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CoryJames

Banned
Local time
Today 9:07 AM
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
914
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Location
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Hello everybody,

For those of you who know me, hello, for those of you who don't, hi.

Last night->tonight has been a very interesting time for me. Thinking that it would assist me in doing my paper, I purchased some adderall from a friend at around 7PM(yesterday). 4X20mg IR. They were gone before 11PM, snorted or swallowed. My paper remained un-started. After going out for a hookah session with this same friend who sold them to me, he agreed to give me 5 more 10mg XR so I could stay awake all night and today to keep working. As of 8 AM, the paper still remained un-started. I finished my final 2 10 XR by around 2 PM today (all were snorted). At this point in time, I had not eaten solid food since the day before, and even then, I had only eaten a few bites of salad and a hard boiled egg. I had consumed about 6 Monster Energy drinks at this point.

I realized that I had not been able to get any work done because I was busy posting here, as some of you mentioned, like a fiend. All of my Speeded enhancement was funneled into here. For this I apologize. By around noon today I had already realized that my world was a bit loopy. My brain wasn't working right, I was tired but at the same time couldn't dream of laying down. I began working on my paper, finally, but was not clearheaded enough to do this. Of course, I managed to secure myself 2 more 30mg XR adderalls from a female friend at around 3PM. The first I took immediately to maintain my grip on reality. I had to attend an Honor Board for a drinking violation earlier in the year, barely able to keep my mind focused enough to answer question with a minor amount of clarity. After that, I took my second 30 mg, and immediately had to suit up in a suit and tie for a fraternity ritual with a fellow chapter from the Boston area. It was at this point that I began to sweat profusely, though it was cold. Now I find myself here, having just purchased and consumed a final 2 30 mg, in some hopes that I will be able to finish this god damn cursed evil paper.

I do not know why I wrote all this out. I had originally intended for this to be a post your favorite internet meme thread, to counteract all the serious, dark meanness that I have been showing all day.

This always puts a smile on my face:
c6cf5c1e-69d5-4f33-901e-c1d6c0436b80.jpg



Anyways, here is the moral of the story. The last two days, for some reason, have found me reverted back into my old self destructive tendencies. I do not know why. Some of you may have had to deal with being annoyed because of it, and for that I apologize. Though I do not know what tomorrow will bring, I hope to be back to my normal self, as this, while fun the first night, is beginning to turn into a bit of a nightmare.
 

Tyria

Ryuusa bakuryuu
Local time
Today 2:07 PM
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I think you need help Cory. Find someone who cares about you and will really listen to you. Talk to them.

Please don't buy anymore Adderall. Please don't take anymore Adderall the way you have been. They aren't meant to be taken like that.

You're hurting yourself.

Please find help.
 

The Gopher

President
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Tomorrow 12:07 AM
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Aug 26, 2010
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4,671
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yeah I gave up trying to keep up with your posts. If only we could temp ban you for 1 day so you can get your paper done.
 

warryer

and Heimdal's horn sounds
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I was thinking you were close becoming the next MunkeySpanker. You should copy and paste all your posts into your report and turn that in. I'm sure you'd meet any page requirements :D

The reason you reverted is because you weren't ready to change your "old" ways. I was in a similar situation before. I was doing anything to get fucked up (not saying you are). I got caught and continued self-destructing until I hit the point where I knew if I continued I was going to mess up my life. Rock bottom was just one straw on the camel's back away. Trust me you do not want to reach this point it can break you if you aren't mentally and/or emotionally strong enough to handle it.

Know what you are getting into before playing with fire.
 

The Gopher

President
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yeah and what's worse is INTP are quite mentally strong but there is a snapping point and once you snap.... and yeah I thought it was more a smeagle case as he was on a medication that gave strange effects not the same but like what Christopher is doing.
 

Jesse

Internet resident
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Oct 4, 2010
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Go to sleep, I can do that paper. And you haven't annoyed me at all, its been entertaining.
 

CoryJames

Banned
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Today 9:07 AM
Joined
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Messages
914
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Thanks for the concern guys. Defeated the paper monster, and the pills are wearing off. For some reason, I don't think I am gonna like the way tomorrow morning feels.


FYI, I didn't continue taking them all day for fun OR destructive purposes. I was actually taking them so I could make it to all my commitments and not fall behind even further. Sad necessity, I know, but its the way it goes.
 

Jennywocky

Tacky Flamingo
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The reason you reverted is because you weren't ready to change your "old" ways. I was in a similar situation before. I was doing anything to get fucked up (not saying you are). I got caught and continued self-destructing until I hit the point where I knew if I continued I was going to mess up my life. Rock bottom was just one straw on the camel's back away. Trust me you do not want to reach this point it can break you if you aren't mentally and/or emotionally strong enough to handle it.

Nice point.

Yeah, a known axiom is that people do not truly change until they are truly ready to change... and you can't force it, or the change doesn't last. Unfortunately, "Rock-Bottom" is sometimes a necessary waystation on the route to improving one's life.

Live and learn, though... that's how we each get through.
 

CoryJames

Banned
Local time
Today 9:07 AM
Joined
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Messages
914
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Location
Massachusetts
I didn't begin taking them to self destruct, or at least did not do so on a conscious level. Even after it began to spiral, I was not taking them destructively, but rather, at that point, out of necessity (thats the shitty thing about addy, once you get to a certain point, it is the only thing that can keep you going, and only do so while making you feel physically worse).

Either way, despite only getting two hours of sleep over the last 72 hours, and still not being able to convince my throat to want food, I feel alright considering the degree of the binge and the short timespan over which I consumed them.

Though I do appreciate the concern, and this is mainly aimed at Tyria, I do hope you guys realize I am not suicidal. Those days are behind me. The only thing I will admit is that I do have a tendency to sometimes throw myself into substances and even occasionally lifestyles with an addicts fervor. I do not really know why. Escape?

Edit:not permanent escape, those of you who like to cry suicide.
 

warryer

and Heimdal's horn sounds
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Joined
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Yep that's the thing about amphetamines. Gives you a burst of energy but, taxes the hell out of your body. You were looking for an easy way out and it blew up in your face.

I get what you're saying though. The problem starts when you become reliant on the drug to make all your appointments or escape all the time. The fact that you started this thread tells me you are aware of this.
 

CoryJames

Banned
Local time
Today 9:07 AM
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
914
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Location
Massachusetts
I actually started the thread because I wanted a meme thread, but last time tried making one the site went down for all those hours, then I wanted to make one again then but my brain was broken.
 
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