Anger

[Fleur]

What do you do, when you get really angry?

I have noticed that when I`m on my boiling point I sometimes can`t control, what I`m doing - I say a lot of very nasty things and, if I can`t take it anymore, I can even hurt somebody physically (but that`s only when I`m really, really, really pissed off), thought normally I can command myself. And after this outburst I even get scared of myself.

I just want to know, how others is dealing with this.

 

[loveofreason]

Well, there's background irritation, active anger, rage... so many flavours!

I can be angry for a long time and in this state am withdrawn (I really don't like being around other people in a negative state - I don't know how to express anger constructively!). Eventually something snaps and rage takes over. Rage demands something extreme. It is so unpleasant. It would be accurate to say that I fear anger in general and my own capacity for rage especially.

 

[Ermine]

Usually, I act like a monster, spout off some irrational emotionally fueled crap that doesn't make any sense, run away, and if possible, retreat to my room and take a several hour nap until my blood stops boiling. And listen to angry music.

 

[Decaf]

Rather than say the nasty things I think when I'm angry I find that I cut people off. I stop talking, stop interacting and if possible I leave and grumble all the vicious things to myself trying to perfect them in accuracy and venom until I get it out of my system. Unfortunately that means sometimes I actually post them on forums, because it feels like I'm alone and so my warning system doesn't alert me to the dangers. I guess I never made a habit of voicing those things because I grew up with people counting on me for emotional support, and I can't bring myself to tear down all the work I've done any more than I can take apart my lego masterpieces.

I definitely get the violent urges though. I just want to break something... anything. If I'm playing video games, there goes the controller. I've broken 3 lamps, 2 night stands and a remote control car that I can remember. I'm better at controlling it now though. I just stand there in impotent rage while my muscles randomly twitch and my hands shake, but at least I don't have to fix anything later.

 

[Fleur]

Yeah, when I was younger I had a habit to throw everything around, but eventually this habitute disappeared (or, at least, it`s buried very deep). Most times the "victims" were school notebooks.

 

[severus]

I retreat to my bedroom, if possible. I usually pace a lot and (if it's really bad) cry. I am still thinking to myself "Why are you even upset? You're overreacting, calm down!" But, more often than not, I ignore that voice. Sometimes I will write down long rants about whatever is bothering me. That usually hellps me calm down a lot because I have to think about how to phrase things. Also, it slows me up just having to write it out, so I can look at the situation more clearly.

 

[Thread Killer]

Depends. When super angry, I am shouting, possibly breaking stuff, might listen to loud music which I normally don't listen to, brood, shut everyone off, talk about being better off dead than dealing with this crap, etc. When really pissed but not to the point where I lose control, I just make cunning, sarcastic remarks, talk about how I'd kill the offender if it wasn't illegal, etc. I would have to utterly lose my mind to do that stuff, but I know when I'm pushed over the edge, I am unlike anything anyone has ever seen outside of my immediate family. This happens as a result of getting fed up with being completely dehumanized, otherwise, I wouldn't get to that point, but I can take only so much abuse until I snap and then I am capable of anything.

 

[Raison D'etre]

I tend to explode in a frenzy of vulgar words and attack my victim like I want to kill them. However, if I am unable to do so, I create cruel punishments or just kill them off in my mind. I try to invent ways of destroying them without getting caught or perhaps frame someone else. I feel warped during those times.

 

[Perseus]

Chloreric.

I am on the same lines with the "How to put the Boot in!" thread. Very interesting. Is behaviour according to type or a reaction to the Other?

 

[Perseus]

I must say, you all do seem to be card carrying INTPs, although Thread Killer and Reason d' Entre seem on the touch of reasonableness indicating (to me) more of a INTJ (like my sister).

The only thing I can say, when it happens, always the Police* are called. Horsemen (ESFJ) are usually the ones that cause the big commotion, although Mice (ISTJ) can do it by poison pen stirring up Horsemen agents. Even Snakes (ENTP) can cause an eruption, although this would not be a personality clash but interplanetary warfare (clash over beliefs).

(* Investigation squad, undercover officers, not usually armed)

 

[Perseus]

Notes filed under Volcano. The Keirsey book does not really explore Anger. It does not seem so straightforward to the types as all that. Anger in extreme is like madness and the Cassandra syndrome. Can we assume that extraverts act out their anger and introverts suppress it. But if gets interesting when the attempts at suppression fail.

Angry people could screww up the whole world view?
The Wrath of Khan.
Beware of the wrath of the patient.

 

[Fleur]

*stares at Perseus posts and scratches head*

There`s a some interesting thoughts, but I can`t get your second post... Translation, please?

 

[fullerene]

Rather than say the nasty things I think when I'm angry I find that I cut people off. I stop talking, stop interacting

That was me this past weekend. I got really annoyed with someone who's usually fairly caring and I would have thought a touch towards the edge of "close" of the ring of average friends. I stopped interacting, but it was a blend of "I really don't want to talk to you" and sorting out whether I had any right to be angry at all (as well as trying very hard to remember a few specifics, to both convince myself and remember for later if she asks why I was increasingly distant over the few days). The concentration it took to do this kind of took me out of the conversation (small group).

When someone else though, roughly the same distance of friendship away, made me extremely angry by one action, I laid into her and told her exactly why I was mad... and even went out of my way to phrase myself so that it would hurt her back. I'm less proud of myself for that one.

I think the differences between the two are that I was hurt as well as angry from the second one, and only angered by the first. The second was also a one-event thing, while the first was a lot of little things over the span of two days. The other difference was that there were other people around for the first (telling people why they're bothering me is more of myself than I feel comfortable giving in a group like that--I didn't know the other two people in the group very well), while nobody else was around for the second

Those are the only two times I've been really angry in recent memory. Hope that helps.

 

[Vrecknidj]

It depends upon what else is mixed with the anger.

Anger + disbelief, for example, is different from anger + betrayed, and that's different from anger + hopelessness, and that's different from anger + vengefulness.

So, it varies.

Dave

 

[fullerene]

oy, very very good point. The first one was anger + disbelief, and the second was anger + betrayed.

Actually I think you hit that perfectly... that's likely the defining factor.

 

[Perseus]

Anger seems to be displayed by all the character types and there does not seem to be any set pattern I can ascertain. This puts limitations on the effectiveness of the whole personality type theories as a practical tool.

Anger is very democratic. An angry person is very much like another! Or do different types express anger in a different chronological order before they explode like a volcano and be the same as everybody else.

I think mine goes something like :

Seething (with resentment) - Caustic comments (misses out sarcasm) - Explosion (very long fuse).

 

[Perseus]

Betrayal - disappointed and depressed (fed up) is my reaction rather than anger. Is this the Idealist in me?

Anger occurs when Intuitives clash over policy (inter-planetary warfare).

 

[Saturnine]

I'm generally a very pissed off person lol Glad I'm not alone! Though, I usually point my anger inward, and become self destructive....unless i'm having a really bad day, then I can get a little out of hand with my sarcasm and pessimism, and end up making other people angry too.

 

[Wisp]

My sister and I can be very scathing. She's INFJ.

 

[EditorOne]

Merriam Webster:

1 : a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism 2 : rage


Just to be clear, we're talking about what is essentially an emotion, which one way or another is not our strong suit. I'm just as uncomfortable dealing with my own anger as I am at seeing it in others, and tend to avoid it or overlay it with at least a calm demeanor. It always seems to me, at any rate, to be something to be controlled or avoided, not indulged. The few times I've indulged there have been mixed results: that anger/betrayal thing prompted me to withdraw into a shell of self-destructive behavior for three years instead of doing the logical thing and exploring whether or not I'd actually been betrayed. I may have blown a lifetime relationship with that stunt.

more from our good friends at Merriam Webster:

synonyms anger, ire, rage, fury, indignation, wrath mean an intense emotional state induced by displeasure. anger, the most general term, names the reaction but in itself conveys nothing about intensity or justification or manifestation of the emotional state <tried to hide his anger>. ire, more frequent in literary contexts, may suggest greater intensity than anger, often with an evident display of feeling <cheeks flushed dark with ire>. rage suggests loss of self-control from violence of emotion <screaming with rage>. fury is overmastering destructive rage that can verge on madness <in her fury she accused us all of betrayal>. indignation stresses righteous anger at what one considers unfair, mean, or shameful <a comment that caused general indignation>. wrath is likely to suggest a desire or intent to revenge or punish <rose in his wrath and struck his tormentor>.


I struck a tormentor once. That worked out well. No, really. :-)

 

[fullerene]

ooh INFJs sounded so cool from the personality description. The dichotomy between how close they are to us in intuition and how opposite they are to us in feelings fascinates me.

...but just because you've lived with one for so long, I'm guessing you don't feel the same way.

 

[Wisp]

Currently she won't get the %$#*& off my laptop and out of my room.


@Editor

Look out! Homicidal editor guy on the loose! Head for cover!

 

[Perseus]

My sister and I can be very scathing. She's INFJ.

My sister is an INTJ as well. She can be very bossy, almost like an ISFJ at times.

 

[Jesin]

Perseus, he said INFJ, not INTJ.

And this is the fourth off-topic post in a row. Back to the topic, please?

 

[Perseus]

ESFJ s are the ones with the Anger Management Problems. Uncontrolled anger by these types is an urban myth. They use anger as a deliberate tool when under stress of not getting their own way. Anger management training makes them more dangerous as their masquerade hides their true self. INTPs are choleric, anger all bottled up.

Perseus says there are two opposing types, the real homicidal maniacs of the ESFJ and the Cassandra complex of the INTPs. It is the former that are really dangerous. Cracker will tell you that. The Police don't give the Architects much attention.

Meanwhile, when people are angry they all appear mad and the same. Perseus says they are not.

PS: INFJs seem to have more personal problems than any other type, although my type the INFP/INTP junction has a horrendous problem in western society with the monotheists and the absurdists ruling.

 

[Agent Intellect]

I'm generally a very pissed off person lol Glad I'm not alone! Though, I usually point my anger inward, and become self destructive....unless i'm having a really bad day, then I can get a little out of hand with my sarcasm and pessimism, and end up making other people angry too.

this is a pretty good description of me. generally, when something makes me angry, the first few moments my mind goes over all the ways to focus the anger or put blame on someone else, then it turns inwards, then comes self pity and self hate (occasionally self destruction). of course, to an outside viewer, me being angry would just be me getting even more quiet and cut off then normal. i can probably count on one hand the amount of times i've just exploded with anger (usually taking it out on objects instead of people).

of course, theres a lot of things that make me angry: ignorance (along with stubborness) and... well, read the "hate" thread lol. i guess i'm talking more about butting heads with things that anger me as oppose to things that i just don't like lol. and, i'm just going stream of concious and rambling again, so i'll stop here.

 

[fullerene]

wow. haha I just read through the most recent posts in this section, and the last like 4 or 5 of yours (AI), one in every thread, basically summarized me too.

 

[Agent Intellect]

wow. haha I just read through the most recent posts in this section, and the last like 4 or 5 of yours (AI), one in every thread, basically summarized me too.

maybe we are the same person. imagine that, a split personality that creates the same two personalities. i always hoped my other personality would be my Tyler Durden, saying all the things i'm too introverted to say!

 

[fullerene]

hahahah, I am actually like that a lot. I'm way, way less closed off about my thoughts around other people than... well... any other INTP I've ever heard of.

My friends were a little freaked out, arguing among themselves whether or not I ever feel awkward or have any hesitation at all between what goes through my head and what comes out of my mouth (unfortunately I heard about the discussion later, so I couldn't set them all straight). In reality I do hold back some (although not from everyone)... but what goes through my head is twisted enough that I can still shock people by the things I actually say.

 

[Jordan~]

I'm never afraid to express a thought, I just know when it makes good political sense not to (I have the feeling that my school might be a lot more embroiled in social politics than most) and most of the time I can't be bothered to, anyway.

 

[Artifice Orisit]

I personally don't have many problems with anger management; more often than not if someone is trying to get under my skin they just get ignored. If I'm thinking about something or otherwise busy I tend to ignore anything that isn't of direct relevance anyway. Of course if the irritant is really persistent I either correct them with a sharp remark or intimidate them with a prolonged look. Being a bloke who is over six feet tall and 90kg in weight, an emotionless stare rarely fails.

The only real conflict I've been involved in is when someone does wrong by me: theft, betrayal, generally being a prick, etc. I have a strong dislike for direct conflict but if I'm not given a choice then it is really that simple, I don't have a choice. Indecently the only brawls I've been in are with people who already know they are going to win, hence my strong dislike for it.

Lastly like most INTPs I have trouble dealing with conflict when the cause is an inanimate object such as a computer or more specifically a computer game. Not wanting to damage my gaming equipment I instead resort to hitting my own leg or snarling at it (the machine, not my leg). Of course the end result is a bruised leg and worried enquires from anyone who happened to hear. Oh and I also practice my profanities, creative combinations and the like.

 

[Wisp]

Haha... I swear at my computer too....

 

[Jordan~]

Heh, me too. And threaten it with a clenched fist. And say "Oh, COME ON!" and stuff.

 

[Wisp]

I threatened it just recently when utorrent 1.8 crashed it intermittently. I backrolled to 1.7.7 and it's been smooth ever since.

 

[hikky]

I don't often get angry, as I'm generally in more of a melancholy or worried state of mind.. but when I do, it seems like it's triggered at the slightest of things. I'll notice some stupid OCD-ish thing that I don't like about someone, then I'll keep thinking about what they're doing and it just starts to piss me off for some reason. Maybe if they're being ridiculous, if they're lacking a sense of self-presence and doing something annoying, etc. When I do happen to get angry, I generally just become even more withdrawn and if I'm really upset I imagine violent scenes in my mind, also rattling off an endless series of profanities over and over in my head. I never act on it of course, but it really worries me sometimes how I'll go from noticing something annoying to full-on rage. It's strange that only little things can make me angry.. I don't get angry at outright asshole-ish behavior, it's something I generally ignore or laugh at.

 

[AzuriteCat]

I'm hardly angry at the mild to medium level. When I'm angry, my blood boils in almost an instant. I tend to give myself some personal space to steam off. I tend to do that because I know I'll eventually succumb to my urges to destroy something....and someone. Speaking of violent anger, I used to be a rather violent kid. I can't recall the number of times I've sent my fist across someone's face for hurling ONE SINGLE word of insult to me. I really don't want those things to happen again. That's why I'd rather learn to control my anger. This 'beast' is going to destroy everything in its path if I don't.

 

[inhibitions]

I'm a rager. Especially when someone is disturbing one of my friends/one of my family members . I've caused numerous physical altercations and countless meaningless verbal yelling matches I'm really uncomfortable when I rage... I also cannot describe it.

Here's how the rage works (abridged version).






(me being the green face)


"wtf did I just do?"


*goes back to thinking about the meaning of life*

I think I rage because no one else will. Probably just a phase.

If they do stuff to me? Nah. Don't really care. I probably deserve it for being cold-hearted.

 

[Reluctantly]

I like refined anger. It can then be positive and used for power, ambition, motivation, and taking action. I wish anger didn't get such a bad rap by most; it's something I find beauty in, just as I do serenity. They dance with each other and make life more interesting.

 

[Grayman]

I become serious and calm. I generally shove away all emotion and become cold and stern. Adults often claim that when I am like this I talk down to them like they are child. It is very rare as I am mostly calm.

 

[not]

I tend to bottle up my anger, suppress it. My threshold for annoying things is rather high. I have a tendency to analyze the repercussions of my actions before I act, which usually has the effect of nullifying my anger. Or I separate myself from the person or situation that is causing me the anger if I cannot compute a solution in my head. I bite my tongue a lot, (metaphorically). BUT, since my threshold for anger is so high, if I am pushed to my boiling point, to where I reach a stage of rage, all bets are off and I am scared of even myself in such instances. Scared of what I am capable of.

 

[Happy]

Extremely [extremely] long fuse. Extremely aggressive breaking point. You know, the white hot anger where everything becomes a blur, all self control is lost, all predictability is out the window, the only goal is to inflict damage on everything and everyone - and little memory of the event afterwards.

It's VERY rare though.

 

[Rook]

This may sound quite deranged and prejeduced, but I get angry at religous ignorance. Since I started thinking more rationally of the universe, I get these short bursts of anger, where I punch something, when somebody directcly states something that I find obviously improbable, such as "God guides my every action." For me it is an indulgent anger, I am quite content thereafter due to the fact that this person clearly does not think that far. This is quite a petty and useless anger, maybe I should consider doing away with it.

 

[Grayman]

This is quite an petty and useless anger, maybe I should consider doing away with it.

You make it sound like a simple choice. Is it?

 

[Rook]

As I stated, it is not so much an involuntary rage, it is rather just a physical rebellion after years that my mind has been repressed. It is more of a cheer, saying: "yes, I think for myself now"

 

[chatelking]

I don't get angry easily, but people say I could be quite scary when I do. It's not like I'm yelling and do some crazy eyes to everyone, but its more like glaring and I throw things and break them in to pieces then walk away without saying anything feeling relieve cause I'm not frustrated anymore.

 

[xZero]

I'm just one more INTP with serious problems to control anger.

Sometimes, my breaking point is very high, and sometimes just low so I can get easily pissed off.
However when I reach breaking point, I lose control, I start yelling, smashing things around my self, and to prevent further escalation and potentially hurting someone (as my main target is frustration source) I leave the room, go outside if possible, sit and think, but even then my eyes are uncontrollably filling with tears because all that anger want to come out, and I feel like I'll explode, and that usually lasts until my blood stop boiling - that can be quite far too.
Last time I even got scared of my self, because I noticed that I can hurt someone easily if things escalate further my breaking point. The problem is that it may not be only hurting psychically but worse - physically.

I definitely have to put that anger under control - somehow.

 

[Reluctantly]

I've become quite familiar with cold anger; I don't really get upset like most people do. But sometimes if the frustration level is extremely high, I'll yell and curse without realizing I'm doing it. It's more like a boiling pot overflowing, rather than an explosion. I still maintain control of my actions, but I have much less concern over how I'm perceived or whether or not I'm being cordial with people.

 

[Sinny91]

Similiar story to the rest of you all.
When I was younger I was an extremely angry person, and frequently started fights, smashed thing up and self harmed in the sense of punching my hands and myself silly.

The veil was lifted a few years back, and I realised I needed to stop acting out like that.
These days, I'm permanently pissed off - over a number of things, but accept them as they are.

It now takes an awful lot for me to loose my temper, and if someone has crossed a line somewhere down the road, I tend turn off all emotional attachment and turn my back on them, sometimes silence is louder than words.

On the rare occasions my suppresed emotions surface involuntary, run for shelter and ride out the storm. If your on the end of my exploding anger, be prepared for a verbal shitstorm - and keep your guard up, much like Happy I get lost in the emotion and am not conciously aware of my actions, which can be volatile. I rarely remember the details of those sorts of events.

 

[Ex-User (11125)]

Rather than say the nasty things I think when I'm angry I find that I cut people off. I stop talking, stop interacting and if possible I leave and grumble all the vicious things to myself trying to perfect them in accuracy and venom until I get it out of my system.

This is what anger is like for me as well. The only people who have the capacity to truly hurt me are the ones i open up to anyway...which is why i tend to inwardly beat myself up and reflect on my own mistakes first when I'm hurt, until I'm positive enough that im not the one at fault.
Obviously, recurring episodes of this self-blame game are seriously exhausting. If I find myself start to feel like I'm constantly emotionally battered or distressed around certain people then I immediately cut them off. I can't really say that it's anger alone that would motivate me to do so, it is more like sadness and frustration at being misunderstood or misjudged mixed with some anger and self-blame for failing to properly assess people before putting myself in fragile situations in the first place.

the anger I'm talking about seems very different and tame compared to the anger described in many of the above posts. anger dissipates too quickly for me(before it amplifies and becomes truly destructive), so i have never really experienced any serious blind rage moments...yet

 

[Teax]

Extremely [extremely] long fuse. Extremely aggressive breaking point. You know, the white hot anger where everything becomes a blur, all self control is lost, all predictability is out the window, the only goal is to inflict damage on everything and everyone - and little memory of the event afterwards.

It's VERY rare though.

^ That.

Once I immediately regained control after loosing it. Unfortunately, a fist was already in midflight towards an innocent light switch which shattered into a hundred angry little pieces. The command to stop punching came too late and the body did not have enough time to retract the impulse.

That gave an opportunity to finally install my idea of a new and improved light switch circuit which I mulled over but would never have had the motivation to do otherwise.