Originally Posted by fullerene
Thata was a really nice post. I don't think we have anyone else here who's been married to an ESTJ, but it's really cool to hear from someone who thinks that it can be a positive experience too.
Woo hoo, I have broken all realms of possibility. The lamb has paired up with the lion (Not sure who's the lamb or the lion - I guess it depends on which PT one runs with). Yes, I think it can be a very positive experience, but it just takes work. Like any relationship, it takes the dreaded work ethic. For us INTP's, it's not hard to accept the way they are because we don't really want to push our ideals on anyone. We are all free to be who we want to be, that's an essential part of the way we think. For them, however, they are bent on the notion that everyone must conform to the "right" way, and do their part, and conform to the practical, tried and proven method. It's the fact that they can seem so condescending and cold to those who don't fit into the mold that they see is right. I said "seem so..." because remember, they can't help it. It's in their personality and they just don't naturally know any better. Sort of like us with our struggles. Until we know what we need to change in order to co-exist with others, which is so essential, especially in marriage, we will never make headway with any type.
When I first read in the MBTI that one of the two suggested PT's that was a good match for the INTP was the ESTJ, I was really taken back....and relieved and proud that I found one inadvertently. I didn't know all the reasons why, but after years of analysis and learning the different PTs, I can clearly see what they mean. As with all relationships, you just need to figure out what you can do to make life easier for the other person. And also, to learn to respect the other PT for their strengths/weaknesses. Especially considering that it's just the way we're programmed.
However, I am fortunate that I found an ESTJ that was willing to change for someone that they considered lazy, non-conforming, indecisive, head in the clouds, unproductive, and don't seem to have much of a backbone. Think about how thy sense the world around them and that's just how we appear to them. They are doer's and that's why they are so successful. With such stark dissimilarities, I often wonder why we choose who we do in relationships.
OK, this is starting to sound too Dr. Phil'ish and it's annoying me. But I think you get the jist of what I'm saying. When two opposites learn how to coexist and accept AND embrace the other's strengths/faults, a great relationship can ensue. Even against all odds. Ok, really, I'm getting sick now...
my (ENFP) brother brought home mbti one day, because I was not getting along well with my parents (tested ISTJ and ESTJ. More likely ISFJ and ESTJ), and though my brother, mom, and I (dad wasn't around) had lots of fun laughing at how well the intp profiles fit me, my dad (when he got back home and tried it) was not in the least bit interested, and also seemed pretty pissy when he saw the results. He's been trying to keep his temper under control (in the past few years), because he saw how it messed my brother up pretty badly for a while, but all he said was something like a short "some of that seems to fit." I was just blinking thinking "some of that? Which parts didn't? The ones that said you were probably overbearing and might have problems being demanding and controlling? How you have no patience for people who don't value the traditions you do? Siiiiiiiiigghhh...." and that was the end of it.
Show's you how accurate the MBTI is. That sounds just like an ESTJ that I know..........
One tip that I got from another ESTJ online was to show them the practicality of the typing. No conceptual, theoretical, hypotetical, or experimental mumbo jumbo - that's how they look at it. The best way to show that practicality is to type others around them and show them the validity and accuracy of the descriptions. Once they see that, they will slowly start to realize that the typing is not so....."fluffy".