After much search, I have found the one word that relieves tension, anxiety, and sadness. I tried many words before but they were no long-lasting. I'd get a sense of peace for a few minutes yet it was temporary.
Now when I think the word calm I notice my whole self and all disturbances. Everything settles out because nothing is moving. Calm is a good feeling.
I feel crappy.
been in a bad mood.
some don't like me here.
I sleep too much.
all the real-life fights can't calm down.
my reasoning is irritated.
I have burnout arguing with people,
yelling at them for not being reasonable.
for not making god damn sense for not solving the real problems.
A reasonable person can mediate with another person a rational person rationalizes all the stupid stuff they do as the correct way. Reasonable people find the correct way by a dialog to find errors. Rationalization makes excuses for errors and blabs those excuses to you not as dialog just blabbing. Rational people are not reasonable people. They make excuses. Reasonable people try to find errors together.
I am tired of the excuses. And the police coming 20 times to my house in the past year.
My brother cannot reason. His brain is broken. Same with my Sister Boyfriend. My mom and Aunt are being taken advantaged of financially and they don't care. Their brains are broken.
Everyone's brain around me is broken except my sister (she needs to take care of the baby away from the dangerous boyfriend)
I am in a bad mood.
I feel crappy.
I felt I needed to defend myself from bad arguments on the forum.
It is frustrating to have burnout and the have at least 4-5 confrontations in threads.
To be told that your position is wrong because your position is a fallacy, to begin with. Both of them!
If you're referring to our discussions on AI and intelligence etc, please don't assume that our disagreements have anything personal to them. I for one do like you. Theoretical discussions, to me, have no social component.
Sounds like you have a lot of stuff going on ): Constant stress from several places can wear you out. Maybe some of it will settle down in a few weeks/ months?
I understand it's frustrating to feel people are working against you rather than trying to understand your perspective (if that's some of the problem). If you encounter a person you feel is highly irrational and unreasonable, it can be difficult to let that go. It is possible to learn how to be able to let it go to some extent. Though I can't say I can teach you that. I grew up with a person who's unreasonable behavior affected me negatively. Today I kinda let him do and think his own things and I just let it go. Worrying about it wont change his behavior, it will only affect me negatively and that doesn't help anything. I guess for me it has helped being able to understand why another person thinks and says what it does, because then I can see how it comes from a poor source. And even though it still has negative consequences, me feeling bad about it will have no consequences other than me suffering for it. It's useless. I try to limit my contact with such people, that might not always be an option, though.
As for people not liking you here, I think pretty much everyone has someone that doesn't like them. That's just how things are. Maybe it's even easier to get irritated and dislike someone on a forum because you're more detached from the person and can more freely attribute negative traits. I don't think you should give that much thought.
Also, some people might seem like they don't like you, but they might just strongly disagree or be irritated by 1 opinion you're voicing. That being said, I haven't picked up on a lot of people disliking you. If you're under a lot of stress, it might influence what cues you pick up from what people write
People who are neurotic respond worse to stressors
Neuroticism is one of the Big Five higher-order personality traits in the study of psychology. Individuals who score high on neuroticism are more likely than average to be moody and to experience such feelings as anxiety, worry, fear, anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, guilt, depressed mood, and loneliness. People who are neurotic respond worse to stressors and are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. They are often self-conscious and shy, and they may have trouble controlling urges and delaying gratification.
People with high neuroticism indexes are at risk for the development and onset of common mental disorders, such as mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and substance use disorder, symptoms of which had traditionally been called neuroses.
I think when you're dealing with heavy shit at that level, the best thing is to fully acknowledge that you are dealing with heavy shit at that level. To try to deny one's emotions in those situations will only make things worse. I learned that from this book called "The Art of Not Giving a Fuck". It's nothing less than normal to run out of breath in those circumstances.
Indeed. I'm unsure whether this is a reply to me and what you mean by it. I'm not blaming you for going through a hard time, neither should you do to yourself. I'm not saying you can easily shrug off any and all worries just like that. In fact, I sympathize a lot with what you're going through, and sometimes I think you are being too hard on yourself. There are some things we can do to try to cope, but it's never easy and some steps are much more difficult than others. I do understand I might give the impression I'm basically saying "pull yourself together". That's not my intention. I'm not trying to belittle your problems or saying you are at fault.
I agree with Serac on acknowledging. It's ok to go through a hard time, it's ok to maybe fuck up some things. It doesn't mean things will never get better, or that you're a failure or a bad person. It just means things are bad right now and might be for a while. It doesn't mean it's easy to get through
When I have nothing to do I sleep.
I do not want to do this, so stay on my computer and just do whatever.
I told Polaris I need a certain kind of external feedback to be creative.
I cannot be creative like some people from an internal feedback loop that is self-generating.
Because of this I must be constantly active or sleeping all the time. Because I have nothing to do when I am not active and sometimes being active causes stress but I do not feel like sleeping. So I because more neurotic. If I do sleep all day I just have lest stuff to do when I wake up.
This is not all on my computer. Sometimes I go places and I am relaxed but I am alone a lot so the best thing to do is sit at the computer.
I wish I had an internal feedback loop that was self-generating. It would be easier to spend time alone. I would be making stuff in my own mind.
Stephen Batchelor in the book "Buddhism Without Beliefs" had a good quote on that. A strong negative emotion - anger, despair, sadness etc - is a like a bottle with a label that says "understand me". You direct your attention to the emotion, look carefully at it, try to figure out what it is trying to say, what its cause is - and when the emotion is understood, it lets go.
Siddhartha Gautama was taught that reincarnation was eternal and suffering was inevitable in al lives. This gave him anxiety. Eventually, he learned non-aversion and non-craving. This lead to Nirvana where all the burning of anxiety the flames of doubt vanished (The meaning of the word means to blow out a flame). That was when Siddhartha learned how to break the cycles of reincarnation and endless suffering. It was to detach from all that was impermanent. The 5 condas (5 senses) do not be engrossed in thoughts, feelings, actions. Do not be attached to anything to anything that is temporary, but to let is pass through you as water in a cup. A cup is always with new water. And the cup can break. You are what is left when no cup and no water is there. So everything is temporary in your body as your body and all that is in the world. That is how reincarnation is ended as a cycle Siddhartha Gautama discovered, by realizing the soul is empty of all things and all thing pass through you but never remain permanent as you.
She was unable to give me emotional support nor supporting parental guidance. I was not delayed but I had no inner thoughts or a sense of self. I was just their most of the time not really mentalizing anything, empty and blank. Having an empty blank mind I spent most my time perceiving and feelings and using my unconscious to understand things.
Some think I have the (kitty autisms) but I just have a quiet mind. It is hard to communicate because I was never taught to be assertive and voice my opinion. I am better at this now but before I was isolated and kept to myself because I was easily intimidated. I don’t like crying. I was just quiet.
The Budha when meditating with the ascetics nearly starved to death not eating. As he sat under the bodhi tree he had the thought, "I have wasted my life, If I die now I will never understand how to end the karmic cycle of suffering". Just then a girl appears and seeing the Buddha shriveled and staring gave him a bowl of rice milk. The Buddha felt so happy and sad at the same time. He knew what he must do next. After washing up he sat under the bodhi tree and sad, "I swear I will not move from this spot until I have my answer". As he sat Mara the devil tempted him with pleasures and showed him the most horrific things. But the Buddha was unmoved as each anxiety he had blossomed into ecstatic bliss. The Buddha extinguished all his Karma. He gained full awareness of the entirety of his brain. He could make his mind do anything by the will of being unmoved. He could see anything he wanted to see and hear anything he wanted to hear that he created with his mind. He broke the karmic cycle and was found the peace he had sought for five years.
Similarly the same happened to Jesus of Nastherith reading the Tora and being in the desert 40 days and nights. At his Transfiguration, his face shines like the sun. He was perfect completely filled with the holy spirit. The result of a pure mind capable of creating anything within. (Even the winds and the waves obey him!)