How does an INTP really get to know an ENFJ?

[PumpkinHead]

ENFJs seem to want to know and be liked by everyone. So how do you really get to know an ENFJ and really be liked by an ENFJ? My theory is that if you try to be liked by everyone and to know everyone, then those relationships can't be that deep. That is not to say that ENFJs are not deep, but you can only be close to so many people, given that time is limited and that people only really click with select people.

I'm asking because I'm kind of fascinated by this ENFJ girl I met a few months ago. We don't run into each other often, maybe once a week on average. So we are acquaintances. There is just something about her that interests me from the first time I met her. But I'm an introvert and am slow to get to know someone. We have had s few short conversations, but they have gotten slightly more personal, like from things you have to say, to asking questions about each other.

Anyway, what I wonder about, is who does she really like? She seems to like everyone or wants to be liked by everyone. There was a short get together of 10 people and she didn't speak to me, which sort of confused me. I don't know if it was on purpose. But she has asked me questions about my life one on one. Maybe she is so social that she is just bouncing around from person to person in a group situations.

So I'm asking here in the INTP forum, because INTPs seem to be more analytical about such things and maybe you have had experiences with ENFJs. I'm an INTP also. I would like to get to know her more. I don't want to ask her out at this point. But I'd like to know better how she ticks for when I run into her later.

 

[trevo4311]

I dated/friended an ENFJ for a long time, we're still friends but we don't talk nearly as much as we used to. I actually met her on Xbox Live through a friend and we ended up becoming best friends after not very long. I'm not even really sure how it happened because it was so long ago. I know that when we finally did start dating she was the one that asked me.

Anyway if you do get in a relationship with an ENFJ all that I have to say is be careful. It will be absolutely perfect the first few weeks/months then after awhile they will start fights about anything. It is literally impossible to have an argument or serious discussion and her NOT get upset or angry. IDK about you other INTPs but I can argue or discuss almost anything without becoming too partial about it and getting worked up over it.

They are also very, very irrational. I wont get to into to detail but she always would imagine the worse possible outcome and convince herself that it true, and no matter what I said to tell her that it isn't true she'd never believe me (even though she said she did).

There were good times too, but they were all out weighed by the bad and the fact that she tried to trap me into the relationship (very bad separation problems).

And I'm not saying all ENFJs are like this, just the one I dated.

 

[thoumyvision]

Here is an extensive thread on this subject, it might give you some insight. INTP-ENFJ relationships have the odds stacked against them because of the conflict between Ti and Fe, but I believe with work any relationship has the potential to be great.

INTP + ÉNFJ = Emotional Exhaustion?

 

[PumpkinHead]

Here is an extensive thread on this subject, it might give you some insight. INTP-ENFJ relationships have the odds stacked against them because of the conflict between Ti and Fe, but I believe with work any relationship has the potential to be great.

INTP + ÉNFJ = Emotional Exhaustion?

I read that thread. I'm emotionally distant with most people I don't know well, but it's kind of a front. If I'm really into someone that I'm dating, I'm all about them and would like their emotional expression, as long as it wasn't about drama. So they would have to be a mature enfj.

Anyway, the question was not about if the relationship would work. I was more interested in how ENFJ seem to like everyone. How do they act if the like you more than they like others. They will almost automatically act like they like someone, but that's not saying much about what they are really thinking. I'm talking about when you are just getting to know them. I read that they are attracted to deep introverted people and intuitive types.

Edit: I guess my question is, how do ENFJs act when they like you? I've heard that if an INTP or INTJ pays any attention to you that is a sign, but ENFJs, pay attention to everyone. I've heard that ENFJs may act like their opposite and be nervous or flustered.

 

[trevo4311]

Its hard to say because like I said It was so long ago I hardly remember. But If she does like you, she'll try to spend alone time with you, and really get to know you. She'll always want to talk to you even if she is busy. She'll probably try to plan things to get you alone with her so she can get to know you better.

I'm kinda trying to remember how it worked with my ENFJ but the memories are pretty hazy.

 

[PumpkinHead]

This is weird. I started this thread almost 5 years ago and I have no idea who the ENJF I wrote about is.

I like another ENFJ and was wondering the same thing about her. How to tell if she likes me differently than other people. At least, it doesn't sound like the same situation as 5 yrs ago. The one I like now, always talks to me, when she sees me. If I had to bet, I'd say she likes me, but can't be sure.

I wish I could remember who it was I posted about before.

 

[Sinny91]

One of my oldest and tightest friends in an ENFJ. Known him for 20 years.

He's hilarious, intelligent and a drama queen. He does like to be where the party's at, loves his party people.

He hasn't got a great dating track record ... he's a gay guy tho, so I'm not sure his track record is relevant at all... His dating habits are disfunctional at best.

Welcome back Pumpkinhead

This is weird. I started this thread almost 5 years ago and I have no idea who the ENJF I wrote about is.

That's normal, for me at least.

 

[PumpkinHead]

One of my oldest and tightest friends in an ENFJ. Known him for 20 years.

He's hilarious, intelligent and a drama queen. He does like to be where the party's at, loves his party people.

He hasn't got a great dating track record ... he's a gay guy tho, so I'm not sure his track record is relevant at all... His dating habits are disfunctional at best.

Welcome back Pumpkinhead



That's normal, for me at least.

Thanks for the reply. I think I figured out who I wrote about 5 yrs ago. Nothing happened. I found out she had a boyfriend.

Your friend and the girl I like now are probably at different points in their lives. She's not a party person and has long term relationships.

But since you know this guy so well, can you tell me how he acts if he likes someone. If he met someone he actually wanted to date, how would his personality be around them, vs around just another person? This is assuming they aren't dating yet and haven't made any obvious moves.

 

[Sinny91]

Thanks for the reply. I think I figured out who I wrote about 5 yrs ago. Nothing happened. I found out she had a boyfriend.

Ha, typical.

Your friend and the girl I like now are probably at different points in their lives. She's not a party person and has long term relationships.

Yea probably, we're both 24. He's just graduated, and entered teaching.. But he's still in his Uni state of mind.

But since you know this guy so well, can you tell me how he acts if he likes someone. If he met someone he actually wanted to date, how would his personality be around them, vs around just another person? This is assuming they aren't dating yet and haven't made any obvious moves.

Basically, he just gets noticeably shy, more reserved, and tries to tone down his crazy.. Whilst trying to be flirty/seductive.

I think.

Ha, I'm gunna ask him what he thinks of what I think.

 

[PumpkinHead]

Ha, typical.



Yea probably, we're both 24. He's just graduated, and entered teaching.. But he's still in his Uni state of mind.



Basically, he just gets noticeably shy, more reserved, and tries to tone down his crazy.. Whilst trying to be flirty/seductive.

I think.

Ha, I'm gunna ask him what he thinks of what I think.

Funny, she's a teacher too. Also, acts a little reserved, but still friendly.

 

[Sinny91]

Funny, she's a teacher too. Also, acts a little reserved, but still friendly.

I've got a contribution from him incoming...
Haha, I'm not sure about the validity of this case study... But I'll share it anyway.

 

[Sinny91]

Me: Random question
how does your behavior change around people u fancy

Him: That's a pretty broad questions tongue emoticon
Do you mean me or in general?

Me: You.. This is based on a discussion I'm having else where on psychological types. we are discussing your type

Him: Ah right lol
Well I'm a bit psychotic, if truth be told

Me: elaborate

Him: I try to resist it by pretending that I'm not bothered and focus on other people in the room

Me: all the time?

Him: But then after a point I kind of obsess
In front of other people I'll act impartial
But then I'll always talk about them

Me: Dont I know it! lol

Him: So it's like an unsuccessful decoy haha

Me: Do you not ever pursue

Him: I'm too much of a pussy
I go for it with people I'm not so bothered about
Maybe that's why I'm shit I those situations haha


Me: Hmm.. Do you think you are a just a psycho, or do you think some of these traits could apply to others of your type?
too

Him: I reckon it's generalizable to a certain personality type
Obviously individuals will deviate a little bit
But I'm not the only person to go a bit crazy over someone
I tend to really hold a torch for ages too
It takes me ages to get over someone
If that helps

Me: You know, I knew about the obsession, but I wasn't sure how prevalent it was.

Him: I don't really know where it derives from
Nobody else in my fam really deals with it n the same way

Me: Do your casual relationships out number the torch list?


Him: Erm I'd say about the same
I've only ever had strong feelings for 2 people
As in obsessive ones
So I guess there have been more causal relationsips

Me: That the guy you beat up and the house mate guy?

Him: No Paul and the hosemate guy

Me: Oh shit PAUL lol

Him: I just went out with the other guy
Yep haha
NOT anymore
Just to disclaim

Me: I'll believe ya, million wouldn't

Him: haha exactly
You up Pride this weekend?

Me: Oh no, I'm fucking working, but there's this whole till 6am after pride gig happening my pub
You've got to make an appearance!!

Him: Oh I shall try me best smile emoticon
Need a fucking drink after the past few weeks!

Me: Well make sure it's your best... Cheers for the info! Hows work going anyway?

Him: It's alright now that I've stopped working with this complete bitch

Me: Loool, tell me more

Him: You know when you have to physically restrain yourself from punching someone in a 'proferssional' setting?

Me: OH YES!

....

 

[PumpkinHead]

....

LOL yeah, he's kind of crazy. Thanks for asking him . I don't know. Seems like I do something similar as him. I ignore someone I like or pretend to, just to avoid the possibility of looking foolish. All the while, I'm actually paying attention to what they are doing. And I obsess too. But only in spurts luckily or I'd never get anything done. The ENFJ, maybe does some ignoring too. Sometimes she is around and I'm around, but she will end that and start talking to me. I really need to stop with the pretend ignoring and talk to her first or I won't get anywhere with her. It's always harder when you like someone more than usual.