Originally Posted by Toad
Yes, Adymus u may study me. I have to warn you that I may be more F than T though.
Sigh...Strength in my posts? Maybe. Strength in me? Right now I would say no. The reason I was in the psych ward was because I tried to overdose on alcohol, xanax, and Tylenol 3. I've been in a major depressive episode for the the past month. On that day, I was drinking and then I passed out. When I woke up, it was like a dream. I saw a bottle of xanax next to a bottle of Tylenol 3 and I just poured it all into my mouth and chugged it down with some beer. Next thing I know I'm waking up at a hospital in ICU. They transfer me to PCU (psych ward) where over 5 different doctors talk to me. They all conjoin in my room and tell me that I may suffer from Bipolar Disorder. So they start me on Olazipine. The next day I get transferred to a Psychiatric care facility and another Psychiatrist interviews me again. They finally discharge me the next day and tell me I need to go to therapy.
Soooooooooo it's been a week now...and I feel still like shit.
@RT: I "suffer" from hypomania. It is like you are on cocaine...but to a lesser extent. When I am hypomanic I can get obsessed with doing things. I am very random. I am very happy. I feel that I can do anything. Ideas just pour into my head. The wikipedia article actually sums it up pretty nicely. You just feel that you are worth something. Like you matter. The only bad thing about hypomania is that I can't sleep during it. My mind is constantly racing and it won't stop thinking. Meditation actually helps a LOT with hypomania. I remember I used to be able to calm myself down with meditation. So in conclusion, I rather enjoy hypomania. It's awesome when it occurs.
I really feel for you. I know what alcohol and drugs do to me. They seem to aggravate all that is negative inside me. So I made the decision to stay off a long time ago.
The mixture you were on the night you were admitted to hospital was enough to make anyone go crazy. I think you should seek a second opinion, but make sure to get a good recommendation. Do not stop talking to people, don't be alone too much.
Here is an extract from a book by Eckhart Tolle:
"The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not possessing entity-the thinker. Knowing this enables you to observe the entity. The moment you start watching the thinker
, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. You then begin to realize that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought, that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. You also realize that all the things that truly matter-beauty, love creativity, joy, inner peace-arise from beyond the mind. You begin to awaken."
"The good news is that you can free yourself from your mind. This is the only true liberation. You can take the first step right now. Start listening to the voice in your head as often as you can. Pay particular attention to any repetitive thought patterns, those old grammophone records that have been playing in your head perhaps for many years. This is what I mean by "watching the thinker"
, which is another way of saying: listen to the voice in your head, be
there as the witnessing presence."
"When you listen to the voice, do it impartially. That is to say, do not judge. Do not judge or condemn what you hear, for doing so would mean that the same voice has come in again through the back door."
"You'll soon enough realize: there
is the voice, and here I am
listening to it, watching it. This I am
realization, this sense of your own presence, is not a thought. It arises from beyond the mind."
I have found his books to be very helpful. I have to refer to them now and then to remind myself, though. It is a gradual process, learning to disidentify from your mind. It has to be practised, like any exercise. Repetition will train your mind to adopt new patterns, that is, to be aware of your thoughts and the effects they have on your person.
I see you are a person with great potential. don't let your mind destroy that.