Brick vs Sun

[Duxwing]

SQUIDWARD and SPONGEBOB wait by a bus stop. Squidward has a strange object in his hand.

Squidward: I am sick and tired of that bright disk. I want to blow it up and let darkness fall over the mountains and valleys. But all I have is a brick. A lead brick! But still just a brick. And this stupid, useless Torch Drive. I mean what possible, practical application could a massless engine capable of accelerating a given mass to a given velocity without needing fuel have? Well, alright, I guess that it might make a nice paperweight or hood ornament. (shrugs) Back to my robots--

Spongebob: --Wait! In a feat of even more soaring stupidity than not seeing the practical application of your Torch Drive, I will now detail a proposed way to destroy the star that my planet orbits! The first thing that you do is stick the brick on the Torch Drive, and then you send the rocket far away, point it at the sun, and accelerate at such a velocity that the star will instantly be vaporized upon impact.

Squidward: Heh. Heh. Heh. OK, Spongeboob, how do I smash something that isn't solid? And how do I vaporize a cloud of raging atomic fire?

Duxwing: (crashes through the Fourth Wall) Well, how?

-Duxwing

 

[ApostateAbe]

Post of the month.

 

[Pyropyro]

Silly Squidward, you make it go Supernova of course. You just need a large enough brick to make its core collapse. Not too much though, you might make a black hole instead (that would be cheating )

 

[Hadoblado]

Very nice Dux. Good giggles to be had.

 

[Montresor]

Easy,

First you aim a semi-cubic projective Fermeann curve through the sky-disc and then the hole that Duxwing made when he crashed through, and then program the Torch Drive to accelerate the brick to almost c (roughly 0.999991 give or take depending on the apogee).


As the brick crashes into the sun it will vaporize. What's going to happen is the lead vapor forms quark bonds with the hydrogen gas, and at such a controversial angular momentum its polarity will be quantized and its Planck mass increases because the Schwarzschild radius experiences length contraction equal to the second derivative of the acceleration divided by the Boson half-radius squared.


See the graph for details:

[bimgx=250]http://lou.econ.uni-hamburg.de/wordpress/wp-content/wp-uploads//2010/04/Screen-shot-2010-03-31-at-4.30.12-PM.png[/bimgx]


So really, the brick just kind of, grabs on to the sun and pulls it right through the hole that you created. Simple. Because the Torch Drive is massless it doesn't really "pull" anything with it in the aftertow, so if you perform your calculations correctly, it's going to simply look like the sun has shattered.


But how does Spongebob explain this all to Squidward? Squidward is studying medicine...

 

[Duxwing]

Easy,

First you aim a semi-cubic projective Fermeann curve through the sky-disc and then the hole that Duxwing made when he crashed through, and then program the Torch Drive to accelerate the brick to almost c (roughly 0.999991 give or take depending on the apogee).


As the brick crashes into the sun it will vaporize. What's going to happen is the lead vapor forms quark bonds with the hydrogen gas, and at such a controversial angular momentum it's polarity will be quantized and it's Planck mass increases because the Schwarzschild radius experiences length contraction equal to the second derivative of the acceleration divided by the Boson half-radius squared.


See the graph for details:

[bimgx=250]http://lou.econ.uni-hamburg.de/wordpress/wp-content/wp-uploads//2010/04/Screen-shot-2010-03-31-at-4.30.12-PM.png[/bimgx]


So really, the brick just kind of, grabs on to the sun and pulls it right through the hole that you created. Simple. Because the Torch Drive is massless it doesn't really "pull" anything with it in the aftertow, so if you perform your calculations correctly, it's going to simply look like the sun has shattered.


But how does Spongebob explain this all to Squidward? Squidward is studying medicine...

... o.o How do you know all of this?

-Duxwing

 

[Montresor]

... o.o How do you know all of this?

........... o.o I made it up.

Sorry I thought this was an imagination thread.

 

[Pyropyro]

........... o.o I made it up.

Sorry I thought this was an imagination thread.

It is. Looks like you could write sci-fi.

 

[Duxwing]

It is. Looks like you could write sci-fi.

Indeed. I totally bought it.

-Duxwing

 

[Absurdity]

But how does Spongebob explain this all to Squidward? Squidward is studying medicine...

Yeah if anything it should be Sandy doing the talking. Spongebob's a moron.

I want some convincing fanfic damn it.

 

[Montresor]

Yeah if anything it should be Sandy doing the talking. Spongebob's a moron.

Haven't seen a rivalry like this in a while...

PSSST @ Duxwing be a good lad and edit out those misused apostrophes you quoted me using please thanks, hate to look like a fool.

 

[Duxwing]

Haven't seen a rivalry like this in a while...

PSSST @ Duxwing be a good lad and edit out those misused apostrophes you quoted me using please thanks, hate to look like a fool.

I don't understand what you're asking for.

-Duxwing

 

[Montresor]

PSSST @ Duxwing be a good lad and edit out those misused apostrophes you quoted me using please thanks, hate to look like a fool.

I don't understand what you're asking for.

I'm asking you to identify the post in this thread where you quoted me misusing apostrophes and correct them for me (they're sins against my religion), as I have since done so in the original post and prefer to look smart when I can.

Or leave it. It's not a big deal.

 

[Etheri]

Squidward: Heh. Heh. Heh. OK, Spongeboob, how do I smash something that isn't solid? And how do I vaporize a cloud of raging atomic fire?

There's no fire on the sun.

Anyways, I guess that -assuming the brick didn't instantly vaporize into a plasma- you could try to bring the brick into an orbit within the sun. Since your energy source is infinite, you can continue adding rotational kinetic energy inside the sun. Once the sun has enough rotational energy to overcome it's own gravity, it'll start throwing it's own mass into space. This process would speed up since the reduction of gravity through the loss of time, assuming you keep adding energy through the brick's orbit within the sun.

However, this also implies the radius of the brick's orbit within the sun increases, due to the reduced gravity, reducing and eventually stopping the efficiency of the process as the brick moves outwards and the sun shrimps. I'm not certain the sun will instantly shrimp as the reduced gravity might actually increase it at first. If you can have the sun throw out enough of it's mass, it will no longer function as a star (fusion will stop). I'd that without fusion, the sun is pretty damn dead.

Obviously these are just thoughts, I'm far too lazy to do order-of-magnitude estimates and i'm without a doubt too stupid to do any better than that.

TL DR : Use brick to transform sun into giant space blender without lid.

 

[NullPointer]

I like that.

Alternatively, they can use the fact that Sandy Cheeks is already in a spacesuit. She can use the Torch Drive to go into space, landing on any planet or asteroid she can, and send it towards the sun, but not fast enough for it to just punch right through. Eventually, the sun will be mostly solid, so she can just attach the Torch Drive to it, and send it into the nearest black hole.

Of course, while she's bulking up the sun, it'll be gaining mass, so earth will have a scary orbit. She can get around this by landing on earth to adjust the orbit midway, or by just working fast enough that the sun gets dealt with before we smash into it.

Or, a more realistic Spongebob-style solution. They stick glasses on Squidward while he's asleep, and then pretend the sun is out when he wakes up. The rest of the episode will have them trying to keep a lid on the situation, Squidward realising his mistake, and then Patrick accidentally revealing the plan to Squidward. Squidward will then be annoyed, disregard the lesson he's learnt, and go back to hating the sun.

Finally:

OK, Spongeboob

Oh my.