INTP worst fear: Dancing.

[LAM]

I am not talking about the intelligent, complex and/or artistic dances. I enjoy their complexity and frankly I think it is one of my favourite artforms.

What I am talking about is the "club dancing" or whatever its called. I generally never danced except a couple select times when I felt completely comfortable with it. Then the worst possible happened in a school excursion. When a girl asked me to dance with her, this completely blindsided me (I didn't ever talk to her before that. Or know anything about her.) and my mind went blank. This meant that I just followed her in a dazed state, to dance in front of every one of my peers and a bunch of teachers.

i must assume I waved my arms about in some weird fashion and generally completely failed at "dancing" until halfway through I regained "consciousness" and had to suffer through another 10 or so seconds of complete embarassment. Luckily she realised I wasn't really for this "dancing" stuff and I managed to get away by 15-30 secs although it felt like an age for me though .

Although I'll probably do it again. No idea why though . Mabe I want to challenge myself <_- .

So what do you think of "club dancing" or other forms of dancing? Is it as bad for INTPs as I make it out to be? Meh, you can just laugh at my embarassment, I'm cool with that

 

[Cavallier]

That sounds...horrifying.

I think most INTPs won't like the idea of club dancing.

I'm more the dance by myself type. If somebody moves in then that's fine but mostly I just do what I want.

 

[Polaris]

I have always liked dancing, ever since discovering ballet when I was little. I have joined various dancing courses over the years, and have always enjoyed dancing with someone who really knew how to dance.

But I will only dance if the person is courteous and respectful. After the dancing is finished I usually vanish in a puff of smoke. Sayo nara.

 

[Words]

You really have to lessen this "self-conscious" and "careful" behavior. think. What is embarrassment, does it inflict pain? No.

Dancing can eventually turn into pleasure= a lot of comfort. So, eventually, "those who choose to climb the *great wall* will be those who'll feel more comfortable". Mature your "E" and "J" and "poof" discomfort.

 

[Adymus]

The trouble is getting over how awkward you feeling doing it, at first.
But if you can just let yourself go, it's a very enjoyable experience. I guess it is kind of the feeling of how stupid you look that is the biggest obstacle to get over (Damn Fe inferior gumming up the works again), but if you can get to a point where you can dance and believe you don't look like a prick, it all just flows naturally from there.
I kind of have just a set of movements I do for just nonchalant dancing, but I really like dancing what this guy is doing it:

Spoiler

YouTube- some dude liquid dancing

I think this is also another manifestation of my Fe fetishes.

 

[shoeless]

love the 'fro. but yeah i've seen that video before. pretty crazy.

anyway, dancing is fun. it's awkward at first, but once you realize that everyone else looks just as stupid as you, it can't be anything but fun.

 

[Adymus]

love the 'fro. but yeah i've seen that video before. pretty crazy.

anyway, dancing is fun. it's awkward at first, but once you realize that everyone else looks just as stupid as you, it can't be anything but fun.

Yeah, and there is always some guy who looks more awkward than you. Stand next to that guy.

 

[LAM]

You really have to lessen this "self-conscious" and "careful" behavior. think. What is embarrassment, does it inflict pain? No.

Dancing can eventually turn into pleasure= a lot of comfort. So, eventually, "those who choose to climb the *great wall* will be those who'll feel more comfortable". Mature your "E" and "J" and "poof" discomfort.

Thats the exact same conclusion I came to while writing that post up. Although still; I am still reaaallly socially awkward. Dancing is probably one of the things I will tackle last if I have no outside push (being asked to dance, a gf who loves to dance, or a guy with a gun.)

Becoming socially comfortable and getting rid of my awkwardness and self-consciousness is going to take a long, long time. Probably by the end of HS In 3 years (I just started year 10 ) I think taking a girl to the Australian equivalent of a prom will be my final challenge :P .

 

[LAM]

Yeah, and there is always some guy who looks more awkward than you. Stand next to that guy.

Sound advice, I never knew so many people here danced.

 

[Decaf]

Agreed. Club dancing is horrifying both as a prospect and in practice, but I love dancing. Mostly that means dancing alone, but with the right person I have a blast dancing with them.

I'm a big Phillip Chbeeb fan and my go-to dance moves look suspiciously like the male orc in WoW.

 

[RobertJ]

Ahahahahaha....
I don't think I could/would ever dance in public. I don't know if I would ever dance with just one other person I was comfortable with. Who said that embarrassment does not = pain? I guess it depends on what you mean by pain. I've done embarrassing things in my life I kick myself for doing 10 years later. Of course, this is probably symptomatic of some deep psychological defect, but I would argue that embarrassment can hurt.

 

[LAM]

Ahahahahaha....
I don't think I could/would ever dance in public. I don't know if I would ever dance with just one other person I was comfortable with. Who said that embarrassment does not = pain? I guess it depends on what you mean by pain. I've done embarrassing things in my life I kick myself for doing 10 years later. Of course, this is probably symptomatic of some deep psychological defect, but I would argue that embarrassment can hurt.

For me its only a couple of years of kicking myself :P I think what he also meant was that we let it go afterwards...

 

[fullerene]

You really have to lessen this "self-conscious" and "careful" behavior. think. What is embarrassment, does it inflict pain? No.

I think that thinking like this will end poorly for you, somewhere down the line. It already implies that you don't care about your own feelings (or see them as "substantive" things--that can be hurt and such), and it's sure to spill over and cause problems with other people too (denying the importance of your own feelings only affects you... but denying the importance of other peoples' feelings makes them think you an asshole)

Reminding yourself that feelings are "just feelings" is a good way to deal with them in the short term, but a bad way to deal with them in the long term.

 

[BigApplePi]

Dancing? Don't know how to respond to this. When I was invited to a dance lesson class I was so aware of others around me I couldn't feel the music. (I have little trouble when alone.) The instructor had all the rhythm and the skill. When he started teaching steps I had trouble remembering them and eventually went to the sidelines much to my relief.

On the other hand there was music at this wedding. My wife (who is only slightly better than I am) found a semi-private place and we had a great time. I was able to dance freely and improvised. She stayed with me. Of course I have more stories but don't know which one's to tell.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

@adymus

Though not quite as good, my Brother 'liquid dances' and there's a sort of stop motion version he does that's really neat. He's taught me a little bit and it's hard, but really fun.

I also really want to learn how to glow string, but I don't have any raver friends.

YouTube- Ferry Corsten Submission

Now I've never been to a rave before (but I have done an extensive research report on the culture for a class :P) and they seem to have much more substantive culture than any club I've been to. The main purpose of a club is for people to get drunk and act like fools, all in the pursuit of sex. While this aspect is definitely present among ravers (along with drug use and such), you also have new types of dance, fashion (kandi kids), music and even ideology (plur). A whole culture essentially, and I've been told they view themselves as the legacy of the hippie movement. Whereas the club scene just seems to lack any substance whatsoever.

Now I may be wrong, my city is supposedly notorious for having a terrible night life, but judging from the a few other threads the 'club scene' seems universally superficial.

 

[Kokoro]

Just confirming what people like Adymus and shoeless are saying.

I really like electronica so I went to my first rave half wanting to go and half being dragged by a fellow electrohead(don't know if a made that up or heard it somewhere). My second rave I went willingly. Both times, I was really apprehensive to dance but finally got tired of standing around and really just got into the music and the "vibe" of the crowd. Bottom line, I danced the night away. It was definitely out of my comfort zone and when it was over I had both a feeling of fun/enjoyment and violation, also it totally exhausted me(I am guessing sensory overload). In the long run though, I am glad I did it and look forward to another possible rave.

Edit: Nyx, you're right, you don't have to go to have sex and do drugs, I didn't and had a good time. It definitely has it's own culture. I'm with you, I too want to glow sting and tried a few times: 5% success, 95% failure. Maybe I'll learn later.

 

[Trebuchet]

I can't agree. I've never been to a rave but I've been to parties and events with a dance floor and had a great time. I like the rhythms and the fun. No one cares how I look when dancing, anyway.

Once in college I was at a dorm party for halloween, and I was dressed in a fairly sexy outfit. It was modest, to be sure, but there was glitter in my hair and I had a pretty outfit and I felt really good about my appearance. I had men competing to dance with me, and it remains one of my best memories. Sure, I can be overly self-conscious, but it is fun when I can just drop it and enjoy.

No, my biggest INTP fear is probably hosting a party.

 

[shoeless]

No, my biggest INTP fear is probably hosting a party.

this times one million.

 

[dbtng_thomas]

I LOVE to dance. The more violent the music, the better. Many moons ago dancing terrified me, but once that barrier was crossed, I went crazy with it. Strangely, I don't enjoy dancing with a partner. I reach my groove and forget that anyone else is there. A partner just gets in the way.

Hey LAM, try dancing alone. Turn the music up and let loose. Maybe have a beer or two. Figure out how you'd like to express yourself. It will come to you.

 

[ashitaria]

If you think dancing is bad, you've never had to do dance square in P.E.

*shudders*

 

[NothingTodo]

Dancing and drawing are my 2 worse nightmares.

 

[Adymus]

@adymus

Though not quite as good, my Brother 'liquid dances' and there's a sort of stop motion version he does that's really neat. He's taught me a little bit and it's hard, but really fun.

I also really want to learn how to glow string, but I don't have any raver friends.

YouTube- Ferry Corsten Submission

Now I've never been to a rave before (but I have done an extensive research report on the culture for a class :P) and they seem to have much more substantive culture than any club I've been to. The main purpose of a club is for people to get drunk and act like fools, all in the pursuit of sex. While this aspect is definitely present among ravers (along with drug use and such), you also have new types of dance, fashion (kandi kids), music and even ideology (plur). A whole culture essentially, and I've been told they view themselves as the legacy of the hippie movement. Whereas the club scene just seems to lack any substance whatsoever.

Now I may be wrong, my city is supposedly notorious for having a terrible night life, but judging from the a few other threads the 'club scene' seems universally superficial.

Does he do this thing where he starts with his hands together (Like he is praying*, then he'll start flipping them and rotating them in steps, if that makes sense?
I call that Tertrising

I was going to raves since 2002, until I began to slow down in 2006 and eventually just stopped altogether. But I really mis the culture though, I still go to electronic music clubs from time to time, but there is no place on earth that has a culture like the rave scene. This might sound silly, but I considered that a pivotal moment for mental growth in my life, especially in terms of breaking by introverted bubble. I could just make eye contact with a person I have never seen before, then both of us will get this huge grin and run up, introduce ourselves and start talking as if we had known each other for years. You just can't do things like that anywhere else.
I went to another rave like a year ago because a DJ friend of mine was spinning there, but it felt like only about 1/10 of plur remained. Something about it felt really highschool, like it was superficiality while trying to maintain a facade of rave culture. I'm sure there are still some raves that still hold true to the values that I miss though, you probably just have to be in the right place with the right people.

I actually taught myself glow-stringing. I never learned how to do arm and leg wraps through, I only know a handful of tricks. But I had already known how to glow stick at the time, and a lot of the theory is transferable, you just have to apply the same kinds of movement with strings.

 

[Deleted member 1424]

It's like a mixture of liquid dance and 'the robot.' :P

I actually really want to go to Bubble Bobble 2 in March,but the problem is my friends would either be to puritanical to have any fun with or I'd have to babysit them since they'd have no restraint. Why is open-minded and responsible such a difficult combination to find in people?

Anyway Adymus, you should post a video.

edit:
My Brother has told me much the same; that the rave scene had become more about drugs than the music, dancing, and culture. I tend to think that that mindset will always develop the longer you go to raves despite the time period. As those new to it will be too distracted by the pretty lights and 'rush' to see the negative aspects at first.

 

[violetblue]

i wanted to applaud the OP's courage in "dancing anyway." it's how i started to dance, and now i'm really attached to it. i really think it helped correct some balance and coordination problems i'd had since childhood. (i even started riding a bike with confidence shortly after i started dancing---i hadn't learned until i was 12 and was extremely wobbly for years. i can't say for sure that dancing was the root cause--but i really believe it helped.)

also, it does open up social horizons a little. hope you stay with it---good luck!

 

[Infinite Regress]

I went to another rave like a year ago because a DJ friend of mine was spinning there, but it felt like only about 1/10 of plur remained. Something about it felt really highschool, like it was superficiality while trying to maintain a facade of rave culture. I'm sure there are still some raves that still hold true to the values that I miss though, you probably just have to be in the right place with the right people.

Yeah strangely its the same over here. Beginning 2001 - 2006ish the rave scene was just getting big, house and progression at the forefront- but now its just all high school kids. I guess the feeling is its too "mainstream" now.

The best places I've been were when I traveled to Europe - specifically Liverpool and Ibiza.
Though I cannot bring myself to dance when I'm sober.

 

[LAM]

hmm, I could never drink or do drugs. Its a loss of control I am not willing to take, I would rather be able to do lose my self-consciousness at any time when I am sober then have to rely on drugs such as alchohol, etc to do it for me. Who knows what crap I will do or say while drunk or high/hallucinating/etc.

I don't even want to ever become dependent as others do on caffeine to give them energy or wake them up. Or those energy drinks :=/

I guess I see depending on something, even caffeine, to do something for me as a weakness. (I don't see people in this way though. Well people I trust anyways.)

 

[Words]

I think that thinking like this will end poorly for you, somewhere down the line. It already implies that you don't care about your own feelings (or see them as "substantive" things--that can be hurt and such), and it's sure to spill over and cause problems with other people too (denying the importance of your own feelings only affects you... but denying the importance of other peoples' feelings makes them think you an asshole)

Reminding yourself that feelings are "just feelings" is a good way to deal with them in the short term, but a bad way to deal with them in the long term.

Why is it bad to get rid of feelings?

 

[shoeless]

Why is it bad to get rid of feelings?

because

A) it's impossible
B) if it were possible you'd become super boring
C) if it were possible all your decisions would suck because disregarding your feelings would also entail disregarding the feelings of others and ultimately you're gonna fuck someone over (like a douchebag).



although it depends on context.
i would still say rather than "getting rid of" feelings you should replace negative feelings with more positive ones, if at all possible.
and i think that's what bluesquid was alluding to in his post. maybe. it's been a while since i read it so i don't really know.

 

[LAM]

because

A) it's impossible
B) if it were possible you'd become super boring
C) if it were possible all your decisions would suck because disregarding your feelings would also entail disregarding the feelings of others and ultimately you're gonna fuck someone over (like a douchebag).



although it depends on context.
i would still say rather than "getting rid of" feelings you should replace negative feelings with more positive ones, if at all possible.
and i think that's what bluesquid was alluding to in his post. maybe. it's been a while since i read it so i don't really know.

Isn't there a difference between being able to get rid of embarassment and some other emotion? I know that being self-conscious and having a fear of embarassment is good in small amounts. When it makes you socially awkward or worse yet socially cripples you, it is no way positive. (I am not talking about paranoia here, thats different.)

 

[Words]

because

A) it's impossible
B) if it were possible you'd become super boring
C) if it were possible all your decisions would suck because disregarding your feelings would also entail disregarding the feelings of others and ultimately you're gonna fuck someone over (like a douchebag).



although it depends on context.
i would still say rather than "getting rid of" feelings you should replace negative feelings with more positive ones, if at all possible.
and i think that's what bluesquid was alluding to in his post. maybe. it's been a while since i read it so i don't really know.

Is feeling awkward a negative feeling? What should we do with these types of emotions?

 

[shoeless]

well i was responding to his question as a general, but either way, i think it's probably better and more productive to turn your embarrassment into something else. rather than pretend it doesn't exist. make it, you know, funny. amusing. enjoy it.

 

[LAM]

well i was responding to his question as a general, but either way, i think it's probably better and more productive to turn your embarrassment into something else. rather than pretend it doesn't exist. make it, you know, funny. amusing. enjoy it.

I'll keep that in mind when I am mentally paralysed in half of the social situations with strangers I am in <_< . It used to be like 80% of the time. I am making progress but its getting harder :=( .

I felt less scared when I was precariously balancing on a tree branch before it snapped and I broke my arm than that time I was going to go dance. Its a useless and incredibly annoying emotional state which makes me look like a retard in most social situations. Beating it is when I actively go to do stuff which scarewss me to death, as I did when I went dancing. Embarassment is only funny to me after I kick myself about it for about 2 years. I wince or look away when people are in embarassing situations on TV shows ffs .

(Also my tone might be hostile but I am just pissed off at me for being like this when I was writing this.)

 

[Adymus]

It's like a mixture of liquid dance and 'the robot.' :P

I actually really want to go to Bubble Bobble 2 in March,but the problem is my friends would either be to puritanical to have any fun with or I'd have to babysit them since they'd have no restraint. Why is open-minded and responsible such a difficult combination to find in people?

Anyway Adymus, you should post a video.

edit:
My Brother has told me much the same; that the rave scene had become more about drugs than the music, dancing, and culture. I tend to think that that mindset will always develop the longer you go to raves despite the time period. As those new to it will be too distracted by the pretty lights and 'rush' to see the negative aspects at first.

People say that it has become too much about the drugs pretty often. I somewhat agree, I'd say it became too much about the Drugs and socializing to the point where they just turned into common parties. However I don't agree with the "drug destroyed the rave scene" position, be cause much like the early hippy movement, it would have probably never happened at all if it was not for the influence of drugs. But yeah, it pretty much came from going to mainstream; too many new comers coming in, not enough people to pass down the rave culture to them. Then the noobies bring more noobies and it all just goes down hill from there.


You know, making another video has been on my to do list for awhile... Every time I have a chance to make one my mind just draws a blank. It's so weird how once you already have made one, you can effortlessly brainstorm ideas for new material. But once enough time goes by, I'm back to where I started... So I'll see what I can do

 

[intuitivet]

I attempted dancing in school (was compulsory that all girls did dance).
I have no natural rhythm (I can't play the drums) and so I always ended up looking wrong and out of place among the girls who could dance well (one being my friend). I can put confidence into the moves but can't keep up with a beat and get lost (I need time to think before acting).

 

[sings2high]

I love dancing...I studied under Bill Cosby.

 

[White Rabbit]

Fuck yeah, dancing. I love dancing to death. I go, hit a club, and dance, not necessarily with someone, but I dance near my friends, and I look like a weird chick that's bustin some pretty sweet moves by herself. And if you come close and try to grind against me, I break your jaw.

 

[LAM]

Fuck yeah, dancing. I love dancing to death. I go, hit a club, and dance, not necessarily with someone, but I dance near my friends, and I look like a weird chick that's bustin some pretty sweet moves by herself. And if you come close and try to grind against me, I break your jaw.

What girls get away with violence against guys

 

[Adymus]

What girls get away with violence against guys

No no, I actually break Jaws when dancing too. Not so much for self defense, I just flail a lot.

 

[Xel]

You gotta dance like this:

Spoiler

YouTube- Six Flags Dance

or this:

Spoiler

YouTube- The Carlton Dance

In reality? Me, dancing? Not unless a girl I like wants me to.

 

[Decaf]

Is feeling awkward a negative feeling? What should we do with these types of emotions?

Our instinct is avoidance. The solution is perspective.

 

[EditorOne]

""I have always liked dancing, ever since discovering ballet when I was little. I have joined various dancing courses over the years, and have always enjoyed dancing with someone who really knew how to dance. ""


Knowing what the hell you're doing is a big boost. As someone who didn't develop good coordination in anything except baseball until the age of 40, I avoided dancing like the plague. The vogue in my world as a youth was that you were just supposed to be good at it. The idea of instruction to help me out crossed a couple of minds, but just because you're a good dancer, especially someone who's a natural, doesn't make you a good instructor.

I had a "feeling foolish" quota. Attempting to dance emptied the ration card.

I've gotten over feeling foolish over anything (lots of practice). But I still don't dance. Perhaps I can finally learn how.

 

[LAM]

""I have always liked dancing, ever since discovering ballet when I was little. I have joined various dancing courses over the years, and have always enjoyed dancing with someone who really knew how to dance. ""


Knowing what the hell you're doing is a big boost. As someone who didn't develop good coordination in anything except baseball until the age of 40, I avoided dancing like the plague. The vogue in my world as a youth was that you were just supposed to be good at it. The idea of instruction to help me out crossed a couple of minds, but just because you're a good dancer, especially someone who's a natural, doesn't make you a good instructor.

I had a "feeling foolish" quota. Attempting to dance emptied the ration card.

I've gotten over feeling foolish over anything (lots of practice). But I still don't dance. Perhaps I can finally learn how.

The foolishness plays a big part for me too

 

[Vatroslav]

Not that I don't like club dancing- I even consider it disgusting... disgustingly senseless... I have no NEED to dance in a club like the mass does... I really wonder what makes them dance, and what creates the need to dance like that... I see nothing in it. Never did. When I was a child- I didn't like it... now, I do not... I doubt I ever will...

 

[Vatroslav]

So I wouldn't call it a fear... I'm not "afraid"... I simply have no need...

 

[BigApplePi]

So I wouldn't call it a fear... I'm not "afraid"... I simply have no need...

Vatroslav. There is something some have in many people I don't know if you call it a RHYTHM that causes people to want to move. It is inherited. I saw a TV program about a woman who found it IMPOSSIBLE to dance. She could not follow anyone's movements. The diagnosis, if I got it right, was she was like a color blind person who can't see red and green. It's in a gene. The woman was normal in every other way.

 

[Vatroslav]

hm...not really... I am very musical... I sing, I play the guitar, the piano... I even danced in a musical... I was talking about club dancing not the dance itself...

 

[BigApplePi]

hm...not really... I am very musical... I sing, I play the guitar, the piano... I even danced in a musical... I was talking about club dancing not the dance itself...

Good for you. You are way ahead of me. Apparently this "club dancing" which I'm not terribly familiar with, is for singles (I'm married) as an easy way to do the mating dance -- possibly hook up not not. It doesn't have to be the last word in aesthetic beauty, lol.

 

[Vatroslav]

hahah....indeed

 

[BigApplePi]

I attempted dancing in school (was compulsory that all girls did dance).
I have no natural rhythm (I can't play the drums) and so I always ended up looking wrong and out of place among the girls who could dance well (one being my friend). I can put confidence into the moves but can't keep up with a beat and get lost (I need time to think before acting).

Reminds me of the story of the centipede dancing.

"You are such a beautiful and graceful dancer centipede"
"Please tell us how you do it so we can all learn."

"Well I place leg 38 in front of leg37, leg 83 behind leg 82, .... ugh, ...

The poor centipede never danced again.

 

[EditorOne]

I'm not sure if the line dancing you are all talking about is what I have in mind, which is kind of like a group of people all dancing the same steps in tune to the music. If so, I have a theory that it is popular at least in part because it's a kind of bonding, which fits in with another theory I have that we have a built-in genetic inclination to want to work with others in small groups. Obviously some of us have less of that desire than others, but it's kind of a useful thing for evolution.
Maybe the same thing with music. I attended a history event at which a group of drummers and fifers was jamming with old Celtic music, not polite stuff but wild music that set my heart on fire. It was positively tribal. I think line dancing is a watered-down version of that. It seems like every generation has some form of it, too, from the Virginia Reel back in the 1800s to the Stroll in the 1950s to all the variations going on now.
Unless this isn't line dancing any more. In which case ignore everything I just said. :-)