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Pity vs sympathy

Grayman

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I used the two words synonymously for some time. When I got older I started getting negative reactions to the use of pity. They described it as looking down on them. I don't understand it. I only experience the one feeling of compassionate concern and I use both words to describe this feeling. How do I know if I am feeling pity or if I am feeling sympathy? Are people right to regard pity as distasteful?
 

Tannhauser

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Between hearing "I have sympathy for you" and "I pity you" I would probably prefer the first one.
 

Alias

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Pity implies more that you're above the one who's pitied, but sympathy is a bit more kind. I think empathy is even better to offer than the two, though.
 

Jennywocky

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That's how I view them -- pity is like looking down on someone because you're in a better place than they are, and there can even be a whiff of disdain in the mix, it's more of a conclusion derived from an assessment; while sympathy or empathy both seem to involve a "connection" of some kind with the person you are sympathizing or empathizing with, you are both in some way on the same level.
 
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pity is when you are so removed from the subject, you're more like a spectator looking in from a distance
 

Sinny91

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I use the word 'sympathise' much more. The word 'pity' carries more weight and meaning to me. I tend to use 'sympathise' when thinking objectively, and 'pity' is usually a word I use inwardly to describe a feeling I have; Sorrow for somebody else.

To expand, 'sympathise' is used commonly and in all sorts of contexts on a daily basis. From 'customer service' and business tactics, to intellectual debates. "I can sympathise with that, but.."

Whereas if I say 'pity' out loud (rarely) it's usually passively aggressive or comical; 'I pity you', 'I pity the fool', .. Thanks to a few modern movies promoting it's usage in commical/dramatical scripts.

But sometimes, when I'm searching through my feelings and for a name for them them..genuine 'pity' comes to mind. Thinking about the atrocities we view on the news everyday is a good example.

And yes, I suppose the word 'pity' does come hand in hand with some notion that you are better of than the subject which you are 'pitying'.
And it's that realisation that is humbling and makes up stop and reflect. Hence why , we shy away from assessing our 'pity' and instead occupy our selves with our 'sympathies'.
 
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im wondering if one can even feel pity for the pitied. i think even a simple sentiment like "i wish you didnt have to go through this" would denote empathy and not pity
pity seems to connote complete detachment from the subject and their plight, inability to feel anything for the pitied...it seems to be more about the pity-er than the pitied, as pity closely resembles disappointment
 

QuickTwist

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I think the real question is whether one is able to actually share in the pain with someone or not.
 

Yellow

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Pity, to me, is more related to disgust than empathy. It's reserved for someone who is so low in my esteem. A half-eaten fish swimming around the tank is to be pitied. Or a worthless heir who suddenly loses his millions in a scam.

Sympathy is more egalitarian. It's meeting someone in the eye and either directly relating to their situation (sympathetically) or putting yourself in their shoes (empathy).
 

Cheeseumpuffs

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Pity, to me, is more related to disgust than empathy. It's reserved for someone who is so low in my esteem. A half-eaten fish swimming around the tank is to be pitied. Or a worthless heir who suddenly loses his millions in a scam.

Sympathy is more egalitarian. It's meeting someone in the eye and either directly relating to their situation (sympathetically) or putting yourself in their shoes (empathy).

Kind of this.

I pity Gollum, but I feel sympathy/empathy for Smeagol.

I think it maybe has to do with being "too far gone."
 

Kuu

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People have come to understand pity in a negative way because of haughty people that say "I pity you" implying you are in a wretched situation (and they of course aren't) when you might not agree that is the case, inflating themselves at your expense, most likely in a dishonest expression of emotion. This use has become so prevalent that it has almost completely supplanted the original, honest meaning. Much like the closely related word pathetic.

The difference is sympathy is "feeling together", whereas pity is a feeling of sadness towards another's perceived misfortune, regardless of their own feelings, and more based on the unfairness of the situation than your relationship to the person. (see wiki). Sympathy can be related to good feelings and situations, while pity cannot...

A sympathetic cause is very different from a pitiful cause...
 

Yellow

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^^ Pathetic! That was the word I was looking for. You're right, of course, in the definitions and proper usages of the words, but the fact remains that few people want to be "pitied".
 

QuickTwist

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^^ Pathetic! That was the word I was looking for. You're right, of course, in the definitions and proper usages of the words, but the fact remains that few people want to be "pitied".

Because then you have to admit that you are in a bad way while others are not. One of the hardest things for me to do personally is admit I am in some way worse off than someone else while not feeling bad about the whole situation. That is the challenge and that is why people do not want to be pitied.
 

Brontosaurie

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In my opinion the case is exactly the opposite of what everyone else has been saying. Pity is levelled and sympathy is demeaning. This is my opinion. Please enjoy my opinion.
 

DjGatsby

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Whilst pity is feeling bad for someone's situation (exp. I pity the psychopath that got torched in the electric chair), sympathy is feeling bad for them, and feeling with them and feeling sorry for THEM (exp. I sympathize with the flood victims)
 
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