Proper Grieving for INTP ?

[Sensi Star]

With the unexpected loss of a close loved one (parent), what is the most healthy way for an INTP to grieve, such that trauma leading to future psychological impairment/distress is minimized?

Others are constantly stressing the huge importance of being around other close loved ones, but is this just a cliche?

For INTPs increased socializing would lead to fewer opportunities to vent/cry (since we tend not to be emotionally expressing socially). Being alone would allow crying to happen much more easily, but does the loneliness counteract this benefit?

What are the pros/cons of each situation (alone or with family)?

 

[Etheri]

While family supports eachother, and they'll take a great deal of comfort from you being around, I doubt it'll help you personally all that much. While I agree we all need social contact, especially to go through something like this, I found it was typically not family. Then again, my family aren't exactly, typology speaking, anything like me.

To me, there are three situations, alone, with someone you can trust, and with family. If you can genuinly trust your family, then I guess that goes down back to 2. In my mind, the first two are for your own grief and sanity, the third is mainly a facade for their sanity. While I say it's a facade, the grief and underlying feelings are very, very real.

Personally, I'd say you need all three to properly deal with a grievious loss.

 

[GREYGREY]

Personally... I found it difficult to cry after the passing of a loved one.
Became... Dissociative? Basically just turned off.
Robo mode full throttle.

Best thing to do is find a good tearjerking piece of music to cling to as you ball your eyes out alone for a while.
Then when you feel comfortable, seek people close to you who would support you.

Don't be surprised if a simple hug causes you to cry more.

My condonences.

 

[IdeasNotTheProblem]

My opinion is that the grieving process is unique to the individual regardless of personality type. Certain types may share similar reactions to the sudden onset of enormous stress levels. I think the grieving process depends more on the unique dynamics of the relationship shared with the person lost as well as the manner in which they were lost. I've always felt that the grieving process begins only after the initial "shock" has worn off. For me, this usually happens well after the funeral/memorials. During that first week or so, I find it rewarding to be in the presence of others and support them however i can, the whole time knowing that at some point I will have to be alone for a very long time to cry and vent a wide variety of emotions. As you know, emotions for an INTP are strange and confusing. I saw a counselor for a few sessions and it helped me in understanding them without the added step of finding someone from my social group who may or may not understand or be able to offer insight.

 

[Architect]

There's no formula, it depends on the individual and the circumstances. I had a parent quietly pass away this year after a very full life and with the prospect of decline in the near future. There was occasion for more positive feelings than negative about this. I also had a sibling pass away at a young age that was the reverse.

 

[Vrecknidj]

With the unexpected loss of a close loved one (parent), what is the most healthy way for an INTP to grieve, such that trauma leading to future psychological impairment/distress is minimized?

However, it is better to grieve than not to. What will be best, over the long run, is to grieve well, rather than grieve poorly. Alas, there is no algorithm for this, and it varies by person, by circumstance, and probably by other subjective conditions as well.

Others are constantly stressing the huge importance of being around other close loved ones, but is this just a cliche?

For most, this is probably helpful. If it's helpful for you, do it. If it's not helpful for you, don't do it. But, don't do it just because someone else thinks it will be good for you. (Also, however, don't avoid it just because you think it won't be good for you.) Give it a try; if it helps, continue.

For INTPs increased socializing would lead to fewer opportunities to vent/cry (since we tend not to be emotionally expressing socially). Being alone would allow crying to happen much more easily, but does the loneliness counteract this benefit?

For me, it's not about the presence or absence of others--it's about the presence or absence of particular others.

What are the pros/cons of each situation (alone or with family)?

It's impossible to say because I cannot generalize from my case to yours, or from anyone else's to yours. But, we are social creatures, even at the biological level, our endocrine systems include powerful feedback systems such that we really do, as it were, connect with other people.

Dave