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I’m lost

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
Jun 1, 2016
Messages
73
#1
I’ve been finding myself to be so detached from the world through my will to keep a solid perspective and not fall to social conformity to such an extend that I have lost who I am and stopped caring about the fun things I would promote about my personality. I am now extremely serious to an extent that I can no longer relax or ever find bliss with myself. I have been practicing achieving bliss but as some of you hypothetically or theoretically now, the bliss doesn’t last long and the constant search for more answers and solutions with knowledge to solve problems becomes to stressful for me to ever relax and feel anything as a person to be as effiecient in my “OCDished” manner way of thinking. My relationships are become entirely irrelevant and I can’t enjoy the simple things anymore. I’m only 17 almost 18 but it’s so difficult to deal with this stress to achieve the perfect plan I want to be able to do in order to get out of my parents house and live on my own. And the contradictive fact is one of my plans is the opposite which is using my parents to help me go to college through improving gpa and a couple of other things but at the same time I want to start fresh pick up a girl and live in the streets in Asheville. I want to become a theoretically physicist and I love physics but the only way to get there quick is buy taking the risky step and otherwise is with college. I just don’t know what path to take and the best way to live it. I’m enjoying cutting close relationships out of my life too much at this moment. I hate people
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
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#2
I feel better now I’m really moody...I started listening to music
 
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#3
Cortical arousal like tingling in the spine or in the head is what you should be aiming for if you have problems with decentralization. The threshold for stimulus is a problem because of tolerance which is just inability to relax tension, latent inhibition. You put that back into the picture, lower threshold you get aroused by a smaller stimulus. And this is accumulative that they system can channel more energy instead of being numb. The density of stimulus and variety of richness increases not being a monotone gray fuzziness. The comprehensiveness of this is music where the saturation and richness can be the same as a picture that gave you chills.

Said above lower the threshold on latent inhibition everything becomes interesting and if you want relationships that too. Some of this is will power some is having intense moments and absorbing them lowing inhibitions. Absorption is a keyword but mental clarity is required also to control your inner state not to lose progress and from there, you have the right conditions to achieve what you wish to achieve.
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
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Messages
73
#4
Cortical arousal like tingling in the spine or in the head is what you should be aiming for if you have problems with decentralization. The threshold for stimulus is a problem because of tolerance which is just inability to relax tension, latent inhibition. You put that back into the picture, lower threshold you get aroused by a smaller stimulus. And this is accumulative that they system can channel more energy instead of being numb. The density of stimulus and variety of richness increases not being a monotone gray fuzziness. The comprehensiveness of this is music where the saturation and richness can be the same as a picture that gave you chills.

Said above lower the threshold on latent inhibition everything becomes interesting and if you want relationships that too. Some of this is will power some is having intense moments and absorbing them lowing inhibitions. Absorption is a keyword but mental clarity is required also to control your inner state not to lose progress and from there, you have the right conditions to achieve what you wish to achieve.
I think I have a natural and worked upon knack for pure absorption of my reality and the effect it has on me and it like you were saying. But sometimes this is just way to dramatic and hard for me to handle and it’s just too much on my ego and if all of this does go well I’m left with a nice personal gloomy alone feeling that I can only see with myself that is exhausting lonely. I haven’t been allowing myself to go through the mental clarity and I definitely need help with this which is what I use music for but then I try not to get entranced with an overly dramatic phase that because weird nostalgia in the future that just becomes more lonely. Maybe truly an intp thing is to have to have enough strength to be able to be keep to yourself, truly because others will just never understand your perspective and maybe some things can’t even be put into words. I feel like I have to manipulate this world to get by and I don’t like feeling so detached while doing it and the only person I really talk to about my real self is this girl that’s my next door neighbor who is an infp who’s very intuitive. She’s really the only person that’s gets me enough o share these things with and there’s is a lot of limitations on us for specifics past reason of my previous poor decisions. My best friend doesn’t even truly know me though he can analyze the results of my personality of who I truly am pretty why, he can’t understand the reasons why like my infp friend can, and honestly, she’s not enough she can’t be there for me
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
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Messages
73
#5
*
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
Jun 1, 2016
Messages
73
#6
Cortical arousal like tingling in the spine or in the head is what you should be aiming for if you have problems with decentralization. The threshold for stimulus is a problem because of tolerance which is just inability to relax tension, latent inhibition. You put that back into the picture, lower threshold you get aroused by a smaller stimulus. And this is accumulative that they system can channel more energy instead of being numb. The density of stimulus and variety of richness increases not being a monotone gray fuzziness. The comprehensiveness of this is music where the saturation and richness can be the same as a picture that gave you chills.

Said above lower the threshold on latent inhibition everything becomes interesting and if you want relationships that too. Some of this is will power some is having intense moments and absorbing them lowing inhibitions. Absorption is a keyword but mental clarity is required also to control your inner state not to lose progress and from there, you have the right conditions to achieve what you wish to achieve.

But also, this cortical arousal thing sounds interesting, would this jack of all trades animekitty know how to potentially achieve that??—weird intp impulse alert brace
 
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#7
But also, this cortical arousal thing sounds interesting, would this jack of all trades animekitty know how to potentially achieve that??—weird intp impulse alert brace
Any self-awareness techniques. mindfulness. Constant scanning of the body and senses. Your music but intense concentration on it, give into it. old emotional memories. attention to the environment (the senses again).
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
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#8
Actually I think I just got the gist of it after pondering from leaving this website for a few minutes, I think I have to get used to and take advantage of that natural urge I have to interact with other humans and enjoy it with exploitation of my thoughts but I’m having trouble calming down from all of this after and I can’t smoke cigarettes anymore cause I quit and weed makes me forget the progression of some of my thoughts and other things, well....
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
Jun 1, 2016
Messages
73
#9
Actually I think I just got the gist of it after pondering from leaving this website for a few minutes, I think I have to get used to and take advantage of that natural urge I have to interact with other humans and enjoy it with exploitation of my thoughts but I’m having trouble calming down from all of this after and I can’t smoke cigarettes anymore cause I quit and weed makes me forget the progression of some of my thoughts and other things, well....
And when I give into my music I just get too exoneratingly dramatic(and sorry for using that word weirdly) and I just can’t stay calm with reality of things and my real emotions are waayyy to weird to exploit to my surroundings especially with the ego I have upon my disciples, I mean acquaintances
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
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Messages
73
#10
Any self-awareness techniques. mindfulness. Constant scanning of the body and senses. Your music but intense concentration on it, give into it. old emotional memories. attention to the environment (the senses again).
I think this is achieved through introverted sensing too and now you sparked back my memory and helped reorganize myself, but I think I touch this up with a little bit of Ne and maybe even Te at the end to mentally brace for the next potential obstacle in my path. And while I reflect with my introverted sensing I like to believe I use a very amount of introverted intuition during it
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
Jun 1, 2016
Messages
73
#11
I think this is achieved through introverted sensing too and now you sparked back my memory and helped reorganize myself, but I think I touch this up with a little bit of Ne and maybe even Te at the end to mentally brace for the next potential obstacle in my path. And while I reflect with my introverted sensing I like to believe I use a very amount of introverted intuition during it

My extroverted sensing does have some suffering to it though I am working on it a lot and doing it quite well but not enough yet
 
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#12
I haven’t been allowing myself to go through the mental clarity and I definitely need help with this which is what I use music for but then I try not to get entranced with an overly dramatic phase that because weird nostalgia in the future that just becomes more lonely.
If you make yourself feel invisible like you have no physical body you can feel the music without the sensuality of it like air vibrating the music but not being engrossed by it. this is a form of detachment so that you can increase the threshold for intensity without sensualness but still control the inner experience none the less. It's complicated because you can be detached well being immersed at the same time the clarity is just the density and resolution of it but being overwhelmed is a problem of noise in the system. Clarity is the ability to take even noise and smooth it out which is why heavy metal music can be enjoyable. It is tingly but smooth.

Do you like this song?


This heavy metal song feels very smooth to me.


I feel like I have to manipulate this world to get by and I don’t like feeling so detached while doing it and the only person I really talk to about my real self is this girl that’s my next door neighbor who is an infp who’s very intuitive.
In honesty, I never had a friend I could tell any of my thought too. If she helps you be and know who you are that is precious.

My best friend doesn’t even truly know me though he can analyze the results of my personality of who I truly am pretty why, he can’t understand the reasons why like my infp friend can, and honestly, she’s not enough she can’t be there for me
If you are thinking about what happens when you move away have you asked her what she thinks. Because we do need attachments and it takes strength to find new ones when leaving old ones behind. Do you think you can find more friends that are INFP or simply just best for you?
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
Jun 1, 2016
Messages
73
#13
If you make yourself feel invisible like you have no physical body you can feel the music without the sensuality of it like air vibrating the music but not being engrossed by it. this is a form of detachment so that you can increase the threshold for intensity without sensualness but still control the inner experience none the less. It's complicated because you can be detached well being immersed at the same time the clarity is just the density and resolution of it but being overwhelmed is a problem of noise in the system. Clarity is the ability to take even noise and smooth it out which is why heavy metal music can be enjoyable. It is tingly but smooth.

Do you like this song?


This heavy metal song feels very smooth to me.




In honesty, I never had a friend I could tell any of my thought too. If she helps you be and know who you are that is precious.



If you are thinking about what happens when you move away have you asked her what she thinks. Because we do need attachments and it takes strength to find new ones when leaving old ones behind. Do you think you can find more friends that are INFP or simply just best for you?

Lol heavy metal is my go to and I started to feel better when I retrieved the song MIA by avenged sevenfold back into my memory a second ago, probably because of you in the first place but I broke my phone recently very recently and am still making a playlist. Luckily this has happened to me before so I knew to take a bunch of photos and save them and of my playlist
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
Jun 1, 2016
Messages
73
#14
If you make yourself feel invisible like you have no physical body you can feel the music without the sensuality of it like air vibrating the music but not being engrossed by it. this is a form of detachment so that you can increase the threshold for intensity without sensualness but still control the inner experience none the less. It's complicated because you can be detached well being immersed at the same time the clarity is just the density and resolution of it but being overwhelmed is a problem of noise in the system. Clarity is the ability to take even noise and smooth it out which is why heavy metal music can be enjoyable. It is tingly but smooth.

Do you like this song?


This heavy metal song feels very smooth to me.




In honesty, I never had a friend I could tell any of my thought too. If she helps you be and know who you are that is precious.



If you are thinking about what happens when you move away have you asked her what she thinks. Because we do need attachments and it takes strength to find new ones when leaving old ones behind. Do you think you can find more friends that are INFP or simply just best for you?

Lol I feel like you were just trying to manipulate me with thr other song on my subconscious because I do the say thing to other people
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
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Messages
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#15
Lol I feel like you were just trying to manipulate me with thr other song on my subconscious because I do the say thing to other people

To be entirely honest I like the beat of the second song but the lyrics would get to me way to much to listen to them. Direct symbolic lyrics effects me long term way to much for my mind to handle
 
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#16
My memory is so bad I cannot even remember a full song in order(or hear the vibrantness of it). But it is cool you can access your memory so easily.
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
Jun 1, 2016
Messages
73
#17
If you make yourself feel invisible like you have no physical body you can feel the music without the sensuality of it like air vibrating the music but not being engrossed by it. this is a form of detachment so that you can increase the threshold for intensity without sensualness but still control the inner experience none the less. It's complicated because you can be detached well being immersed at the same time the clarity is just the density and resolution of it but being overwhelmed is a problem of noise in the system. Clarity is the ability to take even noise and smooth it out which is why heavy metal music can be enjoyable. It is tingly but smooth.

Do you like this song?


This heavy metal song feels very smooth to me.




In honesty, I never had a friend I could tell any of my thought too. If she helps you be and know who you are that is precious.



If you are thinking about what happens when you move away have you asked her what she thinks. Because we do need attachments and it takes strength to find new ones when leaving old ones behind. Do you think you can find more friends that are INFP or simply just best for you?
I think I can but you saying she’s precious really helped me to realized how special she partially is and definitely can be to me and she really takes a strong interest in me. She’s like one of those followers that ended up actually approaching me and wanting to learn me but I scared her a little bit before but she does seem help me in ways that only my subconscious can recall at this moment. However if all people she was the only one I was generally thinking of keeping but she doesn’t do enough but I need to push her as me being a catalyst in some way to have her help me more and I flirt with her a lot which might make her more compassionate towards me. She is sooo moody though but she has never been able to lie to me and she acknowledges this
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
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Messages
73
#18
My memory is so bad I cannot even remember a full song in order(or hear the vibrantness of it). But it is cool you can access your memory so easily.
I can tell by the song you gave me that you can acces your subconscious memory pretty purely and you need to work on problems with you dreams lol and be more comfortable with them. Embrace them and be excited to explore how deep your thought can truly go. I like doing many psychoanalysis in the real definition sense
 
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#19
Why do you need followers?
Some goal in mind?
Because she knows you best and that's a need not easy to meet.
But some goal you have, that is different because it's impersonal.
You said you want to become a theoretical physicist or live in the streets of Ashville.
A survivalist or networking to further a career. (psychological health either way)

I study A.I. but am not specialist. Being ENFP I have that special talent to recognize potential so I can tell you from my unconscious where things are creatively in the A.I. field. I've been at this since 12 years old (2000 A.D.) I'm a 90's kid and I can tell the difference between 80's and 90's cartoons. Computers changed everything how 80's and 90's cartoon were. I see the same changes from this decade and the 20's in A.I.

I mention this just to say I spend all my time on it even if I was not able to specialize in data analytics or anything because I dropped out (not smart enough). I am sure you wish to do physics whatever physics stuff you can do with a degree. I just notice that I must do something and I choose to research intelligence and psychology and technology from my level. Like how the internet was not a real thing until 2012 same time as deep learning.

The point: I listen to my unconscious. I get ideas. I think: wow this idea must be real because a person 20 or 30 IQ point more than me can make it easy so it must exist right now. People draw photorealism and I draw stick figures so this means people are capable of drawing to my preferences and Google could search images based on my preferences for me. I see things as could be because smarter people can make it, that is why video games were fun, millions of games existed and beyond me. So I combine everything in the subconscious what the smart people can do and I figure out those ideas. just letting you know. The unconscious simply just lets you know things what you put into it. You put theoretical physics into it you become intuitive at that.
 

AmacdaTNPI

AnonymousINTP
Local time
Today, 07:05
Joined
Jun 1, 2016
Messages
73
#20
Why do you need followers?
Some goal in mind?
Because she knows you best and that's a need not easy to meet.
But some goal you have, that is different because it's impersonal.
You said you want to become a theoretical physicist or live in the streets of Ashville.
A survivalist or networking to further a career. (psychological health either way)

I study A.I. but am not specialist. Being ENFP I have that special talent to recognize potential so I can tell you from my unconscious where things are creatively in the A.I. field. I've been at this since 12 years old (2000 A.D.) I'm a 90's kid and I can tell the difference between 80's and 90's cartoons. Computers changed everything how 80's and 90's cartoon were. I see the same changes from this decade and the 20's in A.I.

I mention this just to say I spend all my time on it even if I was not able to specialize in data analytics or anything because I dropped out (not smart enough). I am sure you wish to do physics whatever physics stuff you can do with a degree. I just notice that I must do something and I choose to research intelligence and psychology and technology from my level. Like how the internet was not a real thing until 2012 same time as deep learning.

The point: I listen to my unconscious. I get ideas. I think: wow this idea must be real because a person 20 or 30 IQ point more than me can make it easy so it must exist right now. People draw photorealism and I draw stick figures so this means people are capable of drawing to my preferences and Google could search images based on my preferences for me. I see things as could be because smarter people can make it, that is why video games were fun, millions of games existed and beyond me. So I combine everything in the subconscious what the smart people can do and I figure out those ideas. just letting you know. The unconscious simply just lets you know things what you put into it. You put theoretical physics into it you become intuitive at that.
Yea I also dropped out of school on my senior so it doesn’t mean your stupid or not smart enough, I scored a 98 on my chemistry mid-term in my junior year but I still failed that class because I had about 80 absences in one semester and I started to get on top of my stuff senior yea but I started to fluctuate again at one point and falling to old habits of course my parents though I was going to start skipping again so they thought it would be a better idea to drop out and start getting my GED. I scored honors level on the pre-test so I can definitely pass it but I just want to study it more to get potential college credits from it. Then get my gpa up really high in a community college to gradually move up colleges to become a theoretical physicist and get a couple of other degrees. But at the same time I want to just raise enough money to get an apartment and awol everything I knew...
 
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