Fake it.any tips on how to get some?
It has to be earned, something people aren't being taught in school anymore. Set some small, achievable goals and work conscientiously to meet them. Succeed or fail, working toward something and making any progress at all is a big esteem booster. And even if you fail, if you learn even one thing that helps in the next goal, you've accomplished something. That helps you in your next goal, and gives you a sense of competence, the belief that you can make things happen, no matter how small. Lather, rinse, repeat several times and it all builds on itself.Self-esteem - any tips on how to get some?
Yes, good observation. I didn't mean to confer all the power over your self-image to other people. The process jgalt describes is in truth a part of why my example works. It reinforces your own sense of power, accomplishment and success, thus feeding your sense of self-worth in tandem with the first effect I described.Loveofreason is right, but for the wrong reason. Self-esteeem CANNOT come from other people, (that's why the "self" part). But setting the goal of having people treat you differently, and changing something in yourself or your environment to make it happen is an example of what I just described. But the reason it worked is not the change in other people, it was the change in himself (herself?).
I chiefly choose this method of bolstering my self-esteem mainly because I am already quite proficient at coldly analyzing facts and data to come at a balanced and reasonable judgment. I can lie to people, but I can never really lie to myself. A spade is a spade. I can twist it and tell people its a spoon or even a spork, but in my heart I will always think it is a spade since I know it is a spade.I have no illusions. I do make mistakes, and my judgment fails at times, and sometimes I fail particularly painfully. However, that only means that the mistake will not be made again, which is comforting in a way. The beauty of independence and personal judgment (besides the fact that I am the only one guaranteed to have my own well being in mind) is that sometimes when I realize I have failed, it is possible that no one has detected it yet. It is therefore possible through swift action to correct it before anyone ridicules me. Like a downed zipper. (When someone tells me I have a downed zipper I tend to tell them I like having a nice breeze blowing in my privates and that they should carry on, but that is another story)
I was just about to make the same comment, though I was going to leave Rand out of it and just call it rational self-interest. Oblivious, that's not narcissism you're describing, it's what I think is the healthiest and only morally consistent way to be.maybe you really mean egoism, as defined by Ayn Rand.
Fernando, that happens to me all the time. Except now I know so many of the existing theories, I'm starting to come up with some that have a chance of being truly new. Well, maybe.Kind of reminds me of when I was in 8th grade. I came up with an awesome new idea for philosophy, and the next day I realized that my idea was already taken by Aristotle.
As far as I can see, there is nothing wrong about thinking of Narcissus when thinking about narcissism. After all, the whole meaning to the word comes from the myth.maybe you really mean egoism, as defined by Ayn Rand. Usually when people think narcissism, they think of the story of Narcissus, aka self absorption to the point of ignoring everyone else.
Well, considering that the dictionaries define "self-esteem" as confidence and believing in your own value and ability, I see no reason why it couldn't go hand in hand with egoism. After all, psychological egoism values oneself over everyone else. If that isn't believing in one's value, then what is? Of course, it, too, can be delusional, but nowhere near to the extent of narcissism.On the other hand, egoism has the same sense of independence and autonomy, but more objective. It's a sort of mutual understanding that I don't rely on you and you don't rely on me, along with the delicate balance of working together with exacting equality, not one depending on the other, no one having the upper hand.
Did I say there was anything wrong with that?Olba said:As far as I can see, there is nothing wrong about thinking of Narcissus when thinking about narcissism. After all, the whole meaning to the word comes from the myth.
I think I might have the same problem. However, it seems to have a very different effect for me. While I don't think I'm better than everyone else, my egoistic attitude makes it hard for me to totally understand selfless acts. Concepts like true love, the center of Christianity (Jesus dying for everyone in the world when he was perfect), and the conditions that come with families are somewhat lost on me. Makes me feel dead sometimes.Olba said:I consider myself to be an egoist, as I am extremely selfish. Also, based on what I said in the Suicide topic, I could be a mild case of narcissism. However, I would rather not think so, since in the end it comes down to rational thinking rather than a delusion about my self.
And?Did I say there was anything wrong with that?
Actually, there're a few things wrong here.I think I might have the same problem. However, it seems to have a very different effect for me. While I don't think I'm better than everyone else, my egoistic attitude makes it hard for me to totally understand selfless acts. Concepts like true love, the center of Christianity (Jesus dying for everyone in the world when he was perfect), and the conditions that come with families are somewhat lost on me. Makes me feel dead sometimes.
Uh, yeah. Yeah. And yeah. We seem to have higher standards for ourselves than most other people.Fake it.
I went through a phase where I experienced a genuine clarity - the fact that no-one could read my mind! They had no idea how incompetent, repugnant, stupid, intolerable etc. I considered myself to be. I therefore decided to act as if these self-assessments weren't true, and act as though I were confident, likable, interesting, whatever.
The astounding thing was people reacted to me as though my behaviour were me! Faking it worked! None of them had read the bit in the script that said they were supposed to treat me like dirt. They didn't have the least curiosity about my insecurities. A sense of healthy self-esteem arose from my profound surprise and uncommon success.
Perhaps this (fakery) is what underpins all normal social interaction, but to me it was a revelation.
Acting as though you value yourself -> others accepting your act and valuing you accordingly -> a growing sense of self-worth.
I know there are so many instances in which this little chain could come undone. It is a shallow method of address and success might all depend on the root of the low self-esteem (conviction of being a leper; a despicable, worthless non person?) being social, but it's worth experimenting with.
It is called SELF esteem for a reason.any tips on how to get some?