Originally Posted by Cognisant
Call it harassment, tell them you're an INTP and they should respect your personality.
They sound like the sort of gormless shits that would lap that up.
If only it were that simple. "I'm INTP, so I can't be expected to be on time every day, have a tidy desk or to socialise with humans." But I don't think the working world accepts such things.
Originally Posted by Minuend
Maybe what they feel they lack is the sense of connecting with you those few seconds you talk to them. People tend to want to be seen and heard, so if you don't even acknowledge they exist (in their eyes, by using the traditional body language, eye contact, words that people use etc), then they might feel you are indifferent or worst case annoyed by them (which you probably are at times).
If the problem is something like this, then it's not enthusiasm that's lacking, it's their need to feel seen and having connected with you. I can imagine people being clumsy when trying to address this issue and use the term "enthusiasm" instead. They might not even understand entirely themselves what they feel they don't get from you.
Though, I might be wrong, I don't know what's common in your work. But I do know it's possible to give the impression you really "see" a person as a human being without being enthusiastic. Sometimes it even weighs more and feels more "special" to feel seen by someone who's a bit more standoffish and serious.
You might not be a person who has a need to connect with everyone you see, but for some people this is important when addressing someone.
Anyways, how aware are you of what impression you give others? How you treat them, look at them, your body language etc? This problem might be solved if you change your approach slightly. If you want to solve it by doing that.
I guess it's kinda difficult to put in to words how you can do it. Different people might benefit from slightly different approaches. I can tell you what I tend to do when talking to people:
When people address you, stop what you are doing and give them all your attention. Be patient and listen to everything they say, even if you know what they are going to say or are in a rush. When they've finished, answer in longer sentences than yes/ no if appropriate. "Yeah, I can do that for you" gives a person more attention and recognizes him more than just saying "yes". (This probably sound hella weird, but it's more the sum of all the small things than one detail by itself). If there's an opportunity to give a slight smile, consider taking those more. Even when fake, people often can't tell. Try having an open body language, don't fold your arms, try to feel relaxed in your body. You don't have to be constantly happy or smiling, the occasional acknowledgment is fine.
Since I don't know how you behave normally, I can't give any specific tips.
I think if you generally try to understand people and be in their mind, you will more automatically behave in ways that appeal to them, because you know what they want or expect from you.
Basically, people will like you more if they feel you understand them, see them and listen to them. And often people pick up on whether you do by smaller, more subtle signs. By the same token, they pick up on whether you dislike them or are irritated by equal small signs. All these can be easily misinterpreted, so someone might think you are annoyed when you are neutral. The trick is to to use your personality and amplify the small signs that tells people you respect them. You need to approach it from your personality, if you try to behave entirely in contradiction to it, there's a good chance it wont work.
I think you're definitely on the right track. I'm not a very stiff or uptight person IRL, I'm quite relaxed actually. Maybe too much. That combined with the fact that I don't naturally show emotion much makes me seem disengaged and uninterested. I think this is the main problem.
I have had complaints before now when someone came in to speak to me from the other office and said I didn't seem to be listening as I was also typing. Fact is, I was typing down what he said as a note to myself to do it. But they don't like the fact that I can multitask - there's a guy opposite me who says it freaks him out when I can look at him and be talking, and typing on my keyboard at the same time about something completely unrelated. He's come over before now to check I'm not just hitting random buttons to be weird and confirmed I'm actually typing intelligibly. I try not to do it now.
I don't really get annoyed by people very much. It takes a lot of repeated actions to really urk me. Although, I do get utterly flabbergasted by the amazing stupidity some people display.
I usually get on better with more casual customers - and I have taken to responses like, "yeah, no problem. I'll sort that out for you," rather than just, "yeah." "Oh." I can't figure out the ones who like the professional demeanour, though. How can I be both friendly and warm as well professional to the degree they want? I had one who refuses to use first names and just like to be called Miss X and referred to me as Mr XX, then wanted to discuss the weather. It makes no sense to me.
What's enormously frustrating to me is that I listen to the other workers on the phone and watch them with customers. My boss has said I should for examples. But to me, the two he says are the best at it always sound peeved off and annoyed. And they sound as uncomfortable as I do, to my ears.
And also - my boss (an ISTJ, I think), has this horrendous way of calling you. He'll call over to me, "can you pop in for a second," in this stiff, irritated and cold hearted voice that sends a chill down my spine. And then it turned out to just be, "can you figure out what I'm doing wrong wit this equation?" It scares the crap into me every time he does it. So how he can tell me about manner, I don't know.