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PhatMhan86

Redshirt
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Today, 23:21
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Jun 15, 2018
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Hi guys

I recently became interested in this girl who I go to school with. We have lots in common and started talking in the philosophy society I manage. We run in completely different circles and I don’t speak to her very often, she is extremely clever, pretty and funny but she can be intimidating in her extroversion and sheer genius (she is much smarter than I am for sure). I was wondering if any of you know anything about the typology of ENTPs (which I am pretty certain she is) which might help me in overcoming some of the anxiety she makes me feel, so that I can get to know her better.
 

Pyropyro

Magos Biologis
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Tomorrow, 07:21
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Feb 3, 2012
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That anxiety wont leave unless you build yourself up first. I think relationships are best started if the partners have (almost) equal footing. Use that NeTi to your advantage.

Clever - go win philo debates, write books/journ articles, get better degrees etc. You dont need to be necessarily clever at her field.

Pretty - eat healthy, exercise and groom yourself.

Funny - cant help you here but im sure this can also be learned/enhanced. Maybe a different mentor can help you here.
 

The Gopher

President
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To be funny all you need is knowledge. If you know everything you know what people will find funny.
 

higs

Omg wow imo
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This is a cute post and I do not say so often. Just talk to her man :-/ nothing else to it I'm afraid. And enjoy the crush, I think it's important to enjoy them, despite the anxiety. You're better than me already if you can actually talk.
 

Niclmaki

Disturber of the Peace
Local time
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442
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As an ENTP I prefer the other makes the first move. And I’m male! They usually do, so I’d say you should be fine.
 

Hadoblado

think again losers
Local time
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MBTI is fun and all but don't use it to inform anything that matters.

Your own sense of what works for you is going to fit your specific case more than this set of trends. And that's assuming its veracity in the first place, which is far from beyond question.

So basically, in order for typology to help you:
1) MBTI has to be a good model. I don't think it is but since you're here you probably do?
2) You need to have correctly assessed her type, which, given the degree of disagreement even among MBTI experts, is unlikely at best.
3) The trends level predictions of MBTI need to better fit the scenario than the stuff you are able to observe from the first person. Individual people are insanely difficult to predict with any degree of accuracy from abstract models (ask any economist or social scientist).

Maybe take into account her extroversion and smarts. That seems like a certainty. Try to not leave her understimulated from your interactions. Beyond that? I'd just trust yourself. Having a common interest is in your favour. So is being the head of the group. While I wouldn't overtly leverage such things, they suggest you have at least a chance?
 

higs

Omg wow imo
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I’ll humor the “lets ignore all the flaws in mbti and pretend it’s a reliable theory” for a bit, if it gives you an angle to think about how to interact, then this is simply a positive.

Anyway if you’ve categorized her as an ENTP it probably means she displays interest in abstract creative and rational things. You should talk theoretical stuff or about fiction and laugh about things. My boyfriend is ENTP, he loves mental sparring and debate, he likes spontaneous zany behavior, and all things creative. he’s fine with being the source of the spontaneity if he’s with introverts but he wants people to be able to follow it and bounce off him, so if she is like him you can let her lead discussion. Some of his best friends are INTP he loves them, roughly considers them cute shy more awkward thoughtful versions of himself lol. You could talk to her about mbti in fact. ENTP can talk for hours obsessively about something theoretical like that.

The anxiety... idk it’s just something you have to deal with I’m afraid... I mean she certainly has flaws like everyone even if they are not apparent to you yet. I suppose extroversion can be intimidating, but don’t consider your introversion a weakness if this is what you are, it doesn’t mean you are less smart and it is certainly not uncharismatic, some of the most charismatic people I know are introverts. Own it. ENTP tend to come off as obviously intelligent because they talk louder and aren’t shy or bothered (low social anxiety) but to some extent it’s simply that their intelligence is more “in your face” (if they are intelligent). This is my experience anway.
 

Niclmaki

Disturber of the Peace
Local time
Today, 19:21
Joined
Oct 21, 2012
Messages
442
Location
Canada
MBTI is fun and all but don't use it to inform anything that matters.

Your own sense of what works for you is going to fit your specific case more than this set of trends. And that's assuming its veracity in the first place, which is far from beyond question.

So basically, in order for typology to help you:
1) MBTI has to be a good model. I don't think it is but since you're here you probably do?
2) You need to have correctly assessed her type, which, given the degree of disagreement even among MBTI experts, is unlikely at best.
3) The trends level predictions of MBTI need to better fit the scenario than the stuff you are able to observe from the first person. Individual people are insanely difficult to predict with any degree of accuracy from abstract models (ask any economist or social scientist).

Maybe take into account her extroversion and smarts. That seems like a certainty. Try to not leave her understimulated from your interactions. Beyond that? I'd just trust yourself. Having a common interest is in your favour. So is being the head of the group. While I wouldn't overtly leverage such things, they suggest you have at least a chance?
I agree that cognitive processes are never a HARD fact about a person, but it at least gives you something to jump off of.

I always analogize it with the usefulness of movie genres. You can call a movie a Romance movie, but it could also have some comedy / action in it. It is not an exact science.

So, I’d take SOME usable framework rather than none. But keep it a very flexible framework, because everyone is unique.

Personally, I’ve found it useful in how to communicate well with a person. My father is a very heavy Te/Si user, so I use that language. No beating around the bush with unnecessary facts. While my mother is Ne/Fi, she doesn’t care if the conversation takes 50 turns in a minute.
 

Hadoblado

think again losers
Local time
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Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
5,366
But the useful stuff from MBTI is... just obvious right?

Like you don't need to have heard of MBTI to tell someone is a bit of a loner, or really enjoys attention. If they're practical, more spiritual, are flexible socially etc.

You have trained your entire life at social interaction. Even if you're a hermit, your skills at social interaction are likely highly developed relative to your mastery of an abstract model like MBTI or Big5.
 

Niclmaki

Disturber of the Peace
Local time
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Joined
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Messages
442
Location
Canada
Eh, maybe I understood it in a nebulous sense. I liked it put into words for my own sake.

You may be right in the fact like, “just because an optomitrist knows how eyes work, doesn’t nean they see better than everyone else”.

It is very likely it’s just a mental comfort that boosts my confidance in understanding people (regardless if it really is or not).
 
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