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Old 3rd-December-2016, 05:00 PM   #1
Hunter Wulf
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Default Difficulty talking in certain situations?

So yesterday, this lady was in the isle of the bus that I was trying to get off of and I couldn't get past her without running into her. I tried to say "Excuse me" but I couldn't get the words to flow out of my mouth, I wasn't nervous or worried about her reaction, I just couldn't seem to get the words out and I stood there for about 20 seconds trying to talk and ended up feeling like an idiot.

I realized that I have had this problem ever since I was little and that is why I'm here.

Do any of you experience something similar to this? If you havent experienced this why do you think this happens? Am I retarded?
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Old 3rd-December-2016, 06:28 PM   #2
Artsu Tharaz
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Default Re: Difficulty talking in certain situations?

I'll often mumble the words so that it's pretty much impossible to hear what I said, but I don't think I've ever really just frozen like that?

I have a lot of difficulty making conversation in general. I find a lot of the time one person will talk, and everything I think of to say I won't say because it would interrupt them, and then they finish and I've lost all the stuff I was going to say and I'm at a loss for words.
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Old 3rd-December-2016, 08:18 PM   #3
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Default Re: Difficulty talking in certain situations?

I have that happen so often, people familiar with me are always haranguing me for not speaking louder. It's like a given, within two months of knowing somebody they spot it as a tick and try to fix it.

You're not stupid or strange. From what I understand / have seen, it's an overactive Fe function that kicks into gear when we're uncomfortable/stressed. INTPs often feel anxious in situations where we feel incompetent, and for many of us, that's the social arena. So instead of not caring and pushing past her, or saying "excuse me" like it's no big deal, the Fe function kicks into overdrive and you become hypersensitive to the prospect of negative social feedback.

My best response to that happening (and it's a major work in progress) has been to self-analyze and internally talk myself through it. What am I feeling? (Fear, usually.) What am I afraid of? (Disturbing the social balance, receiving negative social feedback.) What's the worst possible outcome? How likely is it? What's the most likely outcome? (The other person feeling embarrassed because they were the one standing in the way.) Self-analysis can be a really useful tool, as long as it's working for us instead of against us.

The other thing is to self-talk to reaffirm your presence in the situation. It's okay to take up space. You're a person, too. This is normal human convention. Reminding the hyperactive Fe that things are alright and you do actually know what you're doing can help a ton.

Anyway, I know that's a lot. Like I said, may not be applicable for everybody, but that's what I've found.
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Old 3rd-December-2016, 08:30 PM   #4
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Default Re: Difficulty talking in certain situations?

@Gopher

*mumbles something about mentions*
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Old 3rd-December-2016, 09:09 PM   #5
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Default Re: Difficulty talking in certain situations?

I used to get this a lot. I thought it was just social anxiety or something. Like when a neighbour I couldn't identify started speaking to me like we'd known each other for years, and I just looked at them and they turned and left, muttering about being ignorant. Or when I was in a sort of traffic jam with prams in a lift once and I just stood back and waited. (The other guy loudly said, "some fucking mongs around 'ere, ain't there?" to his partner.) So having received a lot of negative social feedback, it had to be changed. What helped is that in my job, I have no choice but to speak to customers regularly and they would sometimes call my manager if I wasn't properly clear and confident. So I had no choice but to learn.
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