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Online vs irl identity? What is more “you”?

moody

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I’m sure this has been asked before, but I’m pretty curious. Personally, I think the only difference for me is the way others tend to react to what I say. It’s very different online versus in person.
However, I’ve heard some people claim that they are way more “real” online because of its anonymity, and other say all that people pretend to be something they want to be, or they let their inner prejudice roam free by depersonalizing. What do you guys think you do?
 

CatGoddess

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It depends on who I'm with. From most to least real, it would probably go:

Friends
People I like who don't quite qualify as friends
Online forums
People I dislike (not necessarily hate, just loud, annoying, sanctimonious people)
People I hate but whom I'm forced to kiss up to

It's more about who the audience is than online vs. offline, but the last two categories are probably larger than the first two, so by virtue of that I guess I wind up being more "authentic" online than offline overall. Not because of anonymity either; it's just that I can choose where to go online, whereas I can't necessarily irl (school, the grocery store, etc.). Given the choice I spend my time with people who aren't overly judgmental or unbearably stupid, so I wind up censoring myself less.
 

lightfire

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I'm not really good at hiding my identity and I really like talking face to face with people even if I've met them online, or do as much video chats as possible. I like to merge the online with the irl.
 

Animekitty

I am all of my perception (Sally 666)
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I am myself as much as I can be. I have a personal comfort level that does not change online or off but is contingent on the social atmosphere of any situation. But people would look at me as if I were weird when I asked them why people online think I am a girl. That question is less abnormal online than irl. Cause of expectations by the medium the question is asked in.

(subscribe to pewdiepie)
 

Minuend

pat pat
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It's all aspects of me, it's only a matter of how pronounced the various aspects are. If I talk shit and disrespect everyone, that's an aspect of me that would be more common under certain circumstances. If I'm patient and listening, that's what you'd see more of under other circumstances. The me under stress and duress is pretty different from the me under, haha, love and peace.

Some aspects are more pronounced here compared to RL, both good and bad.

I guess for a lot of people, they live with people where they can't express certain opinions or thoughts, or be a certain way, so being anon on forums might be a way to channel that. In that respect, some might feel more free or real online. Personally, I don't find the lack of freedom in certain groups to narrow who I am per se. Though, I guess, obviously in some definitions that's exactly what it would be, but I guess for me I don't feel forced to keep shit in, I choose to do so because I find it pointless otherwise. I could talk about stuff that people find horrid, weird or crazy, but I choose not to because there's no point. I guess that attitude stems partly from growing up in a family wayyy different to me where I wasn't able to express everything and it became a habit not to and understand why I couldn't. Thesedays I tend to accept I just have a certain persona, way of being with most people I meet, because that's just who I am and who they are, and us being different is just how t is

Fortunately I have a certain few where I am free to say whatever shit that comes across my mind
 

redbaron

irony based lifeform
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both are aspects of me, but i think online is much more limited

being confined to text in any interaction is frustrating and i tend to just get bored and not bother putting nearly as much effort into what i say as i should, so i come across as a lot more dismissive than i actually am

in real life im the most best
 

CatGoddess

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It's kind of the opposite for me. I find it hard to talk because I don't have time to think about how to convey what I want. I also have a pretty good grasp on English in the literal sense (probably b/c I read a lot), but my non-literal expression (tone, pauses as you speak, eye contact, body, hands, etc.) kinda sucks.

I make funny faces and my body flails around and then people interpret that stuff to mean things when it means nothing because I have no clue what I'm doing. So that can deter me from "seriously" talking to people irl, even if I do like/am comfortable with them.
 

Niclmaki

Disturber of the Peace
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If I’m in a shitty mood IRL, I’ll just practice self-control and limit my interaction with people.

Online though, I’ll just be shitty because that’s how I feel. It is kind of cathartic and fun.

If all is peachy I’d say I’m the same as possible in both spheres. The online/offline dichotomy is kind of blurring these days though.
 

moody

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Either way, you get a mask or a mirror.
Are you referring to what one gets from others, or what each person gives and receives? (You find this in all of your interactions? With yourself and any other person? (Asking in the most non-demanding way possible. Text doesn’t have tone....)

My take on your words:
Due to my own experiences, I’ve grown to be hyper aware of when someone is only using me as a teleprompter for what they already think, feel or want, or when they are listening with empathy, reserving or absolving any or their own knee jerk responses that keep them from being in the moment. Online seems to really exaggerate what other people do in communication, (as many will ignore troubleshooting a problem to respond like “rip” or “lol me” and “#mylife.” Or project anger by being like “stop complaint life is hard ur a piece of crap.”) other times, the people really reading what you right can really slam what you said right back in your face much like a cognitive behavioral therapist.
Behavior is really transparent if you don’t take anything personally—you know who your friends are really easily like that. Knowing where something is coming from is something else... I can’t really blame anyone when they offended me, because i can’t un-know that the reason for offending me has nothing to do with me. I wish sometimes people could take a second to understand their own feelings though, before saying or doing something hurtful or petty to *someone else (this always happens to me....) I just wish I could get mad for myself though, sometimes. But that would never make the situation better. People are strange. I’m gonna stop rambling now.
 

moody

Active Member
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If I’m in a shitty mood IRL, I’ll just practice self-control and limit my interaction with people.

Online though, I’ll just be shitty because that’s how I feel. It is kind of cathartic and fun.

If all is peachy I’d say I’m the same as possible in both spheres. The online/offline dichotomy is kind of blurring these days though.
youre definately not alone there
 

Pizzabeak

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If I’m in a shitty mood IRL, I’ll just practice self-control and limit my interaction with people.

Online though, I’ll just be shitty because that’s how I feel. It is kind of cathartic and fun.

If all is peachy I’d say I’m the same as possible in both spheres. The online/offline dichotomy is kind of blurring these days though.
You suck, I don't relate to this at all. You're probably an "INFJ", not sure why you're here, seems like you just want social manipulation every chance you get. I've never paid attention to you at all until recently, not surprising in your little awakening that you're starting to yearn more for what you think you deserve, except, you should really just tread lightly.
 

Niclmaki

Disturber of the Peace
Local time
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Messages
486
Location
Canada
If I’m in a shitty mood IRL, I’ll just practice self-control and limit my interaction with people.

Online though, I’ll just be shitty because that’s how I feel. It is kind of cathartic and fun.

If all is peachy I’d say I’m the same as possible in both spheres. The online/offline dichotomy is kind of blurring these days though.
You suck, I don't relate to this at all. You're probably an "INFJ", not sure why you're here, seems like you just want social manipulation every chance you get. I've never paid attention to you at all until recently, not surprising in your little awakening that you're starting to yearn more for what you think you deserve, except, you should really just tread lightly.

:coverlaugh::laugh::laugh:
 

redbaron

irony based lifeform
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yeh no infjs allowed

@higs ur banned
 

Siouxsie

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I think that online I can give hints that irl I cannot, one can have a more paused intaraction, which allows to better think what you say. But I prefer irl interaction, just because it´s more human, full of mistakes and awkwardness, but human
 

CatGoddess

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pizzabeak said:
You suck, I don't relate to this at all. You're probably an "INFJ", not sure why you're here, seems like you just want social manipulation every chance you get. I've never paid attention to you at all until recently, not surprising in your little awakening that you're starting to yearn more for what you think you deserve, except, you should really just tread lightly.
What'd you do, cover the ground in legos?
 

lightfire

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I think that online I can give hints that irl I cannot, one can have a more paused intaraction, which allows to better think what you say. But I prefer irl interaction, just because it´s more human, full of mistakes and awkwardness, but human
I prefer irl too, or as close as it can get (phone/video). I'm in whatsapp chats with relatives, everyone just kinda writes how they are irl. But irl you get the most accurate picture, and online you get things that may not have been said in person, but its still part of the person and how their mind works.
 

moody

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You suck, I don't relate to this at all. You're probably an "INFJ", not sure why you're here, seems like you just want social manipulation every chance you get. I've never paid attention to you at all until recently, not surprising in your little awakening that you're starting to yearn more for what you think you deserve, except, you should really just tread lightly.
I never quite know exactly what angle you’re coming from...if you’re trying to provoke, or if you’re trying to just either get people to stop being self depreciating or overly optimistic...or if you just say whatever comes to mind. Maybe all? In any case XD
 

moody

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I think that online I can give hints that irl I cannot, one can have a more paused intaraction, which allows to better think what you say. But I prefer irl interaction, just because it´s more human, full of mistakes and awkwardness, but human
I prefer irl too, or as close as it can get (phone/video). I'm in whatsapp chats with relatives, everyone just kinda writes how they are irl. But irl you get the most accurate picture, and online you get things that may not have been said in person, but its still part of the person and how their mind works.
I am way less hononest about what I say if it’s online under my real name. I avoid social media platforms like the plague.
 

moody

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@computerhxr
TOO late! Aha! ...I think. IDK.

Yeaaaah...this is why I avoid making any comments on facebook, or if I happen to offend any one, I just appologize. People dont respond, they REACT. The only away to get through someone's reactions to talk to them as a human is to disarm them be, which is different person-to-person. Most of the time people need emotional/verbal cues that they won't be shut down if they speak their honest mind and feelings, as opposed to just blurring out parroted statements that defend their position. I didn't take your words precisely in the way you were thinking when you used them, (mirror or mask), but words have slighly varied connotations to every single person....and we use words TO communicate, soooo until we get to know someone really, we're speaking two different languages.

(Making someone cry? I feel you there. When you're someone who always plays the role of the "nice guy" because you know that the other person's anger or ill-manners hasn't a think to do with you, your insults become very tailored as a reflection of THAT person versus your own flaws. Most outbursts are a mix of the two. There's been a few rare times in my life where I've determined that a person went too far out of line, and they're never been able to respond to me, just lash out, stare, or cry. Because I just state the facts of how their physical behavior has manifested in a way that is not worth my time or energy to appease and micromanage anymore.)
 

computerhxr

Village Idiot
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@computerhxr
TOO late! Aha! ...I think. IDK.

Yeaaaah...this is why I avoid making any comments on facebook, or if I happen to offend any one, I just appologize. People dont respond, they REACT. The only away to get through someone's reactions to talk to them as a human is to disarm them be, which is different person-to-person. Most of the time people need emotional/verbal cues that they won't be shut down if they speak their honest mind and feelings, as opposed to just blurring out parroted statements that defend their position. I didn't take your words precisely in the way you were thinking when you used them, (mirror or mask), but words have slighly varied connotations to every single person....and we use words TO communicate, soooo until we get to know someone really, we're speaking two different languages.

(Making someone cry? I feel you there. When you're someone who always plays the role of the "nice guy" because you know that the other person's anger or ill-manners hasn't a think to do with you, your insults become very tailored as a reflection of THAT person versus your own flaws. Most outbursts are a mix of the two. There's been a few rare times in my life where I've determined that a person went too far out of line, and they're never been able to respond to me, just lash out, stare, or cry. Because I just state the facts of how their physical behavior has manifested in a way that is not worth my time or energy to appease and micromanage anymore.)
That is true. Everyone else has problems, they drag you in, then when you've had enough it is like you're the asshole. Fuck it, they can learn to deal. I know a lot of people had enough and flipped. I went for 25 years tolllerating full grown adult children, and I gave my last fuck 3 years ago.
 

lightfire

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I'm scared of social media platforms. I'm always leaving it and have a reputation of being elusive af and unintentionally offending people etc
 

moody

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I'm scared of social media platforms. I'm always leaving it and have a reputation of being elusive af and unintentionally offending people etc
People become wild animals on there.
 

Entejay

Redshirt
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In real life of course. Online is very heavily censored...especially forums.
 
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