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INTP depression prone?

Khoeth

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#1
Hello everyone!
My name is Cam, and I am a chemist. I just found out that I am an INTP personality type. I honestly had no idea my personality type existed, but I am very excited that such a group as this exists. Discovering who I am and how I work has been a very arduous task, as I have almost always been surrounded by people that simply do not comprehend my personality type or intellect (at this point I have to appreciate that I am allowed to say this without the fear of seeming arrogant). I suffer from a rather serious depression cycle. Depression does run in my family, but so do very strong INTP type personalities. I think growing up as an intellectual and personality type minority may be one of the factors contributing to my depression as an adult. Additionally, I notice my patterns of occasional hermitude and difficulty with every day tasks (which both contribute to my depression) seem to simply be manifestations of my personality type and not me "doing something wrong". I feel better understanding the INTP personality type may help me to keep my depression from ever overwhelming me again.

More to the point, how many of you suffer from depression, and how do you deal with it?

Personally, I take wellbutrin, smoke THC filled greeneries, or submerge myself in a project.
 
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#2
I was depressed when I was younger and came out of it when I was 13-14, but lately I've relapsed and it's worse than ever.

I've never told anyone I know personally and let's just say I don't deal with it very well...
 

Inappropriate Behavior

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#3
Welcome Khoeth!

I too have had a history of depression and medicated exactly the same way you did (and more). I don't do any of that anymore but I'm a different person now. I still have minor bouts of depression but I think I have come to understand it better and thus am able to deal with it as it arises.

For a long time, I searched for a cause (event) that was the root of the problem but have since come to the conclusion that it can be chalked up to a chemical imbalance more than anything else. Just knowing what it is makes it seem far less daunting than before. Maybe I'm pshycing myself out and there is some other cause that I haven't found yet but it works for me thus far.

As for us INTPs being more susceptible to depression, well perhaps so. I don't have any empirical evidence to back it up but it is worth exploring. Otherwise, some of your problems seem more a symptom of your personality type than a product of depression. Your hermitical nature and inability to perform ordinary tasks on a regular basis is quite common amongst us here so at least you know that much is normal for you....as normal as an INTP can be at least.
 

Khoeth

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#4
Your hermitical nature and inability to perform ordinary tasks on a regular basis is quite common amongst us here so at least you know that much is normal for you....as normal as an INTP can be at least.

This simple fact has made me happier than I have been in quite a long time :D
All my life I've been told these behaviors were innapropriate or wrong, kinda like trying to teach the left-handed kindergartener to write with their right hand.
 

Reverse Transcriptase

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#5
Have you read James Paul's INTP profile? http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html

It's fantastic. When I finally understood what it means to be INTP I realized that a lot of things I had been giving myself crap about were not actually that bad. My weakness were not actually my fault- they are just the product of being an INTP!

Maybe that'll help you.
 

fullerene

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#6
http://www.bestfittype.com/intp.html was good too. Not nearly as in-depth as James Paul's one... but I found it actually more accurate for me, it has a couple of things that other profiles don't, and I don't think this site pops up just from googling for profiles.

and yes, welcome. I'm... I really don't know whether to call myself depressed. I cycle through moods every few weeks/month or two, and in the worst you'd definitely call me depressed, borderlining suicidal. I don't take medicine or anything though, have never been diagnosed, and only two or three people around me know anything at all... but at the same time, I stumbled on a site about depression a year or two ago and thought "really? That's it? I wish I only felt that bad about things." I don't take anything, and I wouldn't want to, because I kind of think that psychological medicine has lost touch with reality, trying to treat everything as if it were chemical inbalances (opposite of IB :p). One of my friend's moms is depressed, and they cycled her through medicine looking for a drug that "worked." And then after so many years, it just "suddenly stopped" and they had to look for a new one. I've no idea why that would happen--perhaps the brain gets used to it or whatever--but I'd rather deal with things myself than anything else. The worst "physical" trouble its ever brought me is skipping a few meals when it didn't seem worthwhile to eat... but I wouldn't be me if I were on drugs, and the idea of that irritates me.

I think that all the INxx's are more prone to be misunderstood (the world is about 3/4 E and 3/4 S, I believe)... and the NTs are only about 10% of the population. INTJs, meanwhile, have the highest confidence (/cockiness) of all types..... so put that together, and we just kind of get screwed. But I feel like I wouldn't really have it any other way.

Learning about mbti and intp's definitely helps all this stuff... especially when you can immerse yourself in learning about the mbti theory for a while. I think submerging myself in a project is my #1 answer, as well. And by project, I really don't mean much more than sitting around thinking about stuff. But what else is a project, anyway?

anyway, glad you found your way here! enjoy.
 

FusionKnight

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#7
I suspect INTPs are probably more suceptible to depressive episodes because we generally are keenly aware of the complexity of the world around us, and we have this innate need to "fit" somewhere in the giant machine. Since much of our lives take place in the social machine, which is alien to the INT, we just can't seem to find a place.

We're also terrible at follow-through, something society greatly values. This can give us a low sense of worth. We also tend to be a bit cynical due to our intelligence, and this could contribute to down feelings.
 

Jordan~

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#8
I think we're walking bullseyes for depression. We keep our emotions bottled up, don't talk to people about them, and don't release them. We think about everything, we're never prepared to accept that everything is/will be alright, and we see the (all too often depressing) big picture easily. We're prone to procrastinating and devoting time to thinking about things, meaning we're likely to get ourselves down.
 

Agent Intellect

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#9
I think that all the INxx's are more prone to be misunderstood (the world is about 3/4 E and 3/4 S, I believe)... and the NTs are only about 10% of the population. INTJs, meanwhile, have the highest confidence (/cockiness) of all types..... so put that together, and we just kind of get screwed. But I feel like I wouldn't really have it any other way.

Learning about mbti and intp's definitely helps all this stuff... especially when you can immerse yourself in learning about the mbti theory for a while. I think submerging myself in a project is my #1 answer, as well. And by project, I really don't mean much more than sitting around thinking about stuff. But what else is a project, anyway?
as usual, i could have said most of this word for word. fusionknight and jordan~ summed up my thoughts quite nicely, too. its good to have people articulate my own thoughts for me.

as for me personally, i definitely go through bouts of depression. i'll spend a week or so in a lazy mood, wishing i could stop thinking and just sleep for the rest of my life. i've been that way since around middle school. during ninth grade my mom found my suicide note in one of my pants pockets and tried to talk about it with me, but, being the INTP i am, i suppressed the feelings and stone walled her. i still wonder what would have happened if i had felt able to open up about it. maybe i wouldn't be drowning the blues with alcohol?
 

Vrecknidj

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#10
I suspect that depression affects a fair number of people of all the types. However, I would think that both introverts and intuitives would be particularly susceptible simply because our society generally prefers both extroversion and the sensate type.

Perhaps, as well, the treatments for depression are more often designed for the ES than the IN. However, I would hope that the better therapists are well-trained so that they could recognize the rather broad spectrum of different kinds of reactions to and responses to depression.

Oh, and...hello.

Dave
 

eudemonia

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#11
Hi Cam, welcome to the forum. I hope you'll find that participating here will help a little with the depression. I was quite struck by your posting and the subsequent replies. I think I have a depressive personality although I wouldn't say I suffer from depression.

However I did find that I identified a lot with what people said here, particularly AIs point about wishing to go to sleep and not wake up again. I often think about death and how if I died tomorrow it wouldn't matter much.

When I was a teenager I did think about suicide and at one point refused to come out of my room except for school. That stopped when I met my first boyfriend.

I do the worst thing you can do which is compare myself to others and constantly criticise myself. I try to manage this using techniques from cognitive therapy. I criticse myself for not knowing enough (when I read certain peoples posts this little demon comes alive), not remembering anything I read (which I don't for some reason) for not being as competent at work as I should be, for not being interesting or amusing, for not contributing anything of value and I constantly get this overwhelming sense of alienation and ennui. However,I consider this normal. Most people experience self doubt, compare themselves to others, criticise their lives and achievements - at least at some points in their lives.

Personally I have found three things helpful - my faith,having a project which provides a sense of higher purpose or meaning and chatting to others on this forum! All of these things rest on the deep foundation of my relationship with my husband which is probably the sole source of my stability and sanity.

Finally I have found some simple spiritual discplines helpful - meditation and prayer, thankfulness - expressing constant thanks for all my blessings,and learning to stay in the present (read Eckhard Tolle, The Power Of Now).

Hope this isn't too rambling.
 

Jesin

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#12
(Moved to the introduction section. Loveofreason, if you think it should be moved back, go ahead.)
 

Cabbo Pearimo

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#13
Everyone's depression prone. We just don't see the logic in trying to get causes by creating affects. In other words, we don't try to be happy, we just say "screw it" and get on with it.
 

Decaf

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#14
Everyone's depression prone. We just don't see the logic in trying to get causes by creating affects. In other words, we don't try to be happy, we just say "screw it" and get on with it.
I disagree completely. Depression that isn't caused by abnormal brain function is specifically caused by the mind's inability to cope with the lack of the psychological nourishment it needs. If you were forced by the necessities of survival to work a job that required no analysis or abstract discussion and you didn't have access to a suitable after work diversion I imagine you then might know what its like. The alternative is to divest yourself from the system that keeps you from finding that satisfaction, but that isn't an option for everyone (i.e. anyone who could not easily find self-sustaining employment or who has responsibilities above and beyond themselves, such as children).

I imagine depression of that sort is less common in INTPs who find themselves an internet community they identify with because at least it can function as that diversion. Or at least I hope it serves that purpose.
 

Waterstiller

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#15
I've dealt with depression for most of my life, off and on. I never really cared to live until recently. One of my most prevalent thoughts has been the wish for non-existence, but not particularly suicide.

I've been happy for the last 3 days though. I have read and watched a bunch of helpful things recently and my entire perspective on life has shifted from passive to active. It's difficult, but it's a skill that I think I can work on. I have the power to create the world I want to live in and I'm not just going to let the current one snuff me out. My depression was rooted in resigning to a miserable (hopeless) future of my present situation. I've realized that while that future is indeed possible, there are infinite other futures that could happen. Perhaps even futures where I'm happy for long periods of time.

And.. I'm happy right now. It's so weird.
 

Jennywocky

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#16
I disagree completely. Depression that isn't caused by abnormal brain function is specifically caused by the mind's inability to cope with the lack of the psychological nourishment it needs. If you were forced by the necessities of survival to work a job that required no analysis or abstract discussion and you didn't have access to a suitable after work diversion I imagine you then might know what its like.
Sigh. Been there. Done that.

The alternative is to divest yourself from the system that keeps you from finding that satisfaction, but that isn't an option for everyone (i.e. anyone who could not easily find self-sustaining employment or who has responsibilities above and beyond themselves, such as children).
Yup. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

I imagine depression of that sort is less common in INTPs who find themselves an internet community they identify with because at least it can function as that diversion. Or at least I hope it serves that purpose.
Definitely, it provides stimulation, which is why forums like this can be so addictive -- the mind suddenly comes alive.
 

loveofreason

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#17
Depressed. Yep.

Suicidal? Some days.

Liked Cryptonia's comments on it.

...is specifically caused by the mind's inability to cope with the lack of the psychological nourishment it needs.
Agree

Definitely, it provides stimulation, which is why forums like this can be so addictive -- the mind suddenly comes alive.
Beats taking suspect drugs that mask symptoms instead of healing wrongs.

Belated welcome. :)
 

EditorOne

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#19
Fusion Knight and Jordan summed it up for me, too.

Just wanted to drop a glancing thought here: There's a big difference between clinical depression and the kind of low moods we all get because one way or another we're the square peg in an endless field of round holes. We all get that, and everything said related to that kind of dolefulness is spang on target. Clinical depression MAY be unrelated to personality type and may, as noted, have to do with things like chemical imbalances. I'm not sayin', just suggesting.

Some of us are greatly benefitting from this forum to stop us from steeping ourselves in mopery. I envy the younger folks who are finding out about INTP-ness and having it somewhat normalized at that age. Some of us never got the memo until later in life. :-)

wjw
 
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#20
I had depression for most of my life, until about a year and a half ago, when I suddenly got over it, since then I've had brief relapses. But I think I'm almost as suicidal right now, for no reason, really.

I currently have insomnia, which I think I gave myself due to irregular sleeping patterns for several months when I found the educative wonders of the internet.

Welcome to the forum, I hope you find a home here, and lurk a lot, like most of us do.
 

nihilen.

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#21
This feels like being in an emo convention. And your constant nagging is gonna give me depression. Just cut ur wrists and lets get over with it.

If INTP r usually the depressed kind, shouldn't u have made this forum skin a bit less horrid for ex. ? Do u all wanna forcefully immerse urselves into depression ?
 

Jennywocky

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#22
I've found that INTPs are really good at immersing themselves in dark emotions in order to analyze them further, even if they're painful. Because we want to understand them.

So while a depression forum is probably a crappy idea for FP types, I think an INTP can handle it just fine, thanks. (And if we off ourselves, we'd make that decision apart from a depression forum, right? I doubt this thread is going to sway any INTP to go ahead; they're either already going to or aren't.)
 

Decaf

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#23
This feels like being in an emo convention. And your constant nagging is gonna give me depression. Just cut ur wrists and lets get over with it.

If INTP r usually the depressed kind, shouldn't u have made this forum skin a bit less horrid for ex. ? Do u all wanna forcefully immerse urselves into depression ?
Aren't we hostile now. Frankly I find your emo comparison to be terribly judgmental (but if you didn't mean it that way I'm sorry for the misinterpretation). Depression is not part of a fad or a sub culture. I'm a strong proponent for the idea that in order to offer advice, you should be willing to take that advice yourself.

Now let's both of us try to keep the hostility out of future posts.
 

nihilen.

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#24
Aren't we hostile now. Frankly I find your emo comparison to be terribly judgmental (but if you didn't mean it that way I'm sorry for the misinterpretation). Depression is not part of a fad or a sub culture. I'm a strong proponent for the idea that in order to offer advice, you should be willing to take that advice yourself.

Now let's both of us try to keep the hostility out of future posts.
What r u sorry for ? yes I was judgmental, and yes I am harsh. But don't blame me, blame it on the INTP characteristics like u all do so well.
 

Decaf

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#25
What r u sorry for ? yes I was judgmental, and yes I am harsh. But don't blame me, blame it on the INTP characteristics like u all do so well.
You can't blame negative tendencies on your innate preferences. The fact of the matter is that every negative thing you do is done by choice. Type may determine what things we are most vulnerable to or tempted by, but it does not make us do them. If you could point out where we (this forum and its active participants) as a culture have allowed that kind of blindness to occur, then I would aim to fix it, but I believe this is different psychological phenomenon. This one is called projecting.

Your close mindedness and tendency to stereotype others is your own damn fault.
 

nihilen.

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#26
You can't blame negative tendencies on your innate preferences. The fact of the matter is that every negative thing you do is done by choice. Type may determine what things we are most vulnerable to or tempted by, but it does not make us do them. If you could point out where we (this forum and its active participants) as a culture have allowed that kind of blindness to occur, then I would aim to fix it, but I believe this is different psychological phenomenon. This one is called projecting.

Your close mindedness and tendency to stereotype others is your own damn fault.
This whole board is all about stereotype. I have seen everybody here accepting their 'bad' habits, claiming it was very normal for an INTP to be that or this.

Now I am sensing double standards.
 

nihilen.

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#27
Have you read James Paul's INTP profile? http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html

It's fantastic. When I finally understood what it means to be INTP I realized that a lot of things I had been giving myself crap about were not actually that bad. My weakness were not actually my fault- they are just the product of being an INTP!

Maybe that'll help you.
A little example.
 

Decaf

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#28
This whole board is all about stereotype. I have seen everybody here accepting their 'bad' habits, claiming it was very normal for an INTP to be that or this.

Now I am sensing double standards.
What you're sensing is your own misunderstanding of the theory. I understand how that might have confused you.

Is a forum for tall people discussing how not to hit their heads on door jams stereotyping? The whole point of what we're doing here is that we are self-identified as similar and trying to help each other cope with life and hopefully find ways to succeed at it. Stereotyping (what you're doing) is applying criteria to others without their participation.

Sometimes we get carried away and when we sense large differences we question whether or not someone is really part of the group that we identify as ours, but in the end we have always tried to include others so that our view of what we are and what we're capable of isn't limited by our select group of compatriots.

Yes, many of us have referred to certain behaviors and lamented as to how it is unlikely we will become good at those things due to our preferences. That is only unhealthy if that stops you from trying. I don't see that though. I see dozens of people continually referring to their efforts to change their tendencies. To maximize their strengths in order to conquer their weaknesses. If one of us has developed a skill in an area that is naturally difficult for us as a group, they tell us about it in hopes that we all might develop that skill.

Please explain how lamenting our failures is comparable to calling someone on choosing unacceptable behavior.
 

Decaf

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#29
What Civilianjones is referring to is behavior that is not naturally negative, but is often considered so because of the culture we live in. In fact, many of our greatest strengths are considered weaknesses and we are chastised for using them. That is the liberation that he's referring to. If anyone on this forum tries to suggest that real negative behavior (behavior that adversely affects others, i.e. stereotyping, bullying, being dismissive, etc.) is acceptable because of them being INTP, I would call them on it too, and I won't be alone.
 

nihilen.

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#30
What Civilianjones is referring to is behavior that is not naturally negative, but is often considered so because of the culture we live in. In fact, many of our greatest strengths are considered weaknesses and we are chastised for using them. That is the liberation that he's referring to. If anyone on this forum tries to suggest that real negative behavior (behavior that adversely affects others, i.e. stereotyping, bullying, being dismissive, etc.) is acceptable because of them being INTP, I would call them on it too, and I won't be alone.
I understand what you're saying, and I could agree with that.

but the post I quoted admitted they were WEAKNESSES, and claimed they weren't his fault.

He did not claim these were his camouflaged strengths that others might perceive as weaknesses.

it's basic English here.

It's as if it was a disease. And I am not really stereotyping , just bluntly trying to get my point across.
 

Decaf

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#31
but the post I quoted admitted they were WEAKNESSES, and claimed they weren't his fault.
Y'know, you're right. He did refer to them in a way that should be clarified or discussed. I hope he meant it in the way that I would if I wrote something like that, but I don't know. Ideally if he is checking this thread he'd respond, but that doesn't mean that is the norm (at least the norm after discussion) here.

Many people come to this forum shortly after learning about MBTI, or after some revelation that got them interested in it again. Most new members haven't done a lot of processing about the new information they've taken in. I know I've posted countless times and so have others trying to induct new members into a more complete basic understanding. We advocate taking responsibility, but not taking on the burden of society's expectations. The idea is to become the best person you can be, not to be someone else. To that end he have to learn about ourselves first. Put into words what we feel and think so that we can see why we do the things we do and whether or not we really need to stop doing them.
 

Jennywocky

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#32
It's as if it was a disease. And I am not really stereotyping , just bluntly trying to get my point across.
I'm not sure what your point is.

Your perceived negavity stems from... your choice to perceive things in a negative way rather than an informative one, and lumping a lot of people you don't know into a category they don't fit into.

Everyone's got limitations. All personality types have them.
Describing them is fine.
Using them actively as an excuse is not.
I figure we all agree with that.

So... non-point here. Let's get back to topic.
 

Waterstiller

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#33
I forget which, but on one INTP profile it mentioned that INTP's are likely to listen to music that fits their current mood. If I'm feeling depressed, I need depressing music. If I listen to upbeat music when I'm depressed, it'll make me feel alienated. Likewise, this is why I think INTP's are able to dive into some of the darkest and most 'depressing' ideas without a problem. Others look at us like we're nuts to watch depressing films, listen to depressing music, or talk about dark subjects on forums when we're already down.

Helping others through their depression actually helps me the most with my own depression since (I presume) it's the least cryptic form of data. The only problem with this is that I'm least likely to speak with anyone when I'm depressed. Further, the only ones generally I'm able to speak with are the ones that are doing well. And people who are well off only make me feel much worse when I'm down. I think I'm attracted to depressing things simply because it's the state I'm usually in. As for the forum's color scheme.. it feels congruent for these same reasons. If it were brighter it wouldn't be as fitting.

It seems obvious why I'm this way: I'm using extroverted intuition to gather data to find patterns towards why I'm feeling depressed.

It also seems obvious as to why it's hard to be around happy people: Most of them are easily infected by the nature of my data questing, and in order to protect their own happiness, they become defensive or frightened. Which, in turn, causes me to feel hopeless because nobody is willing to go there with me. And so I'm stuck in a depressive loop until I can find the right data. And sometimes the right data doesn't come for ages. :(
 

Ogion

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#34
Btw, the dark forum scheme is really just more gentle to the eyes. When i am some ten hours a day at the computer, i am thankful to have a dark colour scheme.

Ogion
 

Decaf

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#35
Btw, the dark forum scheme is really just more gentle to the eyes. When i am some ten hours a day at the computer, i am thankful to have a dark colour scheme.

Ogion
Yeah... especially late at night I just stop using websites with white backgrounds.

Aside from a 4 year period during my teens I don't think depression is really a state I have existed in for a while. When I was depressed I constantly felt like I had no significant impact on anyone. That I was occupying space that would be used for more valuable things... like air.

I think the reason is that I generally always have something around my apartment that I can get excited about. I have about 30 psychology books now, twice that in random material I was researching for a video game idea (I still haven't cracked any of my three books on horse breeding). I'm trying to muster myself to take on De Re Metallica. If I didn't have those options, I think I'd find that my boredom could easily lead to depression again.
 

loveofreason

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#36
I've found that INTPs are really good at immersing themselves in dark emotions in order to analyze them further, even if they're painful. Because we want to understand them.
Precisely. Immersion and analysis are essential to revising understanding.

As Waterstiller emphasises, we're data gatherers. Imagine the opportunity to increase the information we have for analysis if we share with one another just what this depression thing is like for us. We each could be holding a piece of the puzzle that completes the picture for someone else (...ok, so the picture is never quite complete ;)).

When I was depressed I constantly felt like I had no significant impact on anyone. That I was occupying space that would be used for more valuable things... like air.
Ditto. I still struggle sometimes with the feeling I have no legitimate right to take up the space I do, or even to exist. I think if a hungry polar bear walked up to me I'd feel guilty if I didn't let it tear me to shreds.

I remember the moment something turned for me when I emerged from my first deep depression. I was sitting alone in the lounge looking at the spines of all my books arranged on their shelves. Some sunlight filtered through and I realised I loved my books. Just looking at them gave me a sense of well-being and happiness that was so foriegn I didn't recognise it...

what's that funny feeling, like fresh air and flowers in my chest? Thinks really hard. Suddenly it dawns. I'm happy!

How damn hard can it be to smile after years!

:D
 

Jennywocky

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#37
Precisely. Immersion and analysis are essential to revising understanding.

As Waterstiller emphasises, we're data gatherers. Imagine the opportunity to increase the information we have for analysis if we share with one another just what this depression thing is like for us. We each could be holding a piece of the puzzle that completes the picture for someone else (...ok, so the picture is never quite complete ;)).

AS a side tangent, some people on other forums -- because of intense blog-writing I've done in the past and immersion in my emotions -- kept thinking I was really INFP. Exploring emotions and personal transformation seem to be delegated solely to the NF crowd for them. And occasionally I would also have a flare-up with a reader in the same vein because they were viewing my emotional expression of anguish or pain or doubt or whatever else as what it seemed to be on the surface, without realizing I was really just immersing myself in it to explore what it meant, without actually being overwhelmed by it or having it be a prime motivation.

INTPs model things to understand them. Sometimes this means you have to give yourself over to it. (I don't know if Charles Wallace from L'Engle's tesseract stuff was NT per se, but he did an NT-ish thing when he went into IT into to "understand IT." You fully immerse yourself in something, to understand it, and trusting yourself implicitly that you will not become what you are studying.)

I forget which, but on one INTP profile it mentioned that INTP's are likely to listen to music that fits their current mood.
That's the big one by Paul James linked to above.

It's true, at least for me. People would say, "If you are upset, why don't you listen to happy stuff?"

That still creeps me out when they say it. Why would I want to do that? It would be a lie, it would have no value to me; I'd feel worse. I like music and situations that reflect the mood I am in. That's me "flexing" to reality and maintaining integrity.
 

loveofreason

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#38
AS a side tangent, some people on other forums -- because of intense blog-writing I've done in the past and immersion in my emotions -- kept thinking I was really INFP. Exploring emotions and personal transformation seem to be delegated solely to the NF crowd for them. And occasionally I would also have a flare-up with a reader in the same vein because they were viewing my emotional expression of anguish or pain or doubt or whatever else as what it seemed to be on the surface, without realizing I was really just immersing myself in it to explore what it meant, without actually being overwhelmed by it or having it be a prime motivation.

INTPs model things to understand them. Sometimes this means you have to give yourself over to it. (I don't know if Charles Wallace from L'Engle's tesseract stuff was NT per se, but he did an NT-ish thing when he went into IT into to "understand IT." You fully immerse yourself in something, to understand it, and trusting yourself implicitly that you will not become what you are studying.)
I'm glad you posted that. I have a very similar-sounding obsession, as does cryptonia I think, and I admit it leads to me actually questioning a lot whether I'm T or F.

Plus I'm actually sensitive. I hurt. A lot.

I really want to understand emotions and I'll put myself through all sorts of ordeals, real and imagined, to that end. So long as I can step away to analyse, I'm fine - despite the pain. No matter what torment I've cooked up.

It's if I can't withdraw to objectify that the real madness starts. That in itself leads to depression and worse.

There. I think I've learned something: being forced to live full time with my emotions and no processing time creates my depression. If one can't objectify one will become numb. Depression is my emotional catatonia. One has to stop the flow of data when one has no chance to analyse it.

No wonder I'm half panicked all the time - stop the world! I need to analyse that feeling! And that one, and that one and that one....

Thanks. :)
 
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#39
I'm glad you posted that. I have a very similar-sounding obsession, as does cryptonia I think, and I admit it leads to me actually questioning a lot whether I'm T or F.

Plus I'm actually sensitive. I hurt. A lot.

I really want to understand emotions and I'll put myself through all sorts of ordeals, real and imagined, to that end. So long as I can step away to analyse, I'm fine - despite the pain. No matter what torment I've cooked up.

It's if I can't withdraw to objectify that the real madness starts. That in itself leads to depression and worse.

There. I think I've learned something: being forced to live full time with my emotions and no processing time creates my depression. If one can't objectify one will become numb. Depression is my emotional catatonia. One has to stop the flow of data when one has no chance to analyse it.

No wonder I'm half panicked all the time - stop the world! I need to analyse that feeling! And that one, and that one and that one....

Thanks. :)
For me, the emotions tend to stay internalized, but they are strong and ever present, but always subject to scrutiny. When the emotions come out they can be irrational and cause me great despair because I just don't understand them.

Is it that we are thinkers and so our emotions are under developed? When they inevitably come out they are immature and irrational and then subject to the intellect which perpetuates the despair and frustration?

By way of example, I've had a very long week. My wife was in the hospital for gall bladder surgery so I have been trying to take care of her and the kids plus work. Last night all three kids did nothing but fight and cry from the moment I walked in the door, my wife was giving me all sorts of directives, my middle son pissed himself, and I just went into a rage.

I felt like I was suffocating and nothing made any sense. It's like I couldn't find order in any of it, it was just coming at me to fast. I didn't direct the rage at them, in particular, but I punched a door (injured my hand a bit), silently got my son cleaned up, and then went and sat in the yard for a while, loosely contemplating suicide, until I cooled down.

Why the hell did I do that? I feel like such an asshole now.


(I have been diagnosed with clinical depression BTW)
 

Decaf

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#40
That sounds familiar. My dad used to say I got his anger problems from him (he's an ISTP, so also inferior Fe), but I used to feel like I had to do something violent before I could start dealing with the problem that was overwhelming me. I kicked a ball in my house and broke a lamp once, and that was the last time I directed it in a destructive way. Now I do exercises with my practice weapons. Especially hitting my futon with my escrima sticks. Its a nice outlet to feel the violence and get lost in the grace and precision of the movements. When I'm at my partner's place I do the dishes. I destroy a lot less of my stuff these days, which is nice.

Do you think the diagnosis was correct?
 
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#41
Do you think the diagnosis was correct?
That's a good question. I was diagnosed several years ago after a bout of self injury, and put on medication, which I subsequently quit. About five or six months ago I started going to a different counselor and he gave me the Mbti and that is where I found out I am INTP. He knew it immediately after my first visit with him, but gave me the test to confirm it.

He agrees that I do have biological depression, but I think that he thinks, that many of my issues are related to being INTP and not being understood by my friends and family. I am distincly different from most people I know and tend to think there is something dramatically wrong with me. Almost all of the loved ones and friends in my life are Sensors (my wife is an ISFJ and my mom an ISTJ for instance).

The big exception to this is my biological father (he and my mom divorced when I was 2). I am fairly certain that he is an INTP, but I rarely see him. My father is peculiar because he seems very interested in me, but he rarely takes the time to make any contact with me. I am the same way with him. But when I do talk to him, its like we are of one mind. Inerestingly, everyone who knows my dad thinks he is very strange, except for me. But they think I am very strange as well.

As INTP's, are we aliens in a strange world?

Now I wonder where being INTP ends and depression begins.
 

Waterstiller

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#42
The physical manifestation of feeling is something that I can relate to. Not so much with aggression, but it always helps me cry if I can swat at a pillow.
 

Decaf

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#43
I think depression for an INTP is directly related to the predominate culture being ESTJ. There are just too many characteristics of ours that do not match what is acceptable for us. INFPs have it harder. I hope their introverted feeling helps them get through it, but our dominant function has no such personal power. It only details to us how things really are as bad as we suspect. I'm really glad you met a counselor who was able to give you another way of looking at the problem because I think we'd all be poorer without it.

I suppose I'm lucky to have an ENTJ mom, because she helped me feel like I had something to contribute while I was growing up. I never really knew what it was, but she convinced me that there was something. Now I feel like I've found the first stepping stones towards that and I'm excited, but I never could have imagined feeling like I do, and I know I probably won't feel like this in a few months, but I feel more than happy... I feel good (I suppose that goes toward the whole problem of not trusting joy).
 

Waterstiller

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#44
Decaf, your momma was right. You've aided me a lot and I'm paying it forward. I'm sure you've made an impact on others (here and wherever you go) as well.

So yeah, there's that something in most of the people I've seen here. As far as I'm concerned, every single one of you has earned the air you breathe.

<3
 

Ogion

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#45
I know that good feeling, Decaf. I get this always when i help people. It really doesn't matter with what, mostly it is just physical help (carrying heavy things or whatever), since a am big and strong, but every kind of help achieves this. It is of course extra positive when your healp is being thanked and acknowledged, but even without, i for myself still know when i helped someone.

Ogion
 
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#46
Blunt is great! It leaves less to misinterpretation. Personality traits, weaknesses or strengths that may be accociated with all of us in the same way, are not excuses to be that way. Self knowledge is the cornerstone to growth!! And having this forum is an insight for all of us to better understand ourselves. Where in our "typologies" does it say we cannot grow?
 

vic

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#47
I'm definitely depression prone.

I'd be sitting in my room... and WHAM it hits me all at once. I feel like I want to take a knife and stab myself. It's weird how it comes and goes. My roommate is an ESTJ and i briefly mentioned my psychological issues with him, but he thinks it's a bunch of fluff. But the difference is he knows what he wants in life, and I dont.

I have not harm myself (yet), and I have to constantly remind myself to not do anything foolish to sadden my parents whom I care about more than anything. Sometimes I'd wish they were gone because then the choice would be so clear to me. It's a constant struggle every single day when I dont have anything to do but think about my thoughts. This is why I have a bad weekly habit of buying a "toy". Toys could be electronic stuff, music, games, .. just about anything to keep my mind sane and occupied.

If THC was legalized in the USA, I'd be one of the abusers of that. That makes me happier more than ever.
 

loveofreason

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#48
When the depression gives way to something - after so long of bottling things up, that famous painting, The Scream, conveys it well.

 
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#49
At the beginning of this year, I was at a real low point in my life. I was more depressed than when my parents got divorced (though that happened around age 10). It was a domino effect really; I was bogged down with coursework and revision, and it meant I had a lot of time by my self to work... And during all the work, I began to think about how bad my life was. I had nothing to show for the life I'd of lived, and had no idea where my life was going. It didn't help that I'd just met a girl in the year below, who I felt very fond of, but seeing as how I was leaving the school in just over 2 months, and I was extremely busy as it was, I never made a move. And then I left school, and rarely see her now.

Then over Summer, I gradually came out of it. I just began to stop caring. I was never paticularly happy, but I never let it get me down. And when college began, I felt strangely good. I'd managed to get all the poison out of me and I was really beginning to enjoy life. It was never going to last though, and the more time I spend with certain people - in paticular my friends on the bus - the more I begin to see just the negative aspects of them, and I forget why I'm even friends with some of them. I remained happy, just with a negative perspective on others. And this made me feel isolated, because it was as though I had very few true friends left and I felt like only I was to blame for distancing myself from others. Yet, I remained in my happy state.

And then, last night, after bottling it up for more than 6 months, it all came flooding back and hit me like a tonne of bricks. The voice in my head that brought my sorrow had returned and I had no idea how to control it. I spent 4 hours in my bed before I finally got to sleep - I was just constantly thinking, but of more than I'd ever taken into account. Awful timing really, seeing as how it's my birthday tomorrow, and I'd been determined to feel joy whether it was a good day or not (I don't care for the presents I get, for me it's more about the appreciation shown by my friends, because it's always nice to feel cared for even when you feel pointless yourself).

I woke up today thinking I'd realised what it was. Despite doing more stuff this Summer than I ever could of dreamed of - I've been to countless football matches and parties, been paintballing, jet-skiing, snow-skiing - I still felt like I'd wasted a lot of my time. I think doing things to please myself just isn't enough for me; I feel compelled to do more for this world than take for myself. I've always tried to help others where I could but it's not always possible. In some instances I've tried to help but only ended up making things worse than they were, and that doesn't help with the self-criticism. And being helpful for people isn't always worth it; countless good deeds can go unnoticed, and it makes me think why I bother.

I don't know what it is, but there must be something I can do for this world... And I don't think I can be truely happy untill then.
 

fullerene

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#50
uh oh.... you mean to tell me that getting depressed because life isn't worth anything and you're just wasting your time, finding a way to be happy without any substantive solution, watching every situation you try to help in turn out worse, purposefully distancing yourself from others, blaming yourself for it, and remaining "ok with everything" broke into pieces for you after about 6 months?

I must be a ticking time bomb... or perhaps more like a jack-in-the-box... counting about 2 months and a week doing almost exactly the same thing. ........you all may want to brace yourselves.
 
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