People deal with emotions in different ways, some seem to overindulge in their emotions and they are pretty easy to pick. Their reactions are so baffling to me that I forget about my own emotions and often just end up sitting there wondering how I should be relating to their cascade of....stuff. Almost as if their emotions hijack the moment, and you are just left to flounder.
That said, I think there is also a perceived pressure to react "appropriately". This is what makes me think of the whole situation as totally absurd, and again I forget what I was supposed to feel or express because I get so caught up in trying to analyse the "appropriateness" of the whole mess.
Then again, there is the delayed reaction. Sometimes, when that delay is too long it could be classified as "shock", I suppose. I think thinkers just need more processing time before emotions are allowed to take the steering wheel.
The actual emotion may then be expressed at a later stage, this time in a completely random context.
Confusing indeed.
I agree with all these observations, and they are very insightful.
And it's funny sometimes how emotions take time to process and/or come back later. (When my dad went into the hospital, I was in "deal with it" mode until he went into code blue and I was kicked out of the room, and then standing alone by myself in the corner while the family was huddled obliviously elsewhere, I felt very overwhelmed by everything. But I don't think I cried until later, when I was alone completely.)
....
Getting back to the OP and NinjaSurfer's comments, etc., while yes there are some people who will try to overdramatize and hijack a situation for some kind of emotional benefit, I think it is good to remember that people are also responding authentically and expressing an emotion they feel. Maybe we aren't feeling it, but it doesn't mean the person is demanding we feel it or that they're trying to impose; they've been badly hurt, and that's something important to remember. In a sense, if you're consistently feeling like you are being manipulated just because someone is crying, you're kind of having a "hijack" response on your own end... the situation was never about you, but your feelings have become the focus of an experience that someone else initiated because they had a problem.
In this particular situation, the mom is crying because her daughter lost her baby. That's not an overblown situation or self-created drama, that is pretty emotionally upsetting for many many people. Not only did the mom lose a potential grandchild, but now her daughter -- who she raised and sacrificed for and took care of all those years and had to nurture/safeguard -- is now hurting badly. Again, not trivial drama; crying (or worsE) about this is nothing odd.
I'll be honest... While I think sympathy in this kind of situation is called for, I've also been in situation where I felt little. One of them was with my sister, who is approaching forty (so her viability to bear kids is running out), and after one healthy baby in her mid-30's, she's had three miscarriages. I was never close to my sister, and because she is super-religious and disagrees with me about a particular life choice I made, our relationship is definitely not close, nor have I really gotten to be part of my niece's life (these are boundaries she drew, not me). She also tended to excuse the miscarriages as "God's will, praise be his name!" rather than the more likely, "Uh, I'm getting old and it's going to be difficult for me to carry a baby to term, apparently."
So I have felt some deep "general empathy" toward my sister, as I would feel toward any woman who lost a baby... I feel bad for them... but I never shed any tears over it, and I'm sure outwardly I looked very unflustered and level-headed when talking to people about it.
So I can identify with the OP, at least in the sense of maybe not outwardly expressing the emotion. However, I think inwardly, I think it's good to (1) feel something just in regards to the "plight of humanity," if your emotion batteries are functional and (2) not necessarily think their responses are overblown, some emotional responses are actually very typical not just for people in general but for certain personalities and situations, and it's okay for them to be who they are and respond out of that, as much as it is for you to be yourself.
It's just part of being in relationship with other people, sometimes.
BTW, I only ever saw my grandfather 1-2x a year when younger, and when he died while I was in high school I never cried. But I did cry when my dog -- who I saw every day -- was put to sleep.
