Event-related panic.

[chintz]

This is my first post here, so apologies in advance if I'm repeating a topic - I searched but didn't find it.

Do any other INTPs here experience panic? I find that I'm so much in my head that I'm unable to just enjoy a positive event - I analyze exactly WHY it's positive, calculate how long I have left to enjoy it, and when I realize I'm not actually enjoying it because I'm analyzing it, I have a kind of panic that develops where I feel I HAVE to salvage it and make it the best time ever, otherwise I'll regret it. From there it's downhill and it usually turns into the worst time ever. It's hard to explain, but the whole time I'm panicking, I'll be looking at the clock and scheduling exactly what I could do in that time to have fun (it never happens though - the whole thing gets ruined, every time). I now expect it and the panic has spread to the day before the event too. My easy-going husband is able to shrug his shoulders and tell me he still had a nice time (even after my meltdowns), while I torture myself with guilt and pity for the next few days (hence, this post).

Do any of you have this anxiety around events? I know it is centered around the deep-thinking/analyzing INTP trait, so I'm hoping I'm not alone.

 

[Vegard Pompey]

I experience that exact panic often.

 

[QSR]

Yes! I'm glad you started this topic. I often find myself at networking or general social events being isolated and too frightened to approach people and engage them in conversation. I know it's totally irrational because if I actually talk to people, I'm just fine. I just have a huge fear of getting involved.

It sounds like you may have a slightly different but related problem. I think your husband (or somebody in your life) is inadvertently trying to make you feel guilty about your introverted personality. You have to learn to embrace it and be happy even if you only have a few longer conversations rather than trying to meet everyone. It would really help if you approach these things as though there is no "result" to be achieved.

I've found that sometimes you have fun at parties, and sometimes it sucks, but you can never predict beforehand what kind of night it will be.

 

[Dissident]

Yeah, too much Ti can drive you nuts
I think developing and engaging your Ne should help, but I'm certainly not an expert on that.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.

 

[dwags222]

i think i experience this to a lesser extent. more a slight anxiety than panic. i think a lot of this has to do with learning to be comfortable with being the way i am, and if others don't like it too bad. plus i can sometimes put on my mask and be social even when it doesn't feel natural. forcing yourself to enjoy small talk, or at least be competent with small talk, can help a lot. learning not to overanalyze things and just accept them can also help. finally, if i go to a party i will give it a chance to be fun, if it doesn't happen i just slip away. people mostly won't even notice you are gone.

 

[QSR]

Maybe going into it armed with some smalltalk subjects that interest you would help?

 

[chintz]

Just to clarify, this isn't just for social gatherings (though most of the time it is), but for example, this last time it happened to be my husband's birthday (today). Nothing in particular planned (nothing social at all), but still it happened. The panic started yesterday, and spread into today. Birthday ruined .

I really appreciate hearing from you all; it helps to figure it out.

 

[Dissident]

It seems a bit odd the scheduling and planning everything part, that doesn't seem very INTP. We are not good at that at all, so no wonder why it doesnt work out. Analyzing the situation is one thing, but planning and scheduling seems like a mistake if you want to have a good time.

 

[chintz]

I think your husband (or somebody in your life) is inadvertently trying to make you feel guilty about your introverted personality.

I'm not sure if he does that at all (at least he doesn't purposely), but we have a strange dynamic at times, that clashes. He's an ISFJ, so he tries to "fix" what I want to "solve".

---

Dissident, I think you really might be onto something there. I didn't realize that planning would be something that would be bad for me, but you're right that things are a lot better when I let go of 'the plan'.

 

[Ermine]

I can relate. I'm always freaking out before big events, particularly social events. And then either I chicken out and regret missing out, or I go and find it to be not so bad after all.

A big example would be prom. I was asked to prom for the first time in my life, and I originally said yes and was fairly excited for some unknown reason. After a week or so of hanging out with my date, picking out dresses, etc, I flipped out. I realized I could barely "afford" the dress, my date was a moron, and I didn't like dances. I'm sure it could have been slightly fun if I were to just go with it, but I "ruined" my date's senior prom due to my anxiety.

 

[QSR]

chintz are you sure you're not intj? INTPs aren't necessarily perfectionists.

I guess your description of how something could be ruined is too vague for me to understand.

 

[Sugarpop]

I've made some progress in this area lately, though it's still a slight nuisance. I find myself more able to go with the flow and be carefree. I'm not too sure how I went about, but I suppose a more visceral understanding of the concept of 'meaning' helped.

Tell yourself that stuff really doesn't matter until you really start believing it. I can't get more specific than that.

 

[chintz]

chintz are you sure you're not intj? INTPs aren't necessarily perfectionists.

I guess your description of how something could be ruined is too vague for me to understand.

You're right, I'm a perfectionist, but I just looked up some INTJ info, and I'm pretty certain I'm INTP. Maybe that part of me just isn't typically INTP?

 

[abandonship]

i wouldn't call it panic in my case, but definitely anxiety.
it's not about trying to salvage the situation, but beating myself up for being so awkward. it happens to me in social situations or events i don't feel prepared for (which are mainly social). i get analysis paralysis and then detach myself further by analysing my analysis paralysis.

 

[Da Blob]

These episodes are usually in a social context? I assume that getting plastered ahead of time is not an option? I had the worst times at social gatherings until i starting drinking. It really loosened up some inhibitions and allowed me to pay attention to others instead of worrying about making a fool of myself (which I did anyway, it is not so bad after like the tenth time).

Waxing philosophically, it sounds like you are being cheated out of 'Now'. You mention that you felt that somehow you were being cheated out of your 'good times" maybe you are, Both the Past and the Future are merely figments of your imagination. Just make it a goal, not to become the victim of your own imagination - in this type of scenario, enjoy the moment as it occurs, carpe Diem so to speak...

BTW Welcome to INTPia

 

[dwags222]

These episodes are usually in a social context? I assume that getting plastered ahead of time is not an option? I had the worst times at social gatherings until i starting drinking. It really loosened up some inhibitions and allowed me to pay attention to others instead of worrying about making a fool of myself (which I did anyway, it is not so bad after like the tenth time).

I think perhaps you can begin to accomplish the same thing without drinking by realizing on a rational level the truth of the fact that your inhibitions will do you more harm than good in a social context, and also by understanding that there really isn't anything bad/wrong about making a fool of yourself (if you do not yet believe this you can verify it empirically both by watching others and of course by simply making a fool of yourself. it really isn't that bad. (of course there is a difference between making a fool of yourself and being an ass, so be careful.))

once you come to this realization it will be easier to use your rational thinking to force yourself into action which is at first unnatural. the more you do this the more natural it will become.

of course, this is all far easier after having had a few drinks.

usually, at least when you are a sober, it becomes a question of whether the effort is worth it or not. usually i find it is not, unless there is a situation that involves a girl that i am interested in, or there are people who i know i would enjoy being friends with.

 

[chintz]

analysis paralysis.

Ohhhh, I love this phrase.

BTW, I'm amazing on alcohol. I have no inhibitions and it's such freedom. But I hate the taste of alcohol.

 

[sagewolf]

I do the same thing the Ermine does, basically: I spend too much time before an event (party/dance/something-I-want-to-go-to) trying to figure out how I'll get there, if I have enough money, how I'll get back, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't take long for me to start imagining the worst things that can happen, and from there on out, I develop a very negative view of the entire thing. Everything goes far easier for me when I just go with the flow and trust that things will sort themselves out, or that there will be other people there for me if things do go wrong. I actually find it hard not to enjoy events, once I'm actually there, and as long as I don't think about it too much beforehand.

(Welcome, chintz!)