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Joy with other people

Ex-User (8886)

Well-Known Member
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#1
So, I am too serious person and I can get sympathy of some people that I care about, especially that girl I want to have sex with. I have enought trust, but what I lack is joy, having fun with people, smile and joke. I usually analyse everything too much and can't laught.
I know that you guys aren't experts, but I want to have an opinion is a person who was also bad at this and learned it. Do you have any advices for me?
 

Animekitty

(ISFP)-(E)(N)(T)(P)
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#2
It depends on what you see as beautiful.
A song goes "Its so beautify it makes you want to cry".
That is where joy comes from.
I would go with your ideal.
Is anything no matter what it is, the most beautiful to you.
Your happy thought.
 

higs

Circular flapologist
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#3
watch things that make you laugh and learn to see the funny side of things? I think the more you laugh at stuff or see humor the better you get at creating it. So I think you should simply be on the lookout for things that make you laugh.

Very diverse list of funny things :

Monty Python
Community
Black Books
Rick and Morty
Louis CK stand up
Octodad
Half life
The Stanley Parable
Hitchiker's guide to the galaxy
Discworld novels by Terry Prachett
Charlie Chaplin modern times
Jungle book
Aladdin
looney toons (yeah I like cartoons)
Calvin and Hobbes
Basset Hound puppies
Budgerigars
funny people you may know irl or on internet (I actually find a large percentage of people on here funny)
XKCD


etc etc these are personal tastes ofc

Go out with people and get uninhibited/relaxed (alcohol is short cut for this), learn to banter like Dylan Moran or Oscar Wilde, being witty is a skill, and I'm not sure you can learn it unless you're bored and have to entertain yourself just by talking to someone. Real time interaction. No screens for distraction. Or just do dumb absurd stuff, it doesn't have to be elaborate. Recognizing, pointing out and creating the absurd.

Also a lot of humor comes from analysis so analyzing is not necessarily a draw back imo, I don't think humor is necssarily superficial, I think a lot of it is pretty profound. I often have the intuition that stand up comics sort of seem pretty similar to philosophers in some sense.

Alternatively, let us know what sort of things you find funny so we get some idea of your sense of humor.

 

Serac

A menacing post slithers
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#4
that girl I want to have sex with
You're a man of clear-cut tastes, my friend.

Anyways, as higs said, start by figuring out your own sense of humor – what amuses you. When you're with other people, say things that puts you in a good mood. That automatically puts other people in a good mood. Watching funny stuff and getting used to laugh in general is also good. Genuine laughter is very contagious.

Analysis is good, but it shouldn't bore other people. People love to hear interesting stuff, but not many are interested in analyzing things in detail during conversation or hearing some boring monologue. Stand-up comedians are indeed experts at presenting interesting points in a way which is amusing, and there's a lot to learn from them in that regard.

I don't think alcohol should be seen as a tool in this. Yes, you become looser and more spontaneous while you're drunk, but 1) that typically goes completely away when you sober up and thus provides no development of you as a person and 2) if you're not good at vibing with people when sober, the drunk version will typically be just be a more extroverted version of that – a version which says a bunch of stupid shit which doesn't please anyone.

Yeah, I also used to have the problem of not being able to turn off the analysis-machine – this thing where you meta-analyze everything around you, making you detached from the situation you're in, which leads you to not saying anything ever and making you appear very aloof and boring to other people. My solution was not to combat it, but rather learn how to express those thoughts in a funny and entertaining way. That makes you both authentic – true to who you really are – and it puts you in a good mood, and, of course, it makes you present in the actual social situation you're in.
 

higs

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#5
Uh Yeah good point, I wouldn't want my alcohol comment to be taken as advice to get shitfaced. I think for some people though the uninhibitive effects in moderate doses (I'm thinking bordering on tipsy here rather than starting to slur words, like a cocktail or two :p) can really help them get out of their shy zone, and for me anyway, I consider that it taught me to interact or hmmm..."vibe", as you say, in ways I can replicate while sober. I think it's a social lubricant with beneficial effects if not abused or not depended on, and that's partly why it is so popular.

Also mdma taught me to dance screw you drugs are great.

This being said, I was in a bar three nights ago and spent about 20 minutes getting rid of this dude called Fred. Fred was repeating himself and very boring. Fred would invade your personal space. If you finally dropped the hinting technique and told him to fuck off explicitely Fred would forget you had done so approximately 2 minutes later. Fred should not drink and anyone who becomes Fred like when they do should cease immediately.

One could say that "Vibing" is the opposite of "Fredding".
 

Pyropyro

Magos Biologis
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#6
I suggest something sort of a bridge: board games.

It's analytical enough to engage the Ti yet social enough to give the other cognitive functions.

As for dancing, go zumba :D It's quite fun!
 

Serac

A menacing post slithers
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#7
mdma taught me to dance screw you drugs are great.
Come to think of it, doing drugs is a good way to make new friends. Doing a couple of cocaine lines with somebody can be a very bonding experience.

Come to think even more of it, I'm probably wrong about alcohol as well.
 

higs

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#8
Oh the dude working in finance does the occasional cocaine such shock.
 
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#9
Alcohol can stop you analysing and allow you to be yourself which isn't so bad as long as yourself isn't so bad which is probably isn't. Then you can realise yourself is actually fine and just be yourself sober.

Often people ask me if I've been drinking when I'm sober. I'm pretty sure it's a good thing because at least I enjoy myself.
 

Ex-User (8886)

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#10
Thanks for responses.
After trying to write something intelligent and then deleted many times what I've wrote I find the idea about what do I want.
These INFP guys, like Johnny Depp are supposed to be the most funny people. Many people say how funny they are and I think it can be solution for me. I probably can't be as good, because Fi people have special taste about what is funny and what is distasteful, but still I think I can learn it.

it's what I have in mind:

You're a man of clear-cut tastes, my friend.
Lastly, INTJ guys taught me to be more straightforward.
Often people ask me if I've been drinking when I'm sober. I'm pretty sure it's a good thing because at least I enjoy myself.
I noticed, that I feel the best around people when everyone's drunk and I'm sober. Especially with girls ;D
So I come to parties being late, everyone is drunk and happy and I don't have to drink much (because I don't like to :c )
 
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