Solo (Nerve help)

[shadowdrums4]

So I have extremely terrible nerves even though I absolutely love percussion and playing. I actually think part of why they are so bad is because I love it so much if that makes any sense.

For those of you who don't know this, I play percussion and I'm in my senior year of high school. We have a concert in three days that I have a vibraphone solo in. Now there is another girl that can play the solo better than me. She is a junior and she's extremely good. It took me a month to learn that solo; it took her a week. I talked to her a couple mornings ago after the teacher said "This can't be a duet it must be a solo" and when I asked about it she said "You can have it" I was shocked that she gave it to me so quickly. She's just cool like that and it actually makes me feel worse.

Anyway today in rehearsal I played it for the first time with the group. The director knows I want it, knows how hard I work, knows how much I've improved and everything. He even heard me play it the other day. I tanked it today. 8 measures before I felt myself shake and almost puke. "Oh shit" was all I could think the beat before, not sure if I actually remembered it. Worse, the soloist before me played a little into my solo and, being how I am, I thought I had just counted wrong and screwed up the first bar. I recovered quickly but judging by some of the kids looking (though it's possible they were surprised it was me) I thought I was really off and realized "holy shit I can't hear the ensemble" and finished only to get an "Okay let me hear (other girl who knows solo) play it this time. The director said he hasn't decided but the last time through I looked at her "I get to scared, play it" and we decided to keep letting me work it up. Half the ensemble looked at her and said "You play it" though. I got home and barfed.

A month's worth of work down the toilet. The girl still says she's okay with me playing it and I explained that the reason I'm pushing this solo so much is because I want to get through a solo nerve free to get rid of them for good. (This is how I got over my nerves on drum set) The problem is that what hangs over my head is half the ensemble could play my part strongly and confidently because they are good players. So the question I get is "What makes me deserve this solo?" and the answer is I don't. Of those strong players, I'm the weakest and the one with the least confidence.

Part of it is because I want this as a career and because a lot of what I'm known for is my music, I feel like I'm expected to be better. I feel like I can't produce the high quality performance to keep up with the group. I got this solo because I asked for it, I'm keeping it for a chance to prove to myself, more than anyone, that I deserve to be in this group and that I have the ability to go far in the field. I can show my dad I'm not wasting time, and show my friends and brother, who have never seen me play, what I can do.

I have to do this for myself. I want this as a career, it's the only thing I've ever been this passionate about. Music always kept my interest and trust me that's not easy. Every time I should be burning out, something new comes along to push me forward. I've improved so much (the oh-so-embarrassing video of my first day freshman year at band camp where I was standing there scratching my head) I know my nerves are going to be so much worse on stage. I've been dealing with them all throughout high school. I have puked on myself on stage, My friends had to wait for me for half an hour in the bathroom before a marching competition while I barfed. (and give me a new sweatshirt afterward) I don't have time to go barf this time. I get all shaky before hand and no matter how much I try I can't stop that "Oh shit" thought right before I start playing.

Can anyone relate to this? Has anyone ever played a solo? How do you deal with your nerves? I really want to play this solo. I've got a lot stacked on it.

(and this is the first thread I've ever started)

 

[Jaico]

Ouch, man. I know how you feel (as I play instruments, too), and I know how nerve-wracking it is to play a solo when the pressure's on. I wish I could tell you that there's a magic bullet, but if there is I haven't found it yet. However, I do think that practicing in front of other people (maybe even the girl herself?) can help with calming your nerves when you actually do go up and play - having people watch you definitely puts you on the spot...but since it's not really serious, it doesn't matter if you mess up or not. Another thing that I find can help is to find "pillars/safe spots" in your music...that way, if you do mess up, you can just do something along the lines of the music until you hear that the band's getting to one of your "checkpoints," at which point you can hop back in. Apparently running up and down stairs before practicing also helps (as it's supposed to get your heart racing, just like in a "real" performance) - I've tried it before, but all it did was make me tired (it might help for you, though...you never know what'll work). Bananas are also supposed to calm you down, but I don't know if that's a placebo or not (but, hey! they're tasty, so why not?) I really think that practicing in front of other people (in close proximity) will help you to get better at a) not being too nervous, and b) recovering from your mistakes with grace. Really, if you make a tiny slip but you're able to get back half a bar later, nobody will really notice (especially if you don't let it get to you/don't show any outward signs/pretend like it was supposed to happen). I don't know if this helps or if you already did all of these things, but they might be worth a shot. Let us know what happens...

 

[shadowdrums4]

Thanks. I've never tried the stairs thing, but I have tried the bananas and they didn't help. I think having people watch me would be good. I'm planning on staying after tomorrow to work on it and some of the kids are willing to watch me. My director says that about mistakes all the time. I've gotten good at recovering fairly quickly. I'm listening to the recordings now to keep the sound in my head. My director has told me about beta blockers, pills that help calm nerves but I told him that since my brain isn't really fully developed until I'm 21 I have time to fight the nerves out. I'll let you know how it goes and I'll try the stairs thing. Thanks

 

[Logos]

When I perform (my parents make me do chorus, although I get to play guitar at my church), I honestly just say hakuna matata right before I go on stage. In fact that's pretty much all I ever say and it's served me fine all year! So remember this as your about to perform, "no worries, hakuna matata", because if you mess up then so what? Who cares what people think, and why worry about it, just play the music.

Hope this helped

 

[shadowdrums4]

Well tonight was the big night and it rocked. Thanks for all those that helped.

 

[Logos]

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!