Strangely enough, for the first time in a long time, I feel I miss Facebook.
But nope, no turning back, no turning back.
But nope, no turning back, no turning back.
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OK, it's on.
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A song suddenly comes to mind, an oldie, no less:
You were my sweetheart,
I was your baby,
how could you say goodbye?
Happy happy birthday baby...
It was the girl who sang it.
I'm sitting in an air con room and all of a sudden all I can think of is that I want a cigarette.
Damn that stupid pack of Viceroy Ice I smoked last week.
It's very hard to keep living, to feel joy, even after church or whatever when I pray desperately that God will give me hope.
Why have I not committed suicide? Let me be honest. I fear death.
And I fear the day when I lose that fear.
Haiz, why do I always seem to have rotten luck?
Cxu mi iam ajn estis religioza?
Mi pensas ke ne.
Sed ankoraux mi kredas en Dio.
Nur ke mi ne scias kiam li estros min el cxi tiu fekejo.
I am at a job interview and again I notice that every other candidate is wearing a suit except me.
Gah! This is insane. It's too hot to wear a suit in this country even with air con, for God's sake!!!
I keep hearing clicks of death on my Kohjinsha...
And it keeps crashing after that. Its days are numbered.
So I searched the Chinese sites too and it was reported as __党之花 嫁__音乐家。
我真是呆透了, 到底闻了什么迷魂香...
I thought I had a new idea for an induction kettle today.
I thought wrong. Google patents is replete with all manner of induction kettles, a good number of which bear material similarity to my idea.
Sigh. Back to the drawing board.
A few things I prefer about Australia over the US:
(really shallow though)
(I hope I don't offend anyone!)
1a. Most people actually know what a Singaporean is!
1b. People aren't surprised that I speak English fluently (albeit with a different accent).
2. Sit on the right and drive on the left.
3. Clean air! Especially in Tassie.
4. Bottle shops everywhere and the main alcoholic drink is wine, not beer.
5. Is generally more relaxed, in contrast to the US where the south feels more relaxed than SG but NYC doesn't.
6. Rubbish is not strewn all over the Sydney train tracks.
7. Politeness! All the service staff called me sir and smiled. In the US, people are polite as well (especially in the south) but somehow many of them seem almost as bored as Singaporeans (although they ask "How are you" anyway).
After watching Les Miserables on the plane, I got to reading more about the French Revolution. And then it hit me: the Campagne des Banquets is the solution for my country!
After that government official said no law stopped us from holding a protest in hotel ballrooms, what could be more fitting for a land that prides itself most on (and in fact nothing much else but) its food?
I felt so sad for Eponine in the movie though. Even in her death, Marius didn't kiss her on her lips because he was obsessed with the beautiful Cosette who really didn't have very much distinction except being beautiful and having a bad childhood.
What is wrong with us men that we care so much more about physical beauty, which is so much a lesser distinction than strength of character?
Do you hear the people sing, singing the song of angry men, it is the music of a people who will not be slaves again!
I think I may have gotten blocked, I have a vague suspicion that it might have been caused by the impulsive racist post. Then again, it might not be.
In any case, I have already posted my Disclaimer in Siberia which covers everything. I'm not sure any further apology is called for given that I have already recognised its stupidity. In any case, if I have been ignore listed, it wouldn't be visible.
And well, if it wasn't on account of that, it's fine. People have a right to dislike me.
My trip to Tassie is timely, it will help me get away.
Thank God I did the visa thingy in time, I was under a false impression that a passport from my country allows me to travel anywhere sans visa.
#froginawell
All considered, God, you teach me a good lesson for being a piece of shit.
The fruit of my idiocy is to feel like shit, which lets me realise what a piece of shit I was.
Well, if I look at it positively, that's not quite such a bad thing either.
Mia nova celo en vivo (aux cxu mi dirus, mia re-nova celo): LERNU!
Dammit, she is all over the news.
Well, bit of an exaggeration, there is that one news article.
Fuck, if she claims that she dated for more than a year, why didn't she say she had a boyfriend?
I didn't have a snowball's chance in hell. Even before I began trying or even wanted to try. Of course there is the possibility that it's really because I played my cards wrong (and I did), but what the goddamn fuck.
I've been swearing a lot now, and it gxenas min.
DAMMIT I DO NOT WANT TO CARE WHY DO I GIVE A SHIT AND WHY DO I EVEN GOOGLE HER NAME
FML
I reflected on yesterday's post and wondered if I should delete it.
I decided not to, not because it was in any way valid, but because when one writes something incredibly stupid, it should be retained as something to reflect upon.
Verily, it is ridiculous of me to blame my dissatisfaction with life on the ang mohs, the vast majority of whom have done nothing to me. My unhappiness is no fault of theirs. It was ridiculous for me to make such a thoroughly idiotic and racist statement as that.
I have to take ownership of my life, and, cliched as it might sound, be a better man.
*cue Robbie Williams music*
I just want to evict all the goddamned ang moh guys from my country right now.
The lot of them are fucking up this land.
At night, there is no one. None but me and my fermented juice of grape.
And God, I suppose.
Cheers.
Mia amiko diris ke tio belulino geedzigxas hodiaux.
Fik la mond.
Sed vere, cxu tio estas grava por mi? Mi jam havis tio sento kiam mi renkontis sxin je la cxefejo je la alia tago.
Cxiukaze, gratulon al sxin. Kion alie mi povas diri?
Tio, kaj fik la mond, denove.
TUTE NE GRAVAS!!!
I've been wanting to write a post on this for a long time, but I didn't feel it had any place in the main forum, so I suppose it goes here.
Delayed gratification is a lie. It's a lie because there's a good chance it can end up becoming non-gratification.
When we were children, we were often told to wait till we grow up. We were told, do not do this, you will get a chance to do it in the future. Eventually, you will get to do what you want.
Those are all lies. After waiting, waiting, waiting, biding your time, placating those in authority and rendering to them what they contend is due to them, they will still attempt to repress you, control you, and stop you from doing what you want.
There is no Singapore dream. There is only a Singapore lie. Its success lies in denying the dreams of the individual, of delaying it until the individual forgets his or her dream and gives up, or else, the dream is shattered cruelly.
Zimmerman is acquitted and Marissa Alexander is still in jail.
Grudgingly, I'll have to concede that Zimmerman had to be acquitted. He didn't seem like the racist piece of shit many people were painting him to be, either. He actually rescued some other people after the incident and they couldn't even thank him publicly because they were afraid of negative repercussions.
But Marissa Alexander should have been acquitted too. What is a Stand Your Ground law meant to be, if a judge could say that Marissa Alexander had a duty to flee? That is just rubbish. If Marissa Alexander had been acquitted, there would have been no reason for anyone to say that there is racism in the justice system. I wonder what the composition of her jury was though.
That said, I'm glad that I don't live in America. Increasingly, it seems like a pretty horrible place to be.
I saw an Ang Moh take a picture of a man who was sleeping on the pavement at Raffles Place.
I was paralysed. I could have woken the man up, but I did not. The Ang Moh got his photo and walked off, and so did I.
After the fact, I felt an incredible sense of outrage at the violation of that man's privacy.
What kind of activist am I, if I cannot even stop something like this because I have been too long used to simply minding my own business?
Fuck myself.
Dio, sxajnas ke mi falos denove.
Bonvole montru al mi ke vi ne estas trompisto.
Cxio ke mi scias, estas ke bonaj viroj finos laste.
Fik la mond.
I don't like it if people don't like and make their distaste for me very plain but I have no idea what the reason is.
I mean, it's ok if they don't like me, that's perfectly fine, but the fact that I don't know the reason why is a cause for concern.
Because I don't like the fact that I had stepped on someone else's tail but had no idea how I did so. If I knew that they simply did not like my face, I could rest secure in the knowledge that they were just unreasonable. But I don't like the possibility that there may really be something wrong with me and I have no idea what it is.
Chinese drama line of the day:
"爱我，有那么难吗？还是你的爱已经在别处？"
I lost my EZLink Card today.
FML.
So, Alexander McCall Smith's novels do get me to think.
I thought about how women in their forties like to say how they are doing activities that make them feel young. It's as if it's to underscore the fact that they are old, and thus need to feel young because they no longer are, thereby letting the world know that they actually like feeling old, because really, with age comes respect, and a forty year old woman must show herself to be all grown up and put together even if she still has the face of a girl of 20-something (and for a real life example, that's me sisters).
Feeling old is an incredible privilege in Asia because with age comes respect, and because everybody looks younger than their age compared to non-Asians anyway.
Well that was out of point. Anyway, the real reason I like McCall-Smith is because I am dreaming of finding a real-life Isabel Dalhousie (never mind that Jamie is an ISFP).
Yet another rejection email.
Omgwtf, I know I have more than 6 months, but I desperately need a new job lined up.
Nobody's replying to my OKCupid messages either. This is a sucky year for The Fire Rabbit.
I think I have just kena'd my first WhatsApp block.
It does evoke a rather terrible feeling, an oh-shit feeling.
But when I review my conduct, I hardly think it is that terrible, and so, I shall just leave it. An unreasonable blocker is not worth talking to anyway.Greek, actually. You know how it is though - if you don't look after the most vulnerable people in society, why should anyone give a toss about looking after you? So I stick up for them and say what I think is right
of course I am
Can't be a good sign when I'm posting all day on INTPf.
ExTPs can use a lot of Fe too. Most Fe doms probably wouldn't consider being introverted since Fe is such a people-oriented function.
You seem to use a lot of Fe.
I could see it.
Dear diary,
I am still very unhappy with my life.
There are many who would tell me that the solution is to be contented etc., but it is crappy to be contented without many, many things. Non material and material.
God, help me out, won't ya?
Myers briggs tests are usually inaccurate. And Ne doms are the most introverted extraverts. Not trying to force anything down your throat though.
Yeah that seems a lot like Fe. Fe isn't always nice lol. Maybe it's your tertiary function?
Tests are usually really inaccurate. It was your description of Fi in that thread I created. It seemed like it was actually Fe.
Are you sure you're not an Fe user?
I just want to get the hell out of here.
Fek', estas terure resti cxi tie, neniu sxatas min, mi sxatas nenion, mi laboras nenion, tute perdantas mian tempon.Hey. I replied to your thread about killing conversations.
=]
A colleague just came by and said, "I always see you on these forums. What are they?"
Dammit, argument tires me out.
I have to convince myself daily that I can still make it in this profession. Especially when so few believe in me.
Cxi tiu jaro estas, eble, la plej acxa jaro en mia vivo.
Oni esperas ke tio estas fojfoja situacio.
Se vivo igxas ecx pli malbona, mi ne scias kiel mi povas dauxri...
Sentas kiel fek, fek, fek.
Mi volus kredi ke bona afero okazos al mi, sed Dio, Dio, kion mi bezonas fari?
If there's an acute shortage of criminal lawyers in Singapore, why doesn't anyone give me a chance?
Again I wore the pair of pants with a hole at the crotch area.
WTF, why do I keep forgetting to mend it?
#intp #absentminded #fail -
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