Should I kill myself?

[walfin]

And, what Noddy said. I hope you find a good psychologist/counsellor.

 

[annany27]

Next summer, I think I'd just escape to the forest and eat some poison ivy leaves. Then, I'll be dead within a few seconds and I wouldn't have to worry about finding a job with a mediocre GPA. Maybe I will have a 4.0 in my next life.

 

[DrGregoryHouse]

Next summer, I think I'd just escape to the forest and eat some poison ivy leaves. Then, I'll be dead within a few seconds and I wouldn't have to worry about finding a job with a mediocre GPA. Maybe I will have a 4.0 in my next life.

Why the overfocus in GPA? I know so many morons/ worthless idiots with 4.0s. If the overfocus is a consequence of aspergers then, well, that is only logical of course.

But I mean, really? No one puts their GPA on their headstone or in an obituary, and for good reasons: in the long run it is pointless. Its like measuring dick size or vagina depth (in this instance only the absence of such a thing or the presence of a micropenis or less or the absence of a vagina cavity would be meaningful in a negative sense. And you have something of "size": a diploma and a 2.5 GPA)

More importantly: I guarantee there is at least 1 thing in which you are naturally gifted and have a metaphorical "4.0 GPA".

If its not in academia, so be it. Academia is not the real world anyways. Find your "4.0 GPA" in the real world then. If you can't find it get your family/ friends to help.

In the proper context Aspergers is a massive competetive advantage. This may turn out to be the key to your metaphorical "4.0 GPA".

 

[Absurdity]

Next summer, I think I'd just escape to the forest and eat some poison ivy leaves. Then, I'll be dead within a few seconds and I wouldn't have to worry about finding a job with a mediocre GPA. Maybe I will have a 4.0 in my next life.

I am curious why you continue to avoid acknowledging and responding to the enormous amount of support and advice you've been given in this thread and continue to brainstorm ways to kill yourself. Are you so committed to killing yourself that you can't be convinced not to?

 

[pernoctator]

Also, you mentioned that you didn't want to stay another semester. You are not motivated in life right now. Do you know anyone high-energy that could help give you some strength?

College is the primary demotivating factor. Devoting a second-hand energy supply to staying another semester in the environment that is sucking your energy dry does not seem like a very efficient or worthwhile strategy.

Dropping out is a very reasonable choice at this point. Give yourself a chance to get back your to your personal interests without the life-sucking stress of college, which will help you to realize that the world doesn't revolve around a GPA.

 

[annany27]

Because no one will hire me for a decent position with a 2.5 GPA, and killing myself would be better than flipping burgers or cleaning toilets for the rest of my life.

 

[Absurdity]

Because no one will hire me for a decent position with a 2.5 GPA, and killing myself would be better than flipping burgers or cleaning toilets for the rest of my life.

You can't know that, and plenty of posters have provided evidence to the contrary. Your understanding of the job market is overly grim and not very realistic.

You aren't the first person to have a less than perfect GPA, and honestly a 2.5 really is not that bad. I think my dad graduated with a 2.7 and he has done very well for himself.

What you need to do is find someone who can help you feel better, a psychiatrist or other mental health professional, so that you can more accurately assess your situation. You seem to be unwilling to do this and it is unclear why.

 

[Cherry Cola]

Yeah, right now your view of the situation is distorted owing to your depressed mental state, I very think you should try dealing with that, it might make the rest of your trouble something you can handle.

 

[ummidk]

Your GPA is in not a reflection of your self-worth or your intelligence, it is also not an end all be all in your job oppurtunities.

You sound to me like you've done a pretty good job creating a well balanced resume for yourself in college, a lot of college grads graduate with just a degree, you seem to have more than that, internships, volunteer work, etc. This will no doubt help you in job searches.

One important thing to remember in searching for a job is that the person doing the hiring is infact a person, with his own unique views and mindset and no one size fits all hiring method is going to be applied, no doubt theres some hiring managers out there who had less than a 2.5 GPA, you think they will disregard you just because of your GPA? Getting hired for a specific job has more to do with making sure you in some way stand out from the others, let yourself be heard, keep yourself on the man/woman making the hiring decision's mind and you will stand a much better chance of being hired.

The most practical advice I can give you is to get plenty of excercise, eat healthy foods and get outside to help you out of your current state so you can have a brighter outlook on life

 

[Hawkeye]

Because no one will hire me for a decent position with a 2.5 GPA, and killing myself would be better than flipping burgers or cleaning toilets for the rest of my life.

Stop being silly and start absorbing what people are saying to you.

 

[Coolydudey]

I will repeat: at the very least, do not kill yourself until you have made a good effort in the job market. You should definitely not commit suicide over something you think may happen. If it does happen, then that is a different story.

Also: seek professional advice if possible (look at noID10ts post), and remember, it could be a lot lot worse. There are people in horrible positions in the world who have not killed themselves, and you have a huge advantage over them.

And listen to some reggae. Really. It can do wonders when you are in a particularly bad mood.

 

[Ex-User (5841)]

Next summer, I think I'd just escape to the forest and eat some poison ivy leaves. Then, I'll be dead within a few seconds

I just want to point out that this also probably won't kill you. Your mouth won't like you very much, but that's about it unless you're one of the ~1% of the population who would die from anaphylactic shock.

Spoiler

 

[Jennywocky]

Stop being silly and start absorbing what people are saying to you.

I'm not so sure that that was the actual point of the thread.

 

[Hawkeye]

I'm not so sure that that was the actual point of the thread.

No, it's more like: I want to kill myself; what's the best way to do it?

As it stands, "death by orgasm" is the toughest to beat imo ^^

 

[Minuend]

Maybe she just want acknowledgment for her sorrow and hugs. But this forum tends to be more solution based, so

Or she is a troll

 

[Beat Mango]

The most profound thing I heard was something my brother told me when I asked a similar question to the threadstarter - why kill yourself? You're going to die one day anyway.

Newsflash: You were born into life with a death sentence. You're going to die. Why rush it? I understand that pain can be so strong, particularly psychache , and you want a kind of euthanasia to anesthetize yourself. But don't kid yourself - the dead have no joy.

 

[annany27]

No, I am not a troll. I want to hear advice from other people on the easiest ways to commit suicide without feeling any pain.

 

[Minuend]

http://scforum.sciencecareers.org/viewtopic.php?t=10106

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=29520

http://talkrational.org/showthread.php?p=2222595

google search

 

[Beat Mango]

I am curious why you continue to avoid acknowledging and responding to the enormous amount of support and advice you've been given in this thread and continue to brainstorm ways to kill yourself. Are you so committed to killing yourself that you can't be convinced not to?

Probably she is, yes. I don't even consider someone depressed anymore unless they're at that tipping point where nothing can convince them or snap them out of it. Clearly you're inexperienced in this aspect of the psyche, but I don't blame you. I was too until fate shoved it in my face repeatedly.

 

[r4ch3l]

annany27 --

I've thought about it some more and it seems that there are probably a few things conspiring to make you feel the way you are right now.

Those who have ASD often struggle to adapt to change. Graduating and transitioning into a career and a self-supporting adult is a major change in your life. You have been fixated on a specific career outcome the entire time you have been in school and now that it is not coming together seamlessly you are overwhelmed, because you are going to have to (at least temporarily) change course and (possibly) do something other than anthropology to get by (for now). While you believe the issue is the improbability of getting your dream job straight away you must realize that much of it is simply that you are terrified by change, and that no matter what life will always be in flux. If you face your fear of change and do what you need to do to survive for now you will gain strength and skills that will benefit you when going after work in the field of your choice and in life in general. I hate when people tell me this shit when I am hopelessly depressed, so I apologize. But I needed to hear it, and you do too.

I am also guessing that you have had financial assistance while in college. NYC is an expensive and competitive city to survive in and you are probably also overwhelmed with having to face being a financially self-sustaining adult. What is your relationship with your family like, and is there a possibility that you could get disability for ASD in New York while you take some time to sort yourself out and prepare for looking for work or work on your GPA if you really believe it is the only issue? (I am unfamiliar with the SSI rules there but know some people here in California who were able to do this.)

You are probably also nervous about the social aspect of interviews. I do not know if I have ASD but I struggle with many of the problems that come with it and I feel that employers are suspicious of me when I struggle with eye contact when speaking or am completely oblivious to cues in the conversation. Practice really has helped me not be so nervous and polish my more fomal/business setting interpersonal skills. If you really cannot tolerate the thought of working any other job outside of ones related to your degree and you are suffering from severe depression, can you get help from your family or the government while you take more classes and practice going out on interviews to prepare for the future?

Lastly, suicide is not easy. I've researched it, I've attempted in the past, and I've known many people who tried and failed...often putting them in far worse positions than they were before they tried. If you can get some help for the time being and do the footwork to prepare for being in a better position for a better job you still have a shot at the life you want. There is information online about SSI if you want to research it more.

 

[Fukyo]

http://scforum.sciencecareers.org/viewtopic.php?t=10106

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=29520

http://talkrational.org/showthread.php?p=2222595

google search

annany27, do you care to comment on this?

I hope you understand you will not get guidance on how to kill yourself here.

 

[Jennywocky]

No, it's more like: I want to kill myself; what's the best way to do it?

Well, I think it's more intangible than that. Ask for responses, then pushback against said responses; it's satisfying some emotional need.

As it stands, "death by orgasm" is the toughest to beat imo ^^

I'll give you that. I've had a few close calls in my time, but somehow I managed to cling to life anyway....

 

[annany27]

I am interested in a lot of jobs outside of the anthropology field. I would love to work as an investment banker, a teaching assistant, a holistic nutritionist, an animal trainer, a library assistant, or a market research analyst. I've also thought about becoming a freelance writer and traveling around the world. I'm not going to take any more classes because I'm drained and burned out from college. Yes, I am suffering from severe depression. I think that my GPA defines who I am and that if I will graduate with a 2.5, I will be subjected to working at a grocery store or flipping burgers at McDonalds. I think that killing myself is the right thing to do. I refuse to toil for minimum wage for the rest of my life.

 

[Absurdity]

Those careers literally have nothing to do with one another. You're chasing fantasies of what you imagine those careers would be like rather than rationally assessing your situation.

You need to get help. There are people who genuinely want to help people like you in your situation.

 

[Coolydudey]

Notice people say get "help" - this doesn't mean you have some sort of problem, and in a way, your reaction is natural. Just try to see things a different way and stop automatically discounting logical propositions and arguments that are coming your way. It's unproductive and you might as well not be on the forum.

P.S. I do agree with them by the way

 

[Cavallier]

You may find some of our older threads discussing suicide interesting. I think you'll find we are fairly amenable to suicide. Certainly more so than most places you'll find. I'm not advocating suicide but I'm not denouncing it either.

Try here.

Also, your oddly specific OP has been cropping up all over the internet.