Cyclical Regrets?

[Renk Fasze]

Anyone in a seemingly constant battle with regrets of past events or decisions?

I'm constantly baffled by my cyclical mindset. I think of a regret. I ask myself why i did it or why it happened. I come up with no logical conclusion. Then i end up at a point where i can say i grew from the situation and if it didn't happen i wouldn't be who i am now. I am then satisfied. Yet for some reason that is not enough and i then revert back to grinding my face in the regret...really.

I seem to be smart enough to think myself into a corner and then think myself out but not enough to keep me from returning and then continuing the cycle over.

 

[Vrecknidj]

Then i end up at a point where i can say i grew from the situation and if it didn't happen i wouldn't be who i am now. I am then satisfied. Yet for some reason that is not enough and i then revert back to grinding my face in the regret...really.

Are you lying to yourself?

I seem to be smart enough to think myself into a corner and then think myself out but not enough to keep me from returning and then continuing the cycle over.

So, what do you gain from this?

Dave

 

[Renk Fasze]

Lying to myself in what sense? That im smart? Haha, honestly, i don't think im smart. I'd like to but seems like the more petty things in learn the more i can see i don't know.


Nothing man, i don't gain anything. I keep running in circles. I know i can grow from a bad experience or decision and i can easily see it yet i still beat myself up for making the decision in the first place.

 

[Da Blob]

Hmmmm, ever have recurring dreams? Most thought is a part of a cycle, but few recognize that fact, so perhaps you are 'smarter' than some. You have noticed a pattern, which seems to disturb you for some reason. It may be an indication of some type of mental rut when it comes to the past. I have counseled many clients whose main problem seems to be some type of re-occurring cycle which becomes a disabling mental rut that can lead to addiction, heavy drinking or depression in many cases.

One way to break out the cycle is simply to do or think something new when faced with regret. It is good to believe that all has turned out for the best - but if this is a true belief, then the feeling of regret should disappear. I find that I regret hurting others and if this is true of you as well, perhaps seeking forgiveness is an option. However, regret is a part of life and I am very skeptical of those who express little or no regret for the 'destructive' actions and decisions of their lives.

 

[Renk Fasze]

I had many recurring dreams, sticking to two themes, through my childhood and up until around fifteen. One being i was protecting and the other being i was flying. Sometimes the dreams would go lucid and i could interact to some degree.

A mental rut is definitely what i see.

I don't understand how i can think myself out of a mental rut just to continue it over again to get the same result. Its as if i am not satisfied with the results even though i know the results are something i can/have grown from.

I am not a fan of blame shifting so i do not intend to come across this way but my parents were, from my perception, have never been satisfied with who i am. I was the oddball of the family, i can relate in very few ways with any of them. I think i have excelled in areas where other people usually don't. Yet its never good enough for them. I have never had a great relationship with my parents.

Dissatisfaction of myself a mirror to my personal experience? Choice, whether i am aware of it or not, of course. I refuse to take victim mentality.

 

[Renk Fasze]

Remember God so much - that 'You' are Forgotten

I want this with all i have.

 

[Da Blob]

Remember God so much - that 'You' are Forgotten

I want this with all i have.

This is not an impossible goal - unfortunately it is also just part of a cycle and one must eventually return to a POV that includes Self.
As far as the past, personally I was able to overcome some of the mental handicaps put in place by my own father by looking at him and his actions towards me from a different POV. I began to see my father as an abused child in an adult's body. Seemingly this 'mental demotion' of him was of enough value that I was able to find a way to understand, then forgive my father and I was able to begin to talk to him again.

 

[wadlez]

Quote:
Remember God so much - that 'You' are Forgotten
I want this with all i have.

Do it man!

 

[ashitaria]

There are plenty of things I still kick myself for doing- even now, years later.

Of course I try to rationalize my way out of it, but analysis leads to more analysis, and more analysis leads to eventual truth...

And you know what?
*Bam*
Back to square one.

 

[Renk Fasze]

That's what i want Ashitaria. Yes, i did spell your name without looking at the keyboard : P

Seriously though, i look for absolution/truth. Yet as soon as i find what is absolution or truth i start the circle over again. I'm a very calm person from an outside perspective but im constantly mulling things over in my mind elsewhere.

 

[Words]

The only mistakes I've cyclically contemplated with are memories of embarrassments and those with serious consequences. Its another "imprisonment". What would happen if you started haphazardly making critical mistakes?

Edit: I mean overly and out of the norm excessively.

 

[Renk Fasze]

Haphazardly is life. You walk through it and make mistakes. You learn or succumb. Which is either you grow or regress. My question is why i focus on the mistakes rather than the potential growth.

Life can be an incredible thing. I see this. Yet i hold myself to my experience, constantly questioning everything i do to the point where, at times, i don't know what is up and what is down.

So easy to bare myself to people i don't know. Yet i wish i could bare myself to people i am close to.

 

[Da Blob]

You may find this old book interesting if not helpful

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I'm_OK,_You're_OK

 

[Renk Fasze]

Haha, funny you mention that book. Thanks broman, ill purchase it.

 

[warryer]

Yup every so often I relive certain memories that I tie with embarrassment or situations where I didn't act like my normal self. Why do they got to be the bad memories? Why can't I cyclically re-imagine the good times? Don't get me wrong here to live in the past and forget about the present is not what I mean.

Really its odd the whole thing of it.

From my viewpoint I'd say its a lack of trust in yourself. An example I'll use is that when going to a new place (or doing a new thing) for the first time, I will have printed out directions or instructions how to get there. As I get closer and closer to where I need to be, I start getting nervous and apprehensive. I will keep checking and rechecking the instructions, you know just in case I missed something or misread.

I think there is some similarity to my example and what you describe. Perhaps we are re-examining the event to make sure it was really worth the pain and suffering we had to go through. To look back and check to see if we didn't forget a detail.

Or perhaps its the pesky sub-conscious reminding us that this was an important event in our lives that would be unwise to forget.