Choosing Friends & Enemies

[Mischz]

Hello! I am back after a brief reprieve. Swamped by work!~

Here is one of my favourite excerpts from one of my favourite writers about a very quaint topic.

"How horribly unjust of you!" cried Lord Henry, tilting his hat back and looking up at the little clouds that, like ravelled skeins of glossy white silk, were drifting across the hollowed turquoise of the summer sky. "Yes; horribly unjust of you. I make a great difference between people. I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. I have not got one who is a fool. They are all men of some intellectual power, and consequently they all appreciate me. Is that very vain of me? I think it is rather vain." - Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Wasn't that lovely?

To be more precise, my question here banks on the choice of friends, acquaintances and enemies - how and why do we choose them for who they are? Do these social constructs even exist? What do you guys think are their purpose?

 

[loveofreason]

I've spent so much time pondering this topic, I'm afraid I've pondered myself into a great misanthropic hole.

Do other INTPs actually choose friends or enemies? Aren't we more the type to await being chosen. ie. it's up to the other to actually display some strong like or dislike before we respond in kind?

Love and hatred are both attachments, and I'm having trouble at the moment finding the dissimilarities between them.

I would say though, that a good enemy is priceless. Unchallenged we won't develop the skills to survive in this world. So continuing that perspective, perhaps the role of a good friend is to see that we thrive...

I'm curious about this nurturing business. Assuming that's what friends are for...

 

[Dissident]

Ill respond with quotes myself, which are not by my favorite author nor from my favorite book:

“You may have enemies whom you hate, but not enemies whom you despise. You must be proud of your enemy: then the success of your enemy shall be your success too."
“There are only two people who can tell you the truth about yourself - an enemy who has lost his temper and a friend who loves you dearly.”
-Nietzsche

 

[Radioactive_Springtime]

My best friend is also my worst enemy. Hanging out with him can either be one of the funnest times I've ever had, or devolve into a contest of who can out asshole the other.

 

[Anti-socialite]

I've always enjoyed bouts with enemies more than hanging with a group of people who are likely sycophants (if you are/have something they desire) and haters who want to be your enemy but don't realize that they aren't bright enough. This, I believe, is even truer for females.

 

[Jordan~]

I have one enemy. I didn't choose him, and we used to be friends. Best friends, in fact. Thus, he knows how to rile me, and he's quite sadistic in that it gives him pleasure to do so. The most recent outburst I've had was because of him, in a somewhat crowded corridor.

 

[Perseus]

The first friends you don't choose. They just happen to be the ones in your neighbourhood. I was unlucky. A snide lived next door.

 

[Perseus]

What do I as as an INTP think of the other types, from first thoughts.

> ENFJ: "Teacher" = WOLF 5% Educating [Givers] Change to BEAVER seems appropriate
Can be a right pain as they expect their charisma makes them really important. They take credit for other's ideas.

> ENFP: "Journalist" = FERRET 3% Motivating (Champion) [Inspirors]
I am not sure if the animal profile is correct. These are OK if they speak the truth. A terrible pest if they lie like a Weasel.
> ENTJ: "Field Marshall" = GRIFFIN 5% Mobilizing [Executives] Change to WOLF seems appropriate
Pain and dangerous as they can try to control and organise others. They take credit for other's ideas. Not very keen on this type.
> ENTP: "Inventor" = SNAKE 2% Devising [Visionaries]
I tend to like these types. However, Snakes can have a Beano disposition and then sometimes the bad part of their nature is revealed. Irritant rather than trouble.
> ESFJ: "Seller" = HORSE 13% Supplying (Provider) [Care Givers]
The paranoid Horsemen are the worst adversaries. Generally, I don't like these people one little bit. Sooner or later they cause more trouble than they are worth and many of them are really nasty bits of work.
> ESFP: "Entertainer" = BUTTERFLY 13% Demonstrating (Performer)
Good lot these, but not very deep.
> ESTJ: "Administrator" = BULL 13% Enforcing [Guardians]
Pain in the head bureaucrats. Can be bullies.
> ESTP: "Promoter" = LION 13% Persuading [Doers]
I do not encounter many of these. The ones I did would ignore anything that did not suit their plans or preconceived ideas. A few can be a real nuisance.
> INFJ: "Author" = SKYLARK 1% Guiding (Counselor)
Unless unlucky this group have so many troubles of their own, that you cannot help but like them. Complimentary.
> INFP: "Questor = DRAGON 1.25% (Males 0.6%) Conciliating (Healer)
Great bunch of people these. Might be too lazy to get out of bed though.
> INTJ: "Scientist" = HAWK 1% Entailing (part of Arranging)(Mastermind)
Their secretive behaviour and quick judgement can be a thorough nuisance. It can cause people great difficulties.
> ISFJ: "Conservator" = MOUSE 6% Securing (Protector) [Nurturers]
Their thoughless or selflish behaviour can cause real problems (especilly if married to a LION), But most are harmless enough.
> ISFP: "Artist" = CAT 5% Synthesizing (part of Composing)
Really good until your realise they are completely unfaithful.
> ISTJ: "Trustee" = DOG 6% Certifying [Duty Fillers]
Worst of he Guardians, set on the trail of outlaws to tradition. Going nowhere. Reliable though.
> ISTP: "Craftsman" = BEAR 5% Instrumenting [Mechanics]{Artisan}
Very playful types. Take some stopping sometimes if their ire is up. Neither good or bad.

 

[Ogion]

I think i can relate to the most with what loveofreason said.
But i don't know if i put any importance in 'having an enemy'. I mean, if we had to develop the skills to survive in this world, then i would think that the world itself would be enough incentive...Why would i need another 'enemy'?
Normally i just ignore people i don't like (Like all the students here who want to become a teacher. I study Geography, and we have much more 'teacher-students' than 'geography-scientists'. And the problems with the first are, that they really behave like the pupils they want to teach sometime^^). But well, they ignore me too, so no problem there

Ogion

 

[murkrow]

Vulture (my INTP friend who decided to stop using the forum because I started using it) has many people he calls his enemy but he actually treats them quite well, and that's always baffled me.

What defines an enemy for an INTP? How do you deal with them?

As an ENTJ I have surprisingly few enemies. Though I do have groups of people who despise me and who attemt to challenge me a-la-mob every time we come into contact. I also have people who hate me quietly.

As far as friends go, I agree that a lot of it comes down to luck, meeting people early.

If you didn't meet people early then you're pretty much fucked. That's why I think having single children is a huge and unnecessary risk.

 

[Olba]

Surely enough, this quotation is an interesting one to say the least.

I believe we can all agree that the basis for being a friend in the quotation is at best questionable.

However, the acquaintance part makes perfect sense. After all, if you're acquainted with people of good character, that will give your overall social life a good look, right? Which is something you should have, since it makes everything that much easier.

As for choosing one's enemies, this is the one that I agree the most with. If you were to be enemies with someone, surely they should be equal to yourself. After all, if they're lesser than you, that will make it boring on your part and make you look like a bad person. Conversely, if they're above you, you will look like a rebel. If your enemies are equal, all competition is allowed and since you're equal, it's bound to be fun.

As for the actual question, surely those categories exist, especially with the INTP. After all, the INTP have few friends and lots of acquaintances. However, I think an INTP would be the kind who sees even their enemies as friends. After all, if we go by the previous, your enemy will be your equal, a competitor of sorts. Who would make a better friend that someone who is your equal but has slightly differing opinions or methods?

Also, if an INTP is aware of the potential they have, along with the right field and method of harvesting that potential, surely they will view most people as not worthy of being their enemy, as they would be limited by their inferior knowledge and skills.

 

[fullerene]

What defines an enemy for an INTP? How do you deal with them?

I don't choose enemies out of a group... they just form their opinions on me and I go with that. I try as hard as I can to always be myself... but myself is so pliable around people that I'm sure it looks to some people like I have no substance in myself. Eventually someone gets angry at me for that, or for arrogance (which is sometimes deserved and other times not), or for pointing out their hypocrisy, or whatever, and they become like enemies. From the outside it probably looks like I'm pretty trusting of new people... but in fact I think there's just so much dirt beneath the surface that I test people out by sharing some of the dust. The people who can't even handle that, for whatever reason, tend to become "enemies".... but all that usually means is that I shut myself off from them for good. In extreme cases I can turn pretty nasty, but I could easily count on one hand how many times that's happened.

 

[Vrecknidj]

There are, I'm sure, some people who don't particularly like me. That said, I don't think I have any enemies.

I'm quite selective about friends. I have several, but it's taken years of cultivation in each case.

Dave

 

[murkrow]

I don't choose enemies out of a group... they just form their opinions on me and I go with that. I try as hard as I can to always be myself... but myself is so pliable around people that I'm sure it looks to some people like I have no substance in myself. Eventually someone gets angry at me for that, or for arrogance (which is sometimes deserved and other times not), or for pointing out their hypocrisy, or whatever, and they become like enemies. From the outside it probably looks like I'm pretty trusting of new people... but in fact I think there's just so much dirt beneath the surface that I test people out by sharing some of the dust. The people who can't even handle that, for whatever reason, tend to become "enemies".... but all that usually means is that I shut myself off from them for good. In extreme cases I can turn pretty nasty, but I could easily count on one hand how many times that's happened.

With me it's the opposite.

I'm aggressive at the first signs of an interpersonal conflict and then when pushed to the absolute edge I will just shut them out and ignore them.
It's either that or things I'd regret/be charged for.

 

[Fleur]

Thought I personally don`t have any frank enemies, I guess that I have a lot of them behind my back - sometimes is quite surprising, what you can find out, when you hear something, that you`re not supossed to hear. And often these things can be quite amusing, especially when you analyze that, what you have heard - it`s good indicator to know, what kind of people you have around, but knowing that is useful.
But, actually, I don`t care a lot about people around me. If they want to hate me - they can do it.

 

[Minuend]

I sometimes get in arguments, but I never carry any grudges. In fact, realizing that I have been acting immature helps me overcome any bitterness toward that person, and I don't let it bother me anymore. Now, there are individuals who irritate me more easily than others, but that's far way from calling them enemies.

My friends are chosen very carefully. I don't really have any interest in having a lot of acquaintances. I usually avoid people I don't want to be friends with. I can be a bit mean that way, actually ._.