Official? quarter-Life crisis thread

[PreAlgebra]

After seeing a decent response to my quarter-life crisis comment in my introduction post, I thought i would start a thread about the topic.

How many of you peeps have or are experiencing something of the nature? What has your experience been like and what has helped you get through it? For those of us going through it, what is it exactly that is making you feel this way o whats contributing to this state of being?

To sum up my experience: I just graduated for university with a degree that is useless in terms of selling myself to the workforce. I might even say that I am kind of disappointed with the degree because I came in at the wrong time (Just as they say that painting died with the introduction of post-modernism, well it could be said that the same thing is happening with the death of post-modernism and photography(this doesn't mean that photo is dead, it just means that the way we currently think about it is not viable anymore).) Sorry about that divergence.

I am being left to figure out what are the expectations that I have for myself and trying to reconcile this with the differences of expectations my society has for me. Using the architect metaphor, I am also trying to figure out what it is that I value and trying to build the strongest foundation that I can so 20 years from now I dont go, "Oh shit, what have I been doing with my life?" This seems to have a pattern of infinite regress. I feel very fortunate to have the time to go through this but there is definitely negative consequences to this "dismantling." It is alienating to go through this while my peers are content with themselves and I am finding that my values are very different then those around me. Oh, the downsides of growth.

What are some other stories?

 

[Ogion]

Hm. I think i try to prevent the possible later feeling of "What the hell did i do with my life" by living it every moment the way i wnat to. I try to be as i want to be all the time. Of course this is at certain odds with society. I think i don't have such a quarter-life crisis, because generally i try to forget about the fact that i can't study in universit forever without consequences. some day i will have to get a job, earn money, be to a certain degree in that social setting. There is of course the possibility of becoming a real "person who opts out" (man, in German we have the word "Aussteiger", i.e. someone who gets out of normal society and really lives his own life. Our word is so much simpler ). And it really is attractive to me. To escape society, live selfsustainable, autarchic. But that always gets me thinking about what the benefits from society really are, and if in fact i do need them, or if i could actually free myself. (Hah, just came to my mind. You know Flint, in Star Trek? A genius, who is not aging, and who was born in the early history of mankind, who was in every historic stage, who was in fact Da Vinci and others, and who now, in Kirks 22nd century, lives all by himself, on a distant planet...Perhaps that would be really cool...). Some times i just play with this idea, but there are times when i do really consider this decision. Perhaps you could call that crisis...

Sorry if i got offtopic (?)

Ogion

 

[Radioactive_Springtime]

I just lost the woman of my dreams twice in one week. I think if this goes through im going to have to put myself on suicide watch

 

[Kidege]

Hi there, PreAlgebra. I wasn't planning on writing about this, but since I did say people should talk more about it, here goes nothing.

I was very success driven through college, was planning on getting as good a job as I could and becoming independent, etc. My degree is the rapidly growing useless kind, but it was from a decent enough college, so I still had chances of getting that job. It would have only required a rather shameless soul selling.

I didn't want to actually end as a corporate whore, so I decided to wait and see. My mother said the safest way to go was becoming a teacher. Instead of applying for a corporate job I got a very symbolically retributed one in teaching. And I liked it. I repeat, I did like teaching. What I didn't like was the feeling of "here kid, this is all you'll ever be. Don't complain if you never make money".

In order to explore more options I applied simultaneously for a MA in Sociology -cause I'd always dreamed of being a researcher-, and for a second BA in Education. I got into both.
I was barely 21, had a BA, was enroled in two programs, and had two jobs. It felt like my life was over, since all was planned and set for the next three plus years, and it was easy to tell what would follow next.

And then, in the course of 18 hours, thanks to the three thugs staked out of my house, I'd quit my jobs by phone, left the state, forgotten the MA. All I had left was the second BA in education, which was an online program. "All you'll ever be" never sounded more ominous.

The lowest point is what I described in the Suicide thread. I wasn't getting anywhere. I tried time and time again to get a freaking MA, the topic didn't matter anymore. I couldn't work because my life wasn't stable enough. My friends all had admittedly lousy jobs, relationships, even kids. I didn't know what was I supposed to want. A lousy job? Relationships? Kids?

The crisis/depression lasted for about three years. In order to get out I had to change my value system. Success is what I want it to be. Funnily enough, I'm back into teaching and in a new MA program, but my whole outlook has changed. I no longer define myself through profession, and I don't need my life to be anything like my peers'. I think the person I'll be in 20 years will benefit from it.

 

[Perseus]

Hi there, PreAlgebra. I wasn't planning on writing about this, but since I did say people should talk more about it, here goes nothing.

I was very success driven through college, was planning on getting as good a job as I could and becoming independent, etc. My degree is the rapidly growing useless kind, but it was from a decent enough college, so I still had chances of getting that job. It would have only required a rather shameless soul selling.

I didn't want to actually end as a corporate whore, so I decided to wait and see. My mother said the safest way to go was becoming a teacher. Instead of applying for a corporate job I got a very symbolically retributed one in teaching. And I liked it. I repeat, I did like teaching. What I didn't like was the feeling of "here kid, this is all you'll ever be. Don't complain if you never make money".

In order to explore more options I applied simultaneously for a MA in Sociology -cause I'd always dreamed of being a researcher-, and for a second BA in Education. I got into both.
I was barely 21, had a BA, was enrolled in two programs, and had two jobs. It felt like my life was over, since all was planned and set for the next three plus years, and it was easy to tell what would follow next.

And then, in the course of 18 hours, thanks to the three thugs staked out of my house, I'd quit my jobs by phone, left the state, forgotten the MA. All I had left was the second BA in education, which was an online program. "All you'll ever be" never sounded more ominous.

The lowest point is what I described in the Suicide thread. I wasn't getting anywhere. I tried time and time again to get a freaking MA, the topic didn't matter anymore. I couldn't work because my life wasn't stable enough. My friends all had admittedly lousy jobs, relationships, even kids. I didn't know what was I supposed to want. A lousy job? Relationships? Kids?

The crisis/depression lasted for about three years. In order to get out I had to change my value system. Success is what I want it to be. Funnily enough, I'm back into teaching and in a new MA program, but my whole outlook has changed. I no longer define myself through profession, and I don't need my life to be anything like my peers'. I think the person I'll be in 20 years will benefit from it.

This is a bit presumptuous but ENTPs (the Snake) have this sort of problem, especially as victims of stalking and thuggery, which is documented under intimidation on the Internet. Most teachers seem to be ENFJ (the Beaver) and ENTPs are better off in higher education.

The ENTP has to remember people, especially the SJ Guardians do not like change and their reaction can be extreme.

INTJs have trouble when they are arrogant and INTPs when they are caustic (acid bath murderers). INTPs are usually easy going, and only react when their core values are threatened.

This is from experience (bewildering until I looked up the personality type characteristics).

I find when dealing with extravert ENFJ teachers I dumb down a bit. I go Dragon-like (INFP) and I do not have criticise their judgement. Bite my tongue.

Perseus

 

[PreAlgebra]

Hm. I think i try to prevent the possible later feeling of "What the hell did i do with my life" by living it every moment the way i wnat to. I try to be as i want to be all the time. Of course this is at certain odds with society. Ogion

This is hard for two reasons. 1- It is not that I dont know what my interests are but that I have too many interests and I have it hard time focusing on one thing. It is like I have many jealous lovers and they are all competing for my attention. 2- I do try to live my life in every moment the way I want to but I have a hard time sublimating my ideas with societies ideas especially with the lack of 'support' from any ecxternal factor.

There is of course the possibility of becoming a real "person who opts out" (man, in German we have the word "Aussteiger", i.e. someone who gets out of normal society and really lives his own life. Our word is so much simpler ).
Ogion

I am aware of this term but I dont find it it adventagous to live outside of society but parallel to society. I want to be independent of its structurual forces but I still find it necassary to be productive with in it.

You know Flint, in Star Trek?
Ogion

I actually have never seen Star Trek. I think it is about time I do.

 

[Vrecknidj]

I can't help myself. Message boards are great because we get to jump into conversations at our leisure...

... I just graduated for university with a degree that is useless in terms of selling myself to the workforce.

On the one hand, the society almost mandates employment as a demonstration of one's worthiness, so, I can sympathize with the need for work. On the other hand, you may just find that you have to sacrifice meaningfulness in that work if the bottom line in that you like to live under a roof, with electricity and plumbing, and occasionally enjoy food. At least, that's been my trade.

I am also trying to figure out what it is that I value and trying to build the strongest foundation that I can so 20 years from now I dont go, "Oh ****, what have I been doing with my life?" This seems to have a pattern of infinite regress. I feel very fortunate to have the time to go through this but there is definitely negative consequences to this "dismantling."

At some point, you have to pick something and roll with it. William James described the tenuous nature of faith in a way that seems appropriate.

'We stand on a mountain pass in the midst of whirling snow and blinding mist, through which we get glimpses now and then of paths which may be deceptive. If we stand still we shall be frozen to death. If we take the wrong road we shall be dashed to pieces. We do not certainly know whether there is any right one. What must we do? "Be strong and of good courage." Act for the best, hope for the best, and take what comes... If death ends all, we cannot meet death better.' - William James quoting Fitz-James Stephen​

It is alienating to go through this while my peers are content with themselves and I am finding that my values are very different then those around me.

It is the nature of things for the INTP (and quite a few others as well, notably the Ns generally). The world, composed as it is of social customs and rules not of your making, isn't for you. In some respects, it must be endured, because you have little choice in its structures and functions. But, finding alternative ways to get by has helped me. I rather enjoy doing usual things in unusual ways.

Dave

 

[loveofreason]

If it helps, research the term "positive disintegration".

 

[PreAlgebra]

I checked out "positive disintegration" and it was pretty interesting. I found many problems with it but overall it was useful. I really like the ideas about overexcitability.
Thanks