INTP marrying an INTP?

[Ermine]

Well, for people like us, it's so liberating for people to know how our train of thought runs. Most people that associate with me spend most of their time trying to figure me out. It would be amazing to get rid of that obstacle. The ratio for INTP women married to the same type was pretty high too.

 

[Auburn]

Right.

And if I may, I'd like to be completely honest and say that there are many female INTPs on this forum who I see as amazing people, and whom I wouldn't mind getting to know.


edit: ...um... just to clarify, that was meant as an honest complement, nothing subliminal

 

[Anling]

I've always said my little sister is the exact opposite of me. When we where younger we had a few fights that drew blood. The other evening she and her husband came over and we had fun having them take the test. It turns out she is an ESFJ and her husband is INTJ/P. (He is unsure but I think he acts more like a P than a J.) And they are just fine together. Though it does explain why I get along with her husband so well. I just raided his library last night. Good books.

 

[INTPINFP]

my two sense says esfj+intp=hell on earth

 

[Perseus]

I'm 18 years of age, and was looking at type match ups - and was shocked at what I heard!

I've heard about the shadow partnership INTP - ESFJ, but I just can't bring myself to see how it would work. I visualize too great of a lack/need of empathy between the two - a hollowness inside from not being able to "relate" to each other.

I've also heard that an INTP-INTP relationship would not be very exciting because the INTP is attracted to complexities that seem to resist analysis (hence ESFJ), and another INTP would be too easy to figure out - hence unexciting.

Yet, I have an INFP friend who I think is very interesting and fun to be around - especially when she's in a logical (T) mood. Instead, I see S types as uninteresting and very simple minded.
I personally would feel unsatisfied with an S type who can't truly understand/relate to my N ideas - or I'd feel unsatisfied trying to share my ideas (T) to someone who is not very interested in such topics. I see an INTP-INTP relation working much better.

Besides, the Ne-Fe combination of the INTP's other functions makes for a fairly extraverted, lively, and fun life - which would keep the marriage from becoming too dull/impersonal. (or so I think)

(Are there any words of wisdom from an INTP-INTP marriage out there?)

EDIT: I'm fairly balanced between P/J and have a fair ammount of F as well. This, I believe, would be a very posiltive thing for two INTPs - especially if both partners have a decent balance right?

Can't be worse than the Pony (ESFJ) trick. The hard thing would be to get them INTPs to speak to each other in the first place. I am not so sure it can work without one (the female) partner adjusting to secondary function as the major operating mode and if they are the same age, she won't be able to do this. A 18 year old INTP could marry a 50 year old INTP, because the older one could have shifted to ENFJ and if he is not too stressed out, he could even manage sex!

I expect the attraction between two INTPs is incredible shyness. The only way they can participate in the world is to marry the only person they can relate to. They might be the opnly person they have ever talked to, hence, an almost desperate connection!?

 

[wadlez]

When I first got into mbti, I thought that it would be awesome to hang with an intp, and that my dream girl would be some intp. After getting to know mbti allot better I know think that you need your partner to be strong in the other types to balance you out.
My last partner, who I got along very well with, was ENFP.
Because of her extroversion she got us out of the house. If we were both Introverts, we would of stayed at home way too much etc. Since she had a strong F type, she would offer me the perspective of F on situations, so I wasnt too T, and vice versa.

 

[Tiger]

i have romantic experiences with both an esfj and a fellow intp. i got extremely jealous over both.

my (almost inexplicable to any other girl) limerence towards the intp made me almost blow my brain out with nerves when i gave him a very small sign of affection on valentines day, (small in reality but my brain was burning up for the rest of the day). and i never take the initiative in realtionships, atleast in a romantic way.
i havent seen him in a year and still feel very strongly and wish my bitterness had stayed out of my mouth and our mutual asper-ish mannerisms had been more insinc, not hit-miss (he'd flirt and i'd miss it at the time then realise, then i'd flirt and he'd miss it and so on...) without enough fuel the potential relationship never came to be. but i should also add, finding someone who behvaed like me was a relief and the initial attraction, mutually.

my experience with the esfj is love/hate, mostly the latter. we were 'friends' but not really we were just close friends with the same person. i basically hate everything esfj's stand for and i assume its mutual. Only chemistry kept us together and hence at war. he makes hints increasingly larger that he wants us to date, basically stating the fact and it still flies over my head and i wouldn't realise until the next day. i would like to date him but i know the misunderstanding would result in world war 3. i dont respect him, he's selfish, immature and most importantly, doesn't value the kind of intelligence i have (i.e not one that flies with rote memorization which is all he has therefore thinks its better) and thinks of me as less intelligent <- unforgivable.
i know that he doesn't respect me either and im too ready to whip him (figuratively) for all of him that is esfj. chemistry was really intoxicating though, and seing as we've been unrequited lovers for so many years, i say that undernieth, i love him. just never going to let myself act on it - or admit it to anyone's face.

i can imagine marrying the intp, i just have a problem with him being more logical and mathematical than i am which made me insecure and my narcissisism pushed him away, he called me concieted and i think that was when he gave up on me.
i could only ever marry the esfj is if i had him crawling behind me attatched to a lead, because thats were i believe he stands. he's an idiot that doesn't know he's an idiot - i must reveal the truth at all costs. but don't think that will push him away, atleast not fully, him and another esfj i've met are incredibly and instantly attracted to my 'confidence' and evil wit.
*books self into therapy*

still miss that intp.

 

[fullerene]

i would like to date him but i know the misunderstanding would result in world war 3. i dont respect him, he's selfish, immature and most importantly, doesn't value the kind of intelligence i have (i.e not one that flies with rote memorization which is all he has therefore thinks its better) and thinks of me as less intelligent <- unforgivable.

if you don't mind me asking..... why? This makes no sense to me...

 

[FusionKnight]

i could only ever marry the esfj is if i had him crawling behind me attatched to a lead, because thats were i believe he stands. he's an idiot that doesn't know he's an idiot - i must reveal the truth at all costs.

To me, this is not love. I don't know what to call it, but it's definitely not love.

 

[Tiger]

if you don't mind me asking..... why? This makes no sense to me...

why?
why what, why would i want to date him?
chemistry. his charm works on me i guess, but it would burn out very quickly and then it'd just get ugly and i'd end it. also i'd say because his esfj enthusiasim misleads you from reality.
there is no understanding what so ever between us.
hes tempting but bad decision.

 

[Tiger]

To me, this is not love. I don't know what to call it, but it's definitely not love.

revenge comes close i think, and revenge for what, pain.
its my attack against his ignorance. the misunderstanding is unsermountable.
i'm not as articulate and certain as i need to be to pinpoint the truth on this, sorry. all i have are countless lame metaphors in mind. but to be as simple and honest as i can, i'd say that its like i would be loosing if i gave in to his offers and stopped making him work. i think this is because neither one of us sees the other as an equal.
the existence of the love i said i feel (so waaaaaay down underneith its ignorable), is jsut beyond reason and can only be expressed in selfish games of possession.
i really, really, do not recommend esfj/intp. if you see an esfj start to have that look in their eye run for your lives!

...its just yucky.

if you don't mind me asking..... why? This makes no sense to me...

or are you asking why does he think im not intelligent? or why its unforgivable to me? something else?

p.s
fan of death note, too, especially L

Can't be worse than the Pony (ESFJ) trick. The hard thing would be to get them INTPs to speak to each other in the first place. I am not so sure it can work without one (the female) partner adjusting to secondary function as the major operating mode and if they are the same age, she won't be able to do this.

the female partner?
he's the one that became the stronger Ne, not me. i think he's just the happier, healthier individual.

 

[fullerene]

sorry, I should have explained that....

why would you still want to date a guy who you don't respect because he's immature, dumb, disrespectful, and doesn't value what you have to offer? It just doesn't make sense to me...

 

[Tiger]

sorry, I should have explained that....

why would you still want to date a guy who you don't respect because he's immature, dumb, disrespectful, and doesn't value what you have to offer? It just doesn't make sense to me...

quite alright .
by want i mean, i want him to grow up and out of the things that are antagonistic so we can be a couple.

sorry, communication is a real weakness of mine

 

[Derada]

I don't have much experience with romance, but is it telling that out of the three major crushes that I've had, two have been EFs, and all three have been E?

When I talk to a girl more introverted than I am, I feel kind of awkward, kind of like being with that person is hard work more than fun.

 

[Auburn]

Perhaps your childhood environment encouraged the use of extroverted feeling more? Social norms typically state that jokes are fun, laughter is good, warmth is sweet, silence is awkward, being alone is bad and soberness is a sign of depression. The latter are typically discouraged and the fist are encouraged.

Perhaps your life circumstances have taught you to have to be more comfortable with extroverts? If so, it would makes sense as to why you would feel awkward with a very introverted girl. Perhaps somewhere in your mind there's a social norm from your childhood that may still tell you 'silence is awkward, say something!' - when you're with a girl.

I could also be completely off track and this was all a waste of breath. I'm just using the little I know to make an educated (?) guess.

 

[Derada]

I think part of the reason is that I've mostly taken a passive, or reactive, mode in these situations. Looking back, I almost never initiate conversation with a girl, and when conversation occurs, I rely on her to come up with new topics.

This is not the case with people I feel are my intellectual peers. But for girls, I feel that the conversation must necessarily be constrained to certain parameters, parameters that I'm either unaware of or inept at dancing within.

Now when I meet a girl who uses my same strategy, I feel obligated to play the opposite role which is very awkward.

 

[Ermine]

Wow, thanks for explaining my lack for words with the opposite sex, even though I identify more with guys than I do girls, but what's to do?

Likewise, whenever find a guy who I find interesting, but reserved, I feel pressured to bring warmth to the conversation and take them out of their shell, but I am very bad at doing this. As for the more extraverted guys, they just don't notice me unless I figuratively shout and wave my hands around.

 

[askmenow]

hey all, first time here and we are both gay intps ,been together 26 years--still very much in love. like all relationships .its all about compramis e . [which is not the same as always giving in ].i often think that two intps are like both sides of the one coin , we complement each other and have created quite a powerful partnership...........