Connection with Strangers

[IzlaRoza]

I feel much more comfortable when with complete strangers that i do with people that i've known for a while (family, and friends included)

For example, i have had to give speeches and do presentations before. I usually am more confident and comfortable when i dont know anyone in the room, than i am when theres people that im close to there.

I think this is because I seriously couldnt care about what a stranger thinks of me so i kinda just bring it. also, with strangers, the chances of ever seeing these people again are very slim to none.

another example is one day i was on the bus and i seriously poured my heart and soul out to a completely stranger. Ive never opened up like that, even to people i've known for years. lol

is there anyone else who can relate?

 

[terraxceles]

is there anyone else who can relate?

Yes.

Perhaps it's the excitement of starting anew, having a clean slate and seeing the potential to bring the best/most-likable parts of yourself to the table. I've noticed, I'm a lot more open about myself when I join a new forum; a lot more friendly and energetic, but overtime as people start to recognize my posts, I simmer down a bit. I do this in real life with strangers as well. I feel like I can be whomever I want to be, even if that isn't, by association, anything like I am usually.

Though the bigger picture is closer to this:

I think this is because I seriously couldnt care about what a stranger thinks of me so i kinda just bring it. also, with strangers, the chances of ever seeing these people again are very slim to none.

 

[Fallenman]

I def relate, there was a time where I went around telling strangers my life story all the time. Eventually I got bored of people though. But that's beside the point, it is pretty easy, but I'm learning to be indifferent to anyone as I become more comfortable with myself. But still easier to tell strangers =)

 

[Yet]

I def understand what you mean! I feel so much more comfortable with strangers as well... I think it has something to do with the connotations known people sometimes have when you are speaking with them, or presenting something.
They don't seem to focus on what you are saying but what they think you mean knowing who you are.
The message you are trying to give comes to them coloured. You have a past with them and the past interferes with the message on the recipients sides. That frustrates me so much sometimes... I am focused on the topic, the subject we are speaking about and people are so f*ing bad at focussing on that as well. They have all these social emotional biasses.

 

[Solitaire U.]

Actually, something about this seems a little off to me. Maybe something like self esteem issues regarding people you know well, or preferring strangers because you don't have to keep track of your lies with them, etc.

Not an accusation or anything. It's just that I meet strangers every day on the job and don't feel anything like what you've described towards them (in comparison to close friends and family, that is).

 

[A22]

Not rarely my close friends seem like strangers to me. So it doesn't make much of a difference.

there was a time where I went around telling strangers my life story all the time.

I've got to know some intersting people by doing that. And some self-centered and antipathetic people too.

 

[gruesomebrat]

Besides talking to some of the regulars here about my current situation, I don't generally talk to a lot of strangers. I seem instead to be the guy who random strangers come up to and pour their hearts out to. I've been an impromptu counselor to dozens of people, while waiting for the bus, or sitting in the library (either school or public), or or even when I'm out in a park trying to get some peace and quiet. I end up in the general vicinity of someone who is in a bad time, and I guess just send out these vibes that say "I'm a counselor, come lay your troubles on me." The part that bothers me isn't so much that they pour their hearts out to me, it's that I can never remember what they've told me. I can listen to them for an hour, give them common-sense advice based on what they've told me of their situation, and then I never see them again, and can never remember what their particular complaint with life had been. It's uplifting to know that I may have made a serious difference in another person's life, but I feel bad for not remembering them past the fact that they were some person I gave counseling services to.

The only time that I've felt that same "Come lay your troubles on me" vibe from the other end was when I found myself on this forum. The ability to write down my thoughts on a subject, and then just walk away, if need be, is the best counseling that I've ever participated in, better even than the professional counselors that Probation has repeatedly tried setting me up with.

 

[Saeros]

I don't tend to be any more comfortable when with complete strangers than i am with people that i've known for a while. Maybe it's because with people that you see regularly you have to keep up appearances to maintain the relationship. Whereas with people you don't know, and will never see again, it probably doesn't matter as much what they think of you.

 

[Névtelen]

I'm usually more spontaneous or open around strangers, or at least those individuals I'm sure I'll rarely come across again. I'm not sure how many of you can relate to this, but with each new friend I make I always spend a period of weeks before really starting my attempt to get to know them better just observing them and watching for what sorts of socialization they're most comfortable with to enable me to communicate with them more fluidly. Whereas with a complete stranger I find myself spouting off some of the ostensible nonsense that runs through my mind since I don't really give any thought to how ordinary and friendly I'm trying to be.