cheese
Prolific Member
Stole this off some dude's OKCupid profile (he's an INTP and has a website full of wordy fecal showers):
Philosopher Break-Up Lines
Leibniz: It'd be for the best if we broke up.
Hegel: The thesis is we're breaking down. The antithesis is to fix it up. The synthesis is...we're breaking up.
Solipsist: You think the world revolves around you!
Dualist: My body says yes, but my heart says no!
Plato: Uh, of course we aren't a couple. I'm Plato! Our relationship is stricly platonic!
Utilitarian: It'd be better for both of us if I just left.
Popper: Inductively, I thought I loved you and only you. Deductively, screwing your sister proved that false.
Descartes: I need to find myself. /// Descartes (part 2): A relationship does not think, therefore our relationship is not. We're over bitch!
Zeno: We are too distant.
Theist: I can't explain why I want to break up with you. Therefore, God did it.
Medieval Scholastic:
1. Our love is defined as that which nothing greater can be thought.
2. It is greater to love than to be in love, because feeling love is better than being bound to love by a mere preposition.
3. Therefore, I love you, but I am not IN love with you.
Sartre: I am sick of you.
Occam: I wasn't enough for you, huh? You needed a man with a beard, too! The guy doesn't even own a razor! We're over! I won't be multiplying entities with YOU anytime soon!
Derrida: We're too "differant".
Libertarian/Economic Conservative: This relationship is much too taxing.
Intelligent Design Theorist: Some things about evolution confuse me. Therefore we're breaking up.
Materialist: Love doesn't matter to you.
Determinist: It just wasn't meant to be!
Marxist: This relationship is just an ideological construct designed to repress my class conciousness! Monogamy is an invention of capitalist swine!
Nietzsche: We are "over, man".
Kant: My proposed maxim was to love you. But I could not will to universalize this maxim and have everyone love you, otherwise you'd be cheating on me. Therefore, it is my duty not to love you!
Logical Positivist: Our love never meant anything--the word "love" has no meaningful content, after all!
Courtesy of saintgasoline.
http://saintgasoline.com/
My favourite is Nietzsche's.
(I have been described as 'lame' on occasion.)
If you've got any more of the same type (taking the piss out of a respected X), feel free to share.
Philosopher Break-Up Lines
Leibniz: It'd be for the best if we broke up.
Hegel: The thesis is we're breaking down. The antithesis is to fix it up. The synthesis is...we're breaking up.
Solipsist: You think the world revolves around you!
Dualist: My body says yes, but my heart says no!
Plato: Uh, of course we aren't a couple. I'm Plato! Our relationship is stricly platonic!
Utilitarian: It'd be better for both of us if I just left.
Popper: Inductively, I thought I loved you and only you. Deductively, screwing your sister proved that false.
Descartes: I need to find myself. /// Descartes (part 2): A relationship does not think, therefore our relationship is not. We're over bitch!
Zeno: We are too distant.
Theist: I can't explain why I want to break up with you. Therefore, God did it.
Medieval Scholastic:
1. Our love is defined as that which nothing greater can be thought.
2. It is greater to love than to be in love, because feeling love is better than being bound to love by a mere preposition.
3. Therefore, I love you, but I am not IN love with you.
Sartre: I am sick of you.
Occam: I wasn't enough for you, huh? You needed a man with a beard, too! The guy doesn't even own a razor! We're over! I won't be multiplying entities with YOU anytime soon!
Derrida: We're too "differant".
Libertarian/Economic Conservative: This relationship is much too taxing.
Intelligent Design Theorist: Some things about evolution confuse me. Therefore we're breaking up.
Materialist: Love doesn't matter to you.
Determinist: It just wasn't meant to be!
Marxist: This relationship is just an ideological construct designed to repress my class conciousness! Monogamy is an invention of capitalist swine!
Nietzsche: We are "over, man".
Kant: My proposed maxim was to love you. But I could not will to universalize this maxim and have everyone love you, otherwise you'd be cheating on me. Therefore, it is my duty not to love you!
Logical Positivist: Our love never meant anything--the word "love" has no meaningful content, after all!
Courtesy of saintgasoline.
http://saintgasoline.com/
My favourite is Nietzsche's.
(I have been described as 'lame' on occasion.)
If you've got any more of the same type (taking the piss out of a respected X), feel free to share.
