A number of years ago a very close friend of mine died. I did not weep hysterically or let my emotions get the better of me and lash out at people. I could still function normally. Conscious emotional regulation is a good trait to have. Especially if you ever want to be in a position of leadership. With that said, when I think about the circumstances and him not being here anymore, I feel a great sense of loneliness and violent rage. This in conjunction with a number of other events, I just don't feel much. I don't get as high of good emotions or as low of bad emotions.
Ik do not express a lot of sadness and crying etc. I miss people who died, but life comes and goes. It is how it is. It is a bit of a mild melancholy no hysteria.
Usually I think of the nice things I used to have with a loved one, that makes me smile. Like in a loving memory you look back at. Then sometimes a tear or two come when I realise that will be no more. People think it a bit weird when you are smiling in mourning. Tears they understand better.
The people I really loved and who died are my grandfather 6 years ago and one of my best friends one year ago.
Another death that made an impression was of a child I used to teach. This was also 6 years ago. I had a classroom full of 8-year olds and my own feelings to deal with then. But it was allright. We coped with everyting around the death well. We took as much time and attention for it as it needed. I kind of followed their needs, ideas, conversations, questions etc. and guided them as well as I could through their proces.