is it true that INTPs are shy?

[rusty shackleford]

i know that the E/I thing is not a measure of shyness or not, but a matter of from where you 'draw your energy' (whatever that means). do you consider yourself shy? are there non-shy INTPs here? in my experience, most INTPs keep to themselves and do not open up easily. they usually don't volunteer information until they start talking about something they're fanatical about -- then they'll talk your ear off (and i say this lovingly of course =] ). is that about accurate?


btw- i'm definitely an NTP (trying to decide whether i'm really an E-- also curious, what makes a person 'I').

thx-

 

[Ermine]

I'm an INTP, and I'd say I'm kind of shy, but in a different way than usual. A lot of the things I do (or don't do) that translate to shyness are actually my tendency to question and rationalize my way out of a lot of things. On the other hand, I'm not afraid to speak or perform in public, just so long as I'm prepared. Though I don't talk much, it's not because I'm afraid, just because I don't feel anything needs to be said. I'm just socially tentative, particularly with the opposite sex.

Wow, I just realized that I rationalized that I'm not all that shy... I actually am. Just not out of fear. I'll do anything if I see fit.

However, the introvertedness is not shyness as much as it is an inward focus. I imagine that I'll somehow come out of my shell someday, but I'll always be introverted. I'll always prefer a great book and a couch to a party. I'll always appreciate the quiet moments of solitude more than I do hanging out in large groups.

 

[rusty shackleford]

Though I don't talk much, it's not because I'm afraid, just because I don't feel anything needs to be said. I'm just socially tentative,

Yes, exactly-
I think this is the part where it gets a little confusing for me. I defintiely agre with that statement. I identify a lot with not saying something if it doesn't contribute in some say (I think this has to do with the NT obsession of being 'efficient').

Being an NT is a lonely existence at times, despite having lots of interactions with people. There are only a certain number of people (IRL) who actually can get into what your'e talking about. I wonder if i'm confusing this as an E/I thing.

thanks for your reply.

 

[Oblivious]

I feel guilty about it, but I've actually fallen asleep more than once during those hours long conversations my friends have when I go out with them. Especially when beer has been had. Sometimes they continue talking and other times they just wake me up.

I just can't really connect.

 

[Radioactive_Springtime]

I just find it hard not to come off as an asshole.

 

[loveofreason]

Perhaps the word 'reserved' better fits the INT. INTPs because we're second guessing ourselves and prefer detachment (still collecting data - any statement will be redundant the second it is issued!). INTJs because they don't want to waste their breath.

ENTPs don't seem backward about sharing their ideas, regardless of their audience.

 

[Zero]

I'm not shy. Depending on the situation I may talk. For some reason it seems like I always end up around someone who just thinks I look like a perfect listener and talk at me. I tend to get along well with males. Females kind of scared me (especially when they were in those groups), unless the were much older or much younger. Now I am okay around females. It's like I kind of finally sort of figured them out. I don't really have any RL female friends right now though. I'm not even sure if I have male friends right now. There's only so much hiatus a situational friendship can take.

...Then I feel bad and I can't approach my friends, who I've ignored for a while... I usually socialize with people through school or through my family members.

My introversion is typically my highest percentage. Apparently in December last year it was...around 95% and in March it was 86%. I do not think it's ever been under 80%. I feel paranoid around other people, especially if I have to trust them (and don't know them that well). They make me nervous, sometimes I get bored or feel awkward around them. I don't like having to maintain relationships, expectations or constant/consistent socializing.

When ever I do socialize for a long time (which to me might be a couple of hours during the day) with people I worry about what I said and I how I acted (So I do often second guess myself, if not feel right out guilty). One time someone complimented me and I corrected them (Funny as it is there was another time when someone insulted me, I was taken so off guard I thanked them). I do this without even meaning to and then feel stupid for doing it. When I was younger my parents might get onto my case about not acting right or showing any interest in other people, but I didn't really have any...

 

[Ermine]

I totally understand your reasoning when it comes to people, but it's obvious that you're shy, but just for a different reason than others. If you feel paranoid around people, then something needs to change. I have the same paranoia and self doubt as you do, and I even have experienced the correcting compliments given to me and similar stuff like that. I've never been diagnosed for it but I think I have APD too in all seriousness.

While this is totally you, and totally me as well, you shouldn't and don't have to keep yourself within your original tendencies. A big part of life is transcending yourself and being the best you can be.

 

[EditorOne]

Definitely shy, but there are various devices and whatnot you can use to overcome it and avoid dysfunctionality. As a journalist, in the early years I'd literally put on a personality as a journalist; people expect you to ask questions, so it's easier to ask them.

One of the things you can do, using your "tools," is to think about how to get past the shyness as an obstacle. And you can occasionally notice useful things. Rules for wedding planners: If you want more people to dance at the reception, you need to 1. remove some of the tables and chairs after the meal, even if you don't need to and 2. turn down the lights. 1 puts more people on their feet already and 2 gives confidence to all the shy people in the room who will dance under cover of darkness but will not dance under bright lights. :-)

Being in a room full of people is still hard work for me. Another device I've come to use is to find a role as an event organizer or club officer or something quasi-official; not only is it easier to be at these things with a specific purpose, but the camouflage of officialdom allows you to beat an escape, say, to the kitchen to check on the sauce or something vague and get a break from the overwhelming disorganized tidal wave of random babble.

 

[rusty shackleford]

I just find it hard not to come off as an asshole.

I read this and I thought, "Wait, is he calling me an asshole? What an asshole!" and then I read it again, and I was like, 'aww.'

INTPs second guessing themselves? Is this a known trait?

I definitely agree with you about the INTJs not wasting their breath-- I lived with one for awhile and, man, and what they do/don't do, or say/don't say -- it's all premeditated somehow. definitely not my style.

 

[loveofreason]

Definitely shy, but there are various devices and whatnot you can use to overcome it and avoid dysfunctionality. As a journalist, in the early years I'd literally put on a personality as a journalist; people expect you to ask questions, so it's easier to ask them.

One of the things you can do, using your "tools," is to think about how to get past the shyness as an obstacle. And you can occasionally notice useful things. Rules for wedding planners: If you want more people to dance at the reception, you need to 1. remove some of the tables and chairs after the meal, even if you don't need to and 2. turn down the lights. 1 puts more people on their feet already and 2 gives confidence to all the shy people in the room who will dance under cover of darkness but will not dance under bright lights. :-)

Being in a room full of people is still hard work for me. Another device I've come to use is to find a role as an event organizer or club officer or something quasi-official; not only is it easier to be at these things with a specific purpose, but the camouflage of officialdom allows you to beat an escape, say, to the kitchen to check on the sauce or something vague and get a break from the overwhelming disorganized tidal wave of random babble.

I've found this very useful in overcoming my reservations and fears of social interaction. Once I have an official role to fulfill, I can put on that personality (as you put it so well!) and take action. The real me is safely tucked away behind the temporary persona. It can be exhilerating to take 'risks' I'd never contemplate if it were the actual me out there in the limelight. It can be exhilerating exploring other personalities this way! But boy does it take some effort. It gives a rush, but in the end it costs more energy than it harvests.

I think if someone really has an E preference, then it would be the 'real' them out there in the social arena. They wouldn't feel the need to hide behind roles.

 

[vic]

I've found this very useful in overcoming my reservations and fears of social interaction. Once I have an official role to fulfill, I can put on that personality (as you put it so well!) and take action. The real me is safely tucked away behind the temporary persona. It can be exhilerating to take 'risks' I'd never contemplate if it were the actual me out there in the limelight. It can be exhilerating exploring other personalities this way! But boy does it take some effort. It gives a rush, but in the end it costs more energy than it harvests.

I think if someone really has an E preference, then it would be the 'real' them out there in the social arena. They wouldn't feel the need to hide behind roles.

According to the test, I have an I preference. However, every once in a while I innately force myself to go out and talk with other people. Sometimes I drink a little to break myself down, and then I go out there pretending I'm a super star when in reality i'm not. It sometimes works, and it sometimes doesnt. But like you mentioned, I sometimes find it exhilarating to take risks. Amongst my friends, I'm often seen as the person who does things pretty randomly way outside his comfort zone.

But like you said, there's a cost to it. You can only do it for so long before you get tired (or the booze wears off and you hit a low)

 

[alierae]

"I sometimes find it exhilarating to take risks. Amongst my friends, I'm often seen as the person who does things pretty randomly way outside his comfort zone."

Vic- I can totally relate to this. Occasionally I feel completely unlike myself and act like another person. My friends have a huge influence on this behavior. They are much more outgoing then myself so their extrovertedness "rubs off" on me. I guess this is a good thing, if you want to be more outgoing.

Plus, I have gotten much better at interacting with people at my school and new people. This might also have to do with my friends but I think it has more to do with my self-confidence and my self-awareness which has come about over the past year. I am not exactly sure why I went through this change recently but I am enjoying my new me.

 

[vic]

Alierae,

Like you, I'm surrounded by people who are much more extroverted. It forces me to be a little more outgoing, and I sometimes force it upon myself. I use the word "force", because I naturally don't want to do it. I only do it because I tell myself that's the ONLY way for me to meet people. How else can I find that idealistic ENF(T)J?

Through those experiences, like you, I was able to go through a significant change but yet was still an INTP by nature. I went through a lot of change after graduating college 4 years ago to now. I'm also enjoying it, and I do feel more confident and comfortable when interacting with other extroverted people - though i have a tendency to feel it's out of my norm still.

 

[Zero]

I totally understand your reasoning when it comes to people, but it's obvious that you're shy, but just for a different reason than others. If you feel paranoid around people, then something needs to change. I have the same paranoia and self doubt as you do, and I even have experienced the correcting compliments given to me and similar stuff like that. I've never been diagnosed for it but I think I have APD too in all seriousness.

While this is totally you, and totally me as well, you shouldn't and don't have to keep yourself within your original tendencies. A big part of life is transcending yourself and being the best you can be.

Your comments make me extremely nervous. It just so happens that recently I've been dealing with a pain in the ass that has been trying to ... assimilate them self with me in order to establish some kind of friendship. But this assimilation has backfired and I've not only found it annoying and inconsistent, but this person has made me very suspicious of them. As a matter of fact I've told them several times I hate them.

So I'm a little frayed when it comes to people comparing themselves to me. If you're an INTP and if I'm an INTP it stands to reason that way have some things in common. However, I can't say I take it lightly when someone claims to have the same disability I do (I would certainly never wish it on someone else). That, in itself, since I haven't been tested recently, wouldn't count, so to speak. I was diagnosed when I was beginning school. Despite the fact that I still display signs for it, if I were to bring up the APD in court or something it wouldn't stand if I haven't been tested more recently. Some people are absent minded or have selective hearing.

It seems like my last therapist told me we would work on funneling out distracting noises and didn't get around to that. Like that high pitched frequency sound. I don't know if that's directly connected to APD though. I can hear the TV in the other room, even if the screen's blank and it looks off, I can hear that it's on.

Some people think they have everything or anything that comes up (sometimes it seems to be an intense form of paranoia and a few times I wondered if I had something or would be attacked [especially when I happen to catch something on Life Time]. Then I ate a few strips of raw bacon and didn't get sick from it and decided my body had become hardy over the years of abuse and sparse eating habits) It bother me to see people like those kids who go around saying "I must be ADD".

I don't care about transcending myself. The very idea seems fishy to me... What do I transcend to be like? Who is perfect and who is superior? I am what I am.



I don't have a problem with socializing when I feel like it. Unless I know what I'm going to talk about, I'm not always right on target with my wording, but if there's anything I would like to work on (maybe that is transcending ... seems like such a loaded word) it would be allowing myself enough time to respond, as long as there's time to do so.

Today even, I was talking to a tour guide and while we were walking the tour I blew some bubbles, because sometimes I feel compelled to do such things. I blew the bubbles and then slipped the container into my back pocket like nothing out of the ordinary had happened (I like to be at the back of the group btw, I'm not sure if that's pretty common for INTPs [I like to wander off]). People in the group were apparently looking around for where the bubbles had come from and my mom was standing right next to me. She gave me this look like "did YOU do that?" She only knew it was me, because I've done it before. She told me that all these people who come and visited Colorado are going to think bubbles just appear out of nowhere. I was bored and didn't think about it at the time, but now it seems pretty funny.

My mom is outgoing so going anywhere with her I feel like half the time I have to expect people to feel offended around us. She said the tour was leading us around like cattle. We got separated from the group when we took an elevator, they took the stairs. We then wandered around and I had to comment about how fat this one squirrel was. I felt I had to harass this squirrel, went over to the railing and told him/her how fat s/he was. Not that any of this was particularly extroverted or anything. There was no one around, at least not many people.

Some of my behavior was probably due to the fact that I could hardly feel particularly threatened by anyone or anything when my mom was around stating her opinion loud enough for everyone to overhear. To some extent my behavior adjust to the other person I'm with. I don't feel like I'm not myself though, especially with family. I just adjust, because they're all very different people. Everyone else in my family is introverted. With my dad I feel like I just need to make myself useful. He doesn't get mad easily or anything, but he's really quiet compared to my mom. He and my bro have a good sense of humor though very different. When I try to be funny/sarcastic people might look at me horrified. Other times my humor is morbid enough they realize I'm joking or at least they hope.

I just realized that the tour guide came over and talked to me and so did our neighbor today. I apparently look like an approachable person. I don't that camo thing working for me. I don't really try to though. It doesn't bother me, half the time (especially with the summer being here) people are just commenting on my tattoos.

 

[uksubhuman]

I've found this very useful in overcoming my reservations and fears of social interaction. Once I have an official role to fulfill, I can put on that personality (as you put it so well!) and take action. The real me is safely tucked away behind the temporary persona. It can be exhilerating to take 'risks' I'd never contemplate if it were the actual me out there in the limelight. It can be exhilerating exploring other personalities this way! But boy does it take some effort. It gives a rush, but in the end it costs more energy than it harvests.

I think if someone really has an E preference, then it would be the 'real' them out there in the social arena. They wouldn't feel the need to hide behind roles.

Well I'm brand new here, but I felt the need to register after having read your comment.

I turned 25 last month, and right about that time I suddenly came to the realization that I hadn't been in a romantic relationship for over two years; a fact whose remedy I've since been figuring out.

Now I've know that I'm INTP ever since high school -- multiple tests have asserted the conclusion, and every time I read a description of the personality type I have to laugh because it's so goddamn accurate.

Your comment struck me because for a while I also thought that playing a role was how I handle social situations. But over the last couple of weeks I've been taking stock of my social interactions and trying to figure out how I can meet people without putting on some sort of a fake self. After some thought I'm thinking that maybe we DON'T naturally put on a fake self when taking on roles -- as INTPs I think we just happen to be much more comfortable when our position in a group is clearly defined.

Shy? Not because we're INTPs, though it's certainly valid that an INTP could be shy. The word I would use is "dissociated," at least in the kinds of situations that don't provide a valid, logical purpose for our being there. Bars/clubs are a perfect example of where one of our type might have a hard time interacting, but, as you mentioned, an official role is likely to engage our Ti process and put us more at ease.

The next question is how to go about finding said "focused" social venues :P

 

[Oblivious]

You know I have a feeling that E types just do it naturally and do not really require having roles defined for them. It seems to me they do not have to read a group before they interact with it, that understanding a group is not a prerequisite. The main reason for my thinking this is because I notice this forum sure talks a lot for a bunch of introverts! Maybe its because we all share similar psychological types we know what to expect?

The question is how Es do this in a normal setting? Why? Do they already have preconceived notions or some intuitive understanding of how they want to act? Maybe they act first then gauge the reactions as opposed to how we'd do it; gauge then act.

The main difference between Es and Is is the 'required amount of social interaction', but it seems that there is more stopping Is from interacting than merely 8 glasses of talk a day. Maybe the lessened need translates into less developed social skills?

That aside, common conversation topics other people and I have are few to non-existent, and even then, we just think too differently.

 

[Linsejko]

Without hesitation I respond that I am not shy.

There is no question; there was none reading the first post, and none arose reading all the others. I spend a very large amount of time alone, and I don't just 'like' everyone (and may even avoid the very loud, unintelligent, boisterous ones), but I look forward to new people striking up conversation with me, as long as they have something to talk about. I like it when the phone rings, when a friend is calling about something.

Of course, I tell people when I give them my number that I very much enjoy conversing, but I don't like for people to call me when they are bored.

This very likely goes back to this vague notion we're throwing around of needing a defined 'role' in the conversation. In that case, I don't like the role being assigned. I also hate my time being tied up entertaining someone else, with nothing of value being said- I get no 'energy' from such talk.

All this to say, I'm not shy, though not 'outgoing' (by default). I just pick and choose who I want to talk with, and am perfectly fine sitting alone if no suitable friend is in the vicinity.

.L

 

[Zero]

I don't like phones at all... If someone wants to communicate with me on the phone I prefer text.

I guess the placement idea is true. Depending on who I'm with I try to figure out what role I play.

I suppose extroverts don't think about this, because being around people energizes them. Introverts usually regain energy by being alone. As long as we have some value or reason for socializing it doesn't feel like such an exhausting chore. For extroverts.... I would assume it isn't really a chore, it's what they like to do. Considering I'm not an extrovert myself I have a hard time explaining it. I did read an article about Understanding Introverts that actually helped me understand extroverts.

In the past I always thought (dramatic) extroverts were people who lacked confidence and needed the approval and constant relationships with other to give them some sense of value. I thought they were fake and being swept away by the artificial fame. It turns out they just thrive off of other people and come off energetic. I've sort of learned the difference between a confident extrovert and a clingy, desperate for attention sort of person. Extroverts always seem like they're loud and completely unaware if other people can hear them or they simply don't care. It seems like an extrovert won't stick around if you're not keeping them interested. Unlike clingy people a confident extrovert seems okay with themselves and they don't pick out people they need to cling to. Though hopefully the "clinginess" I'm describing isn't Feeling type. I would say feeling types want to take care of other people in some way.

I don't think a confident feeling type clings to people, but cares about them and might try more frequently to form bonds. It seems like the best sense of humors come from Feeling types and I think you can tell a Feeling type's self confidence by their humor. Feeling types are often supporters (it seems). I would assume an extroverted feeling type would try to keep in touch with everyone and form bonds, but not necessarily be clingy and needy. I could probably understand an introverted feeling types better than an extroverted feeling type. I would think an extroverted feeling type would be far from my understanding. Still, thinking or feeling, extroverts seem to thrive off of people.

Also, I wonder about people's definition of shy. I might be shy sometimes, but usually I don't care. I don't really define shy by just not speaking or going up to people all the time. I think it's also how you dress, what you do and so on.

 

[vic]

Also, I wonder about people's definition of shy. I might be shy sometimes, but usually I don't care. I don't really define shy by just not speaking or going up to people all the time. I think it's also how you dress, what you do and so on.

That's the same with me too. People just assume because I don't say anything, then I must be shy. I am definitely on the conservative side of things, but I will speak up if I feel the need to. Otherwise, I assume the situation doesn't need my personal opinion.

 

[wreckoning]

Just because someone is an introvert doesn't mean they have to be a hermit or that there is something wrong with them that needs to be "improved" . . . what's more if you are truly an introvert I doubt there is much you can do to really change that. If you are not well-adjusted, socially, that is something to work on; but not by trying to magically change oneself into an extrovert. You can try to put up false fronts of yourself to cope - and most people do this to some extent, especially introverts - but this does not change your inner temperament. The calming you feel when you are alone, when you can pull back and thing to yourself? That is what extroverts feel when they are around others. To become a true extrovert you'd have to reverse those feelings. Personally I could not do such a thing, nor would I want to. That being said I do sometimes wonder what it would like to come away from a social event and not feel drained in any way . . . and I imagine many extroverts wonder what it would be like to be able to spend time with themselves and not feel bored!

I am an INTP, and I am not shy. I quite frequently expose myself to new situations, new environments, new people. I feel comfortable talking with strangers.

However, when those things are complete, I am quite happy to return home, to spend some quiet time alone. And I don't feel the need to be a social butterfly every time I'm in a social environment. I think that is one of the marks of an introvert; it's not that you can't interact with others . . . but that you see interaction as a choice, and often you would just rather keep to yourself.

 

[Jordan~]

I'd say I'm slightly shy, but it's more just that I don't enjoy people's company. It's not that I feel particularly paranoid - among strangers, yes, very; but I fear being let down and I'm a bit of a misanthrope, which is more the reason than self-consciousness - but among friends, I'm perfectly comfortable. Family not so much, because our MBTIs mix in such a way that we seem to be constantly tip-toeing around eachother. And I always suspect ulterior motives. I also have a best friend who's ESFJ, which I've heard is quite common. Spending time with him can be difficult, because I prefer to get him alone or with someone else I trust (I'm very slow to trust - it's always proved prudent), and he prefers large gatherings of loud people who I see as false and over-the-top. So in short, I don't think we're shy. I just think most of us aren't too enthusiastic about people in general.

 

[loveofreason]

...

Your comment struck me because for a while I also thought that playing a role was how I handle social situations. But over the last couple of weeks I've been taking stock of my social interactions and trying to figure out how I can meet people without putting on some sort of a fake self. After some thought I'm thinking that maybe we DON'T naturally put on a fake self when taking on roles -- as INTPs I think we just happen to be much more comfortable when our position in a group is clearly defined.

Shy? Not because we're INTPs, though it's certainly valid that an INTP could be shy. The word I would use is "dissociated," at least in the kinds of situations that don't provide a valid, logical purpose for our being there. Bars/clubs are a perfect example of where one of our type might have a hard time interacting, but, as you mentioned, an official role is likely to engage our Ti process and put us more at ease.

The next question is how to go about finding said "focused" social venues :P

Those are really interesting observations.

I think we may be doing ourselves a disfavour though, when we refer to adopting a role as a "fake self". Fakeness comes from lack of sincerity. We can fulfill tightly defined roles with every degree of sincerity, feeling socially at ease while doing so because we have our legitimate purpose, or on-the-edge with the wave of risk it represents to us.

I'm earnestly sincere when I chair meetings, for example (and on the edge!). I want to execute my role well. It is not a fake me in front of those other people - it is the chair of meeting. This allows me to hide/protect the socially inept me and explore facets of my mind that otherwise wouldn't get an airing. I get to develop potential that would overwise be wasted without the 'excuse' that a role provides, and draw on all those varied imaginings that accumulate inside me. I think it is largely healthy.

I run into trouble when the role I'm in is a personal/informal one rather than a public/official one. As for clashes between roles! grrr!

But I think I understand what you mean - how can we ever let anyone see the 'real' self? ie. the one at repose, sans role. I'm not sure we can.

Maybe certain individuals can get closer and closer to central 'characters' that most resemble the core self, but they never reach the centre! It's one of those ever decreasing steps games.

I'm certain I'm ultimately alone. Sometimes that equates with lonely. Most often that equates with an exhilerating freedom.

 

[wreckoning]

I think we may be doing ourselves a disfavour though, when we refer to adopting a role as a "fake self". Fakeness comes from lack of sincerity. We can fulfill tightly defined roles with every degree of sincerity,

I agree with this immensely.

It seems to me that a lot of people out there put undue pressure on themselves trying to be understood and loved on every level. We put stock in ideas like "soulmates" and lovers who know us and complete us... the expectations are really high there and often unrealistic.

I believe that there are such things as fake personalities, people who are trying to be something that they are not. But I also believe that people often have trouble embracing duality and recognizing that they can have different characteristics at different times. It need not be different person that you are faking an impression of. It could be you, a different side of you. If you put on a role and you enjoy it and find fulfillment... guess what? It's not a role. It's a side of you that you didn't know you had.

As for communicating with each other sans role, I think that is very difficult. On some level there must always be a "screening" of one's self that turns into some kind of role. As I am writing this post I am not just writing exactly what comes to mind. I am thinking about it and trying to write it in a way that I think loveofreason and uksubhuman (and more reserved, lurking INTPs; I see you...) will understand. And this is dealing with fellow INTPs, intelligent, familiar with my language, perhaps from a similar age group, and similar cultures. Every conversation is a compromise between the people involved; who they "really" are and what can realistically be understood by the other participants.

 

[loveofreason]

I agree with this immensely.

It seems to me that a lot of people out there put undue pressure on themselves trying to be understood and loved on every level. We put stock in ideas like "soulmates" and lovers who know us and complete us... the expectations are really high there and often unrealistic.

I believe that there are such things as fake personalities, people who are trying to be something that they are not. But I also believe that people often have trouble embracing duality and recognizing that they can have different characteristics at different times. It need not be different person that you are faking an impression of. It could be you, a different side of you. If you put on a role and you enjoy it and find fulfillment... guess what? It's not a role. It's a side of you that you didn't know you had.

As for communicating with each other sans role, I think that is very difficult. On some level there must always be a "screening" of one's self that turns into some kind of role. As I am writing this post I am not just writing exactly what comes to mind. I am thinking about it and trying to write it in a way that I think loveofreason and uksubhuman (and more reserved, lurking INTPs; I see you...) will understand. And this is dealing with fellow INTPs, intelligent, familiar with my language, perhaps from a similar age group, and similar cultures. Every conversation is a compromise between the people involved; who they "really" are and what can realistically be understood by the other participants.

I concur.

 

[Saturnine]

I would say I'm shy, but I think it's just a self precaution. I'm very open around people I know and trust *there are VERY few*

 

[severus]

I used to think I was shy, but I have recently come to the conclusion that it is just an unwillingness to interact with others.

 

[Perseus]

Shy is a psycho-political mechanism to prevent damage from people you don't trust, and represents accurate behaviour.

What's a sweetheart like you doing in a dump like this?

 

[citrusbreath95]

I'm not really shy I just don't like sharing my opinions and thoughts to people I view unworthy of hearing it, or people I don't know well enough. I have an INTJ friend and ever since I started to hang out with her I am a little less quiet... though I'm still very much reserved... most of the time social interaction drains me. I don't like giving my opinion as I like people to wonder where I am coming from, and I find it uncalled for

 

[Adymus]

I am not shy, I just don't like dealing with people. Huge difference.

If I have to talk to people, or if I just want to I guess, then I have no problem at all doing it. But it is still a draining endeavor for me, so I tend to avoid it.

But yeah, there have been times where I have ended up being the outgoing one among extroverts.

 

[Words]

If I fully concentrate on Ti, then its temporarily no problem. But no matter the analyzing and rationality I try to force myself into, the shyness revives.

 

[Cavallier]

Wow. Thanks for digging up this thread.

I think of myself as reserved like LoR mentioned but I think the people who know me well would laugh at the idea of me being reserved. I don't like meeting new people because I don't really know what to say. I've learned over the years to ask the other person a lot of questions until finding common ground but if I'm not feeling it that day I'll just sort of stand/sit there awkwardly trying to not make eye contact. Other days I'll strike up conversations with strangers if they've given me some clue we have similar interests. Those are always awkward for the other person though I think. "So, I've noticed you have a Firefly messenger bag. Have you ever wondered if Joss Whedon is a big Cowboy Bebop fan?" I should really stop to consider whether or not the person I'm about to accost is prepared for 5 minutes of making loose intuitive associations between American television and 10 year old Japanese anime.

 

[aracaris]

i know that the E/I thing is not a measure of shyness or not, but a matter of from where you 'draw your energy' (whatever that means). do you consider yourself shy? are there non-shy INTPs here? in my experience, most INTPs keep to themselves and do not open up easily. they usually don't volunteer information until they start talking about something they're fanatical about -- then they'll talk your ear off (and i say this lovingly of course =] ). is that about accurate?


btw- i'm definitely an NTP (trying to decide whether i'm really an E-- also curious, what makes a person 'I').

thx-

When I was younger, I was definitely quite shy, but now generally I'm definitely not, with the exception of specific social situations that might could me feel insecure. But I'd say that I've become pretty confident when it comes to dealing with strangers, and large groups of people. It's just my preference to work with small groups or alone, and I don't have the need to be at the center of attention to nearly the same degree that my more extroverted peers do. In fact I most enjoy doing something that puts me at the center of attention when I'm so into what I'm doing, that I actually start to almost forget that I really am being watched by a crowd (for example when I'm performing and getting really into my music)
There are shy INTPs, but I am willing to bet there's shy people of all types, and it probably sucks even more to be a shy extrovert than a shy introvert.

Anyways most of what you mention describes a person whom is private and reserved, not a shy person, all though the two aren't mutually exclusive.

 

[Audentia]

I'm not a shy person. Only when it comes to someone of the opposite sex who is not only interested in me, but wants to be a part of my life, then I will get shy, nervous, uncomfortable, etc. just my nature until my shell is broken. Or if I'm trapped with a ton of extroverts who are talking my head off for a long time, eek. I get really quiet, lol. Then it is just a defense mechanism because I can't handle it and try to go into 'listener' mode so I can retract.

I can handle public speaking if I'm prepared, and can show authority if I must, but I prefer not to. I prefer to be more quiet, soft spoken, out of the spotlight.

Normally, though, I don't get shy. I like my space, I like quietude, and I need my solo time. And I dislike being social a whole lot or having to be massively assertive, but I can do it if I really have to. My job requires me to interact with people, be assertive, talk all day long, be the brunt of people's emotions and problems. Basically an INTPs idea of a horrible job no doubt, lol. So on my days off, all I want to do is be alone and recharge and chill out because it can be tiring playing an extrovert when I'm introverted.

When I was in grade school I could be painfully shy though. I don't know how I broke out of that, but I did.. just got fed up and didn't want to be anymore, so I wasn't. Shrug.

 

[Kuu]

o_O

talk about necromancy....

 

[FrostFern]

Am I afraid of people? Not really. I just find interacting with people to be a chore most of the time. Just the mechanics of having the right thing to say at the right time is hard for me.

I find one-on-one interactions the most comfortable. Add more people and I start feeling like I can't ever get a word in. Maybe it's just that I don't like to speak unless I feel I have something truly novel / relevant to add. Yet, usually when I do think of something good to say other people butt in first and take the conversation somewhere else, and then by the time I get a chance to speak again I've forgotten what I was going to say. I think sometimes I just get so caught up in thoughts that it's hard to break out into actual speech. My mind is either ten steps ahead or ten steps behind the conversation at hand. I also get bored often and let my mind drift.

There also seems to be some kind of self-feeding precess that keeps me locked out in group situations. Me being silent for long periods has some kind of cumulative effect in terms of the group dynamic so that it becomes more and more difficult to join in. No matter what the original cause for me being shut out of group conversations, the end result is I get less practice talking which in turn makes it even more difficult.

 

[bovinity]

I'm pretty shy about approaching people I don't know and pursuing people, but people I know well don't think of me as being shy at all.

The truth is, I used to panic when walking down the street because I felt like everyone was staring at me. In high school especially whenever I was around people I didn't know my instinct was to get to a place where I could be by myself as quickly as possible, avoiding contact at all costs. I'm not this way anymore, but it's not the sort of thing that ever completely goes away - I do still sometimes have anxiety attacks in socially stressful settings, but it's not what I'd call debilitating.

 

[intuitivet]

I'm not at all shy and yet I'm most definitely an introvert (if you asked any of my friends or family they would tell you the same thing).
Shyness seems to be something to do with self confidence and so isn't linked to mbti (as far as I've seen). I also wouldn't say that shyness was not voicing things or sharing information, that's more being a private person. Shyness is, in my own experience when I was younger, anxiety around people and feeling unable to go up to someone and talk. Most people have certain levels of this, but with shyness it's more noticeable.

 

[NothingTodo]

I prefer to by shy so i can observe and analyze the people around me. I honestly am not shy but i do not feel like wasting my breath on some people

 

[Itchy Feet]

I'm not shy. I am not afraid of people neither. There are time that I withhold my thought of saying something because I think they may not understand me. I do not care if they like me or not.

With people it is quite awkward sometimes. I do not like the chitchat small talk. But if I have to do I can get away with mirror of what they said(subtlely) without showing my inner thought. So people think I am easy going and friendly.

I only express my real "self", inner valuation to people whom I trust, to those who can listen to my theory and vision. Sometimes when I am in the"flood of thought" moment. It is really intense that I am so afraid I'm going to scare people of. So I keep it to myself.

I don't express much because sometimes to put the thought into words. It needs energy. Some people do not get it. I waste my time and energy. It is frustrated. And I do not want to repeat. It needs even more energy. This sometimes come across as unconfident or absent minded. But my question is " will you understand the complexity of what I am about to say". It is sometime frustrated knowing something but cannot put into words.

After a party or social interaction, I need time to recharge my energy. I don't pick up the phone, check emails until I feel my battery is "fully charge".

But on another hand, I do not like to depend on people neither. I like being independent physically and emotionally. That space allows me to observe. It is easier for me to see the "truth" that way.