Compliments...

[s0nystyle]

Anyone else feel weird when you get one? Perhaps it's because i don't get them that often, but when i do, i feel skeptical about it and wonder if the person who gave me the compliment is just making fun of me

 

[Fallenman]

i feel awkward if i believe they're being sincere. I don't know quite what to say. I actually don't know what to say when a person is flattered by some comment i've made either. I don't try and compliment people so when I say something flattering I'm usually perturbed by their expression of flattery and don't know how to respond. It's usually like ..... You're welcome...?? lol or i just dont know if i'm supposed to or how i'm supposed to acknowledge their flattery. Do I go on as usual? Do I continue to flatter them? Do I discuss it further? Lol so horrible T_T.

 

[Silas]

Giving them can seem abit fake to me, like I'm pointing out such an obvious or overly ubiquitous fact when really it should be considered as a given and words are not necessary.
When receiving them I just, feel too on the spot, as though I have to explain myself out of it and break it down so it seems less flattering, presumably something to do with my Ti and Fe clashing, or maybe I just feel as if I don't deserve it.

 

[BigApplePi]

Anyone else feel weird when you get one? Perhaps it's because i don't get them that often, but when i do, i feel skeptical about it and wonder if the person who gave me the compliment is just making fun of me

I think that a terrific issue, one I'm working on right now. (Consider that a compliment). I try to give a compliment only if either I feel it or there is truth in it. That way I don't feel phony, yet things aren't perfect yet.

Not to forget the compliment is not always all about you. That is why you don't have to feel skeptical. Just take it and consider it a plus.

 

[BigApplePi]

i feel awkward if i believe they're being sincere. I don't know quite what to say. I actually don't know what to say when a person is flattered by some comment i've made either. I don't try and compliment people so when I say something flattering I'm usually perturbed by their expression of flattery and don't know how to respond. It's usually like ..... You're welcome...?? lol or i just dont know if i'm supposed to or how i'm supposed to acknowledge their flattery. Do I go on as usual? Do I continue to flatter them? Do I discuss it further? Lol so horrible T_T.

If someone compliments you, the best response is "Thank you" and nothing after that. An alternative is to say nothing and puzzle about what it means. They probably did it because they liked something. Manipulation is not the norm I think.

 

[BigApplePi]

Giving them can seem abit fake to me, like I'm pointing out such an obvious or overly ubiquitous fact when really it should be considered as a given and words are not necessary.
When receiving them I just, feel too on the spot, as though I have to explain myself out of it and break it down so it seems less flattering, presumably something to do with my Ti and Fe clashing, or maybe I just feel as if I don't deserve it.

I met this professor who conducts a seminar. After many responses he invariably gives students a compliment. "That is a great idea" and his face lights up. I told my wife I thought he was nuts after being the recipient of a few. Now I realize it works. Students are encouraged to talk because no matter what they say it will be approved. I'm learning it's just his style. When I get one I have to discount it a little because that's his way, yet maybe he was partly right. I shared. I'm learning from this guy. I'd like to practice giving compliments and think I give too few. It's okay to express appreciation. Yes it can seem phony, but INTPs are not objective about social things, are they?

 

[Fallenman]

Well I suppose I mean I fear hurting their feelings because I don't adequately acknowledge their compliment. I don't want to just brush it off, but I'm thinking a simple thank you does this, and I should just stick to that. I actually have more problems when I give them, because it often derails my train of thought lol.

 

[BigApplePi]

Well I suppose I mean I fear hurting their feelings because I don't adequately acknowledge their compliment. I don't want to just brush it off, but I'm thinking a simple thank you does this, and I should just stick to that. I actually have more problems when I give them, because it often derails my train of thought lol.

The way I see it just now is a compliment is a relation between people. It has the value of saying, "I'd like you to continue doing what your're doing."

So I gave a compliment to s0nystyle because I thought the topic was a good one and doing more topics like it would be something I'd favor.

 

[RubberDucky451]

I think the problem with INTPs and compliments is that we over analyze people. It can be a problem when someone flippantly (Or phony as Pi put us) praises us, we seek to find motivation for most human actions. An example of this INTP analysis is what BigApplePi said about his professor, we love to examine systems of thought.

More compliment threads:

http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=7049&highlight=compliments
http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=4294&highlight=compliments
http://www.intpforum.com/showthread.php?t=4584&highlight=compliments