Relationships >.<

[xbox]

So recently i unknowingly entered a relationship but not really. to him it was one, but not to me. I feel its not even my fault, i didnt do anything except hang out playing xbox with him sometimes.

pretty much it started out as friends, but then turned out he had feelings. I liked him only as a friend. I said something like I cant see myself in a relationship, and he started to cry or something. So I dunno what to do.

I'm thinking to myself now, like what the fuck. I feel weird, like I dont want to hurt him. But I kind of want to run away forever kind of feeling.

 

[skip]

You have to stop seeing him, hanging out with him, playing xbox with him, or contacting him. Two people cannot be friends when one is hoping/wishing/praying for more. That is just cruel.

 

[xbox]

i didnt mean to be cruel! all i ever did was play xbox, talk about work, and halo. yeah i probably need to stop seeing him though, but i had no bad intentions. sucks though.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

It is his fault. Tell him this is a learning experience.

 

[The Gopher]

So recently i unknowingly entered a relationship but not really. to him it was one, but not to me. I feel its not even my fault, i didnt do anything except hang out playing xbox with him sometimes.

pretty much it started out as friends, but then turned out he had feelings. I liked him only as a friend. I said something like I cant see myself in a relationship, and he started to cry or something. So I dunno what to do.

I'm thinking to myself now, like what the fuck. I feel weird, like I dont want to hurt him. But I kind of want to run away forever kind of feeling.

I have been though this exact same thing. (also a few similer things with and without several sections)

But this exact same situation. Same thoughts same feelings same way it started... In my case I just eased off everything. We are still friends but it became clear nothing was happening. There are probably better ways but...

 

[SpaceYeti]

Tell him you don't want a relationship. Be very frank and forthright about it. Tell him that it's either hang with nothing ever happening again, or nothing. Tell him not to harbor hope, do not presume anything you do is romantic. If he can handle that, then maybe you can still be friends. The peculiar thing is, though, that often-times people won't realize they still have that hope. It's up to him. Friends, or nothing.

 

[jachian]

So recently i unknowingly entered a relationship but not really. to him it was one, but not to me. I feel its not even my fault, i didnt do anything except hang out playing xbox with him sometimes.

pretty much it started out as friends, but then turned out he had feelings. I liked him only as a friend. I said something like I cant see myself in a relationship, and he started to cry or something. So I dunno what to do.

I'm thinking to myself now, like what the fuck. I feel weird, like I dont want to hurt him. But I kind of want to run away forever kind of feeling.

What ?!..... You played xbox with him?!.......

You brought this on your self... I dont simpathize with you at all.

How could you play xbox with him and expect that this would'nt happen? How?...

 

[skip]

i didnt mean to be cruel! all i ever did was play xbox, talk about work, and halo. yeah i probably need to stop seeing him though, but i had no bad intentions. sucks though.

You weren't cruel in doing just that but you're cruel if you continue doing that now that you know he wants more.

 

[Da Blob]

Every human has a relationship with every other human. There are just so many types of relationships and it is rather sad, that the word, relationship, now seems to refer to just one of those many types.

Crud! True friendship (the adoption of a person into one's family/personal space) is one of the highest forms of relationship and sexual relationship is one of the lowest. Yet in this modern culture, somehow they have become reversed (?)

I have a Master's degree in Human Relations/counseling and I posted a few threads about the topic, should any one be interested - one than come to mind is this one...


Human Relationships: Welcome To The World of "WE"
http://intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=3853

 

[Grove]

I agree with Skip. Now that you know how he feels, continuing the friendship is cruel. Even if he says otherwise or if you can convince yourself otherwise.

 

[ProxyAmenRa]

What ?!..... You played xbox with him?!.......

You brought this on your self... I dont simpathize with you at all.

How could you play xbox with him and expect that this would'nt happen? How?...

Wise words.

 

[Roni]

True friendship (the adoption of a person into one's family/personal space) is one of the highest forms of relationship and sexual relationship is one of the lowest.

emphatic +1 / +10^9 / +1 !!!

I always cringe at the phrase 'just friends' - just? JUST?! - what's better than friendship?
Marriage? pfft - "we're just fuck buddies with joint finances and co-parenting responsibilities but we don't actually like each other" - worthless!


@xbox
I'm pretty sure I've been that guy, more than once. Maybe you have too.
For me, the initial rejection is just a matter of learning where you stand. Not nice, but no biggy.
What really hurts is the subsequent withdrawal of friendship, as if nothing you were before the disclosure has any meaning now, or you can't be trusted to respect boundaries, or you're a weirdo who doesn't understand all friendships are superficial.
Makes no sense. Hurts much.

Fe crawls off into a corner for a bit of a cry. Boo hoo hoo nobody understands me. Sniffle sniffle sob.

 

[Cheeseumpuffs]

SpaceYeti's advice seems reasonable to me.

 

[warryer]

Wait a minute...

You played @xbox with him and your name is xbox? Well no wonder. Is 'playing xbox' what the kids are calling it these days?

but yea what SpaceYeti said. I can remember harboring hope for a girl who turned me down. It resulted in some of the worst times in my life. So, if you are upfront with him then the ball is entirely in his court beyond any shadow of doubt. It's no good to feel like you have to watch your every move just in case it can be interpreted as something romantic... if he can't control his feelings for you he WILL scrutinize/misinterpret you in that way:

'Oh how nice (s)he is letting me borrow hir favorite vidya game. That must mean (s)he likes me. Maybe this CAN work! What a great wonderful world.'

'Oh (s)he is venting about work. That must mean (s)he trusts me - maybe this CAN work! What a great wonderful world.'

theres always xbox live.

 

[jachian]

Wait a minute...

You played @xbox with him and your name is xbox? Well no wonder. Is 'playing xbox' what the kids are calling it these days?

playing xbox indeed... ......

 

[xbox]

har har. okay fine. i wont be his friend.

*walks off kicking stuff*

 

[xbox]

emphatic +1 / +10^9 / +1 !!!

I always cringe at the phrase 'just friends' - just? JUST?! - what's better than friendship?
Marriage? pfft - "we're just fuck buddies with joint finances and co-parenting responsibilities but we don't actually like each other" - worthless!


@xbox
I'm pretty sure I've been that guy, more than once. Maybe you have too.
For me, the initial rejection is just a matter of learning where you stand. Not nice, but no biggy.
What really hurts is the subsequent withdrawal of friendship, as if nothing you were before the disclosure has any meaning now, or you can't be trusted to respect boundaries, or you're a weirdo who doesn't understand all friendships are superficial.
Makes no sense. Hurts much.

Fe crawls off into a corner for a bit of a cry. Boo hoo hoo nobody understands me. Sniffle sniffle sob.

man i totally agree with you.

 

[Puffy]

If you like him as a friend then I don't think you should just cut off the friendship because he has feelings for you. Like Yeti said, just be plain about your intentions. People are ultimately responsible for themselves, you can't blame yourself for the feelings you happen to evoke in him when your around, he has to manage them himself.

I've been attracted to a few of my friends before, the trend for me is that I tended to stop seeing more recently made friends as a result, and that I continued seeing friends I'd known longer. Some of the latter are now among my best friends and I don't feel any love sickness around them, so I definitely feel it's something people can get past (if they're mature about it.)

You just have to weigh up the value of the friendship to you, I guess.

 

[Grove]

While I see the benefits to trying to maintain a friendship with a person who has expressed feelings for you, I have a hard time reconciling that ideal with what I’ve both experienced and have witnessed in the past. Another factor to take into account is how deep those feelings run, and the nature of and the changes that have occurred in the relationship.

Yeah, you hang out with a guy (or whatever) for a little bit and he develops a crush on you. This may or may not be a justifiable reason to end an otherwise healthy relationship. That is easy enough to deal with, but is always subject to the individuals involved. But, what happens if those feeling have developed over years? What happens if you were in a romantic relationship with the person and it ended, what are the realistic options for a friendship at that point? There are several degrees here, and saying one way of handling it is better than the other is just us pulling out snippets of our own past experiences and calling it advice…or worse – the right thing to do.

Chances are whatever option you try or try first won’t be the best one…these things are situational and there is no perfect answer. Can you count on yourself to be emotionally mature and not take advantage of his feelings for you? Can he be emotionally mature and not allow his feelings for you to dictate his own actions? Does that level of emotional maturity even exist…is it a real thing or just what we tell ourselves and each other when these types of situations occur?

I’ve seen & experienced it, people being good friends who are able to maintain a close, healthy, and mutually beneficial friendship after feelings were expressed or a romantic relationship ended. But, those instances were rare compared to the number of times I’ve seen and experienced it not working.