ginoskein
Member
- Local time
- Yesterday 9:59 PM
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2012
- Messages
- 34
I am an INFP male ("physically" speaking anyway).
Until recently, I was very concerned about the fact that I did not seem able to relate to most men and women in my surrounding culture. I thought there was something "wrong" with me. It was impossible, for example, for me to "hang with the guys" (on the rare occasions I even tried to) without feeling like I had come from somewhere drastically different from the rest of them. I did not speak like them or even feel like they seemed to be feeling. Most of what I heard and perceived disturbed me emotionally anyway, and I would often go into a kind of "social freeze" right in the middle of the general hilarity and uproar taking place around me.
I was painfully aware that this was noticed too. I believed my only chance of survival was to develop and exhibit successfully in public all of the "skills" I thought I was seeing in my peers. Thus, I consciously and unconsciously began observing and incorporating jargon, "proper timing" of the delivery of an idea or piece of humor in a multi-participant conversation, what constituted humor that everyone could understand laugh about (and what did not), as well as "masculine" traits, which turned out to be nothing more than a disregard for sensitivity.
Not only did this process absorb an enormous amount of emotional and intellectual energy, but the results were, and became, seriously disharmonious within my own personality. This internal disharmony has prevented me from exploring the incredible possibilities of my natural personality.
I was testing as INFJ until I met an INTP female who was able to reveal to me what was happening. I was astonished utterly by her very existence. I had never in my life met someone who seemed to speak and think the way I had (or had wanted to) when I was younger. I had little knowledge of psychology or the significance of the MBTI until our long conversations about it.
Recently, I came to the conclusion that I had developed an artificially dominant J function. Before going on I just want to say that it I had gotten to a point of absolute desperation over myself; emotionally (and there seems little else in me) I was falling apart completely. The main reason I am calling this J function "artificial" is that it seems almost 100% inaccurate when it is applied to ideas, inspirations, people, situations, or myself. I'm almost never right when I try to predict, in absolute terms, the likelihood of something being a certain way.
It was the inaccuracy that really clinched it for me, but my constant lack of emotional energy was the other element. I associated the two and decided to perform an experiment. I thought, "Okay, I'm just going to stop judging everything I've ever done, said, or thought, and I'm also going to do the same with regard to everyone else. Yes I've got all these criteria for what is 'right' or what is 'wrong,' what is a 'good idea' and what is a 'bad idea,' but I'm not going to pay any attention to that anymore." I began to actualize this with the energy of deliberate intentionality. First, I stopped passing judgment on all the things I thought were haunting my past. Immediately I noticed my emotional energy "turn outward" (that's the only way I can describe it). Then, starting with little day to day things, including thoughts and inspirations, and small tasks here and there, I stopped passing judgment on which ones I could do and not do, should do at this time or another time; I also did the same thing toward the actions and words of other people.
The result has astounded me. I can feel my mind expanding. I seem to have a new feeling/idea every minute. I'm never done with one before another comes along just as interesting as the one before. It is so thrilling to feel alive again! I literally have not felt this way on a day to day basis in over five years.
I could go on and on about this experience. My only fear is that it won't last, but Jp was a life-drainer; I have to end that disharmony forever. I'm also afraid of the rest of humanity. I've forgotten how much day-dreaming bothers most people, especially when someone is doing it in their presence. I'm not trying to be rude when I don't hear someone or forget or overlook some detail in a schedule, procedure, or event, or conversation, but people seem to take it that way I've had to explain myself to assuage someone's feelings several times in just the last 24 hours!
Anyway, as I said I could go on and on here, but I'm really (REALLY INTENSELY) interested in what people here have to say about all of this. I couldn't have even written all of this a few days ago, I would have judged in some way that would have killed it before I got to the second or third sentence. I'm just laughing right now because I've barely thought twice about what I'm writing!
I love all you INTx's!
PAX
Until recently, I was very concerned about the fact that I did not seem able to relate to most men and women in my surrounding culture. I thought there was something "wrong" with me. It was impossible, for example, for me to "hang with the guys" (on the rare occasions I even tried to) without feeling like I had come from somewhere drastically different from the rest of them. I did not speak like them or even feel like they seemed to be feeling. Most of what I heard and perceived disturbed me emotionally anyway, and I would often go into a kind of "social freeze" right in the middle of the general hilarity and uproar taking place around me.
I was painfully aware that this was noticed too. I believed my only chance of survival was to develop and exhibit successfully in public all of the "skills" I thought I was seeing in my peers. Thus, I consciously and unconsciously began observing and incorporating jargon, "proper timing" of the delivery of an idea or piece of humor in a multi-participant conversation, what constituted humor that everyone could understand laugh about (and what did not), as well as "masculine" traits, which turned out to be nothing more than a disregard for sensitivity.
Not only did this process absorb an enormous amount of emotional and intellectual energy, but the results were, and became, seriously disharmonious within my own personality. This internal disharmony has prevented me from exploring the incredible possibilities of my natural personality.
I was testing as INFJ until I met an INTP female who was able to reveal to me what was happening. I was astonished utterly by her very existence. I had never in my life met someone who seemed to speak and think the way I had (or had wanted to) when I was younger. I had little knowledge of psychology or the significance of the MBTI until our long conversations about it.
Recently, I came to the conclusion that I had developed an artificially dominant J function. Before going on I just want to say that it I had gotten to a point of absolute desperation over myself; emotionally (and there seems little else in me) I was falling apart completely. The main reason I am calling this J function "artificial" is that it seems almost 100% inaccurate when it is applied to ideas, inspirations, people, situations, or myself. I'm almost never right when I try to predict, in absolute terms, the likelihood of something being a certain way.
It was the inaccuracy that really clinched it for me, but my constant lack of emotional energy was the other element. I associated the two and decided to perform an experiment. I thought, "Okay, I'm just going to stop judging everything I've ever done, said, or thought, and I'm also going to do the same with regard to everyone else. Yes I've got all these criteria for what is 'right' or what is 'wrong,' what is a 'good idea' and what is a 'bad idea,' but I'm not going to pay any attention to that anymore." I began to actualize this with the energy of deliberate intentionality. First, I stopped passing judgment on all the things I thought were haunting my past. Immediately I noticed my emotional energy "turn outward" (that's the only way I can describe it). Then, starting with little day to day things, including thoughts and inspirations, and small tasks here and there, I stopped passing judgment on which ones I could do and not do, should do at this time or another time; I also did the same thing toward the actions and words of other people.
The result has astounded me. I can feel my mind expanding. I seem to have a new feeling/idea every minute. I'm never done with one before another comes along just as interesting as the one before. It is so thrilling to feel alive again! I literally have not felt this way on a day to day basis in over five years.
I could go on and on about this experience. My only fear is that it won't last, but Jp was a life-drainer; I have to end that disharmony forever. I'm also afraid of the rest of humanity. I've forgotten how much day-dreaming bothers most people, especially when someone is doing it in their presence. I'm not trying to be rude when I don't hear someone or forget or overlook some detail in a schedule, procedure, or event, or conversation, but people seem to take it that way I've had to explain myself to assuage someone's feelings several times in just the last 24 hours!
Anyway, as I said I could go on and on here, but I'm really (REALLY INTENSELY) interested in what people here have to say about all of this. I couldn't have even written all of this a few days ago, I would have judged in some way that would have killed it before I got to the second or third sentence. I'm just laughing right now because I've barely thought twice about what I'm writing!
I love all you INTx's!
PAX