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Take A Stand/Take A Bow

Ecclesiastes1.2

Solitude is independence
Local time
Today, 00:25
Joined
Oct 25, 2018
Messages
13
Location
Here and now
I quit smoking years ago.
I'm smoking a cigarette right now. Pack three and counting. Not all in a night. Over as many days, maybe one more. I have no gift for keeping track of time yet I am more in tune with its waves and measures than anyone I've even met.
No one thinks like me.
No speaks like me.
For every YES my mind cries out a NO sounds just as loudly.
I communicate so clearly, precisely even (but not tonight). I go far, so far, out of my way to ensure that I effectively explain everything yet no one understands what I'm saying.
And tonight I am just sick of it. All of it. Everything it is and could possibly be.
Thus the cigarettes.
I see so much and understand so little and see so little but understand so much. There's no balance. Everything is, and always has been, in opposition. Both sides, together, never joining or harmonizing, but always there. Up, down, in, out, exterior and within. Through this world, myself, and back again.
I'm tired of always having to justify myself and prove that I am worth something, anything, to everyone. My thoughts have value, damn it - which means I do too.
I know I'm strange. I must be. As much pride as I take in always being on the outside looking in, fuck if it's not soul sucking sometimes.
And that's just it, no? I've been lonely all my life, at once aloof and impervious and down-on-my-knees begging to have a coversation, just one, that meant anything - that I could relate to.
I can define myself and reduce all that I am so easily: to know.
Resilient. Resourceful. Capable. Curious. Fearless and unafraid - I swear they're not the same thing - adventurous, optimistic, intuitive, creative, brave and strong... so much good. It's there. I feel it, I know it, I sense it.
But I don't have normal goals. I don't care, at all, about material wealth. I don't measure my self-worth by what I'm wearing. I don't want to buy a house. I don't want a "career" - my time is more important. I value honesty, directness, openness, and fairness.

You know what? People are awful. They are just god damn awful.

It's raining. Tiny, cold, autumn night droplets. I hear them hitting the leaves more than I see or feel them. I'm cold too - my fingertips and toes - but that's not unusual. Still smoking. Cigarette after cigarette.

And I swear on all that's holy if one more person asks me how I feel instead of what I think I'm going to punch them in the fucking face.
 
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6,964
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how do you feel about this question?
 

Happy

ENTP
Local time
Today, 17:25
Joined
Apr 26, 2013
Messages
1,245
Location
Shallow grave
I support your newly reacquired smoking habit. You seem to have the mind of a sophisticated smoker. I like it.

Y’know what - Have yourself a pack on me (except you have to pay)
 

Cognisant

Prolific Member
Local time
Yesterday, 19:25
Joined
Dec 12, 2009
Messages
8,180
It's so edgy isn't it, like wow this guy just doesn't give a fuck, I love how he keeps repeating it too y'know because it's really important that we know he's a smoker so we don't confuse him with the stock standard whiny teenager.

I see so much and understand so little and see so little but understand so much. There's no balance. Everything is, and always has been, in opposition. Both sides, together, never joining or harmonizing, but always there. Up, down, in, out, exterior and within. Through this world, myself, and back again.
How insightful, how profound, seriously dude this is nonsense.

I'm tired of always having to justify myself and prove that I am worth something, anything, to everyone. My thoughts have value, damn it - which means I do too.

But I don't have normal goals. I don't care, at all, about material wealth. I don't measure my self-worth by what I'm wearing. I don't want to buy a house. I don't want a "career" - my time is more important.

So long as you work for other people you're not working for yourself, they pay you what they need to in order to keep you and they don't need to keep you. Employees are expendable, you're a cog in a grand machine designed to use you up and spit you out. Hell yeah that's fucking bullshit, you don't want to spend most of your life working 9-5 to achieve someone else's dreams, making just enough to pay your bills and entertain yourself. Putting aside whatever's left to prepare for future when you're too old to work, the "golden years" of wondering if you have enough savings to stay out of poverty until you die. Even if you're absolutely loaded it could all be snatched away by brain cancer or some other bullshit.

So what's your plan?
 

The Gopher

President
Local time
Today, 17:25
Joined
Aug 26, 2010
Messages
4,651
It's so edgy isn't it, like wow this guy just doesn't give a fuck, I love how he keeps repeating it too y'know because it's really important that we know he's a smoker so we don't confuse him with the stock standard whiny teenager.
Cog remember, we were all edgy once. #Dullblades #Edgedaddy.
 

higs

Omg wow imo
Local time
Today, 06:25
Joined
Apr 3, 2012
Messages
1,893
Location
Armchair
Existential crisis poetics not computing with Cog

Welcome

Here you can talk about anything, your feedback will not always be positive however XD
 

aiyanah

_aded
Local time
Today, 08:25
Joined
Oct 7, 2018
Messages
233
I quit smoking years ago.
I'm smoking a cigarette right now. Pack three and counting. Not all in a night. Over as many days, maybe one more. I have no gift for keeping track of time yet I am more in tune with its waves and measures than anyone I've even met.
No one thinks like me.
No speaks like me.
For every YES my mind cries out a NO sounds just as loudly.
I communicate so clearly, precisely even (but not tonight). I go far, so far, out of my way to ensure that I effectively explain everything yet no one understands what I'm saying.
And tonight I am just sick of it. All of it. Everything it is and could possibly be.
Thus the cigarettes.
I see so much and understand so little and see so little but understand so much. There's no balance. Everything is, and always has been, in opposition. Both sides, together, never joining or harmonizing, but always there. Up, down, in, out, exterior and within. Through this world, myself, and back again.
I'm tired of always having to justify myself and prove that I am worth something, anything, to everyone. My thoughts have value, damn it - which means I do too.
I know I'm strange. I must be. As much pride as I take in always being on the outside looking in, fuck if it's not soul sucking sometimes.
And that's just it, no? I've been lonely all my life, at once aloof and impervious and down-on-my-knees begging to have a coversation, just one, that meant anything - that I could relate to.
I can define myself and reduce all that I am so easily: to know.
Resilient. Resourceful. Capable. Curious. Fearless and unafraid - I swear they're not the same thing - adventurous, optimistic, intuitive, creative, brave and strong... so much good. It's there. I feel it, I know it, I sense it.
But I don't have normal goals. I don't care, at all, about material wealth. I don't measure my self-worth by what I'm wearing. I don't want to buy a house. I don't want a "career" - my time is more important. I value honesty, directness, openness, and fairness.

You know what? People are awful. They are just god damn awful.

It's raining. Tiny, cold, autumn night droplets. I hear them hitting the leaves more than I see or feel them. I'm cold too - my fingertips and toes - but that's not unusual. Still smoking. Cigarette after cigarette.

And I swear on all that's holy if one more person asks me how I feel instead of what I think I'm going to punch them in the fucking face.
 

Happy

ENTP
Local time
Today, 17:25
Joined
Apr 26, 2013
Messages
1,245
Location
Shallow grave
Yo cog, you’re doing welcoming new members wrong.
 

Minuend

pat pat
Local time
Today, 07:25
Joined
Jan 1, 2009
Messages
3,844
Welcome to the forum

Yeah, it can be pretty frustrating if you don't feel understood, and sometimes you can start feeling a bit resentment towards others because of it. I'd think some of us have experienced that somewhere in our lifetime. It usually helps if you find people who are more similar to yourself, which isn't always easy. Even if you don't like most people, if you find some sort of community/ friends where you feel at home, it's usually easier to not care about being the odd one out, and to find some way to be ok with interacting with most people occasionally anyway
 

Ecclesiastes1.2

Solitude is independence
Local time
Today, 00:25
Joined
Oct 25, 2018
Messages
13
Location
Here and now
Existential crisis poetics not computing with Cog

Welcome

Here you can talk about anything, your feedback will not always be positive however XD

@higs It is what it is. The opinions of strangers on the internet are always an adventure to wander through.
 

Rook

orkeste in die kosmos
Local time
Today, 08:25
Joined
Aug 14, 2013
Messages
1,950
Ah! a thread of life. At times just take the boat, whether frigate, trawler or duggout, just take the boat down the wide river of life.

Why plan man? You do not know whats around the bend. Rapids. Desert shores. Floating temples. Toadstool villages.
Just. . go with the flow. Enjoy the view.

boof.jpg
 

Ecclesiastes1.2

Solitude is independence
Local time
Today, 00:25
Joined
Oct 25, 2018
Messages
13
Location
Here and now
Ah! a thread of life. At times just take the boat, whether frigate, trawler or duggout, just take the boat down the wide river of life.

Why plan man? You do not know whats around the bend. Rapids. Desert shores. Floating temples. Toadstool villages.
Just. . go with the flow. Enjoy the view.

View attachment 3952
I love that picture.
Take the boat.
Take the hits as well.
Keep moving forward.
 

Cognisant

Prolific Member
Local time
Yesterday, 19:25
Joined
Dec 12, 2009
Messages
8,180
@Rook
That image is what 16th century Baroque artists spent their entire careers trying to create.
 

onesteptwostep

Think.. Be... ..buzz buzz :)
Local time
Today, 15:25
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
3,091
Hiya. I like your username. Ex-catholic or something like that by any chance?
 

Ecclesiastes1.2

Solitude is independence
Local time
Today, 00:25
Joined
Oct 25, 2018
Messages
13
Location
Here and now
Hiya. I like your username. Ex-catholic or something like that by any chance?
Thank you!

To answer your question, I was raised Catholic and Buddhist, though more Buddhist than Catholic. Altough I don't have a drop of spirituality or faith running through my veins, I am attracted to the history of Christianity and find Catholic Mysticism a deeply intriguing subject to study.

The search for meaning in our daily lives, the paths and practices and forms it takes - that's some compelling stuff to ponder.

My username is as much of a lighthearted jab at that as it is a paradoxical confirmation of my own views. The King James Version of the bible translates the passage as "Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity". The joke is more apparent in the far more simplified New International Version, which has it as "Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless".

Everything is meaningless. I find that downright hilarious.

How about you? You got faith?
 

onesteptwostep

Think.. Be... ..buzz buzz :)
Local time
Today, 15:25
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
3,091
I got faith like I Got Milk ;]

I was raised in the faith as a Presbyterian so I'd say it's a fairly big yet subtle part of my life. Good to see more Americans on the forum :]
 
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