"Survival games personalities play"

[Fukyo]

I've recently come across a book by Eve Delunas called "Survival games personalities play". As the title suggests it deals with different defense mechanisms temperaments and types employ when under extremes stress.

Understanding Survival Games
Psychotherapist, Dr. Eve Delunas has developed a comprehensive approach to survival games according to personality type and temperament in her book Survival Games Personalities Play in which she writes:
“Survival games are just what their name implies – they are people’s desperate attempts to defend themselves in overwhelmingly threatening social environments. … Given enough stress, anyone may play survival games. … it is a different kind of stressor that induces each of the four kinds of people to resort to game tactics. Since each personality has different needs, it follows that each can have different reasons for behaving in these defensive, self protective ways.

An excerpt from this article: http://groups.google.com/group/alt.s...486aac5daaa023

In a nutshell, the worse thing you can do with ....

an Artisan:
-- challenge their skillfulness;
-- stifle their need to follow their impulses
-- act unimpressed

a Guardian:
-- tell them they don't belong;
-- challenge their responsibilities
-- interfere with their ability to do what they perceive as their
duty

a Rational:
-- challenge or question their competency;
-- stifle their drive to achieve;
-- dismiss their ingenuity

an Idealist:
-- stifle their need to become self-actualized;
-- be offended by their attempts to help you develop your own and
others' potential;
-- question their authenticity or honesty

The premise of the book is, "How do the four temperaments react when
under extreme stress or feeling threatened?" They react by playing
certain "survival games." For example:

Artisans:

Play the game of Blackmail, when they fear the loss of their ability
to be free, graceful, and impressive. The Blackmail game has variants
such as:

-- Delinquency: they lie, cheat, steal or do anything else that is
considered immoral or illegal

-- Con artist: they can be masters at convincing others to believe
their phoney stories, and when confronted with wrongdoing have a way
of finding a good excuse and promising whatever the other wants to
hear.

-- Outrage: they may exhibit violent outburst, blame the other for
pushing their buttons, throw tantrums

-- Binge: may persistently overindulge in substances such as food,
alcohol, or drugs or in activities like overspending, speeding, sex,
or gambling

-- Shocking: engage in things or say things designed to shock others,
often presenting themselves as helpless victims

-- Empty: in this variant, the Artisan complains of feeling empty and
devoid of feelings, i.e., depressed.

Guardians

Play the "Complain Game" when their ability to continue to be
accountable, unselfish, and belong to a group is at risk. Variants of
the complain game include:

-- Invalid: complain of suffering from one or more aches and pains,
which are often real but exaggerated.

-- Worried: become plagued with terrible worries and fears of bad
things that might happen

-- Doormat: allow themselves to be stepped on by others, while
behaving as lowly servants

-- Poor Me: complain loudly and often about how put-upon they are.
They let the others know of the heavy burdens they must bear. They
will tell you in great detail the many responsibilities that fall on
their shoulders, while pointing out any and all of the people who are
not pulling their own share of the load.

-- Depressed: report that they are filled with sadness (note, this is
different than artisans, who experience depression as a state of
emptiness, void of all feelings)

-- Nag: harp on other regarding what they should and should not be
feeling, thinking, and/or doing. Do not forgive and forget the past,
but take every opportunity to drag the other's past transgressions
into recent discussions.

Rationals

Play the game of "Robot" when they fear a loss of their ability to
continue to be competent, achieving, and resolved. Variants of the
Robot game include:

-- That's Illogical: keep others on defensive by asking lots of
questions, and once others try to defend or explain themselves, then
accuse them of being Illogical.

-- Super-Intellectual: behave as very intellectual and devoid of
emotion. Appear cold, stiff, distant and impersonal to others. They
intellectualize everything -- even emotions.

-- Nitpick: they become preoccupied with minute details, completely
disregarding the big picture. Rarely satisfied, perfectionist. The
book makes the example of the graduate student who never finishes her
dissertation.

-- Superstition: go to extreme to avoid something -- like germs. May
also engage in repetitive rituals like cleaning, counting or chanting
or hand-washing.

-- Blanking Out: experience moments when they can't think of familiar
words, names or numbers; most likely to happen when performing as in
taking a test.

-- Haunted: cannot make unpleasant thoughts go away, such as a song
playing in their head, or become obsessed about loved ones.

Idealist

Play the game of Masquerade when they feel they have not been or
cannot continue to be authentic, benevolent, and empathetic. Variants
include:

-- Mind Reader: claim that they know what others are really thinking,
feeling and/or wanting. Project their own thoughts/desires on to
others, often attributing negative motives, ie., that others are out
to get them. May even contend that others are reading their minds.
Take everything as personal when it has nothing to do with them.

-- Martyr: sacrifice themselves for a higher cause or principle, or
for the needs and wants of another. May voluntarily endure suffering
or hardship to impress others of their goodness and purity.

-- Grasshopper: keep hopping from one topic to another, to keep the
conversation away from sensitive issues. Avoid talking about what
really bothers them by pretending to be bothered by something else.

-- Statue: Lose any degree of their motor and/or sensory functioning
and may experience partial or full paralysis, blindness, and or
deafness. This cannot be traced to any organic cause.

-- Forgetful: completely forget whatever is unpleasant from their
past
or present -- develop amnesia of painful moments. Can also forget
their identity and even take on a new one.

-- Twitch: Demonstrate an unusual increase in motor activity that
cannot be traced to an organic cause. May exhibit tics or spasms,
verbal outburst, outpouring of repressed negative thoughts and
feelings. Once started, cannot stop.

Has anyone here read the book? If so,what do you think about it? What are your thoughts on these "games"? Have you noticed yourself or others playing them? If you did,to what degree,also have you noticed them affecting you and/or your daily life significantly?

Some more details here: http://www.infjorinfp.com/docs/CrazyWay.htm

[Vegard Pompey]

This is very interesting, a shame I couldn't find this book at my preferred bookstore.

[meshram.alok]

I haven't read this book but this:

-- Haunted: cannot make unpleasant thoughts go away, such as a song
playing in their head, or become obsessed about loved ones.

is what exaclty happens to me when I give exams. I just can't get that song out of my head. x-(

I also tend to focus on details way too much when stressed, with the motive of being "perfect".

[Artifice Orisit]

Rationals
Play the game of "Robot" when they fear a loss of their ability to
continue to be competent, achieving, and resolved.

Well, there's no denying it.

[Enne]

Hmm.. I can identify with "Blanking Out, Haunted and Mind Reader (oO)". The former two especially on exams. :(

[zephryi]

Wow. O.O This seems highly accurate to me.

I do all of these pretty often, the first two especially.
-- That's Illogical
-- Super-Intellectual
-- Nitpick
-- Blanking Out
These usually aren't an issue except with one of my more volatile ENFP friends, who always tries to prove that he is being logical, or that I'm illogical by twisting meanings around. Of course, then I get annoyed, start with That's Illogical. If it continues, then it's Super-Intellectual. Eventually I stop speaking, and listen to him rattling around on the other end. Nitpick is a real issue on "essays that are due tomorrow." >>

My aunt, who is an ESTJ and was constantly under stress due to having two jobs plus financial issues, constantly did these two, which were highly irritating, but otherwise did nothing:
-- Poor Me
-- Nag

I have two Ne friends, who both exhibit some of the idealist "games." The first one does a variant of "Mind Reader" really often. However, it's usually actually based on observation and rather accurate. It rarely ducks down into the negative version that is actually described. Also, twitch; whenever I shift the subject to something more personal for her, she'll start twitching, or else play grasshopper fervently.

The other friend is a fan of martyr; whenever I refuse to give up time, he'll always try to make me feel guilty by saying how he'd "take a bullet for me," and other such things, so why can't I sacrifice my day?

...more than I needed to write, but these bits really stuck out to me. Thanks for the quotes. : D

[Inappropriate Behavior]

I relate to all the rational's survival games except nitpick. It's sort of a pet peeve of mine when it is done to me and my doing it seems abhorent. Of course I may still do it without thinking but I don't think much if I do. I can relate to Binge for artisans as well.

[Snail]

Originally Posted by Fukyo

I've recently come across a book by Eve Delunas called "Survival games personalities play". As the title suggests it deals with different defense mechanisms temperaments and types employ when under extremes stress.



An excerpt from this article: http://groups.google.com/group/alt.s...486aac5daaa023





Has anyone here read the book? If so,what do you think about it? What are your thoughts on these "games"? Have you noticed yourself or others playing them? If you did,to what degree,also have you noticed them affecting you and/or your daily life significantly?

Some more details here: http://www.infjorinfp.com/docs/CrazyWay.htm

Yes, I especially tend to do that whole terrible martyr thing, and the grasshopper one, which is more intentional.

[Decaf]

I read this book about 5 years ago and didn't get a lot from it aside from feeling like I'd experienced the haunted, nitpick and super-intellectual many times in my life. Its been years since the haunted one has gotten me, but I went into super-intellectual mode several times during my last relationship. I can't imagine why that didn't make things better

Now that you mention it I think I'll have to skim it over again (adds book to the his to-be-read stack)

[LucielaMinerva]

Wow, if those characteristics are typical of a stressed Rational, then I think my whole life's been more or less under stress! I do almost all of them all the time; in fact it's my personality, except during times when I'm elated or bubbly, where it seems that my guard is very much lowered (and when I tend to say/do things that I regret later). I've since found out that the times of my extremely elated/high moods are actually periods of mania (I'm bipolar).

- "That's illogical": I do this pretty much all the time, whenever something that someone says is out of line of logic, or, if what they say does not match up to my a priori/posteriori knowledge. I especially am always in conflict with subjective, rather than objective people (mostly XSFX people). I cannot seem to fathom why people like to approach things on a non-logical basis, and instead, attribute their claims to "gut feelings", or, "beliefs". There is so much lack of empirical evidence to base a claim on; how is a proper answer going to be arrived at? It's so... illogical. And it infuriates me, thus I tell them that they ARE illogical; not because I want to be mean, but because they are not doing it right. :|

- "Super-Intellectual": When I'm highly stressed (e.g. in unfamiliar environments like parties with a lot of people I don't know or weddings where my own family members are embarrassing me), I behave extremely robotically and try to eschew myself from the presence of people as much as possible. I even go to the extent of hiding in the toilet so that people do not find me. Needless to say, I NEVER attend social functions such as D&Ds, graduations or weddings, unless I am forced to. When facing someone I do NOT wish to speak to (at such events), I appear very aloof and arrogant even though I do not want to appear arrogant; it's just that I wish everyone would disappear, and the best way to make them disappear (or so my instinct would tell me to do) would be to act cold and distant so that people wouldn't approach me and leave me alone. It's a defence mechanism, I think. But intellectualizing of emotions... I beg to differ. I intellectualize my emotions all the time; I question why I'm acting in such a manner and I predict how else I am going to act, etc.

- "Nitpicking": I think it's because there is more blood flow to my brain, therefore I am more aware of what people say (when my senses are heightened and my body is in defense mode), thus a mix of both makes me very sensitive to their words, thereby increasing the probability of nitpicking on words. I'm a perfectionist by nature, and rather hard to satisfy. Mayhap it gets worse under stress?

- "Superstitious": Err so far... not really. I'm not a 'sensing' person (haha), so I rarely am aware of my physical environment. I'm more focussed on my self and thoughts and hardly interact with the world around me, much less become obsessed with it. I DO notice, though, that I like order and have always been obsessed with it from young. I love libraries, compartments, colour coding, etc. I love categorizing, organizing and doing it. I hate it when my toothpaste tube is squeezed from the middle and I always know if someone has been into my room, messy or not. Weird thing is that I am a pretty messy person, which I attribute to laziness, high distraction and lack of will to enforce my ideals. Which makes me a perfect 'P', or just a very ADD person with Asperger's? haha.

- Blanking Out: Very often. Occurs more frequently when I'm stressed, e.g. during an exam or when people are watching me. I hate it when people are watching me do something; I end up failing. That really sucks.

-- Haunted: Aye, this is more like depression and being obsessed/plagued by incessant negative thoughts, perhaps our brain's reaction to stop the inundation of more realizations that will hurt us, therefore being stuck on one thought would make it easier for the brain to work the knots out slowly. getting fired with too much information at one time would probably shut the whole system down, seeing as to how we use our minds as our primary mode of living.

[hope]

D&D=Dungeons and Dragons?
On a less tangential note...
That list described many details of the deficits that plague me daily. Blanking out was something that I'd never really thought of as a survival modality(btw im nitpicking). Thoughts?

[Rain]

Originally Posted by Fukyo

I've recently come across a book by Eve Delunas called "Survival games personalities play". As the title suggests it deals with different defense mechanisms temperaments and types employ when under extremes stress.



An excerpt from this article: http://groups.google.com/group/alt.s...486aac5daaa023





Has anyone here read the book? If so,what do you think about it? What are your thoughts on these "games"? Have you noticed yourself or others playing them? If you did,to what degree,also have you noticed them affecting you and/or your daily life significantly?

Some more details here: http://www.infjorinfp.com/docs/CrazyWay.htm

The rational sounds a lot like me. Some of those things I don't think are in reaction to opposition. They are just second nature to me.

[Sapphire Harp]

Originally Posted by Fukyo

Super-Intellectual: behave as very intellectual and devoid of
emotion. Appear cold, stiff, distant and impersonal to others. They
intellectualize everything -- even emotions.

The way this one is phrased really bugs me. The way it's written makes it sound like an act or a farce. It suggests that stress makes NTs play some game of putting on an air that will annoy other people. I think this is a pretty bad misunderstanding of what NTs are like.

Actually, every one of these things is characterized as a game... Something I disagree with entirely.

When under stress, I can readily recall times when I couldn't remember a name or a detail that I wanted to share - it was a mental blank... To suggest that I was playing at not being able to remember because subconsciously I preferred to do so just simply seems ludicrous.

I'd agree that many of these things happen - but I strongly reject the notion that they're all chosen and voluntarily played...

[GYX_Kid]

Interesting, but there's plenty of room for crossover. I've definitely done most of the ones that fall under rational here, but I've seen NTJ do the artisan ones, and me too to a lesser degree. Definitely witnessed guardians doing the "invalid" and "nag" actions.

Some decent ideas for how to offend/spur response/trap.

[katkeyron]

it's basically saying people get passive aggressive when they get pissy, and then trying to categorize the level of pissyness via personality. to an "artist," challenging their vision/skill is challenging their competency (attributed to a "rational"). and when you get too far into specifics of what people do in terms of reactions there's so much more room for error (for every "this type will do ___" you'll find 5 people raising their hands to say "yeah well I'm that type but I don't")

[Jennywocky]

I think at least some of it hits some core truth.

I went to the one reference page and found this gem from an INFJ writer:

My tendency, when I am feeling stress, is to crawl into my bed and STAY THERE. That's how I express depression, that's how I react to disappointment, that's where I go when I feel overwhelmed or things feel out of control.

That is exactly what my teenage daughter does (INFJ) when she is depressed or feels like she has no control over a situation. She has done this from age 4, from the very time we adopted her -- she just went to sleep whenever possible. And it's still her normal defense mechanism, she'll go into her room even in midday, climb into bed, and not come out for a few hours.

Originally Posted by Sapphire Harp

The way this one is phrased really bugs me. The way it's written makes it sound like an act or a farce. It suggests that stress makes NTs play some game of putting on an air that will annoy other people. I think this is a pretty bad misunderstanding of what NTs are like.

Actually, every one of these things is characterized as a game... Something I disagree with entirely.

When under stress, I can readily recall times when I couldn't remember a name or a detail that I wanted to share - it was a mental blank... To suggest that I was playing at not being able to remember because subconsciously I preferred to do so just simply seems ludicrous.

I'd agree that many of these things happen - but I strongly reject the notion that they're all chosen and voluntarily played...

(I know I'm responding to an old post here.... )

I think the phrasing is being overreacted to here, which ironically is one of the strategies being described -- diverting into an intellectual tangent so as to avoid addressing the root problem.

I don't think they are voluntarily played nor are authors typically saying they are, and I haven't read this book to know for certain here what the author meant; but typically "defense mechanisms" and "games" (the Eric Berne style ones) are not necessarily conscious games, although the person might recognize what they are doing to some degree. They're called games because they are natural transactions and strategies with other human beings that try to force the interaction into a particular play style that benefits them / avoids them having to change, not games as in the sense the one person is always consciously pursuing the strategy in order to win.

Originally Posted by GYX_Kid

Interesting, but there's plenty of room for crossover. I've definitely done most of the ones that fall under rational here, but I've seen NTJ do the artisan ones, and me too to a lesser degree. Definitely witnessed guardians doing the "invalid" and "nag" actions.

That would be one of my complaints.

Then again, they're just assigning typical strategies to the most likely offenders. The reality is that people often don't fall squarely into a type, so it makes sense their defense mechanisms wouldn't be purely indicative of a type either.

[Pyropyro]

Super-Intellectual: behave as very intellectual and devoid of
emotion. Appear cold, stiff, distant and impersonal to others. They
intellectualize everything -- even emotions.

I call this my Spock mode.