• OK, it's on.
  • Please note that many, many Email Addresses used for spam, are not accepted at registration. Select a respectable Free email.
  • See https://www.intpforum.com/threads/upgrade-at-10-am-gmt.27631/

loneliness

strangeguy

Member
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
May 17, 2008
Messages
42
Do you guys feel very lonely sometimes?
i myself felt very lonely most of the time...
 

Dissident

Prolific Member
Local time
Today, 13:04
Joined
Apr 29, 2008
Messages
1,415
Location
Way south.
Im generally fine alone, although a girlfriend would be nice. I have my few close friends, which i dont see all the time (cause we all work and stuff) but i know they are there. Im always thinking about something, i would have to be bored to feel lonely and im almost never bored.
 

Zero

The Fiend
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Mar 10, 2008
Messages
894
I feel lonely quite often....
It doesn't really matter if there are actually people around or whatnot.

It doesn't really distract me from going about my daily routine or doing other things, but yeah...
 

loveofreason

echoes through time
Local time
Today, 05:04
Joined
Sep 8, 2007
Messages
5,503
I crave solitude, which is a very healthy alone-ness of being, and I am content in solitude. In the midst of many people I am lonely. In the company of another I can be profoundly, cancerously lonely. It is not simply a matter of the more people about me the more lonely I become, it is complicated by feeling misunderstood. The more misunderstood the more distant I become - the more lonely I feel and the more solitude I need.

There is no cure, at least none that I've found.
 
Local time
Today, 10:04
Joined
May 10, 2008
Messages
25
Location
Minneapolis, MN
I wish I had more friends to hang out with. I only have two people that I hang out with on any regular basis. I find that when I'm hanging out with people I consider friends, it distracts me when I'm having bouts of depression.

Yesterday I was pissy almost all day. The only real moments of relief were when I was hanging out with friends or when I was listening to the sweet sound of Maynerd James Keenan's voice.

I just woke up and I'm not gonna proof read. Sorry if this is incoherent.
 

Ex-User (221)

Member
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Mar 24, 2008
Messages
95
I don't get lonely, for the simply because you can't miss something you never had in the first place. I can feel like I'm completely alone, but logic dictates that I can't miss friends that never existed.
 

Ex-User (221)

Member
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Mar 24, 2008
Messages
95
Sorry if all my posts are a bit weird. My computer's fucked s and sometimes it le when I take stuff out it puts it back in again. And it keeps freezing so I can only see what I've typed when I go to post it. And some of the keys don't always work the first time...
 

Vrecknidj

Prolific Member
Local time
Today, 11:04
Joined
Nov 21, 2007
Messages
2,198
Location
Michigan/Indiana, USA
It's funny. An author I used to read said that the opposite of loneliness wasn't togetherness, but was intimacy. That got me to thinking, once upon a time.

These days, I'm too busy to be lonely. Well, usually.

But, I have a close relationship with my wife and two sons, and I have a rather tight group of about 5 friends I've known for 25 to 30 years. So, I don't really get lonely very much anymore.

My childhood, however, was terribly lonesome, especially until I was about 16.

Dave
 

Thread Killer

Never-Around Member
Local time
Today, 11:04
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
286
Location
Greed Islan- Er, cyberspace
I'm as lonely as I am around people and being left out unless I am the one to make the initiative. For that, I just disregard most people as not worth my time. But I'd rather be lonely and be alone than be overwhelmed by others intruding into my personal boundaries which makes me feel like I'm covered with muck by their unfounded sentimentalism.

Obviously, if I felt a strong and deep mutual bond, touchiness would be welcomed more, but most of the people in my life at this point have little understanding of where my boundaries are without taking hints or caring to ask (so I have actually had to make it a bit of an issue which I've never had to do with people before because they kind of got it).

This is mostly the case of less mature males who are looking for a strong female, but I'm utterly sick of the intrusiveness of people's fickle emotionalism and yearn to be alone without any serious interpersonal attachments (unless I actually felt very drawn to someone, which rarely happens, but I draw unwanted obsessiveness from touchy feely types).

I'm usually too nice to brush them off, but I'm coming to reveal my classic INTP side which fits cynical pessimist to a T. I love scaring people with what looks like heartless indifference, AKA, my dark half.

So I am rarely lonely unless I am surrounded by people who I just cannot establish any substantial contact with. Then it's both sad and irritating, but of course, I'm too proud to show my hurt feelings.
 

LeftenantWalker

Redshirt
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Jun 15, 2008
Messages
18
Location
Stafford,UK
I always feel alone, mostly cause no one understands me cause of being an INTP and having high intelligence (most of my family are dumb or average int), most people automatically think I'm a pshycopath so making friends is hard and plus i don't talk about my personality or feelings to anyone not even my closest friends or family.
 

Radioactive_Springtime

Active Member
Local time
Today, 11:04
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
314
Location
Maryland
I only have what I'd say are two or three real friends. The rest all have the feeling that we're only friends because we share something in common but are trapped because of our soon ending lack of independance from our parents. Sometimes I feel terribly alone, and then after being around some people I can feel like a total Misanthrope.
 

Jesin

Prolific Member
Local time
Today, 11:04
Joined
May 2, 2008
Messages
2,036
Cynical pessimism is unhealthy. Cynical optimism is the way to go!
 

LeftenantWalker

Redshirt
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Jun 15, 2008
Messages
18
Location
Stafford,UK

dwx

Redshirt
Local time
Today, 08:04
Joined
Jun 16, 2008
Messages
1
I have a different problem than most people. Ever since when I was a child (5yr old), I’ve never had anyone to play with. I have older siblings but most of the time I was left alone to play by myself. After my high school year, I find myself again without any friend. The old loneliness feeling would creeps right back again. I knew then that I would have to prepare for a lonely life ahead so I’ve trained my self not to depend on anyone for my emotional needs.

I have worked for the same company for 25 years and the last 10 years was like in hell. No one at work would have a social contact with me. They will talk to me only if they need to or want something. Everyday for over 10 years, I would eat alone in my office since no one would invite me to sit with them. If I invite myself over, they would make excuses and leave the table immediately. Since the company was downsizing anyway, I’ve decided to volunteer and take their severance package, because I wasn’t really happy and I was fortunate enough to be financially secure for early retirement in my late 40’s. That was over 3 years ago.

Sometimes I feel that because I am from an Asian decent, people are not comfortable to socialize with me. Both of my parents are gone now for over 30 years. My siblings have not spoken to me or corresponded with me for over 5 years. We have never been a close- knit family. The only reason I have not broken down emotionally is because I’ve been preparing for this lonely life of mine, my entire life.

Today, I am sitting alone at home with no one to talk to for at least the last 3 years. I have no friends, no family, no love, no social life, and no one cares. My only fear today is, dying alone in my house and never gets discovered for years. No one really knows or care that I exist.
 

salvage

Redshirt
Local time
Today, 11:04
Joined
Jun 16, 2008
Messages
7
I am naturally a loner. Over the past few years, I was pretty much alone, mostly because I could not find anyone to relate to, and wasn't exactly trying hard. But in the past six months I was able to meet people online, some of whom I have actually become close with and have met. Needless to say, I feel much less lonely now, but I will still always have that innate tendency. I view it as a good thing, on the whole.
 

Kuu

>>Loading
Local time
Today, 10:04
Joined
Jun 7, 2008
Messages
3,399
Location
The wired
I do feel lonely often. But I don't worry much about that anymore. Everybody is alone. Lost in our heads, in our misunderstandings...

But that is not a reason to be depressed. We should not base our happiness on others! We can dream and think and achieve, on our own! Find something you are passionate about, and follow it! Creation is the source of enjoyment...
 

Cabbo Pearimo

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
715
Location
Northern Ireland
I don't get lonely. I get reclusive. I don't care about the attention of other people (and I do know that sounds so pretentious, but seriously) so I have no knowledge of the emotion of (among others) lonliness.


How Vulcan is that?
 

Melkor

*Silent antagonist*
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Apr 16, 2008
Messages
5,767
Location
Béal feirste
-whisphers to Tekton-


'he is a WEIRDO....'
 

Melkor

*Silent antagonist*
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Apr 16, 2008
Messages
5,767
Location
Béal feirste
I always feel alone, mostly cause no one understands me cause of being an INTP and having high intelligence (most of my family are dumb or average int), most people automatically think I'm a pshycopath so making friends is hard and plus i don't talk about my personality or feelings to anyone not even my closest friends or family.

Aww thanks for sharing that.
Now I know you don't appreciate your family, you are a wannabe Psychopath,
(you ain't never gonna get as good as me boy!)
you consider yourself better than many and you have next to no emotions.



I'm just going that way, don't follow.
 

Kuu

>>Loading
Local time
Today, 10:04
Joined
Jun 7, 2008
Messages
3,399
Location
The wired
-nods-

'I know. Star Trek is so like, like the last generation'
 

Aphasia

Well-Known Member
Local time
Tomorrow, 00:04
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
502
Location
Who wants to know?
I never feel lonely unless I'm in a crowd. (I can't remember where I got or modified that quote from)
 

Saturnine

Member
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Jul 16, 2008
Messages
64
Location
USA
I hate being lonely, but am generally unmotivated to find companionship.
 

PreAlgebra

Member
Local time
Today, 09:04
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
56
Location
Phoenix
I feel especially lonely when I am around those that I am supposed to be close with, such as family or sometimes my best friend( but things are complicated between us) because I cant help but think that they do not understand me at all. This makes having close relationships very hard.

The general feeling of loneliness is always underneath somewhere and man does it suck. It can be so consuming.
 

Saturnine

Member
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Jul 16, 2008
Messages
64
Location
USA
I feel especially lonely when I am around those that I am supposed to be close with, such as family or sometimes my best friend( but things are complicated between us) because I cant help but think that they do not understand me at all. This makes having close relationships very hard.

The general feeling of loneliness is always underneath somewhere and man does it suck. It can be so consuming.

Your right...it's realllly hard to be around people who don't understand you, and why bother trying to make them understand, they probably never will.
 

Jordan~

Prolific Member
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
1,967
Location
Dundee, Scotland
I only feel lonely when I'm alone (surprisingly). Even if there are people in the house who aren't talking to me, I don't feel lonely. I feel like my best friends understand me well, one of them being INTJ and thus able to grasp the obvious differences between us, one of them being INFP, and the other being ENFP and generally good at empathising with people.
 

severus

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 08:04
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
519
Location
U.S.
I have three friends (who may or may not like me) and hanging out with them makes me feel lonely. I always feel like they're excluding me. For example, we'll go swimming and they will be trying to untie eachother's tops, and then I'm just off to the side. Or we'll use the Ouja board (witchcraft!) and they'll be asking questions (when will I lose my virginity?), and I'll be just sitting there, silent.
I haven't seen any of them in several weeks. I am okay with that. I hate calling people and asking them to come over. If I don't have friends, I won't feel pressured to make plans.


Alone, but not lonely.
 

Ogion

Paladin of Patience
Local time
Today, 17:04
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
2,310
Location
Germany
I'm generally not lonaly too. Alone, yes most of the time, but not lonely. I have one really good friend (i am 21 and know him for 20 years or so ;))and one good friend. Both of them live some 3 hours in the train away, so we mostly communicate over the internet. Here, in university and my dormitory, i have some aquaintances, but you know, tahts just some people with whom i talk from time to time (like when in 'class' or here in the kitchen). They are however not really friends. I regularly go to the local LUG (Linux User Group), because they are nice people and you can have good conversations withem.

But i do not have some real close people. And till now i don't feel like needing them. One thing though sometimes i wish for: Some close person with whom to share my life. And i don't mean a relationship... That person had to be from another kind. Like be an AI (Artificial Intelligence, short a computer), an alien, a ghost, a magical being, an unvisible friend perhaps. I don't know, probably this sounds silly, but i think that would be great. To have some companion of the mind, an intellectual/'spirital' ally, perhaps one whom you don't have to share with someone else.
Well, perhaps that is just the wish for your inner voice to be actually a different person, not just pretending to talk while in fact you are just talking with yourself :p

Ogion

BTW: perhaps the internet takes some funvtion of that 'person': You can have discussions with obviously other intelligent beings, while it stays very abstract. It is just words, in the end. That is probably the same reason why i like the internet more than the telephone...
 

Radioactive_Springtime

Active Member
Local time
Today, 11:04
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
314
Location
Maryland
I don't know I generally feel lonely if I have no one to talk to. It doesnt have to be in person, usually its over aim or through texting. It just makes me feel alot better to let out my ideas to someone. Any ideas about that? I am going through loss of someone who at least showed some understanding of who I am and how I work so that might be part of it. Pardon my emotional bitching, and my language.
 

fullerene

Prolific Member
Local time
Today, 11:04
Joined
Jul 16, 2008
Messages
2,158
It just makes me feel alot better to let out my ideas to someone. Any ideas about that?
Yes. Well, I mean, I can't tell you why it happens or anything... but I feel the same way. I often feel better though, when there's no one around, if I write down all my thoughts in a journal. It doesn't have to be a real one... pop open a word processor and start typing. Just write every word that comes into your head. After a few sentences your mind will probably start thinking of the next sentence as you're typing the first one. It slows down your thoughts a bit, makes them more logically connected (read: helpful), and I was actually surprised how much easier it was to see connections when I tried it. You wouldn't think it would make much of a difference, writing/typing to no one instead of just thinking to yourself, but it really does... or at least it does for me.
 

severus

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 08:04
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
519
Location
U.S.
When I feel the need to talk about something, I write a letter to someone. I guess it's more of a diary, though, because I don't actually send the letter. I dunno, I like the letter format.
 

Radioactive_Springtime

Active Member
Local time
Today, 11:04
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
314
Location
Maryland
I don't know. I just need to know Im not totally alone.
 

loveofreason

echoes through time
Local time
Today, 05:04
Joined
Sep 8, 2007
Messages
5,503
The Unsent Letter! Needing to address something/someone, to not be alone with one's thoughts... sitting down to write, composing, outpouring... the creation of an other through the externalisation of thought/feeling. The unsent letter is potent medicine indeed. It fascinates me how it somehow creates a dialogue, and so diminishes loneliness - how it conjures up an audience even though it is never read by any but the author.

You're experiencing the human condition, Radioactive_Springtime. It hurts. There is no cure, only medicine. (Many of us find writing is powerful good, but only you know what works for you.)
 

Radioactive_Springtime

Active Member
Local time
Today, 11:04
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
314
Location
Maryland
I guess extraverted emotion won't develop itself.
 

loveofreason

echoes through time
Local time
Today, 05:04
Joined
Sep 8, 2007
Messages
5,503
I'm just about convinced INTPs are better off with imaginary friends, or constructed ones.

We have to exercise emotional expression with someone safe.
 

zxc

The Most Excellent Dave
Local time
Tomorrow, 03:04
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
578
Location
Melbourne, Australia
I've thought about leaving behind a mystery, an epic puzzle, after I die (which is perhaps an odd thought for an 18 year old), or even well before that. The thought that someone ingenious enough can also find that which was hidden intentionally, but with the purpose of being found in this manner, and of course only by a tiny group or even single individual (for to increase the number of people that know is to reduce the treasure that is left in my wake).

It probably sounds strange, and I haven't really explained it properly. I'm in a bit of a hurry though, and I just had to say something when that idea popped into my head once again.
 

Jordan~

Prolific Member
Local time
Today, 16:04
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
1,967
Location
Dundee, Scotland
If I'm going to die, I'm going to leave archaeological evidence. A tomb, probably, and some sort of monument to culture. I don't intend to, though. I sort of feel that if you ever resign to death, it's just going to happen. Thus, I will simply intend not to die. Things always seem to work our that when I intend to do something, it happens.
 

fullerene

Prolific Member
Local time
Today, 11:04
Joined
Jul 16, 2008
Messages
2,158
I'm just about convinced INTPs are better off with imaginary friends, or constructed ones.

We have to exercise emotional expression with someone safe.
eeh... feel more comfortable with them? Definitely. "Better off"? I doubt it... nobody would develop their weak functions interacting with someone who's just a subset of themselves. The most helpful people I've ever known are the ones where the person is of a near opposite type and our conversations developed into a rhythm of "what are your thoughts on...? What do you do with X part of yourself? What does Y look like in you?" It's just a little tough cause we're forced to drive those kinds of conversations, since the people who normally drive conversations take for granted things that aren't natural to us as a part of being human.
 

October

Member
Local time
Today, 18:04
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
46
Location
Europe
I'm happy when I'm alone. For example, I walk down from school with my friends every day to the subway, we share the same road - we share the same class, they come to me, they expect me to join their chats and get annoyed when I say only a few words - and when we leave school, I just want some space. One day after a lot of "socializing" at school, good and bad as well, I just felt like I was suffocating afterwards. That's when I walked past them and went by myself to the subway, I couldn't even stand by them, it was too much for me. I felt irritated and frustrated for not having space. This happens quite a lot. And they do get annoyed, but I've told one girl about it and she understood. Hopefully, the rest will understand as well - it's pretty weird to tell them without hurting their feelings.
 

fullerene

Prolific Member
Local time
Today, 11:04
Joined
Jul 16, 2008
Messages
2,158
I only just found out very recently that a lot of people take no feedback for bad feedback. I think it's natural for us to take our relationships for granted with people and understand space a little bit more, but I know that at least in some cases it comes off as unfriendly. It's a shame, really.
 

severus

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 08:04
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
519
Location
U.S.
If I'm going to die, I'm going to leave archaeological evidence. A tomb, probably, and some sort of monument to culture. I don't intend to, though. I sort of feel that if you ever resign to death, it's just going to happen. Thus, I will simply intend not to die. Things always seem to work our that when I intend to do something, it happens.
"i intend to live forever. So far, so good."
I'm not sure where that's from, but it seems fitting. :)


I plan on killing myself after I have completed my long list of life goals.
 

Dissident

Prolific Member
Local time
Today, 13:04
Joined
Apr 29, 2008
Messages
1,415
Location
Way south.
Funny quote.

The list thing is not for me, it would change every year so it would be imposible to fulfill, I dont quite like the suicide part either :p

Be sure to take your time on those goals, finnishing too soon would be a waste.
 

Ogion

Paladin of Patience
Local time
Today, 17:04
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
2,310
Location
Germany
You know, in a sense i could perhaps tell the same of me (as severus says), although my list is so long, that i am afraid i am gonna die earlier... ;)
No, really, if i were to make a list of life goals, i would work so long on it, that would probably take already half of my lifetime. Seriously. Just think of all the books out there, of so much things to learn, of so much things to experience... I can see no end there...

Ogion
 

severus

Well-Known Member
Local time
Today, 08:04
Joined
Jul 14, 2008
Messages
519
Location
U.S.
Funny quote.

The list thing is not for me, it would change every year so it would be imposible to fulfill, I dont quite like the suicide part either :p

Be sure to take your time on those goals, finnishing too soon would be a waste.
Ha, I know I keep changing the list. I am afraid of being old. Not like an adult, but wrinkly and senile and all that stuff. I want to kill myself before I can lose my mind. But, I probably will end up taking so long to complete my list, that I will already be old and won't understand why I once planned suicide.

Also, the list is not even complete. It's mostly just places I want to go and things I want to see there.
 
Top Bottom