Not much interest in sex

[Beat Mango]

I used to cope with the mundanity of life partly by my sexuality - mostly fantasies. I would get big crushes on girls and that would make life interesting. I'd get all stimulated when around them and that would give me heaps to think about when I was doing other things. I'd think about what I said to them, what to say next time, heaps of things like that. When I saw them it would be a real rush and I could feed off that rush when at work or at home or whatever else. It would give me something to talk about with my friends, because I would talk about the chicks. Now I seem to care little for women in a sexual way and it's making life really boring. I don't have as much to think about or feel (sometimes nothing), and I don't have as much to say around girls because I'm not desiring their reaction very much.

So has anyone had any experience with this? INTPs don't seem to care as much about sex (I could be wrong about that, just my observation), so could it be related to INTPness? I am male and 25 so I'm thinking maybe it's just because I'm getting older, but it kind of sucks and I'm wondering if any of those "cures" that are always adervtised actually work. James Brown used to have viagra before his shows, not just because of the extra sex drive but because he thought it gave him more energy. I can relate to that - I miss the libido, the energy that comes with being sexual.

 

[Citizen X]

I like sex but I haven't had any in some time and I don't have any hope of having any in the near future either, what with my sudden ins and outs of depression and all that.

And I'm 27.

 

[eudemonia]

Banana Mango, have you had many 'relationships' with women? I suppose meaningless sex gets pretty boring after a while but sex in a loving relationship is different.

 

[walfin]

Always thought INTJs formed the bulk of the asexuals.

 

[Citizen X]

Banana Mango, have you had many 'relationships' with women? I suppose meaningless sex gets pretty boring after a while but sex in a loving relationship is different.

I know you didn't ask me, but I was in a long term relationship and I liked the sex.

After she dumped me I went on looking for casual sex, which I found, and even though it was great, I stopped having any.

I suppose you are right.

 

[Perseus]

I've got a headache!

 

[Red Mage]

Always thought INTJs formed the bulk of the asexuals.

Edit: Considering INTJs are (supposedly) the third rarest type, it would be strange to make up "the bulk" of asexuals. Possibly more than INTPs, since they are fairly rare as well.

 

[Beat Mango]

Banana Mango, have you had many 'relationships' with women? I suppose meaningless sex gets pretty boring after a while but sex in a loving relationship is different.

No I haven't, none in fact. I'm not so concerned about the lack of sex though, I've become accustomed somewhat to that, but the decreased desire is concerning because it has repercussions in other areas of life (imo). I do kind of desire a relationship but I'm not sure I have the energy or wherewithal to pursue one or get one.

 

[Jordan~]

Reduction in libido can be a symptom of a depressive episode.

 

[Vrecknidj]

Reduction in libido can be a symptom of a depressive episode.

Yes. I suspect the lack of an interest in sex is a symptom of another problem.

If there's any way you could get yourself to an analyst (that is, someone comfortable in Jungian rather than Freudian psychology), you might find that you're going through some stuff with your anima. Getting that resolved can bring the energy back (along with an interest in women and/or sex).

Just a thought.

Dave

 

[echoplex]

"getting older"? As far as I know, at 25 the libido is still supposed to be pretty high, especially for males. If you were 35, that would make more sense. Of course, I'm no doctor so maybe it starts to decrease sooner than I thought.

Anyway, I'm 22, and I've noticed that my interest in sex fluctuates wildly. It's all or nothing, pretty much. Either it's all I can think about or I just don't care at all. I tend to be okay with not caring although I can also relate to the OP's comments on how high libido can make life seem more interesting. Meh, either way works for me.

 

[eudemonia]

No I haven't, none in fact. I'm not so concerned about the lack of sex though, I've become accustomed somewhat to that, but the decreased desire is concerning because it has repercussions in other areas of life (imo). I do kind of desire a relationship but I'm not sure I have the energy or wherewithal to pursue one or get one.

Well, I'm neither a sex therapist or a man so what do I know but I would guess that after a while meaningless sex just gets boring. It's like the desire to go to parties - parties are fun for a while but eventually they get boring too. You meet the same people, do the same things and what used to seem like fun just palls.

Many psychologists claim that the two most fundamental desires humans have is for love and meaning. You are saying that you have never had a relationship with a woman, which suggests that you have never really experienced profound erotic love. Maybe your lack of interest is your inner self prompting you to go beyond the sterility of your previous strategies. You need to connect. Everyone needs love.

I don't know your cirumstances and so cannot say anything about your ability to find a relationship with a woman. All I know is that if you want one badly enough and are prepared to change your comfortable strategies and begin to step out into the unknown with all the challenges that entails, you will eventually find one.

As for diminution of desire, the sex act is fairly basic after all. However, coupled with love, you've got a whole new journey ahead of you. Then you're only limited by your imagination. Love for someone will soon stir the embers again