, Rolling, Obnoxious Lobster!

 

[Cegorach]

I have no qualms about discussing topics involving sex, although I often turn it into more of a biological, genetic, or cultural discussion. Sex is an interesting subject, as are most that have been deemed inappropriate, given a capable conversationalist is on the receiving end...

 

[Kidege]

My mother gave us the biological facts and a bunch of books in the same tone at early ages. Then she instilled the morals, basically by discussing other people's sexual conduct and stating how wrong it all was.
I can discuss sex, as AllKnowinCow said, from a "biological, genetic or cultural" perspective. Anything else is private.

 

[del]

I have no qualms about discussing topics involving sex, although I often turn it into more of a biological, genetic, or cultural discussion. Sex is an interesting subject, as are most that have been deemed inappropriate ,given a capable conversationalist is on the receiving end...

Me too. I comfortably talk about sex from that sort of POV, but I'm definitely a "kiss and don't tell" kind of person.

That said, I'm not uncomfortable at all when others share their sex lives, and am usually actually very interested.

 

[cheese]

I think AllKnowingCow has framed my thoughts better. It becomes part of an overall theoretical framework of ideas. I am also very interested in physical, mechanical details, as well as the feelings elicited and how it all fits into that framework.

Echoplex: I think the willingness to talk about personal sexual responses may not be related to Fe, because I don't think they're emotional in nature. The research done in that area shows so far that sex and romantic feelings involve two different areas of the brain, and in fact the latter can be further split into another two sections (long-term love and short-term infatuation). So if you're talking about crushes, and the feelings involved there, then yeah, probably strong Fe would help (although I think Fi would be totally counter-productive - my INFP friend has problems even owning up to them herself). Openness about sex and sexuality however probably depends more on the environment you were raised in and possibly levels of extraversion.

Although at the same time, Fe involves a desire to connect with others and share personal experiences (I think) so perhaps sex falls under this as well.

Personally I used to be very uncomfortable discussing my own feelings in this regard but have slowly come round to it because of my love for truth and freedom (from embarrassment, awkwardness etc). If I feel that sharing cheapens my experience in some way then I refrain when asked, but other than that I don't like to be shackled to what I see as weakness - I prefer to bite the bullet.

Have you ever tried discussing sex seriously?

 

[echoplex]

Have you ever tried discussing sex seriously?

Yeah, but it usually turns to humor quickly, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I do use humor as a shield sometimes though.

and yeah, I agree that extroversion in general is what makes one more comfortable expressing sexuality. I'm thinking that perhaps having a strong Se makes one better with the physical, while Fe makes one better with the emotional (in terms of relating to others). Both are a part of sexual expression, I'd imagine.

and as far as sex and romantic feelings being separate, they certainly are, but I think NTs are more comfortable with that notion than, say, SFs are.

 

[cheese]

Yes, strong Se and possibly extroversion, as well as appropriate upbringing, would make for the most comfortable type.
And humour is very useful in all sorts of ways!

 

[Ghost1986]

in theory though, wouldn't an INTP possibly be prone to talking about sex? this is assuming that the family rejects talk about sex, which could cause the INTP to rebel and thus talk about sex.

 

[cheese]

I don't think INTPs are necessarily rebellious. They rebel against irrational behaviour and rules. An inclination to rebellion is an individual trait.
Even if it were a specifically INTP characteristic it still wouldn't make him comfortable talking about it.

 

[Ghost1986]

I don't think INTPs are necessarily rebellious. They rebel against irrational behaviour and rules. An inclination to rebellion is an individual trait.
Even if it were a specifically INTP characteristic it still wouldn't make him comfortable talking about it.

so an intp and any related type would be more likely to rebel against the prohibitive use of contraceptive? or something like that?

 

[cheese]

^ If the argument was made on what appeared as irrational grounds to them - yes. That's what I think anyway.

 

[Xel]

I don't really talk about sexual matters much. If I do its always distanced by humor. In my family it is something that is not talked about much or at all.

 

[mm1991]

It's a taboo subject.
We never ever talk about it, except if we are telling jokes.

Er, I have no problem telling people I'm a virgin, but when I actually have a sex life, it will be completely private.

 

[the other one]

na i think its one of those things you tend to keep to your self exept for jokes of course